I was in a strange state that switched between immense confusion and soul-killing pain. I was aware of a hot liquid seeping out of my body. Many sounds were in the air. A very frightened Kiara repeating my name. An ambulance siren crying. Crowds mumbling. I vaguely realized being lifted onto a stretcher. An oxygen mask was put on my face, and only then I noted my great struggle to draw every breath.

Everything seemed like a dream. I was quite detached from the drama, slowly drifting away to some peaceful place…

When I next opened my eyes I was on a soft bed. Invisible knives were lodged into my body so that I couldn't afford the slightest movement. An unseen hammer was repeatedly pounding my head.

“Please stop,” I whimpered. But the hammer only hit harder. Then there was a period where there was only blackness. I preferred it. But then the hammer resumed. This went on and on in cycles. Hammer. Blackness. Hammer.

I didn’t know for how long I was in this state, but I knew it was a great stretch. Days, perhaps even weeks. What was exactly going on with me? Was I turning mad?

Then one day, after a period of prolonged blackness, I opened my eyes and for the first time I could see clearly without my mind distorting reality.

I was in a small dimly lit hospital room, lying on a patient cot. A couple of plastic chairs nearby. A trash bin in a corner, next to the door of an adjoined bathroom. A slightly bitter antiseptic smell, with undertones of artificial fragrance, assaulted my nose.

A good deal of bandage was wrapped around my head. My legs were encased in plaster, such that I hardly recognized them.

I looked pretty screwed.

I wanted to move my head but every try made my headache worse. Best to keep still. I sighed in defeat and analyzed my situation.

On the bright side I was alive and breathing. Looking at all the bandages I guessed it had been a big accident. At least I had survived. I thought of the two men without whom I would have been spared my current predicament. Had they fled after the car hit me? Then my thoughts traced to Kiara. Could I hope that she had escaped unscathed?

The door opened. A fat gangster with barely any neck entered the room. Boss. He went directly to the window and raised the blinds, so that fresh morning light poured in from the outside.

Through the window I could see the tops of tall buildings, and I knew I was in a different city, definitely not the hilly district where my employing organization was located. Crows flew gracefully in the distance and their freedom made me envy them.

Boss turned towards me. He let out a gasp when he saw I was awake and blinking at him.

“Is Kiara all right?” I asked, my voice a tiny croak.

“She is,” Boss said, and suddenly he smiled in a childlike manner. “I didn’t know you were dating her.”

“First date of my life and I end up bed bound in a hospital,” I said trying to be humorous, but came off self-pitying. Boss dropped his smile.

“You will be alright,” he said, “the doctors said that you would take a while to recover but you will eventually.”

“Some months?”

Boss just stared at me. It couldn’t be more than a few months at worst, could it?

“Would you like to eat anything?” Boss asked me instead, ignoring my question. I reasoned that my situation was so unfortunate Boss didn't have the heart to give me explicit details.

“Sure, send something salty,” I told him, though in the back of my mind I was wondering about the remaining length of time I would have to be in the hospital. If not months then it would surely be years, right? Or was I doomed to be bed ridden for life?

Boss left the room. He had answered my question while trying to avoid doing so. My eyes welled with tears. What would happen to me now? Was I fated to be an invalid for the rest of my existence? Would my world be forever limited to the size of the bed I slept on? All zest for life collapsed within me at the prospect of my bleak future.

Tears were leaking out of my eyes like someone had turned on a tap, when Kiara came into the room. Seeing me weeping she sat on the nearest chair and held my hand.

“Oh, Vicky,” she said sadly. I tried to look away, but it was impossible since I couldn’t turn my head. Both of us were silent for a few moments.

“How bad is my condition? What did the doctors say?”

“I don’t want to tell you,” Kiara said.

“Tell me anyway,” I said, “what’s the harm? What has happened has already happened. Eventually I would know anyway. So better you tell me now.”

Kiara didn’t reply immediately. But when she did there was a shiver in her tone.

“Your spine broke, and your leg bones shattered into many fragments,” she said. “Your lower body is paralyzed. There is a small chance that you will recover completely but it is a very small chance and the doctors said it could take a very long time.”

“Like years?”

She sniffled and nodded.

There was silence again as I took the impact of the new information. A battle commenced between two parts of my mind. One insisted that I was done for the rest of my life and had no future of any kind, while the other part wanted me to consider the brighter side. It didn't help that the ‘brighter’ side wasn't so bright. Yes, I was alive. But being married to a bed for the rest of my life was worse than death. I would be a burden on others. Plus, who was going to take care of me anyway?

“You can go,” I said to Kiara, “you don’t need to be with me. Leave me alone.”

“I won’t,” Kiara said resolutely. “If you didn't push me away when the car was coming towards us, I would be on a bed too. Or dead.”

One of the nurses arrived with flat bread on a tray and a bowl of stew. Kiara helped me eat. Food in my mouth after so many days felt odd. Chewing was a peculiar exercise of the jaws.

“Does my brother know what happened to me?” I asked.

Kiara shook her head.

“We tried to contact him using the numbers in your phone, but failed.”

“He keeps changing his numbers.” I should have asked Sam for his newest number the last time we met.

A sudden anger stirred in me and I refused the spoon Kiara had brought to my mouth. Sam was irresponsible. It was his job to update me with his new numbers. I hated him. Sam was supposed to be my only family and I could not even contact him after a near fatal accident. What was the use of such an unreliable sibling?