They Don't Really Want Me

I wipe my soaked eyes.

There's nobody here in this office but me.

She's not here. She's overseas. She's no different than dead.

“Oh. Eliza-san! Why are you still here? What are you looking at the window?”

It's Mary huh.

“Sniff...”

“Eliza-san, let's go back now okay? It's already 07:15! Class is about to start.”

I adjust my posture so that she won't see me crying.

“You can go ahead. I still have to finish this paper works.”

“But these are still for the next month. And they're not even your job!”

“Why do you seem so upset now? You were just seriously happy earlier. What are you being mad for? I even praised you for having a good voice. Humph. Did you disliked it?”

Rose this time huh.

“I'm not mad. And I appreciate your compliment Rose.”

“Really. I might not be able to see your face right now but I can tell through the subtle changes in your voice that you're upset.”

“I'm not.”

Just leave me alone.

“Eliza-san, then why? What are you being mad about?”

“I said I'm not mad!”

“O-Okay....”

“Ehem. Anyway we really need to go Elizabeth.”

“I still need to finish this.”

“But for what reason?! You're just even standing there. Are you planning to skip classes or what?”

“Eliza-san, why don't you wanna go back?”

“Because I still need to finish this.”

“Stop that! We already know that's just an excuse. Did you got into a fight with Mark or something?”

“Eh? You're in a fight with Mark-kun?! But earlier....”

“Nope. We're not fighting.”

I bet he doesn't even know that I'm angry. I know he is flirting with that bitch. Even though both of them are already taken, he still flirt with her.

She's really a whore.

He doesn't care about me at all.

“Sniff...”

Unknowingly, warm water starts rolling down my face. My breath is warm as well.

“Eh? Wait. Eh? Are you crying Eliza-san?”

Mary grabs my shoulder to make me face her.

“H-Hey...!”

Rose also comes closer.

I kneel down and I try to wipe my tears but they just keep flowing out for some reason.

Why am I even crying?

Although Mark lied to me earlier, it's not like he'll leave me. He said he won't. This is only the first time he lied to me. Perhaps he didn't really lie to me for her..

He probably have reasons. He probably needs something from her.

I'm not unworthy. You're wrong mom.

But what if I'm wrong? What if this is just me averting my eyes from reality? What if everything he said before are just nothing but lies?

Like what Rose had said, it's just to fool me. What if... What if he'll actually leave me alone as well...?

Do you not want me anymore? Because of that bitch?

This hurts...

I start crying really hard but I keep my mouth shut so I'm shivering uncontrollably.

Mary is patting my back. Rose is clearly confused of what to do. And meanwhile, I can't just stop crying!

“Eliza-san, did we do something wrong..? If then we apologize.”

“.........”

I tried to speak but I can't so I just shake my head.

It's not their fault. They're not to blame. So there's no need to apologize.

“Then why did you suddenly start crying?!”

“Eh~! Rose-chan shhh~! Don't shout.”

“Uh, err, I'm sorry.”

No. I said there's no need for you to be sorry. You did nothing wrong.

Yes. It's not your fault Rose. Neither Mary's. It's all Mark's fault. He's the one who need to apologize for lying to me. No matter what reason, he should have told me instead of lying like that.

I was expecting him.. but he..!

It's his fault. It's not mine. It's not anybody else's fault.

It's his.

I'm not unwanted. I'm not unworthy.

Mark is just a liar..

I'm not...

I take the handkerchief from the side pocket of my skirt to wipe my tears.

But I stop when I see that it's a plain black handkerchief. This was given to me by Mark to commemorate the night we became a couple. This is our sign— the sign that we are together.

However, if he doesn't want me anymore, then this is unnecessary.

Right?

I shoot it to the trash bin but it went short falling gently to the wooden plank floor.

I stare at it for a while then wipe my eyes with my right hand.

“I apologize. Let's go back now.”

I stand up then walk out of the room.

“Wait wait wait! Eliza-san! You left your handkerchief. Hey!”

I halt my steps and look at Mary who's giving me that black fabric.

I turn my eyes away from it then continue walking away.

“Uh...”

—We're walking back to the classroom. The number of students wandering around the campus are starting to decrease.

I stop walking when we're right beside the canteen near the student's plaza.

“What's wrong Eliza-san?”

I point at the canteen.

“I'm hungry.”

“Eh. But uh, class is starting you know.”

“Just what's wrong with you Elizabeth?”

“Nothing. Just hungry.”

“But we're gonna be late.”

“Then leave.”

I turn around and walk towards the canteen.

“Humph! Don't boss me around.”

“Ehhh~! Eliza-san?! Rose as well?!”

Mary and Rose follow suit. I can feel their presence behind me.

“Wait Elizabeth! Why do you even wanna to eat all of sudden? I never known you as a glutton.”

You haven't known me for a long time so don't talk like as if you know me very well.

“I'm hungry.”

“Eliza-san, did you forget to eat your breakfast?”

“I did not.”

“Then why would you be hungry so early in the morning?!”

“Because I'm hungry.”

“Are you really okay Eliza-san? You can talk to us you know.”

Why does she pry too much?

I ignore them.

“Wha—”

“Do you really have no problem Eliza-san?”

“None. Just hungry.”

“You've been saying that over and over again! You now sounds like a robot programmed to say she's hungry in loop.”

“Because I am hungry.”

“God! Okay then. Just hurry up!“

We all walk towards one of the stalls that sells burger.

“Oh miss vice president! It's a pleasant surprise to have you here. What do you want to eat? Egg burger? Hamburger? Cheeseburger? I'll serve you the biggest bun, ham, patty, or egg. Or even all of those in one serving exclusively just for you!”

I'm about to refuse but other vendors scream as well.

“Don't listen to him miss Hecate! Come to my stall and I'll serve you three bowls worth of macaroni soup! My dish is creamy you know.”

“What are you all suggesting to her?! Do you want to fatten her up? But oh wait. That sounds beautiful. It's miss Hecate after all. I'm sure she'll still be beautiful. Cute in fact! But come to me and buy a buko panda juice from me. This is deliciously sweet and natural!”

“Hahahahahaha! Of course it would be natural. The school long ago prohibited unnatural drinks!”

“All of you are making her buy? Come to my stall and eat whatever you'd like for free. This is my tribute for blessing me with your heavenly voice!”

“Oh right! Thank you miss Hecate for that beautiful performance. Your voice was entrancing! You surely made my day. So I'll serve you anything and it will all be on the house!”

“Me too! Me too! Please come here miss Hecate!”

“I left my stall earlier to listen to you and it was worth it. Please eat here at my stall and bless my business with your presence!”

“Please don't be like that. I'll pay for what I eat at suitable price. Business is business after all.”

“Ooooohh~! As expected of our goddess! So kind!”

“Business is business indeed but I'll still give fifty percent off to your total purchase.”

“I'll make it free just for today. It's special day after all!”

“I'll half my prices for you anytime miss Hecate.”

“All of you shut up! Miss Hecate came to me first. Don't steal her from me!”

“What are you being mad for mister old man?”

““““Hahahahahahaha!””””

“Heh. Elizabeth is really popular.”

“Hehe. Are you jealous Rose-chan?”

“Wha— I have my own fan base you know. I'm also quite popular!”

“Hehehe. We all do but it's really nothing compared to Eliza-san's. They didn't even noticed us.”

“Humph.”

They praised me and suggested me sweet offers sounding all sincere. But I know they're just currying favor with me. They're all exaggerating as well.

They don't really want me as a customer.

They are only doing it because even if I only have limited influence as the vice president of the SSG, it is still there. They all just wanted to get some benefits.

They don't really care about me at all. If I am just a normal highschool girl, they might not even know that I exist.

And this position seems to be meaningless now. I joined here to make myself worthy of Mark and to have some sort of power for him.

But when I slightly got to know him and he showed a portion of his life to me, I realized my power isn't even worth of comparison.

And even if it's just influence in the school, he knows our president as well. I even noticed that they seem to be close to each other.

Taking all of this into account, I'm just nothing. My worth to Mark amount to nothing. Well of course, what can I even do? I have no worthy ability or whatsoever right? I'm useless. So naturally he won't care about me.

And that's why he don't want me anymore. But that bitch is worse than me. So why? I still don't understand.

Just because she's your first love? Do you not love me..?

“Hey! Slow down! Don't choke yourself. Eat slowly. Good thing we're in somewhat secluded area and there's not much people. Otherwise, you'll ruin your good image! Ah! Something is really wrong with you today.”

“Can you tell us what's bothering you Eliza-san?”

“Nothing is bothering me.”

I stand up and walk away to go back to our classroom.

“Hey! Wash your hands first! And why are you leaving us. My god. I'm starting to be exhausted by this.”

“Uh. Let's be considerate Rose-chan.. hehe.”

“Humph! I already am.”