The water was like ice and it brought unbearable pain to Marlow’s skin as it soaked her through to the bone. She could no longer feel her fingertips or her toes, but the rest of her flesh writhed with dying sensation. It was as though tiny needles were piercing every speck of her skin. Despite the frigidity, the water burned.

Marlow struggled to claw her way to the surface despite the pain. The tension in her chest was growing more severe and she was frantic to reach a surface she could not see, but something was dragging her down.

She was surrounded by eerie music. It was haunting and echoed in her mind, making it hard to think or discern which way was up or down. Her vision was foggy and her thoughts were muddled. There was so much pain and…

Marlow’s eyes shot open and she lurched up from where she was laying. Her chest was heaving so she pressed a hand to it as she gasped for air and fought to settle herself down from her nightmare.

As her racing heart began to slow, Marlow closed her eyes and took a deep breath before reopening them. A shudder ran down her spine and she shook her head. She could not rid herself of the echoing song from her dream.

She glanced down at her hands and her heart squeezed. Orange skin. It was not a dream, and the lingering sound in her head was familiar too. It was how the Mer had sounded when she was tossed from the ship.

Marlow chewed her lip and gazed around. She was still lying on the mossy ground of the alcove where Nix had left her, but she was also still alone. She shivered and worried on her lip a little more. She supposed she could venture down and meet a few of the Mer Nix mentioned would be staying behind, but her gut twisted into a knot as she considered it. She was not ready to face the others of the pod. They had saved her life and she was grateful, but the lingering terror of her nightmare was holding her back. Nix had claimed that they would treat her like a member of their community, but she knew she would feel far more secure if she had someone with her when she braved a meet and greet.

Exhaustion still clung to her, so Marlow lowered herself back down to the moss and closed her eyes. Perhaps if she could just get a little more rest, she would be able to shake her unease.

***

The longer she lay, the worse Marlow began to feel. Despite how warm the alcove had been previously, Marlow had begun to shiver. A numb sensation began to spread through her body that was accompanied by the worst sense of loneliness Marlow had ever experienced. It was like a tension in her chest that was ripping a gaping hole in her.

It was concerning and she had briefly considered going to find someone to ask about it, but it was growing harder to move and despite the discomfort, it was difficult to care. Her worries began to roll away from her as she got colder and colder. She was so tired.

“Marlow? Marlow! Qelaake, Marlow. Hold on, I am here.” Though her voice sounded echoey and distant, Nix’s hands brought a fire of warmth to Marlow’s side where they made contact. The Mer lifted Marlow into a sitting position and embraced her as she began to rub her hand up and down Marlow’s arm.

It made the numerous bites along her body sting as she was held close, but there was a tingling beginning to return sensation to her body, so Marlow leaned into Nix’s embrace with a shiver. Though she was warming slowly, she could not understand how she had gotten so cold.

“Marlow, are you alright? Naklegyagute, I am sorry. I should not have left you. I did not realize you would grow numb so quickly. It usually slows when you slumber. Can you speak?”

“Yes,” Marlow whispered. She was starting to feel better now, with more feeling returning to her body. She flexed her fingers and shuddered. “What happened?”

Nix sighed and squeezed Marlow tighter. It was strange. Nix had displayed anger and mischievousness and wisdom and nurturing, but she had always seemed unafraid and in control. Now, she was practically shaking as badly as Marlow had been. “That is what happens to mer when they go too long without physical contact, Marlow. The numbness spreads and consumes us until we lose the ability to move or speak or think. If we are left too long, our hearts stop. It usually takes longer than that though, and you were asleep, so it should not have been relevant either way. But I am sorry, Marlow. I wanted to give you a little space to process, but I should not have left you alone like that.”

“It is alright,” Marlow replied. “I…I think I am okay.” She could not stop staring at her fingers. This new body was strange and uncomfortable, and it baffled her brain at how quickly it deteriorated without the presence of others.

Nix loosened her hold on Marlow and swam around to settle in front of her, where she reclaimed Marlow’s hand. “Angu, it is not alright. I am your ataliumasta, your guardian. You are depending on me to protect you and I put you in danger for something foolish. I did not think. I have never been a guardian before, it is easy to forget that the numb can spread faster in newly-turned. I just do not understand why it came on as quickly as it did. You have not been alone here for very long and we do not grow numb when we slumber. You should be no exception to that. Did anything happen, Marlow? Do you remember at all? Did you wake up feeling numb or did something go amiss?”

Marlow shrugged. She wrung her fingers together. “I had a bad dream,” she admitted. “It woke me up…I could not get to sleep afterwards.”

Nix nodded. “A pel’i,” Nix clucked her tongue, “a nightmare could explain it. Negative emotions make us more susceptible. Did you feel lonely afterwards?”

“Yes,” Marlow whispered.

“If you are ever feeling lonely again, you need to seek out company. We cannot always rid one another of negativity, for sorrow and anger and fear are part of living, but we can stave off the numb that eagerly follows that which makes us feel hollowed. You are struggling very badly with that. It is no wonder the numb chases you like a starved civatriq on the hunt.”

Marlow frowned. She did not know what a civatriq was, but the fact that her unhappiness was going to cause her even more strife was unnerving. It was hard enough feeling like a stranger in her own body and being separated from everyone and everything she knew and loved, but to learn that her emotions were going to make her life more difficult – and that the only cure also made her feel awkward and shy – was a bit too overwhelming a concept. Marlow shook her head. She did not want to dwell on it any longer.

“Nix…can I ask you something?”

“Kesianek.”

Marlow frowned and her brow furrowed as she stared into Nix’s large, calm blue eyes. “Huh?”

Nix shrugged and inclined her head. “Always,” she clarified. “You do not need to seek permission.”

Marlow worried at her lip for another moment. Nix was still holding her hand, so she squeezed it. “Why are you my guardian? I mean, what does that mean? Why will your bite scar and how is it determined? I do not understand it, but I want to. You have gone through a lot of trouble for me. I just want to understand why.”

Nix hummed. “Alright,” she agreed. “I do not know how well I can explain to someone still so new, but I will try. But not here. You need to eat; I came here to fetch you. Let us go join the pod in sharing a meal and I will tell you a story.”

Marlow hesitated, but Nix did not give her the opportunity to protest. She tugged on Marlow’s hand as she rose from the mossy ground and stirred the water around her. It ruffled Marlow’s hair as Nix treaded water.

Knowing that Nix was not going to allow her to stay, Marlow hesitatnly pushed from the floor too. She was hungry. Her belly was twisted into a tight knot and though the pangs were growing less frequent, they were stronger than ever when they did hit. The thought of food was making her desperate.

They only made it a few strokes before Marlow noticed the brown twist around Nix’s waist. It almost looked like leather. Marlow reached out to brush her fingers over it. “What is this?”

Nix shrugged. “A belt,” she replied. “It is for holding tools, to keep my hands free while hunting.”

Marlow studied the strip more closely. It hugged Nix’s hips straight across, but also wrapped around a second time on a slant lower down. There was nothing on it now, but it did have some loops and dangling ties to secure things with. She did not know that the mer made tools. All of the legends described sirens as primitive monsters with pretty faces and enchanting voices that bewitched the minds of any who heard them sing and who preferred to rip their prey apart with sharp teeth and talons. The mer had nails, but they all seemed to be relatively short and rounded, no different from human ones, and though they did have fangs, Nix had only shown gentleness so far, even when she had been angry.

“I did not know you used tools or made clothing,” Marlow admitted. She ducked her head sheepishly as Nix blinked at her while her expression remained a neutral mask. Marlow was glad to shake off more of the falsities, but she wished that it did not mean she had to make a fool of herself. “Nothing I have been taught is true, I am learning that, but even if I get rid of it all, I still know nothing about your people…what kind of tools do you use?”

As Marlow posed the question, Nix smiled and tugged gently on her wrist. “Come on,” she urged. When they were in motion once more, Nix continued to speak. “We utilize tools mostly for hunting; knives and spears crafted from carved shells or shark teeth. They make it easier to keep predators at a distance too, so many Mer train with them. I do not care much for a spear unless I must – I find them too bulky – but I always carry a gutting knife when hunting.”

Marlow nodded. Nix led her out from the alcove back into the main cave. Below them, fifty or sixty mer were gathering in a cluster. She was able to see Axen from here, settling in next to another male mer that also had cotton skin and silvery hair – though his was a darker shade than the young boy’s. Marlow assumed it was probably his father. “What do you make your clothing out of? How come no one seems to wear anything most of the time?”

Nix clucked her tongue. “Because none of it is comfortable. I came straight to you else I would have shed this sooner. This is made from tanning fish fat and kelp pulp and weaving it while it dries so that it keeps its shape but does not grow brittle and snap. That is how we make most of it, but it is a tedious process and the results itch fiercely, so we only utilize what we must.”

Marlow pursed her lips. The mer did not wear clothes, but they were also all very flat-chested with no visible unsightlies and smooth, modest skin, but it still clashed with Marlow’s upbringing. She could never force the others to wear clothing, but that did not mean she had to discard her own comfort preferences. Or rather, she did not want to, but it sounded like it would be far too hard to craft actual outfits with the resources they had and Marlow did not want to be more of a burden than she already felt.

Nix brushed her arm. “You would not be comfortable anyway, Marlow. You will understand the longer you have to adjust. We crave contact with each other, but our skin is so sensitive that it is easy to be overstimulated. Constant contact with rougher materials is incredibly unpleasant.”

Marlow shivered. She was not sure how Nix kept doing that, but sometimes it felt like the Mer was reading her mind. She seemed to know exactly what she was thinking about.

Nix led Marlow down to the basin of the cave. A few mer were wielding what Marlow assumed were the ‘gutting’ knives that Nix had mentioned, because they were filleting the scales away from the skin of the fish the hunting parties had caught. They severed the heads and removed the guts, all of which were added to a scrap pile while the rest of the meat was cleaned off the bones in large chunks and passed out among the pod. As the fish were carved, small wisps of blood and oils rose into the water and Marlow could taste it in every breath. The idea of raw fish should sicken her, and logically it did, but it also made her stomach rumble and cramp with intense need.

She blushed as the noise made Nix begin to chuckle. “Aqume. Sit,” Nix advised. “I will fetch us some nutaqaq.”

“Fish?” Marlow guessed as she lowered herself to the sand. She had to fuss around in place for a moment once again to get the long tail situated beneath her in a way that was not awkward on the lower dorsal or fins, but once she was settled, she glanced back up at Nix. The mer smiled and dipped her chin in response to Marlow’s question, then released her hand and swam off.

Marlow folded her hands in her lap and tried not to tense at being surrounded by so many other mer. She was not near Axen either, so there was no one that she really knew or felt any semblance of comfort around. When she glanced to her left, she noticed that there was a mer she knew – or at least had seen before – he had spoken to her briefly out in the open waters when she had first changed.

He caught her gaze and offered her a grin that showed off pearly fangs and made his charcoal eyes glitter. It was a little unsettling to see such large, dark irises framed in the paler gray of his face. His hair was black and the colouring of his skin darkened when it reached his hips, but otherwise stayed light on his torso and dorsal – save for one or two splotches over his shoulders – and on his fluke as well. “You are awake then.”

Marlow ducked her head and shrugged.

“Do not be embarrassed, you have had a trying few days and endured enough physical and mental trauma to warrant a rest. But you look a little livelier now, which is good. I do not think we were properly introduced earlier. I am Delthor.”

“Marlow,” Marlow offered. “I am sorry, I just…I am not…” she trailed off with a sigh as she fumbled with how to word her nervousness.

“Not comfortable in your own skin?” Delthor offered.

Marlow grimaced and nodded.

“That will get easier.”

Marlow shrugged. “I do not know. I know she is trying, but I am pretty certain Nix thinks I should just be comfortable and happy now. I am grateful, I just…”

Delthor clucked his tongue. “It is not an easy transition,” he acknowledged. “Nix knows that. It may seem like she has a disconnect from that – and she is an unusual individual because there are not many human-born that were changed as young as she was – but it is just that she wants you to be happy, not that she expects it. There are no expectations of you except to take your time and grow comfortable. You will find your place in our pod eventually, but only at your own pace. And give Nix a chance, she has never been a guardian but in many ways, she is going to make an incredibly good one.”

Marlow nodded. She still did not know what all being a guardian entailed or how it was determined that Nix was hers, but she did like the black and white mer quite a bit. She was kind and Marlow would have felt quite lost without her. She would not have even known how to follow the others. “I did not mean to imply I was unhappy with Nix. She has been incredibly kind to me. I just worry I am going to disappoint her. I…” Marlow caught herself with a blush and closed her mouth. She remembered the hurt in Nix’s eyes when she had proclaimed that she did not want a home here. She did not want to cause similar discontent with Delthor.

He hummed. “I would not worry about that.”

Marlow wanted to ask him for clarification, but Nix swimming back towards them caught her attention and she decided it best to drop the subject for now.

Nix had a beaming grin on her face as she flopped down next to Marlow. She was hefting several large cuts of fish and Marlow had no idea how she wasn’t grossed out by having them in her arms.

She leaned over Marlow and extended a piece to Delthor. “Here,” she offered.

“Thank you, Nix.”

Then Nix refocused on Marlow and her smile broadened. She dumped two of the remaining three into the lap of Marlow’s curled tail. “Double rations. You are going to need it to recover your strength, so you are going to eat every bite.”

Marlow grimaced and poked at the squishy pink flesh. “Must I?” she checked.

Nix regarded her solemnly and nodded. “Yes, now niriakuraqtar.”

Marlow did not need to be told what that meant, so she hesitantly picked up one of the chunks of flesh in both hands and brought it close to her mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut as she parted her jaws and her stomach lurched as she bit through the tender meat. Though she expected it to make her ill, the taste that spread over her tongue was not unpleasant. It was actually almost nice, and she was so ravenous that after the first gulp, her hesitations evaporated and she began to tear into the food with no concern for manners.

Nix began to laugh at her gusto. “See, now was that so bad? You are such a stubborn cellaite, I hardly know how I shall teach you a thing,” she huffed.

“Cellaite?” Marlow echoed.

“A fool,” Nix growled, though she was grinning again.

Beside them, Delthor grimaced. “You have got her using her ice words again. Why would you encourage that? Now it will be moons before she shakes it again. None of us know what she means!”

Marlow shrugged. “Neither do I, but I do not mind.”

Nix hummed. “You know it is hard to quell, Delthor. I do not deliberately do it, it just happens sometimes. But if it truly is a bother, I will make more of an effort.”

Marlow shook her head as she stuffed the last bite of the first cut into her mouth. She reached out and placed a hand on Nix’s arm. “Do not. I actually kind of like it, it is interesting. So long as you do not mind clarifying.”

A rush of warmth washed through Marlow’s chest as Nix’s bright blue eyes glimmered and her grin enlarged. “I do not mind,” she agreed.

Marlow chewed her lip. “Hey Nix, can you teach me one of your ice words?”

Nix dipped her chin. “Anything in particular?”

“Friend?”

Nix blinked. “Kenruk.”

Marlow licked her lips and mulled the word over, then gestured between them as she tested it out. “Kenruks?” she asked. It felt good to see Nix’s expression light up even further, as though Marlow had done something truly noteworthy.

“Kenruks,” Nix agreed.

Delthor groaned and waved a hand at them. “I cannot handle two of you,” he announced as he rose. “Enjoy your meal.”

Marlow watched him swim off. “I did not intend to offend him,” she admitted.

“You did not. Now, what were we going to discuss?”

“You were going to tell me how the whole guardian thing works,” Marlow reminded.

Nix clucked her tongue and took a bite of her fish. She chewed and swallowed before licking her lips. “Yes. But in order to explain it, you must first understand the relationship between mer and humans. We are poison to each other.”

“Poison?” Marlow echoed. “You mean…to eat or…?”

Nix shrugged. “Our bite is venomous to humans, if the shift is not successful, the human will die. But their blood makes us sick and in order for the shift to occur, we must take all that they are into ourselves and then give it back.”

“I do not understand,” Marlow whispered.

Nix winced and blew a stream of bubbles from her lips. She tapped her fingers in the sand a few times before resuming speaking. “When we changed you, Marlow, we bit you. But we held on. In that moment, everyone who shared their teeth with you felt everything you ever have. All your pain, your fear, your joys and sorrows, your sickness, health, age, everything. It is overwhelming. Especially because most humans feel such terror when they are in the water with us and the most recent emotions are always the strongest. It makes us sickly and weak. We hold on until we cannot any longer. Does that make sense?”

“A little,” Marlow agreed. It was strange and a little scary to know that in that vulnerable moment, the others had basically experienced her entire emotional life.

Nix shifted her weight and shrugged. “Well, when we bite, that connection is formed with the turnee, but we can only hold on for so long before we grow overwhelmed and that connection is severed. But for the mer who clings the longest, it is solidified. That is why my bite will scar and why I am your ataliumasta.”

Marlow shivered. “So…you really can tell what I am thinking and feeling…like, read my mind?”

Nix snorted and shook her head. “No, of course not. That is just intuition. All it means is that I understand you. I know you do not believe so because you think we are at odds about you returning to the shore – and I still think it is unsafe – and not all of your desires were clear because emotions are muddled. But I understand your love for your family and your fears of the water and your hatred for the sailors aboard that ship.”

Marlow wanted to protest that hatred was a strong word, but even now a vile taste lingered in her mouth at the thought of the captain’s sinister laughter when he unbalanced her on the plank or the unnecessarily rough grip of the soldiers as they had led her on and off the ship, or even the hunger pangs locked in a room on the shore. She did hate them, all of them, for so easily and guiltlessly condemning people to a fate worse than death. Or at least, as it appeared. For now, Marlow was withholding judgement. She was alive and she had not been torn apart, but she was not certain that being a mer was better. Not if it was going to keep her away from her family.

She shrugged her shoulders. “I guess,” she muttered.

Nix reached out and placed a hand on Marlow’s tail. “It is nothing ominous, Marlow. I cannot know exactly what you are thinking and I do not share your memories, there is nothing forcing us to get along or influencing your feelings. You are safe. There is a bond that is forged and it is difficult to explain, but you could decide to enjoy or detest my company as easily as anyone else. Though I hope you will not resent me,” she admitted. Nix was still smiling, but there was something darker that flickered in her gaze for just a moment and was gone before Marlow could inquire about it. “I would like to be your guardian properly, Marlow. I am as new to it as you are to your tail, but that does not mean that we cannot be friends, right?”

“I do not resent you,” Marlow reassured her. “It is just a lot to wrap my head around. I am not sure I fully understand still.”

Nix inclined her head. “It is not the easiest concept to grasp immediately. But think of it this way; you and I are connected because we have given a piece of ourselves each to the other. The price of granting the change is experiencing all that you have in your life, where the negative emotions are more powerful. If you lend teeth, you only experience a little, as it is divided among the group. But a guardian takes everything all at once and endures the longest, usually right to the end. That leaves something behind, but it might take a while for you to recognize it.”

Marlow stared at her fingers and flexed them a few times. It would have been creepy if Nix was in her head in any way, but since the mer was assuring her otherwise, Marlow decided it could not be all bad. Nix so far had seemed very open and honest, and Marlow could not think of a reason for her to lie. And she definitely did not have any reason to be angry with Nix. Even if she was still a little confused and unsure about the whole guardian thing, that was not Nix’s fault. If she had not wound up Marlow’s guardian, one of the other mer would have, or Marlow would have died, so far as it sounded. “Thank you,” she murmured finally. “It sounds like it was a really difficult thing to do. I have not made the best show of it, but I am grateful to you for helping me.”

Nix hummed and licked her lips around another bite of her meal. “That is what I am here for, Marlow. And in any case, I am enjoying your company. Now eat up, you have a promise to keep to Axen.”