I had a dream for quite a time now…

It was a dream about a destroyed city, burned down by the raging red flames which created smoke that would cover the sky.

I had a dream for quite a time now…

Two godlike entities were fighting in this destroyed city. Their breath was enough to topple buildings and each hit they made destroyed this broken world only more and more. One was an absurdly large monster that describing it would make one shudder in fear while the other looked humanoid. A woman. With a longsword in her right hand, she fought against this monstrosity.

I had a dream for quite a time now…

Every night when I fell asleep, I found myself in that city again and again and again and again. I never had another dream since that first one. I never saw anything else again. The city, the fight of beings unparalleled in this world…

…and these monsters.

Monsters that had grotesque bodies and beak-like mouths. Their body was covered by red fur while their claws were long and sharp enough to cut my throat cleanly.

And by these monsters did I experience my very first death.

It was horrible. They pushed me down with their strength and start to bite off meat one by one. Yet that didn't kill me. They tore through my flash and dug my organs out.

Yet that didn't kill me either.

What killed me the last moment was the final straw. Ripping my head from my body. And so I woke up. To then fall into a nightmare once again.

The second time wasn’t any different. The third one as well. And the fourth… fifth… sixth… and so on…

Until I had enough! I began to fight back. Learn how to fight so I can fight back better and better until after a month, my body started to change as I killed more and more of these vile beasts. These foul creatures can't do anything to me anymore. And I only got stronger over time.

That is what I thought… but these monsters started to evolve as well. And I fought them harder than I ever did before, while their numbers increased like madness. This was a cycle.

A cycle I couldn’t escape.

I had a dream for quite a time now…

Whatever I do, from taking sleeping pills to getting dead drunk to shut off my brain, I still end up in this place. As if my soul is pulled over here. I was lonely. I thought I couldn't endure this madness anymore. In fact, I was already mad. My daily behaviours became rough with the instinct of survival kicking in at every moment. I started to hurt people more, getting aggressive faster, becoming more like a beast myself…

Until I saw someone.

He was a tall boy with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He had square glasses and looked extremely weak. Weaker than I was when I didn't have this dream. When I could sleep peacefully.

And 5 of the same type of monsters that killed me the first time were now in front of him

and killed him.

He was torn flesh by flesh, piece by piece and his head was ripped apart. He couldn't do anything at all. Before long, the boy that pulled about 5 of these beasts I fought with died and the five returned to my side, attacking me as well.

Yet my heart beat like crazy! I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of this being another world? And I won't be the only one to suffer? Maybe there will come more? Maybe there is someone that understands me?

But then depressing thoughts came as well. Like if the numbers will increase even faster than they already would? If there is a limit to the people? If there was going to be people that will fight as I do or those that can't even do anything and have to be protected?

Too many questions filled my mind. My head hurts just concentrating on these questions but the smile on my face never left. I wasn’t alone… hahaha… I wasn’t alone…

There is someone that can understand me.

And the more I fought with these beasts, I could see a pattern. They only aimed for my neck while attacking, their number never went over ten thousand and they don’t grow stronger unless I get stronger as well. So as long as I became stronger faster than them, fought smarter and smarter than before and finish them faster than before, having the same constant number may be a blessing in disguise.

And after a week, the boy came again! It wasn't just the first time!

This time I even finished my numbers so I could watch him! Finally! I'm growing stronger!

This time, new beasts appeared since mine were already too advanced for him to fight. Let’s go over there and watch from a closer poi-

What… something I couldn’t see was stopping me. Like an invisible wall. Why? Let me over there! I want to watch him! I want to talk with him! Let me through!

I managed to take a glimpse and saw him killing his first monster. Hahahaha! This is already better than I was on my second try. Yes! He won’t need pro-

Ah… he died…

And then these beasts vanished into smoke, just like they came. And the dream ended. And then the best thing I could wish for happened.

I didn't have that dream again.

It was like I'd enter and exit at the same time. The dream ended so fast that I almost didn't catch this. If it wasn't for the heat that hits me every time I enter that world, I'd have never noticed this.

It was so liberating! I never felt so refreshed after such a good sleep. People around me noticed my mood and commented about it but I didn't care. I was free for the first time in a while. And it felt great!

And so was it after a while. About 2 weeks long. 2 WEEKS! I was finally going back to normal until it was a Sunday again.

I wish that Sunday would have never come.

The dream… It was back… And the worst thing was that the boy wasn't there! Why? Why am I fighting against these beasts by myself again? Why isn't anyone else appearing? Just why! WHY!?

The dream ended again with a slaughter. I killed every beast viciously because of my anger. I was determined to end this dream once I find the one responsible for that. I swear that the moment I find you, I’ll kill you!

It was Monday. I was switching to another school because apparently, my actions at my old school were too aggressive. Fuck that! Try to live on a battlefield almost every night! Then maybe you can understand how I was feeling like a one-man army!

I waited before a teacher brought me with two other students into the classroom. They were twins apparently. The teacher looked at me for just a moment before his eyes widened before returning to a neutral look. What? Did I piss you off in your past life or what? Or maybe because I wasn’t nervous unlike these two next to me that looked more like perverts than regular students with how much they were smiling.

I was brought into the classroom next to the siblings. And in front of the classroom, the teacher started to speak.

"Good morning, students. I am Akira Hashimoto, the temporary teacher in replacement for Mr Berthou who teaches history for about 2 weeks. Even if our first impressions are much to be desired, I hope we can get along well in these 2 weeks. And now we also have three new students who'll be joining this class. So please introduce yourselves."

I looked through the classroom. Let's get this over with… I don't have even one brain cell free to spare it to som…

And there he was.

He.

He looked completely different than the last time I saw him but I could recognise that boy anywhere. No matter if I just saw him twice. His very being was branded into my mind and no matter how much he would change, I’d recognise him! Because he is the only one!

I found you! I finally did! And is it a coincidence that I got into the same class as him? No! The world must have put us together! It wants us to fight together! It wants me to not feel lonely anymore.

But I can’t show how much excited I was to finally meet my comrade in real life. Keep it cool. Don’t show much of your emotions.

"…Alyssa Regis… Hope we can get along…"

I was trying to keep it cool, but I couldn’t help but stare at him all the time. I have to say, he was looking way better than before. His lean muscles and those shining gold and dark green eyes made him look like a demigod.

He must be quite popular… Wait! What happens if I can’t get his attention and be able to talk with him. Maybe I should kidnap him and take him for myself… he is already 1000/10 so why not? It won’t even hurt my pride. I mean what pride? I don’t have any of that! I’m on the verge of turning mad.

Maybe I am already mad. That may be why I had to switch schools. But if I can’t sit at the desk next to him, I might really turn mad.

THESE FUCKERS!!! THEY SAT DOWN ON MY SPOT!!

I just wanted to have more ways to approach him but this bitch had to sit right there! But now I was sitting way too far from him!

No… stay cool… I can’t show such a bad side of myself. The table in front of them is empty too. As long as I am close to him I can get my chance to talk.

…But that chance never came… He was always surrounded by pretentious people who either wanted to know who he was only to then be turned away or claimed to be his friends like the bitch who stole my… fucking… seat…

I STILL HATE YOU FOR THAT!!!

But besides that, I heard about the rumours about him. How something that happened in the 7th grade made almost everyone distance themselves from him except one… Felix… and now it is known that he is leeching off of Felix by being protected by him whenever someone tried to bully him…

Weird. Since in my eyes, Felix looks mentally weaker than the boy of my dreams. But no matter.

He doesn’t have to care about any of these rumours. He only needs me on the battlefield and no one else.

But something didn’t add up. Because I never saw him in my dream again. During the week, I was alone inside the dream and during the weekend I was in peace, sparred to enter that dream. But that did change a simple fact.

That it was frustrating.

It was frustrating to not see him.

It was frustrating to not be sure I’m not the only one fighting.

To have the thought of someone understanding what I’m going through. This is all I wanted. And I do not want this fact to change. I do not desire anything else than him to stay here with me. To go through this ordeal with me. To fight with our lives on the line and to taste victory together. I wished for someone that would be by my side these times.

So that I won’t feel lonely again! So come back! Why? Why don't you come back? Tell me, Laith! Why?

I became obsessed with him for a reason I can't explain. It's as if without him I'll fall down this pit of hopelessness again. And I’d fall. And fall. And fall.

And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. And fall.

…

Maybe I’m not falling but am already at the bottom. With each passing day, my hopelessness grew. But I… I just don’t want to die alone… is this too much to ask?

So please come back… I don’t wanna be here in this Hell all alone…

And it was Friday. Another day where I had never found the moment to talk to him. I don’t know why but it felt like there was an invisible wall between us. Like I never meant to talk to him at that moment.

And before I knew it, I was back.

A destroyed city.

Fire raging everywhere.

Smoke covered the sky in its dark colour and made the air dirtier than it was ever before.

At this point, maybe giving up was it? I just wanted to see him here. To know that he truly was here. To not think that it was all imagination. I do not want to stay mad forever but if that was truly just my imagination, then there is nothing I can do to become sane anymore.

One of the smaller monsters was rushing towards me. It looked really hungry. With its disgusting head, it jumped while aiming for my neck. But what of it? I just swung my ‘Weapon’ I had in my hand and the beast was already dead.

It was that easy after becoming indifferent to killing thousands of thousands of thousands OF FUCKING THOUSANDS…

"RAAGH! DIE, YOU BASTARDS!"

I was more aggressive than before, thinking about other more important things while making my body kill the beasts automatically. How many times was this? I can’t remember. Just that I killed more and more each night…

‘Maybe waiting isn’t the right answer, Ah! Of course! I’ll just go to my original idea. I can just kidnap him! Not like he’d hate the idea of being stolen by such a hottie like myself. And besides… it’s not like he has a choice… he he he heeee….’

With my mind running wild, thinking of what I’d talk with him when I actually kidnap him, I killed the last couple of beasts, finishing my quota of ten thousand monsters yet again.

But then it happened.

IT HAPPENED!

He returned!

The same he from school.

The same he from my dreams.

The same he who I wished for the most at this moment.

I rushed towards his side to be left stunned. Ten thousand beasts, each much scarier and stronger than any of mine. I know your body grows stronger in this dream and you can do superhuman feats but how strong did he grow? How much stronger did he become to make every monster as big as a couple of houses.

How many did you actually kill them? How many times did you see this dream? How often did you actually fight? How much did you suffer to get so far?

Questions pilled up in my mind but none of them mattered. I just knew that he was here. And that was enough. So now that I finished with my part, I had to be mental support for my partner!

So I ran. Ran towards the sound of a battle. Maybe if I make myself a bit more obvious, he’ll notice me. And if he notices me, he will approach me in the future too. Maybe I don’t need to kidnap him if he comes to me willingly.

But my steps slowed down more and more until I stopped to run altogether. His fight was legendary. With a curved blade in his right hand and a revolver in his other, he faced these giant monsters with ease. Yes, with ease but…

But his face was anything but happy. No one would believe that was the face of someone that killed that many monsters with ease.

Tears fell down on his angry face as he decimated the army in front of him. His hair floated like he was underwater, his face covered in some symbols I can’t see clearly and his whole body was covered in a black fire with gold and dark green accents.

And he looked like om the verge of exploding. Letting out everything he has like he just didn’t want to kill the monsters but destroy this place as well.

A swing here and debris went flying. A shot there and blood was spurting everywhere.

He seemed to have superpowers that looked so cool that I want to be taught by you, sensei! But… I couldn’t just ask him that while he has that kind of face. I’m mad but not an asshole. I think.

But moments later, that angry expression changed. It took my breath looking at his grown, disproportionate smile full of frustration. And that coupled with tears would have been a work of art if put in the museum. Am I guilty for finding him stunning even in this state? No! As much as he has a right to be stunning almost any time, I have a right to be stunned by him every time!

"COME AT ME YOU FUCKEEEEEEERS!"

"Ah!"

As he screamed, the energy surged out and he moved. And my legs gave in. He looked so cool, fighting the monsters like a madman. I didn't even realize what I was thinking. But does that matter right now? No, it doesn't! So let me watch him from afar!

His odd movements, him vanishing somewhere and appearing somewhere instantly while taking tens of heads with him., his shots that killed multiple beasts only to ricochet and hit a new target. Cutting down any beast he found alive while killing the rest he couldn’t cut with his revolver. He was just…

Soooo cool…

Alright, girl. You are now a hundred per cent mad! But does that matter? No! Why? Because I was already a goner! Now let me enjoy this more! His body movements, the fire affected by those movements and his fighting techniques. They all made me almost cry with how beautiful they were.

His bullets took the life of dozens, his cuts the life of hundreds and his face the life of one. And that smile full of frustration lost a part of its nature and had something like… enjoyment? Wait, enjoy? What would you enjoy about beating these monsters? It’s far more enjoyable to watch you like this! Go, Laith, Go! Go, Laith, Go! I’m your biggest fan!

And from the numbers of ten thousand, only a tenth of it was left. It hasn’t even been fifteen minutes! My idol is such a good fighter! But wait… why did your gun vanish? Holding your blade with your right hand while having your left hand as support... Mhm~ mhm~. I don’t get it.

What was he going… to…

No.

I take that back.

One.

Just one.

One swing.

The blade in his hands took all of that ‘Fire’ and screamed with all he had. And swung his blade horizontally once. His cut travelled through the place, cutting all the beasts in half. The cut travelled throughout the whole area eventually stopping in front of what seems to be the invisible wall I found last time. And then the wall broke with the cut.

I… do not know how he has done that. But what I know for sure is…

I have to go there now! I have to run to him. I’ll be by your side now!

I closed the distance but I didn’t move too close to him. He probably didn’t realise I’m there and that is good. No one should think someone listens to your monologue. And besides, I wanted to listen to his thoughts more right now.

Laith fell down on his but while looking up into the sky. Are you a model? Please say yes so I can take pictures of you!

His face had a complex expression. His blade was still in his right hand but his body looked like he couldn’t hold on anymore. No... he just wanted to be done with this…

“Just… how powerful… do I have to be… to make my life… not get affected by anyone else… this is just fucked up… all I wanted was to make my life go into the direction I wanted it to. So why? Why? Why? Why? Why!? WHY!!! YOU FUCKED UP UNIVERSE! GIVE ME A REASON WHY I CAN’T DECIDE MY OWN FATE!! I DON’T EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT FELIX AND GINA ANYMORE!! I JUST… I just… I just want to control my fate. But it seems my fate isn’t made to have the people I want around me.”

Who the fuck are Felix and Gina?! I know Felix is his best friend but Gina? The dirty blonde bitch in our class who is admired by everyone? What exactly happened that those two hurt him so much? Maybe I should…oops! I didn't know why but my thoughts turned dangerous for a moment. I may have turned crazy already so I should be more careful next time.

“Maybe… but I won’t let it. Not again…”

So that’s how it is… this poor boy… was broken. Not like I was. He wasn’t mad. He only seemed… tired.

Wait… why do I have such a bad feeling right now? Wait, that’s it! It’s too quiet! Where was the sound of debris getting blown away by mere breath? Where was the sound of hits that were strong enough to create storms?

Where were those two godlike beings that fought every time I was inside this dre-... Huh?

Those two stopped. They were just looking… at the boy who was slowly lowering his head, broken.

The giant monster vanished into smoke, just like the rest of the monsters would when the dream was about to end, while the human-like silhouette moved towards the boy. No… Is it going to kill him? Don't! Why! No, don't touch him! I don't care if he doesn’t actually die! Just let me be able to talk to him!

I ran towards Laith as fast as I could, not knowing what actually was driving me so much. Was it because I wanted to protect him? That I wanted to protect the person that could understand me? Was it to make him notice me before this all could end? before, I’d have answered with not wanting to be alone anymore but now I’m not sure.

Maybe I just became too obsessed with him while trying to talk with him all this time.

But I ran with no regard to a reason. Don’t you dare touch him! He’s mine!

But the silhouette had other ideas and before I knew it, the silhouette that looked like a woman was now right next to him. This bitch dares!

"I'll kill you if you do anything to him, bitch!"

The silhouette stopped and looked at me and I couldn't see her face at all but I could swear she was smirking toward me. This goddamn …

BUMP

What? Another… barrier…

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

BANG BANG BANG BANG

My hands hurt. I could see wounds piling up on my hands as I repeatedly banged them on that damn barrier. I screamed with all the air left in my lungs. Don’t do anything! Please, don’t do anything to him!

BANG BANG BANG BANG

The boy of my dreams now looked up to the silhouette, probably seeing the same shadowy image as I do while looking at it. The boy stood up with his blade ready but before the two of us knew it…

It/She hugged him. Tightly…

"HEY!"

BANG BANG BANG BANG

Hey! Hey! Hey! Why are you hugging him like someone deeply in love? Stop that! Get away from him, you bitch!

BANG BANG BANG BANG

“STOP THAT!!”

Yet she didn’t, only hugging him tighter as the boy could only show a flustered and confused expression. My poor boy, don’t worry. The moment I’m through this barrier, I’ll get that bitch off you right away.

I don’t know if they could hear me. I wasn’t particularly far away but I don’t know how this being could manipulate my words or crate this barrier. But her head looked towards my direction with her hand pulling down from where her eyes should be and…

BANG BANG BANG BANG

“HEY!!! DON’T SCREW WITH ME LIKE A LITTLE CHILD WHILE STICKING OUT YOUR TONGUE!! GIVE BACK WHAT’S MINE!!”

I was irrationally furious that someone could hug him like that in front of me. He's my fighting partner! He is my partner!

He is just mine!

BANG BANG BANG BANG

But thank god this didn’t last for long and just like the giant monster, the bitch turned into smoke while having that massive grin like expression. I’ll kill you!

But that anger I had was short-lived. Because my attention was on the barrier vanishing and the moment I looked at the face of that one person left in this vast world, my heart most likely skipped a beat. This boy had such a difficult and depressed expression before but now… now he…

Smiled with the brightest expression ever…

Oh my… It seems I've fallen for this boy through and through… But whatever. He is my fighting partner before and in the future my husband but right now…

He noticed me and gave me a kind, bright smile. Even while having bloodstains everywhere, it was so innocent in my eyes that I couldn't see the flaws in that boy…

Yea… Let's smile back… to the boy of my dreams.

I approached him slowly but surely as there was nothing left between us in this destroyed city.

We were close enough to talk face to face like ‘normal’ people would. Well… this is it. What I wanted to do.

Oh shit! Now that I’m actually in front of him, my brain can’t think about anything to say… No! No! No! No! This is the chance I wanted and yet I am wasting it with my stupid brain! Nooooo!

"Meet me at this location after you wake up. I'll be waiting for you there..."

“Huh?”

The boy of my dreams was showing me an address that was outside the city. Wait… he talked to me! Brain! Get yourself together! Heart! Stop beating so wildly! I can’t embarrass myself in front of him!

Oh shit! He is already sweating a bit with a wry smile on his face. Did I make him feel uncomfortable? Did I make him feel regret his decision to meet me after I wake up? I have to fix this!

"Ah! Sorry! I just couldn't believe that you'd finally... NO! DON'T END THE DREAM YET! DON'T DO IT! NOOOO!"

DAMN DREAM! WHY DO DREAMS ALWAYS END AT THE BEST PART! SO UNFAIR!

I woke up in my bed. I was on the verge of tears. But it's fine. For now.

'Meet me at this location after you wake up. I'll be waiting for you there...'

"He will be waiting for me... eHehehe.."

my dishevelled hair only gave me a psychopath look which right now I couldn't deny. Now, this hit me differently. I wrote the address on a piece of paper and started to prepare myself.

"He will be waiting for me! He will be waiting for me! He will be waiting for me!"

I woke up from that dream. Last night and this time's dream were… different. Thanks to someone’s insights, I feel a bit more determined. But first…

“Thanks…”

“There is nothing to thank me, boy. I actually expected you to hate me for not telling you what I knew…”

“No… you respected my private matters… yet still helped me after that… so thanks…”

Gramps was silent. He didn’t say anything after my last words, only leaning back into his chair. He looked relieved somehow, letting out a long, tired sigh.

‘That’s right… there are still people that I can trust… and people that I will be able to trust in the future as well… let’s try trusting one more time… he most likely knows but… let’s just try

I sighed out loud before trying to get up from the bed. I was tired after all this but I shouldn’t hold back about some things. Taking a deep breath, I started to talk.

"Gramps... I had a dream… for a long time now… It started before we met... It was ..."

I started to explain my part of the dream. How I died multiple times at the hands of disgusting monsters, how I had that dream almost every time I was inside the time barrier, how I killed and killed and killed and killed and my last dream. My rage and frustration that made me go wild on all the beasts, the silhouette way of calming that rage by hugging me with simple words entering my ears and Alyssa being also someone who had this dream.

“It was a first for me… the first time something inside that dream interacted with me… it was the silhouette of a woman. She didn’t say much while hugging me tightly. I don’t even know what language she used but it felt like I could hear her intent. It… believed me. That I can become strong enough to decide my own fate. To protect the people I wish to protect, to never be betrayed as I did before and to decide a future for myself with no one meddling in it. So I wish to train more. So, please… can you still help me out here, gramps?”

I asked the old man for more guidance than he would have given before. If the answer is no, I’d have to find other ways to grow stronger but that would take too long. And now gramps is silent.

It’s not like him to be so silent with a yes or no question. So say something already, old man!

“Son… I’ll train you more but… don’t expect to find healing for your heart by doing too much training though. What I can give you is the strength to overcome your incoming enemies. But what no one can give you is the strength to overcome a burden of your heart and soul. You can’t push your thoughts and troubles with training away nor will they ever disappear with just raw power. But I can give you one piece of advice. What you need is not others to believe you can truly change your fate. What you need is to believe in yourself. So get used to the pain. Get used to the pain of an aching heart and a troubled mind. Get used to it so you will grow stronger. Because only if you are stronger here and truly believe in yourself, you can change your fate and accept the beliefs of others. So fight on!”

These words although a bit cheesy but I understand what he means. My anxiety died down completely. Gramps did understand what I was scared of and told me what to do.

Get used to the pain, huh… will I have much worse events in life?

At least now I have an idea of how to deal with it… maybe just a small thought but that’s enough.

The people around me. I need people I can truly trust. I don’t need a lot of people. But people who would fight with me till the end. And that made my motivation only grow more.

Protect my family and friends! No one can meddle in my life and those lives that I wish to protect. And no one besides me will decide my future! If you don’t like it then suck it!

I slowly opened and closed my eyes, checking my body while doing so. My body felt stronger than yesterday but the only difference I could tell was that my Will flowed smoother than before. But one indication of growth was enough to boost my determination.

But before I could go and check out if these differences are visible, I have something else to do. I jumped out of the bed and took out some clothes while gramps was getting up from his chair.

“Welp… I guess we should meet your new junior…”

“Wait… you really want to teach her?”

“If what I know is correct, she is an honest and talented person. And she should be strong to fight in that dream as well, right?”

Oh! He’s got a … wait for real! How does he know so much?

“Gramps, how do you know she is talen-OUGH!”

FLICK

Gramps flicked my forehead with strength I wished he could have saved for a spar. Oh, who am I kidding? He is strong enough to flick me a million times and beat my ass as much as well. And what an obvious way to skip the question.

“I’ll tell you when I believe it is absolutely necessary. But for now, you don’t have to worry about the knowledge of your ‘Gramps’... hehehe~ you must be really attached to me, huh…”

“Shut up!”

I say but… he got a point. A year living with this beast but… he besides beating the shit out of me gave me a chance to become stronger. And I’ll never forget this.

“Well, whatever! Let’s just go and meet my new junior!”