《Queer Tales From A Street Nominally Associated With Your Reality》3.5 Biz, a Hangover, and a Wolf
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Biz awoke badly, xyr head a thumping mass of half remembered events, crushed ribs, and aching joints. Xe tried to open xyr eyes and was greeted with a spike of brilliant agony. Biz pushed the palms of xyr hands into xyr eye sockets in a vain attempt to block the pain and forced xye eyes open for a quick vertigo inducing glance around xyr resting place.
A mess of blended, incomprehensible images smashed into xyr retinas.
Sofa-Bottle-Lightbulb-Pain-Wolf-Sai-Wine-Stain-Scarf-Rice-Phone
Biz struggled to assemble the broken images into coherent thoughts, wine was obvious - xe and Sai had been drinking. The rest though… was just noise. Biz scrunched xyr eyes shut tight against the burning redness outside xyr eyelids and was rewarded, as amidst the chaos of xyr hangover crippled brain a single solitary word swam, koi like, to the surface of Biz’s thoughts.
Wolf.
An instinct jolted through xem, driven by a thousand years of evolutionary pressures, an entire bloodline of survival instinct forced Biz to re-open xyr sleep encrusted eye. Xe flinched against the bright light of the room, persevering as xyr eyes adjusted to the painful radiance of the world outside and the things hiding beneath the brightness revealed themselves: The colours, the shapes, the wolf.
Biz’s brain slowed to a crawl as xe processed the wolf before xem; She seemed to be sleeping, great fluffy head rested lopsided by a large saucer of red liquid. For a single frozen moment Biz’s mind filled with violent visions of the future, or gnashing teeth and broken bones, of gore and blood and death by wolf.
Biz was certain xe would have continued on like this endlessly cycling through violent unlikely deaths by the wolf were it not for her awakening. She got up and moved slowly and ungainly across the room before re-adjusting herself to sleep atop Sai’s chest, Biz breathed out xyr trapped breath. The Wolf, Steve xe recalled naming her, seemed to be friendly enough – for now at least.
But Biz had other more pressing issues which the sharp exhale had drawn attention too, xe had fallen asleep wearing xyr binder. It was an astonishingly stupid mistake, xe chided xemself as xyr numb fingers fumbled against the fastenings, just because the compression vest made xem feel xemself when xe were feeling masculine it didn’t mean it was sensible for xem to wear it overnight!
Xe grumbled further as Biz removed the dark grey vest and threw it to the floor, xyr ribs were screaming and throbbing almost as much as xyr head. Xe paused to do some not-so-quick mental maths, xe had been wearing the compression vest for a little over 18hrs.
Biz let out a low whistle and pressed xyr hands along xyr bruised chest, xe’d have to avoid wearing it until xe had healed a little. Pleased at xyr belated self-care and successful mental mathematics, Biz pondered what to do next and briefly considered waking Sai, only to be stopped by an uncomfortable sensation rippling from xyr stomach which quickly turned xyr focus to other matters. One dash across the wreckage strewn room later and Biz was knelt slumped over the toilet in Sai’s downstairs bathroom.
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After xe had somewhat recovered, Biz cautiously re-entered the living room to check on Sai and the wolf, and content that both seemed to be asleep, made the journey through to the bottle-strewn kitchen in search of painkillers. It took a significantly longer time than Biz would have expected, primarily due to Sai’s chaotic kitchen “organisation”, to locate the half-eaten packet of paracetamol which for unknown reasons had been stored in the upper left of the fridge. Biz swallowed four and waited for the blissful silence granted by the pain dulling medication. An eternity later, the tablets seemed to kick in and xe was able to think with a modicum of clarity, if only when speaking xyr thoughts aloud.
“The wolf….” Xe paused, as xyr brain second guessed the accuracy of the word, “the WOLF, seems friendly enough from what I have seen. I should probably be careful though - One data point doesn’t make a pattern.” Xe chuckled to xemself, xe really needed to work on how baseline cynical xe were with the world.
Biz’s introspection was interrupted by smattering of assorted noises. A clatter or rolling glass, a string of swearwords and a loud yelp, heralding the wolf's arrival as she trotted into the kitchen. She stopped at the doorway and locked eyes with Biz for thirty seconds or so before glancing down and away. Biz pondered the behaviour, was that a good sign? Xe were unsure, if xe had to guess, it was probably a show of subservience, but who knew how a wolf from another world interpreted eye contact.
Xe shrugged and ran a hand over xyr stubbled scalp, it was probably a higher priority to return the wolf than figure out its body language, but for that xe would need help. Biz forced an air of calm nonchalance and sauntered past the wolf to assess xyr fellow hangover afflicted enby’s willingness to help.
“Morning Sai, want some of these?” Biz threw them the painkillers before Sai could respond, their pained face being all the answer Biz needed. Sai groaned and dry swallowed a couple of the tablets with a wince.
“Thanks… I think.” They stood and stumbled towards the hallway door, looked through and swore again. “Ah bollocks I hoped I’d dreamed that.” They gestured through the door, curious Biz shambled over and found a statue ditched against the closed door.
“Sai…did you steal a gargoyle”
They waved vaguely at the wolf who backed away to dodge the clumsy gesture, and they frowned apologetically.
“Biz, I really don’t think you’re one to talk. You brought A BLOODY WOLF INTO MY HOME.”
The duo flinched as the words echoed harshly against their pounding brains and they exchanged a look as they attempted to ignore the unspoken truth; That they were stuck in an impossibly stupid situation of their own devising. Biz pinched xyr brow with one hand and waved away Sai’s complaint with the other.
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“Sure, sure… I guess I win stupidest drunken theft? Though to be honest she seems pretty happy, so maybe let’s try get rid of the gargoyle first as that’s blocking the door anyway.”
After some back and forth, the duo eventually agreed that they would drag the statue to Charlie and Li’s and try to figure out where to leave the wolf once the statue was a Tan household problem. Plan established, the duo forced open the door and dragged their ill-gotten gains out behind them.
After a sky-based orientation, the duo began to drag the gothic statue through the blissfully empty street. As xe took xyr turn dragging the statue Biz became very aware that the wolf had not been on the street long, and as xe wondered where she had come from couldn’t help noticing her seemingly random curiosity being piqued by random building in a manner which was equal parts annoying and adorable.
After quickly dismissing both the post office and fishing portals, the wolf eventually found something so interesting as to abandon its human companions and take the run to investigate the entrance of the library. Biz watched from the side-lines as the wolf sniffed around the entrance, her sharp senses alerting her to the smattering of Charlie's blood that stained the door and the smear of acid that had cost him his arm. Biz wondered idly as xe watched, did the wolf know all that from a sniff, or was it more of a vague concept? Human blood here, monster blood there? Biz pondered if there was a way to make that connection, maybe the creepy, technological being known as “The Collective'' had a translation software in it somewhere? A discussion for another day xe thought, it seemed that Steve the wolf had returned to xem, her curiosity sated.
Biz exchanged a look with Sai as the wolf took a seat atop the statue and looked at them expectantly. “I think this wolf’s taking the piss out of us.”
Sai just shrugged and began to drag the statue, they seemed extremely keen to ditch it, and presumably head to bed. Biz thought about it for a second, considered xyr pulsing head and aching chest, and came to the realisation that they had an excellent point. Abruptly more motivated, Biz joined Sai in their resolve to head to Charlie and Li’s without further interruption. Unfortunatly Steve had other ideas and jumped off her impromptu throne a little over half an hour later to claw at a bark wood door that Biz had never seen before.
Curious and wary, Biz left the statue with Sai and walked towards the strange door as hazy memories dredged themselves from the depth of last night. Xe had come here yesterday, the unlocked door beckoning xem to explore the strange building.
Xe shuddered, there was something wrong with this place, xe could sense it. The bizarre oak log doorframe was warped. Marred in the way that only the oldest building of the street were, and yet Biz would swear xe had never seen it before, and judging by the look on their face, neither had Sai.
Paranoid, cautious and painfully dehydrated, Biz motioned for Sai to record as xe pushed open the door and stepped slowly into the mysterious building. Inside there was no hallway, no living room or charming façade of normality, instead Biz’s shoes crunched on dry foliage as xe stepped though.
The building, if you could call it that, was a single room walled by improbably tall trees, the endless bark stretching into the grey dimness of the canopy. It had only three features of note, a hammock strewn with dense moss, a table sized stone covered in half eaten fruit, and most concerning of all, a meter square portal of sparking darkness forming a burning, fiery doorway between worlds.
Concerned by the burning vortex, Biz turned to leave, only to be blocked by the wolf. As xe considered pushing past the large mammal, the wolf began to shimmer, its flesh blurring and shifting as the canine form took on a new shape. A feminine presenting figure of teak skin and thick green vines that cascaded like locks of emerald hair. The thing which had previously been a wolf stood tall and proud, unashamed by her casual nudity as the muscles between her wooden skin took form.
In the span of a heartbeat the harsh carved features settled and softened into a wolfish grin.
“Well, I guess since you have both forgotten me, a re-introduction is in order. My name is Stevie and as I mentioned last night, you can consider me The Street’s Official Postmaster. It’s a pleasure to re-meet you.”
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