[40th Year of Foresai, Upper Fire Month, Day 21]

Her eyes were filled with worry. The sight was depressingly common.

“A vampire, and now this mass of the dead.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“It’s unimaginable.”

“It is, Your Highness.”

“Lakyus and her band are out of position, and I haven’t kept tabs on the position of Red Drop. We could likely muster a relief force in a few hundred immediately.”

Why does she have to worry about these things?

“I’m sure some are already fighting, Your Highness.”

“Local teams. Local militias too, but I worry about the people without arms.”

She’s scared. I should say something to reassure her.

“Farmers and their tools can fight. Those would damage the undead.”

“Eh? Isn’t that kind of ghoulish?”

“Er, yeah I guess.”

“I mean, it fits. Some of their implements are certainly… sharp enough to… damage undead forms.”

Renner darted her eyes away. They danced for a time, she turning them down to her hands. Those were themselves locked in furtive rubbing. She and Climb were in one of the reception spaces, this one on the border between the personal quarters of the royal family and the rest of the third story. There were no others besides a triplet of maids on the opposite side and a knight Climb recognized as part of the Royal Guard. When he assumed morning duty, he would often wait here while Renner had breakfast with her father, returning to her side only when summoned or personally retrieved by her for whatever activities caught her fancy in the eve of noon. This had not happened today, and when she drifted back into his presence, he found she was distraught and altogether in pain. She simply plopped onto the loveseat where she was now, Climb standing awkwardly by her side.

“I suppose the levy do bring their tools to battle when their lords can’t furnish them spears, pitchforks and such. Chardelon, shush yourself. You’re speaking of such vile things. If this… this legion of corpses rose last night, they could be as far as E-Nerena. Possibly all the way to the Barony of Toussaint, worse, Montserrat. If they’re that far, then the count of villages they have swept should be…”

Renner trailed off, gently tapping the fingers of her left hand against the back of her other in some rhythm Climb knew not of.

“I suppose I don’t have the estimates of effectiveness. When it comes to the levy and those Baruthian knights, the matter is simple. But of the dead? I haven’t a clue. What is a… walking-one capable of? Of what they were in life? What of those who have already given parts of their body to He of the Petrichor?”

Like, zombies that have rotted away?

“I imagine it depends on the type of the undead, Your Highness.”

“They have kins? No, that would make sense. Vampires are a type of those negative creatures - certainly they have a clade all to their own. Ah, I’m in mind to use unsavory words. I wish I had wrenched more from Lakyus when I had the chance. If only that footman had made it five minutes prior.”

What is she talking about? What would it matter if he had arrived sooner?

“Five minutes earlier?”

“Hm? Oh. I don’t like to speak of it, for it feels like a shameful thing to so spurn the rest of my family, but Lakyus and I entered into magical communication. Some divination or what have you. Whatever the method, she and I spoke for a time of light things and otherwise; I bid her some tasks and so forth.”

She sounds so uncertain. She must be deeply affected. Wait, family? Wasn’t it just her father and her?

“How is she?”

“Bored in that way only fiery souls can be. I’m sure she’d rather be off slaying something. Anything better than lugging her companions’ gear from there to here.”

Is she… angry?

Renner’s voice had a biting tone to it, one Climb had not before heard. He leaned back slightly, trying his best to understand what she meant.

I can’t think of a time she’s been angry. Annoyed, but not this. What should I do? It’s not something I did, is it? I don’t know what's wrong. Should I, uh, ask her?

“Your Highness. Are you alright?”

“Breakfast… wasn’t pleasant.”

“Was something wrong with it?”

“Nothing like that. Anise did a good job as always.”

Renner turned away, her eyes welling. Climb watched as the hints of anger on her face dissolved, only sorrow remaining. She spoke again, her first words cut off by a hic.

“-Was yelled at.”

That's horrible! Who could have done that?

“By- by his Majesty?”

“No… brother.”

That’s why she said family earlier. Her brother was there? I guess that’s okay… unless it was him.

“Which of them?”

“Both were in attendance.”

Climb lurched.

“He was there?!”

“He was.”

Why was he there?! Why- Gods I should have been there! I should have been there! He was there with her?! Gods above, I never- I never want that to happen again.

“Why- why would-”

“Vena doesn’t come here often. Father wanted all of us together. He doesn’t know.”

It makes sense. It’s just… agh! It pisses me off. He’s a godsdamned traitor!

“Then- why can’t- why can’t you tell him?”

“We’re threading a needle… we’re threading a needle. Things are unstable. If father knows, everything will drag back. Bolloupe, Lytton, and all the rest.”

Renner closed her eyes and shook her head, repeating herself under her breath. After a time, she opened them, staring off into the distance blankly.

“I’m scared, Climb. I’m so scared.”

She sacrificed again and again. That she has to do that. That she has to worry about the safety of the Kingdom. Worry about Lakyus. Worry about undead. Worry about Eight Fingers. Worry about political problems. She’s a princess! I hate it. I wish she didn’t have to, I wish she could simply live her life. Be able to shop with Vena. Socialize and enjoy the day. Even… things like placing a flower in my hair. She should have that.

“Your Highness-”

If I could give that to her, I would. I don’t care what it would take.

“He was angry at me.”

“Barbro?!”

How dare he?! What gives him the right?! Gods, if he gets close to her again-

“No, Igana- er, Zanac.”

Why not use his first name? Did he say something truly evil?

“His Highness… the Second Prince? Did something happen, Your Highness?”

“He asked me not to use it… Actually, that’s a bit of a fib.”

Renner’s lip began to quiver.

“He called me a monster.”

“What?!”

“An abomination. A dæmon… I think. It went too fast for me to catch.”

A demon?! How could he say something like that?

“He shouted at me, told me I wasn’t his sister. That he hates me.”

What a cruel thing to say!

“My own brothers hate me. They both hate me. I’ve done something horrid, haven’t I? Something to bid it from them. Something to deserve it.”

What? Princess…

Everything clicked. Climb realized the hate in Renner’s eyes earlier was not for others, but for herself.

“Gods no!”

“I must have, it's the only thing that makes sense.”

“What could he have been mad at you for?”

“He mentioned something-”

“What was it, Your Highness?”

“Speaking with Lord Keveleos. He said it… that… that I scared him.”

That doesn’t even make sense! She and Alec spoke just fine to each other, he wasn’t- he wasn’t scared. Gods, she’s torn up, isn't she? I need to say something.

“Your Highness, you made perfectly good conversation with him. The- the second prince is simply being cruel!”

“But I- I don't know. Did I?”

“Definitely not! He appreciated you speaking with him!”

It's the only thing that makes sense. She was being brave, trying to keep things normal that night after- after that bastard attacked her.

“I don’t know, Climb. All this is so overwhelming.”

Climb dropped to his knees. Renner shot her gaze to him, her eyes seeming to glimmer for an instant. Climb’s heart welled with pride.

“I know it is, Your Highness. I know. You aren’t a monster, your Highness. I can’t even imagine how your brother could say that. You’re the opposite of a monster. You’re a treasure of Re-Estize- no, the treasure; the most important of them. The light of the Kingdom. You’re wonderful and beautiful. You’re precious. Please believe me, Your Highness. I promise.”

I love you.

“I just- I just wish they were nicer to me.”

“They should be.”

“I- I don’t know what to do, Climb. All of this is so overwhelming. How do I go about mending this? How do I be a good sister-”

You already are a good sister to them! You’re- you’re perfect.

“-how do I… do I… No. This won’t help, will it?”

“Your Highness?”

It was thus that an altogether horrifying sight unfurled before Climb’s eyes. Renner gulped down air after a cry, then lightly clapped her tear-stained cheeks. Hands on her face, she swept her fingers ‘round her eyes, brushing away the moisture that had built there. She closed her eyes, then swallowed. Then, all at once, she stilled herself and held her breath. She opened her eyes six seconds later and peered into him. An apologetic smile grew across her face. Were it not for the swelling of her visage, and the way she choked her next words, Climb would have no sense at all of the pain she kept within.

“There, better.”

“Your Highness-”

“I think my brother was right-”

What?!

“-My lamentations are useless. No point in them.”

No, they aren’t! Renner, please!

“Your Highness, please forgive my presumption in saying this-”

“I know what you’re going to say, Climb. That I can always cry in front of you, no?”

Climb’s words caught in his throat, his mind seizing. He could find no way to express his inner turmoil. Renner continued.

“I know, Climb. I know. This is… different. Rather, I’m different; or, perhaps, I see my place differently. It’s something that’s brewed inside me for the last two months, yet has only come to a head in the last few days. I think I now truly understand my father’s hesitation.”

“What do you mean, Your Highness?”

“Barbro is unfit to rule.”

Unfit? That man should be hanged.

“I’m sure it's an obvious thing to say.”

“I wouldn’t… sorry.”

No, it is obvious. Though, I wish you wouldn’t insult yourself.

“It’s no matter, Climb. It's strange to me that my brother has left his fields fallow. He destroys himself again and again. He sent his only man to run me through on a night of crisis - one of his own making. All for what? Haste, pride, and envy of the father? Intemperance like that is not the one common to menfolk, he’s gripped by a true madness. One day, I suppose the whole of the Kingdom will be under his aegis - a Mad King Andrean. Jircniv will find his chance then, and in two years - or perhaps three if he assaults slowly. It would be the end of my house.”

“Your Highness, don’t speak such- such dark things!”

“Eh? Sorry. I apologize, Climb.”

“Your Highness-”

Renner made a halting motion with her hand, Climb’s imposition that she needn’t apologize dying on his tongue. She paused for a moment, visibly gathering her words.

“It's hard for me not to think about. I always knew our Kingdom was subject to rot, its pillars long since eaten out by scorched Laira and the bondage of our fellow men, but this? To think my brother had fallen so low as to collaborate with the Noble Faction. To think they would have the ability to slip through the walls of Ro-Lante. Those wallwalking assailants seem to have shattered everything. Even leaving my room I cannot ‘scape the violence, every time I pass that baleful spot.”

That’s horrible. Should I say something? I have to, right?

“It has me thinking of grander things. The impositions upon us by the divine. Beginnings and ends - what does it mean to die and so forth - but I simply can’t stop thinking of the perpetual. Bonds, oaths, but above all, duty.”

“What about it, Your Highness?”

What could I say? I would need to make her feel safe. How do I do that?

“I have a duty to the people. The people, and my house. On each day I choose what to do, be it advocating for those of the lowest station, or simply serving as a daughter of the crown. Some days, those duties align and I can be loyal to both. Some days. Being my father’s daughter and the daughter of the king don’t wholly mesh. Being my brothers’ sister, and being the sister of the princes.“

Father’s daughter and… what? What does that mean? Aren’t you the third princess?

“...Ah.”

“You don’t understand what I mean, do you?”

“I apologize, your-”

“You needn’t- yes, I accept it. Ah, how do I say this? Climb, are you the Assistant Guard to the Golden Princess, or are you Climb?”

Am I- I’m both, right? Assistant Guard and me, at the same time. I think. Then what does she mean? “Or.” Shouldn’t it be and? I am both the assistant guard and I am Climb, right? Isn’t that saying the same thing Oh Gods, I don’t understand this at all. Um… blazes! Oh what do I say? Maybe just pretend and figure it out later.

“...I see. That makes sense.”

“All correct, then?”

I don’t think she noticed. Gods, this is kind of shameful. I don’t want to lie to her. Do I confess? I- I don't know.

“Yes, Your Highness… I think.”

Dammit! I don’t want to cause her any more trouble, but I have no clue what she means.

She paused, slightly cocking her head as a hint of a smile grew on her face. Climb sank slightly.

She did notice. Shit- I should apologize. Gods, Climb, why are you such a fool? I hope she’s not mad, or disappointed, that would- wait, she’s smiling. Is she not angry? Wait, if I made her smile with it, is it a good thing? Wait, what? Agh, I should just shut up and listen.

“My brothers have these duties too, but they bear it in a separate way; they will never need to choose as I do. I will one day wed, and with that bond comes a splitting of responsibility - between House Vaiself and my husband’s house. I will become threefold, and in that I may lose myself; what I owe to the peasants and the proletarian. Vena stands as an example here, unable to furnish a gift to E-Rantel’s adventuring guild by the very basis of her marriage. Shackled, in a sense.”

She doesn’t want to get married, does she?

A forlorn tinge entered Renner’s eye, and she paused. Climb could find no words, so the pair waited in silence for a time. After a few minutes of quiet, the cluster of maids left in tandem. Renner finally found her words, and resumed.

“Once again, those things are at odds for me; duties to the royal family, and those simply to my family. My brothers hate me, and yet I have a duty to them - and they to me. Barbro will not fulfill his - those actions he took have proven him foul and black, and show him incapable of a return to valiant existence - but Zanac? He will. Even if he hates me and wishes we weren’t consanguin, he will fulfill his obligations. I have failed as a sister to him and to Barbro, but I will not fail in my duties as princess. I will not fail in my duties to the people. I must not fail. This is part of that. Zanac must take the throne. I must help him in every way I can.”

“But he- he called you a monster!”

“I know.”

“He should not be allowed to say such things!”

“Climb, what you speak is dangerous.”

“A-apologies, Your Highness.”

“I don’t want you to get in trouble. A maid catching wind of that, I shudder to think.”

I’m doing horribly. I just made things worse.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“I’ll need to hand something to Zanac. Something spectacular. Something that will not draw Barbro’s ire. Climb, may I ask something of you?”

“Yes, Your Highness?”

“Take great care around my brothers. You mustn't question them, you mustn’t deprive them of any respect or honors they hold. Bow, use their forms of address whenever you would for me. You must treat them exactly as you would before- or, at least, as close to that as you can. This is of prime importance. You must understand, Climb. You cannot show disrespect; you cannot show them your anger.”

I- I hate that. I hate that. I hate having to do that. I know it's needed, but it hurts. Zanac, I could. But him?

“Please be careful, Climb. Please, for the sake of all under the aegis of the Gods, be careful. Guard your words. If you were to suffer as a result of something like that, I… I could not bear it.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Thank you, Climb.”

It’s unfair! It’s- it’s unjust and wrong.

Climb felt utterly disorganized. Watching his mistress lament, disparage, and suppress herself, only for her to beg that he hide alongside her for his safety. It was too much to bear, and Climb could not hold himself back.

“I don’t understand it, Your Highness.”

Renner paused, visibly contemplating for a second. After it passed, she reached out and gently worked her hand into his. She tugged with little force, Climb realizing that she intended to draw him up. He stood, and leading him round, Renner guided him into the other seat on the couch. He set himself down slowly, his mind snagging on the implications of sitting next to her. Normally, he would have protested such acts, but he had no energy which to do so.

She’ll just order me if I refuse.

“Why I must hide?”

“Yes. I- It’s unfair.”

“My life is not my own.”

Her life isn’t hers? I don’t get it. Shit. This isn’t the time to not understand. Is she saying she can’t make her own choices? I guess that makes sense. Actually, I don’t really make many of my own either. It's not like I choose my duties for the day… though I do try and push for extra with her. I should say something to make her feel better. Uh…

“Your highness, if that’s how things will be, then mine will always be yours.”

Her left eye twitched, pulling in a breath sharply. Climb blushed, and looked away.

Gods! Did you really have to say it like that?

The pair sat without speaking, Climb steadily growing more comfortable as the time passed. Their hands were still interlocked, Renner squeezing every so often. After two minutes, the stillness of the room broke. A footman entered the room, one Climb recognized as one of the palace runners, Deidrick. He spun in place, and upon eyeing Climb and Renner, approached. Climb briefly considered standing, but Renner held his hand tighter, seemingly in the negative. Deidrick stopped short by a pace and bowed.

“Your Highness, His Majesty has sent for you. That said, I have news for you now.”

“From the east?”

“Yes, a message from the Guild Master Ainzach. E-Rantel has been purged of the risen dead.”

What? T-that's amazing!

“Eh?! All of the many thousands?”

“Almost all of them, Your Highness. The last few have already been rounded up and destroyed.”

“But, this message was so soon after. Was the first badly delayed, or-”

“No, Your Highness. It was the act of the city’s Adventurer’s Guild, but primarily by a new team.”

“A new team? Who?”

“The name is Darkness, a warrior and sorceress. The pair swept through to the core of the undead, vanquished a hulk made of bones, two skeleton dragons, and then found and slew a cult of necromancers.”

That’s awesome! Two dragons?! He said skeleton, so they must have been undead. Zombie dragons- er, or maybe they were liches. Dragon liches? Do those exist? Scary. Gods, and they just slew them all! Thousands cut down, smashed to bits. A hulk of bones, skeletons, zombies, maybe geists? A-and even a bunch of evil wizards. That’s so awesome!

“Z-Zurrernorn?”

“It’s believed so, Your Highness.”

“Thank you, where is my father?”

“In the strategic chambers, Your Highness.”

“I will be attending shortly.”

Deidrick genuflected again, turned, and exited. Climb felt Renner shake.

“I was so worried. I-I was so worried. Thank all that is good in the world.”

“Yes.”

“I was so deeply afraid. The consequences of such a horde left unreaped. The death that could render.”

“Your Highness-”

“Renner.”

“What?”

“You needn’t address me like that, Climb. The messenger called me ‘Your Highness,’ you needn’t do the same. My name will suffice.”

“Y-your name?”

“It's too important a time to drag with forms of address. I asked Lakyus to call me by my name. I want you to, too.”

“You want me-”

“Yes. Renner, or perhaps Princess Renner if you feel uncomfortable with that. Madame Renner. Mistress Renner? Any would work for me. I just wish to see your lips form something other than those distant words.”

“Your Highness, I don’t know if I can-”

“Please.”

Climb’s mind locked up, desperately trying to determine which option was better. He decided that it was better to diminish her on her request than to deny her and subsequently disappoint.

“Yes, Prin-”

She wants me to say her name, doesn’t she?

“...Renner.”

Her visage lit instantly, a wave of forlorn joy overcoming her face. Renner’s eyes began to well once again, and she, for all her professions of dignity, simpered.

“Thank you… thank you.”

She’s holding herself back, isn’t she?

“Princess, you don’t need to hold yourself in.”

She was silent for a time, blinking her eyes several times before resuming.

“I suppose not… Just this once, then.”

Renner let her composure slip, burying her head in Climb’s breast and weeping.

—

I love him. I love him so deeply.

Renner basked in Climb’s attention. It was her favorite thing in the world.

Ah, if only I could do this more often! To jade him would be a nightmarish affair. Torture and suffering that I must keep moments like this rare. Still, I truly need this.

The last half-hour had sent her completely adrift. Zanac’s words had on their face been difficult to swallow, but the sudden news of an undead crisis sent her on a spiral. After a stout minute of inner panic, Renner realized that she needed her Climb. She went to him immediately and talked in circles about the undead before she felt fit to actually reach her goal.

I don’t see why my brother finds cause to be so cruel. A monster. A monster!

It had been simple to draw out emotions from Climb. A steady breakdown followed by a self-chide, then speaking some hollow words about some concept he idolized, followed by a more thorough collapse. That she was in genuine emotional distress - at least to a degree - helped her conduct a convincing performance despite her imbalance. All of this had been lathered in a thick layer of self-loathing, something she had hoped would successfully wrench protective instincts from him. Everything had occurred exactly to plan, and now Renner was left with the love of her life comforting her as she bawled.

What strange words. I haven’t a clue how to respond to that. What have I done to create such animosity? Merely existing in his presence? Halt yourself, Chardelon, before you get dragged too deeper in. This Darkness team, what of them? I-I… curse the lot, I’m not of a mind for that now. I’ll deal with that whole mess after. Back to my brother. Am I a monster? What of it? What would such a thing mean?

Zanac was wholly readable at that moment. Renner had no doubt he shouted what he perceived to be the truth, but trying to process those words was another task entirely.

Perhaps what he spoke wasn’t meaningless. Material meanings of such phrases? Being a monster would make me a separate kin… and have I not considered exactly such a thing before? But such a term demands moral evaluation, demands fear in children, demands slaying by adventurers. To be reductive, am I not a princess? It's unimaginable, isn’t it? He would count beasts and dæmons and fel-things lurking o’er the edges of the world… and a princess. It makes no sense. It would be comical if it were not for his condition.

Renner felt the shape of the contradiction in front of her, and though she wanted to dismiss it as delusion on her brother’s part, doubts still lingered. Once again, she thought of Keveleos. The look on his face. The sign he made. Renner resolved herself to try again.

Force yourself, Chardelon. To not evaluate the self is foolish. He too was afraid. What similarities lie between him and my brother?

Renner was struck by an undeniable revelation.

Intelligence. They both possess it, more-so that the others I’ve known. Zanac, for all his flaws, is the second best of the Ryles. Keveleos is deeply entangled in his own games and performances. This, then, begs worse questions. There is something present in me that is not present in my kin. The witless are blind to it, but the half-wits aren’t. Is it delusion, or something closer to the truth? They find me anathematic, but what do I make of myself?

I have met others alike to others - knights to knights, maids to maids, drunks to drunks - but none alike to me. Why? Did I not have sisters? Vena was further before me, but Lulara? We shared a mother, an upbringing. We were only two years apart. Why are we so different? Why am I an aberration? That’s what I am, right? Utterly foriegn. The looks I was given as a child, the faces. My words were strange to them, and though I know now, back then it was so hard to understand. Why couldn’t they see what I saw?

Even now, I still don’t fully understand it. Do their minds work more sluggishly than mine? Are their computations more prone to error? Works more liable to jam? No, that’s not it, not the soul cause at least. Perhaps all of those things are true - indeed, they are - but these are not simply matters of speed and scale. I eye things differently; draw things forth from the æther differently; delineate the relevant and construct relations differently; formulate plans and plots and any other number of actions differently; perceive acts as worthy or unworthy differently.

An example. Who else knows of Raeven’s status? His family? Wife, perhaps. Certainly not any of the three out of six the Royal Faction holds. Does Zanac? What if he doesn’t? What would that say of him, that he would be blind to the ally in front of him? Gods above, I am different, aren’t I?

No one will see things as I do. No one will know my words and believe them. Zanac is right, isn’t he? I am a monster… or something that lurks in between all the words he spoke. Something cautionary, something disjointed, something he does not understand. I am not kin to him. I am not kin to my family. To my blood. To my people. To my… to my very species. Damnit all. I would have screamed at myself that this is delusion, a warning of the mind’s impending collapse, but this is different. This is undeniable.

What does that mean? I thought those words back then, the day of the sixteenth in that drab meeting of nobles. The question of “my kind.” Am I to be surrounded by those of this caliber forever? I compared them to animals, for in my eyes they are, but that’s wrong, isn’t it? They are not insects, rats, and pigs, but humans. I am the outlier. I am the interloper. Somehow, whatever I am, I crept into the Vaiself bloodline and slipped from my mother’s womb to join mankind.

Ah, not forever. Mankind, as it has existed before me, will exist after. Only my surroundings will stand eternal - I will only stand until my body perishes and rots. ‘Till worms root round the sockets of my eyes, eating the flesh that once, for one mote in time, saw the world as it was. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my days aren't I? Crushing. It's a revelation I’ve played with before, but like this? This is not absentminded frustration towards those around me, it is fatalism.

Him. Gods, what of him? He is precious. He is perfect. Fallow ground for me to sow and watch. He’s loyal. Loyaler than anyone else I’ve met. Those eyes of his, those perfect eyes. The way they light when turned upon me. What mirth that brings. What of my otherness to him? Perhaps he would not care. We are already such different things on our faces. The breach between the sexes; that I have five names, and he one; that he hath slain, and I have not. I am safe with him. He saved me from my brother’s assassin. He saved me. Those very words! How wonderful it is to say them.

I must wrench him from the world. How do I take him? I need those eyes upon me forever, that fresh azure of noon. I wish to fetter him. To drag him to a secret place and keep him there. How? Wrought iron. The thought of bonds on him captures me - collars, bracelets, and anklets. How I would love to see the sight. How I would love to see him on his hands and knees, not donned in armor like he is now, but disrobed entirely. How desperate I am. How hungry I am. I will take him, rip him from the world and into the depths below.

He is human. I accept that - I find no cause to desire him otherwise. I must lead him. Own and guide him as does a shepard their sheepdog. My darling puppy.

Fine, brother-dearest. I cede the point. I am not a human soul.