These Signals Are Clearly Too Catastrophic to Unsuspecting Civilizations

“Yes, my children. I’m your Prophet, and I offer proof. Hear the thunder.”

Outside the tent, clashing and booming roars filled the sky overhead.

“I ask you to check your phones now—as you see, the weather predicted not a cloud in the sky.”

The Prophet gestured for the assembly to follow him into a field. All around them, clouds rolled, and tornadoes spun. Torrential rain fell with streaks of lightning trailed by claps of thunder.

Meanwhile, as if in a protected dome, the group remained dry and warm, unaffected by the wind.

But the people still held on to one another.

“Do not fear, my children. I am the one. He’s chosen me to serve you. Behold.”

The severe weather events vanished.

His flock kneeled and lifted their arms, praising him in unison, “You are the one ...”

“Go home, my children, and prepare. The time is near. Gather your survival equipment, and bring all of your food and clothing. He shall arrive soon and rid our land of the heretics.”

Preacher John Watson returned to his house, stepped around the backyard, removed a canvas covering a satellite array, and then went downstairs into the cellar. He fired up communication equipment and kneeled before a video monitor.

A perfectly chiseled human male face, with glowing skin, long straightened dark hair, a gentle smile, and steely blue eyes appeared on a screen, and spoke, “Have you prepared my flock?”

“Yes, my lord. We’re ready for you to cleanse our world of the non-believers.”

“Very good, make sure your flock brings things of great value. The world will be brought to a clean slate, a new beginning—bring gold, gemstones, and any valuable material they can find whether or not of their possession. Do you understand?”

“My lord, stealing and thievery?” Watson glanced up.

“No, you fool.” The lord’s gentle face turned red with anger. “It all belongs to the planet, their financial values are merely a human invention, but you will need them to build the spacecraft.”

“Spacecraft? My lord, we’ve no idea how ...”

“Hush. I will show you the way. You must gather gold, diamonds, and emeralds. You have one week.”

A week passed, and the flock acquired truckloads of the most expensive jewelry, including gold bars, with little questioning. Through several more miraculous demonstrations, they believed a powerful force guided the preacher, their Prophet.

Preacher Watson went to the cellar again. “My lord, we’ve gathered all that we could without the risk of getting caught or followed.”

“You have done well, Watson. All of you must gather in the field tomorrow night for my arrival. I’ll assist you with building an ark for space travel to save your people from my cleansing of the planet.”

The next night the flock gathered in a field, and a gigantic flying saucer pierced through the clouds and landed next to them.

The ramp opened. A squad of humanoid aliens in helmets and uniforms and carrying rifles surrounded the congregation. “Hands in the air!”

“What’s going on here? Where is my lord?” asked Watson.

“Your lord?” asked the squad leader. One of the officers said something to the leader in a strange clicking language. “Oh, right. Your lord is under arrest for violating our laws against interfering with interplanetary peace and commerce.”

Watson stood still, stunned, with his mouth agape. “What about our planet’s cleansing?”

The squad leader said, “You must be his Earth contact. Listen, the whole thing is a fraud. We picked up his communications and finally traced him here. He’s been on the run, wanted for the same fraudulent crimes on our own planet.”

“I’ve been such a fool.” Watson moaned and cried. “Such trickery must be universal.”

“Oh, hardly.” The squad leader laughed. “He’s the first we’ve ever encountered. Our lawmakers quickly adapted to his whole scheme once we discovered evidence of the pattern.”

“The pattern?” Watson raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yes, we found a whole collection of Earth broadcasted recordings of political movements, cults, and pyramid schemes. With large gatherings of worshippers giving away their wealth and valuables. Your fugitive lord noted the most successful ones and copied what worked.”

“What, what, do you plan to do with us?” Watson shuddered.

“Oh, nothing. We’re aware it’s part of your culture. We’ve already launched thousands of space buoys throughout this solar system. We’ll be warning others and intercepting anything that goes out. These signals are clearly too catastrophic to unsuspecting civilizations.”