Outside I look for Kaiden, I can hear the commotion inside and I know it won’t be long until someone comes out of their home or the community center to find out what’s going on. I start with the bushes, then inside dumpsters. No signs of Kaiden. I’m hoping he hasn’t gotten caught again, if so, they’ll probably kill him this time around.

“Kaiden,” I start to cry out in a hushed whisper.

“I’m over here,” he yells out.

I rush over to the parking lot where he’s been hiding and start to search. It doesn’t take long. He’s hiding under a car. Crawling out he’s a tough site to look at. Blood, tears, dirt and maybe motor oil cover him. He doesn’t look like the cheery kid with the matted afro I’ve had following me lately.

“Hey, we have to get out of here,” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“You killed them all didn’t you,” he asks holding back tears.

“We can talk about it later. For now, try to find a car with keys inside,” I can’t look him in the eye for some reason.

We start to look inside the car windows and I realize I can’t even drive. I guess I’m going to learn on the fly. Luckily it doesn’t take long for Kaiden to find a car with keys and call me over. A black car, has to be an older one, lots of metal instead of plastic. Even at night I can see the paint is rusted. I recognize this car. It’s the car Bilge drove the first time I saw him. I suppose it’s my car now. Is that how this works? Sam did say get a car. I climb in the driver’s seat and start the car as Kaiden climbs in.

I try to move the gears like in the movies but they won’t budge. Kaiden is at a loss as well. I try to recall what the bus drivers would do when the temple would send us on missions. They pressed the pedals to go and stop, held one to change the shifter. I press the pedal on the left and the engine roars to life, but we don’t move. That’s the gas pedal. So the one on the right is break. I hold the gas and move the shifter, nothing happens. So I hold the break and it moves. I move it to the D2 for drive twice as fast. I release the break and the car slowly moves. I slam my foot on the gas pedal and we take off wheels spinning. I scrape a few cars in the lot before I can gain control and get us on the road towards the city.

We don’t talk on the way back unless we’re trying to find our way back. Sam was right, a car is a quicker way to travel. Soon we’re back to our apartment. Long showers and takeout, we still don’t speak and it feels wrong. I’m not good with my own feelings. Let alone someone else’s. We head to our separate rooms. I don’t really sleep. I just try to think about what I can tell him. How I felt when I killed my first...person? Are Orcs people? What about Elves? Vampires? Werewolves? I think I’m having a crisis of self, a metamorphosis. Like the book, when the man turns into a bug, a favorite of Elser’s.

I’ve never asked these questions, then again, I’ve never been away from the temple for so long. I’ve changed my mind on so many things. Perhaps I wasn’t thinking for myself as much as I thought all those years at the Temple. I wonder how different I would be if had left sooner. Would I still be making a living doing this stuff? Would I have killed so many people that I couldn’t keep track of them? Dalia, what have you done to me? I can’t blame her, I’m sure she played her role as well as I did. I’m thankful she gave me the conscience I have now. Perhaps that’s why she sent Kaiden, to by my conscience. That’s a ridiculous thought.