Here we are in the sauna after Adam chose to freaking objectify Wahmen. I can’t believe he would do that, the degenerate. Either way I’m glad that he’s not a part of my party and belongs to Warren’s, I have enough degenerates on my side already. Other than that it’s been pretty peaceful, but for some reason I feel like the sauna is getting progressively hotter, I think I see Luther occasionally turning up the heat in here. Ugh, I’ll try to withstand the ever increasing temperature, all the sweating is good for you right?

“So my friends shall we talk about the sheer character of our female compatriots,” Luther suddenly suggests.

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

“To clarify, let us talk about what we like about those of the fairer sex,” Luther attempted to clarify.

Luther language is still a little bit confusing to me; I need to improve my foreign language skills or at least make Mythril become a better translator. I swear Google Translate could do a better job at times, if I still had cell phone reception (and a working cell phone) I’m sure Google could translate ancient texts.

Hey, the reason you can’t understand him is due to your own fault not mine. I would like to add that I am much better than whatever this Google thing is. He’s not speaking the language of the gods.

“Quincy would argue with you about that if he could hear you.”

“Will he’s talking about women’s character traits,” Quincy explains.

“OOOOh I see, that’s totally normal, definitely not perverted like someone we know,” I say out loud.

“Yeah we respect women when we talk about them,” Quincy adds.

“Hmm, I’m not sure how to start. Luther do you happen to have a special girl in your heart that you would like to talk about?” I prod.

“Ah yes, my friend, I have many girlfriends worthy of being talked about. If I were to list them all we would be here all night. So I shall simply talk about my love Marianne, the most beautiful woman I have ever known. She is strong, charismatic, simply adored by all men and stands as the one who I am proud to call my girlfriend,” Luther rants.

“Wait all men, how about the women?” I ask.

“Well you see, a few of the women are a bit jealous of Lady Marianne’s charms and do not appreciate her taking all the attention of the men. However, I provide a solution as I attempt to love all the female knights equally. Ah if they were not wearing their helmets you could simply see the delighted look on their faces when I proposed a date,” Luther boasts as he turns up the heat in the sauna even more.

“I-Is that so...” I say not entirely convinced.

“Now that you have heard my tale it is your turn first hero.”

“Ah my turn… I’m not really sure who I should start with.”

I’m not really sure what to talk about when it comes to women. What are the good qualities of my party?

“What do you think about Remi?” Ryder questions.

“Umm, well she’s nice to me and I really like it when she lets me pet her wolf and bear,” I answer.

“So you only like her for her animals?” Quincy misinterprets.

“Well not just her animals she provides plenty of help in a battle too. If her spirit wolf didn’t get wrecked at the start of every battle then who else would be there to test out the enemies’ attacks?”

“That poor wolf, Remi really needs to treat it more nicely,” Quincy says.

“I’ll recommend that she gives it meat the next time I see her.”

All doggies like meat, that shouldn’t be any different just because it's a spirit.

“Well how about Nazuko? She’s always with you so you have to have something good to say about her,” Adam claims.

“Nazuko… Hmm, is there something I like about Nazuko? I guess I like that she’s always positive and happy no matter what. When she’s around I feel uplifted by her cheerful personality and support,” I genuinely answer.

“Wow, does that mean that you actually like Nazuko the most? If so then she must have the highest chance of winning your affection right?” Quincy brings up.

I think to myself for about two seconds.

“Nah she has no chance, moving on. I think there’s plenty of things I like about Lilith, she’s probably the physically strongest person in my party so I usually feel safe around her when she’s not forcing me to train,” I comment.

“Your fake girlfriend is the strongest person in your party?” Warren questions.

“Oh yeah, one time Ryder challenged Lilith to arm wrestle and I was like 99% sure that he’d win.”

“Oh yeah I remember that time. Lilith is ridiculously strong for her build, when we arm wrestled she broke the table and sent me through the floor,” Ryder explains.

Quincy and Warren have this look of disbelief upon their faces, but I’m sure if they saw her in action they’d believe it.

“I think that’s enough about me, Quincy what do you think about the female members of your party?” I ask.

“Well I ain’t really interested in them as women, they are probably as far from womanly as possible,” Quincy remarks.

“Really kinda thought Akane was at least a little bit hot,” I say quietly to myself.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, continue what you were saying earlier.”

“Well Nerva’s fun to beat people up with and that’s pretty much about it, and Akane is Akane.”

“What does that mean?” I ask.

“You know, weird, cringy, not cool. Warren knows what I’m talking about,” Quincy claims.

Warren still has his eyes closed in the corner, but makes a mmm noise supposedly agreeing with Quincy.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Achooo!” Akane sneezes in deadpan.

“Akane you okay?” Remi asks.

“Yes, I am fine, but I felt a disturbance in the force. Someone just said I wasn’t cool.”

“Okaaay then, not gonna comment on that,” Remi says nonchalantly.

______________________________________________________________________________

“Alright there’s one more person I’m curious about, what do you think about Anastasia?” I prodded.

“Hmm, she is a nice girl, but she might be a Leninist,” Quincy answers.

“Oh boy here we go,” I sighed.

“Seriously, if you made her emperor for a day and went to sleep, then when you wake up you’d wake up to a communist regime,” Quincy exaggerates.

“I don’t think her pushing for a stronger central government would turn into communism,” I exasperated.

“At least this means that you and Anastasia have plenty to talk about, how wonderful,” Luther adds as he continues to make the sauna hotter.

“It ain’t that great,” Quincy mutters.

God it's so hot in here I think I might start to die of dehydration or worse. I think my vision is blurry and I need to step out for a bit.

“Ugh, it’s getting a bit too hot in here, can you please turn down the heat?” I ask.

“Hmm, I believe it is still not hot enough here my friends. Let’s add a bit more heat!” Luther declares.

Oh no I think Luther’s not listening again, curse his selective hearing.

“Guys I think I’m about to pass out!” Adam whines.

“Yeah, maybe it's about time we leave,” Warren says.

Warren goes up to the door and tries to open it, but it won’t budge.

“Damn, I think the heat might have melted the door hinge,” Warren tells us.

Well that’s not good we might actually die in here if we don’t get out. A few minutes pass and everyone in the room including bear and excluding Luther are now pushing on the door as hard as we can. Ryder, Warren and Quincy are pushing directly on the door and I’m pushing Quincy’s back. The bear is pushing Ryder assisting him as well.

“Umm, guys, who do I help?” Adam asks.

“Maybe help the bear?” I suggest.

“O-okay,” Adam says as he gets behind the bear and starts pushing.

“RAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRR!!!” the bear roars.

“Adam the bear doesn’t like being touched there,” Ryder tells him.

“Ugh Adam stop being a perv and touching the bear inappropriately,” Quincy denounces.

“B-but I wasn’t trying to be-”

“Adam just get behind me,” Warren instructs.

“Ok everyone push on three.”

“One. Two. Three!”

We all push with all our strength and force the door down. In hindsight I probably could have opened a portal out of there, but it was getting too hot to think. We eventually end up swapping places with the girls and finally get into the bath. I wonder what they talked about, hopefully they had a peaceful discussion.

______________________________________________________________________________

15 Minutes Earlier

So far we have been rather unsuccessful in making Akane understand what we mean when we ask whether one of the guys is hot. For some reason I feel like this girl doesn’t really understand social cues. Nazuko is still asking really sexual and perverted questions I ought to go smack her in the head for, although at this rate Azura might do it first.

“So what I really want to know is what is the secret to developing a large bust? There has to be a secret right?” Nazuko asks Azura.

“Breast Growth can be determined by many factors like weight, diet and exercise. Although most of the time it just comes down to your genetics as some girls are simply blessed more than others,” Azura answers.

“It seems that Nazuko wasn’t blessed, while I on the other hand received a blessing from the Gods,” I mocked.

“Shut up Remi, your average at best, plus no one is interested in Elf bodies,” Nazuko argues.

“You little racist dwarf!” I yelled.

“Hey that’s insulting to dwarves,” Lilith says.

“There has to be something else affecting my size. Isn’t there like a potion or magical item out there that could make me bigger?” Nazuko asks.

“Most potions with that effect are temporary at best or are at a high risk of developing side effects. Although I’ve heard of a magical herb that lies in the vineyard of Urbossa’s Valley Southwest of Dreden in the state of Oclana that can give one their ideal body if they were raised in the proper conditions. It’s only an urban legend so it’s probably not true,” Azura states.

“Then there’s a chance! I will find this herb at all costs, no matter what and then I’ll be supreme in both body and personality.”

Nazuko is wasting her time believing in urban legends like that, as if it really exists. Plus if she got her hands on it she’d still be uglier than me.

“Hah while you're wasting your time on a pointless quest like that I’ll be using the time you're away to hang out with Will,” I say aggravating Nazuko.

“Oh yeah in that case I’ll bring you along, even if I have to kidnap you in your sleep,” Nazuko threatens.

“I’ll be looking forward to the day a midget like you could even pick me up,” I insult.

We then hear the noise of a metal object falling to the floor making a large noise.

The next thing I know I hear Will’s voice coming from over the wall.

“Hey guys, can we finally switch? I don’t think our bodies can handle the sauna anymore,” Will says in a pained tone of voice.

______________________________________________________________________________

Oh thank god we finally got out of that metal death trap. The more time I spend with Luther the less I believe he’s human, you can never tell with all that armor he has on. The five of us make our way into a large hot springs area and finally settle in.

“Ooooh that feels good,” I say as I step into the waters.

“I agree, I feel my vitality being restored with every second we spend here. By the time we get out I might be able to launch two of my biggest bombs,” Ryder exclaims.

“Please don’t, at least not today. I don't want to deal with an angry Azura again,” I tell him.

To be honest I think the hot springs are a lot more relaxing than the sauna, even Warren looks like he could fall asleep at any moment here. I take a moment to relax my body as I take a look at the intricate pattern of the ring on my right hand, the large crack that ran down the middle seems to have gotten smaller.

“Hey Will aren’t you uncomfortable wearing that ring in the hot springs?” Quincy asks.

“Eh not really sometimes I forget it's even there, but I couldn’t take it off even if I wanted to. It’s kinda stuck on my finger and I can’t remove it,” I answer.

“What? Hold on Imma pull that thing right off, you just have weak hands,” Quincy remarks.

He grabs the ring on my right hand and starts to pull firmly, however it doesn’t even budge.

“Who has weak hands now?” I joke.

“Dang this thing is stuck, maybe if I use a little bit more force.”

He activates his aura and starts to pull a lot harder. He pulls so hard I think my finger might come off, but his grip slips and he falls into the pool of water.

“Ugh, curse that ring maybe we need a different approach?” Quincy suggests.

“Did you try using butter?” Warren suddenly proposes.

“Umm no? And where the heck would we get butter in a hot spring?” I say.

However the next thing I witness is Luther fly over the wall into the bath causing all the water (plus Adam) to fly up in the air.

“REJOICE MY FRIENDS FOR I HAVE BROUGHT BUTTER!” Luther yells as he makes a huge splash.

I’m not sure how Luther heard that conversation or why he has butter on his person, but I’m not going to question it.

“Where did you come from and why do you suddenly have butter?” Adam asks.

“Ah a true gentleman always has butter with him and I was also thrown out of the sauna by all the fair maidens,” Luther answers.

Oh right, I forgot he didn’t get out of the sauna when we did, that must have been an awkward conversation for them. Either way Luther spreads butter all over my ring finger and everyon tries to pull it off tug of war style. 5 seconds later and the force from everyone pulling pulls me instead of the ring and I get sent flying into the wall.

“Oww, guys I don’t think it worked the ring is still on,” I tell them while in pain.

“Dang if butter didn’t even work then that ring is stuck, sorry Will but you’ll just have to deal with it,” Quincy tells me.

For some reason I expected this outcome, but a small part of me really did believe butter would work.

You know there’s an enchantment that prevents the ring from being taken off once it's equipped by the hero.

“Why does such a stupid enchantment exist? I need my privacy every once in a while too Mythril.”

It's simply to prevent the ring from being stolen or lost. It must not fall into enemy hands. Plus a guy who asks for the breast size of women has no right to ask for privacy.

“Hey that was just a joke, I didn’t really mean it.”

Really.

“Ok, maybe I was half joking but still.”

The next thing I hear is the sound of the girls yelling as they come from the direction of the sauna.

“Ah it's too f*cking hot in there, I need to get in the bath right now,” Remi yells as she comes around the corner on fire.

“Whose great idea was it to set the sauna on fire!” Lilith yells as she’s also on fire.

Oh crap we can’t let be in the same place and bathe together.

“Code Red guys CODE RED we must evacuate the bath at once, we can’t be here together with the girls. We’re going with plan 32!” I commanded.

I immediately open a portal to get out of the hot springs, Warren uses his machete to cut a hole in the wall, Quincy also punches a hole right next to Warren. As I’m about to leave I spot Ryder riding the bear as it jumps over the wall, only Luther and Adam are left behind as they make no attempt to escape. Luther seems to not be leaving intentionally, but Adam looks generally confused as to what’s going on.

“W-wait what’s going on? Where is everybody going? What is plan 32?” Adam cries.

Adam you poor soul, I don’t even want to think about the deadly beating he’s going to receive in a few minutes. And thus ended our little hot springs adventure, I really hope we don’t have to deal with anything too painful in the upcoming days.