I was right about this date, things are going horribly. Everyone can understand Ice Cube but me and it’s pissing me off. Plus the girl just touched my hair. I can’t be too mad since she’s not from my world but you’re never supposed to touch a black person’s hair. That type of stuff causes fights. Then there’s Will’s dense ass. This boy keeps getting opportunities to pull a move on Remi yet he doesn’t. He fell onto Remi, started at her for like a minute but then just got up. Like come on man you’ve seen anime before, you know what you could’ve done! Man, it sucks being the only non oblivious person here. Anyway it’s not all bad. The food isn’t terrible, though there’s a bit more cheese than I’d like. Plus Adam and Nerva are here so things aren’t as awkward as they could be. But Adam did pull that prank on Remi which is messed up. The restaurant itself is really fancy, a lot more than I expected. Everything looks like it’s made out of gold. The seats also have nice cushions on them so sitting isn’t a pain. Doesn’t stop the emotional pain I feel from being here right now though. At least my pain is only emotional and mental, for Adam it’s been physical. The boy looks like he ate too much and is about to enter a food coma whereas Nerva looks like she’s nowhere close to stopping. She’s been eating non-stop this whole time so she must have a bottomless stomach. If I had to guess Remi is having the worst time out of all of us. She’s been complaining about the water this whole time and it looks like she’s finally had enough.

“Why is this water so nasty!? Guys, does any of your water taste funny?” Remi asks the whole table.

“Mine tastes fine.” Will answers.

“Yeah mine just tastes like water” I say.

“Ughhhh so...much ...cheese” Adam replies with his head on the table. He probably hasn’t even heard the question.

“I didn’t order water. I got some dope-ass soda. Want some?” Nerva answers, offering Remi her glass.

“..I’ll pass, what about you Anastasia?” Remi rejects, turning towards Ice Cube.

“....” Ice Cube says.

“Oh I forgot, you ordered tea. Hmm well something is amiss and I’m gonna figure it out. Waiter!” Remi calls out towards our waiter who kinda reminds me of Lilith. She looks just like her. Wait I think that’s being racist. Anyway the waiter comes over.

“Yes ma'am, what can I get you? Would you like some more water?” she asks.

Before she could answer, the waiter just poured more water into Remi’s cup.

“No stop! Listen, I have to know, is something wrong with the water here? Why is it so nasty?” Remi questions.

“I’m not sure what you mean ma’am. But if you do not like it, I'll be more than happy to get you something else.

“Ugh alright fine, just give me a soda.”

The waiter nodded and after a few minutes came back with a glass of some greenish liquid and it looked nothing like what Nerva has. The waiter sets it in front of Remi and she immediately jumps back.

“What the hell is that!” Remi angrily asks.

“It’s soda, ma’am. Go ahead and drink it. Right now. This instant” the waiter insists.

“I’m pretty sure that’s urine! What is wrong with this place?” Remi yells.

“I assure you it’s not urine. It’s. . . lime. Lime soda. Very good. It’s foreign that’s why it smells weird. Now drink it.”

“Foreign huh? Where’s it from?” Remi inquires.

“Ughh the...Elven empire?” the waiter answers like she’s unsure.

For some reason I swear I heard someone facepalm after she said that.

“Oh really? Well in case you haven’t noticed I’m an elf and I’ve never seen a drink like this growing up.”

“I don’t see race ma’am. It’s...from…..Elvenburg”

“Elvenburg? That makes no sense. That’s like calling a place Humantown. Where’s that at?”

“..It’s south west north...of the capital. Where the rich elves do rich things. Now please drink.”

“I’m not drinking this.”

“Oooh then I’ll drink it!” Nerva interjects.

We all look at Nerva with concerned looks.

“Ugh sure?” Remi warily answers, handing her the glass.

Nerva was about to drink it when suddenly it looks like her chair’s been kicked back and she drops the glass shattering it.

“Oh what the fuck?” Nerva says.

“Oh I am so sorry ma’am. How about I’ll get you another drink and bring you all your next course ok? I’ll be right back” the waiter says walking off.

“Will I think this place is out to get me.” Remi says once the waiter is out of sight.

“Ah yes there is obviously a grand conspiracy to ruin this dinner” Will agrees sarcastically.

“Shut up I’m being serious. Just think about it, that waiter has done way too many things for it to be a coincidence.”

“I think you’re overthinking it. Maybe she’s just new at her job, so cut her some slack.”

“Hmmm ok but if it turns out something is up I’m so saying I told you so. Plus I’m not paying...even with Nazuko’s money.” Remi replies.

Well that was a whole lot of stuff. Now I need to use the restroom. Ooo maybe there’s a window I can sneak out of. I could abandon this whole thing right now so I can go back to the tower and read.

“Ugh excuse me I must partake in the emptying of my..urinary tract.” I say with a fake fancy accent.

“Ah then go right on ahead good sir. May your journey prove fruitful.” Will says with his own fancy accent.

“Good luck sir Quincy esquire” Remi says joining in.

“...” Ice Cube says.

Apparently she just said something hilarious because everyone started laughing. Well except Adam and Nerva. Adam looks like he fell asleep due to eating so much and Nerva is just slow on picking up things. The poor girl still can’t read the room.

“Wait, where are you going? You gotta take a piss?” Nerva asks.

“Yep.” I say as I leave to use the restroom.

“Ahhh could have just fucking said that.” I hear Nerva grumble as I get out of earshot.

After finding the bathroom I enter it to discover that it’s as golden as the rest of the place. Even the urinals are golden, so I can literally pee on gold. I feel like there’s a metaphor or some imagery in doing that but I’m too lazy to figure it out. After peeing at the urinal I wash my hands at the sink to see that in the mirror something burst out of the stall behind me. I turned around to see that it’s Luther. Should I be happy or concerned? I’m definitely happy. Who am I kidding? I’m not even going to ask what he was doing in there.

“My friend! How goes the date?” Luther asks.

“Ugh I don’t think it’s going well.” I admit.

“GASP. Why not?” Luther asks in the most concerned voice I ever heard from him.

“Well to be honest Luther, we’ve been having communication issues”

“How so my friend? Anastasia is a great conversationalist. She can go on for hours about the issues of the day. I remember plenty of times in which she would discuss the policies of Lord Borin or criticize the job Marcus is doing as Emperor. Other times she would love to tell me about the works of literature she has read, especially poetry for she is a fan of my work.”

Literally none of this was brought up. The girl just sat there, staring at me with her unblinking eyes, then touched my hair once. Wait did Luther just say he wrote poetry?

“Wait Luther you write poetry?” I say getting distracted by this new piece of information.

“Why of course! A true gentleman partakes in the beauty that is poetry. It is also a very effective way of getting fair maidens, one of the most successful if I do say so myself.” Luther explains.

“...Can I have some copies of it?” I ask.

“Later, my friend. But for now, tell me what exactly have you and Anastasia talked about.”

Wait a minute Ice Cube and I haven’t talked about anything. Come to think of it, I don’t even think I talked to her since entering the restaurant, I focused mostly on eating my food and looking at how dense Will is in order to avoid looking at her. Dang it I feel like an a-hole now, I haven’t even tried to talk to her. But hey it’s not all my fault, because you know THE GIRL DOESN’T FREAKING TALK!

“..I haven’t said anything to her. Actually I haven’t even had eye contact with her. She got that aye-aye face going on so it’s hard to look at her directly.” I reveal.

“..My friend” Luther begins putting his hand on my shoulder.

Oh no I don’t like where this is going. I think I know what he’s about to say. Please don’t say it Luther.

“You haven’t even tried to have a good date. Imagine how poor Anastasia must feel, a fair maiden being ignored by her date. My friend, I…”

“Don’t say it Luther please”

“...am”

“NO! STOP! PLEASE DON’T SAY IT, I’LL CHANGE”

“...disappointed in you.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO! IM SORRY LUTHER I’M GONNA FIX THIS RIGHT NOW”

“Good my friend. I’ll be watching from the shadows.” Luther says as he goes back into the bathroom stall.

Wait where’s he going? I hear the toilet flush and open the door to see if he’s there. The stall is empty. Did Luther just flush himself down the toilet? I don’t have time to focus on that though, I have disappointed Luther, kind of been a jerk to Ice Cube, and haven’t finished my food, so I have to fix everything. After taking a deep breath, I rushed out of the restroom and I’m sure I just knocked a guy down to the ground when I slammed the door open but whatever I’m on a mission. I speed walk my way back to the table to hear everyone having a weird conversation.

“There’s no way you can take on 200 five year olds Will. They would swarm you immediately and you’d lose” Remi claims.

“I disagree. If I open up enough portals and we’re assuming that we’re fighting to the death, then I can send them all to the arctic or something.” Will argues.

“Nah no way. You’re just trying to sound tough. You’d lose badly against 200 armed five year olds.” Remi retorts.

“Well fine then how many can you take on?” Will asks in return.

“...hmmm 300 at the least” Remi says with a smirk.

“Nah” is all Will says.

“Oh come on you need at least an argument you can’t just say ‘nah’” Remi says annoyed

“Nah” Will says again.

“Y’all both pussies.” Nerva points out.

“Oh, are we? How many can you take on?” Remi questions.

“All of them” Nerva answers.

I have no idea what I just walked into. Why are we fighting five year olds? Like I’m down but when’s this happening? Wait I think this might be a hypothetical. Well now I have to see where this conversation goes.

“I can see it happening.” Will admits.

“Well I don’t. What makes you so confident?” Remi inquires.

“Cause I already fought five year olds back when I was five. When I was back in my first elementary I got into a fight with some asshole who stole my crayon so I knocked him out. Then some of his bitch friends got involved so I had to knock them out too. Then I was like fuck it, punch everybody. I hate learning anyway, so I fought all the five year olds in my school, teachers too. Sis saw the whole thing because she attended the same school at the time. Right, sis? It was fucking awesome!” Nerva brags.

“...” Ice Cube states.

“Oh, you were always a fucking party pooper.” Nerva mutters.

“That story doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” Remi says.

“Those poor five year olds. What about you Quincy? How many armed five year olds do you think you can take on?” Will asks.

Wait, I don’t have time to answer. I have to focus on Ice Cube, for Luther’s sake.

“No time to answer Will! I gotta do this first. ICE CUBE! I’M GONNA COMMUNICATE WITH YOU!” I reply turning straight towards Ice Cube.

“Wait who?” Remi and Will ask at the same time.

“My sis. It’s his nickname for her. It’s a dope-ass nickname. But I don’t think she likes it. I tried to call her that but she got pissed.” Nerva explains.

“...” Ice Cube shoots back.

“The fuck you mean it’s ok for him to call you that but not me?” Nerva questions.

“....” Ice Cube elaborates.

“Sis you acting fucking weird. I think I am right about that mind control” I think Nerva mutters.

I forgot about that whole mind control thing Ice Cube is probably under, but I can’t focus on that right now. Right now I gotta do Luther proud.

“We can’t communicate until I figure out what the hell you’re saying. Once I do I’m gonna bond with you so freaking hard. PREPARE YOURSELF ICE CUBE!” I yell.

I immediately grabbed her by the sides of her head with both of my hands and brought her head towards mine so that our foreheads were touching each other. If I do this then maybe her thoughts will go into my head and I’ll understand what she’s saying. I hope this works because this is my only plan.

“Come on Ice Cube, talk to me! Tell me something.” I order.

I look at her while our foreheads are still touching to see how she’s reacting to this. Her face has barely changed.

“Quincy I know you’re being lewd right now and that’s great but look at her, she’s all nervous now.” Will chides.

Her face is the same! I just looked at it! This girl hurts me.

“Yo sis you ok? I’ve never seen you blush so much it’s fucking weird stop doing that” Nerva orders.

I let go of Ice Cube’s head and now we’re just awkwardly looking at each other. Dang it my plan didn’t work.

“So what just happened?” Remi asks, all confused.

“I thought if we connected heads her thoughts would go into my head and we’d be able to understand each other.” I explain.

“So you weren’t trying to fuck my sister just now?” Nerva asks.

Ice Cube looks straight at Nerva like she’s about to kill her.

“Bitch don’t look at me like that calm down. You the one acting weird.” Nerva replies.

“Wait Nerva you do know that..mating involves more than just connecting heads right?” Remi questions.

“...Duh I fucking do. Since we all know how it works I ain’t gonna waste my time explaining.” Nerva dismisses.

Oh my god Nerva is more innocent than I thought.

“Yeah Remi we all know that it involves holding hands and they were touching heads not hands, totally different thing” Will adds.

“Wait what?” Remi says.

At this point in the conversation I stopped paying attention to Remi and Will because I’m too focused on Ice Cube. Nerva has gone back to eating because some more food just arrived so it’s essentially just me and Ice Cube right now. She’s been staring at me a lot and it hurts.

“Ugh sorry about grabbing your head out of nowhere.” I apologize.

“...” she says.

“Yeah ok” I say warily.

Her eyes are glued to me. I lean left and right and her eyes follow. Am I in trouble? I can’t tell. I wanted to bond with Ice Cube for Luther’s sake but I don’t think this is what he had in mind.

“So ugh...I heard you like talking about literature...wanna tell me about ...it?” I ask.

Her eyes somehow got even bigger upon hearing this. Like they’re wide open now. I have no idea if I’m making progress or not.

“.......” she says.

“...Yeah I like that book too. I’m more of a history guy myself. Have you read Emperor Marcus’s autobiography?”

Suddenly she starts to scoot closer to me. I’m scared now because she’s really close. I don’t know what this means. I wish Nerva could help but she’s still eating food. Remi and Will are talking about something but I don’t know what. Am I doing Luther proud right now? I hope I did enough because I can’t handle being stared at anymore.

“Can you look somewhere else now?” I ask.

She doesn't. She keeps staring. That’s it I’m ending this. To make her stop looking at me I put a napkin over her head. She leaves it on. How far can I go with this? I put more napkins on her head. Then more. Then more after that. By the time I finished there were about a dozen napkins on her head. Ice Cube kinda looks like a ghost now.

“Ugh Quincy what are you doing?” Remi asks.

“Ice Cube kept staring at me and kept acting weird so I just put a bunch of napkins on her head to make her stop. I think she’s ok.” I state.

“Wow Quincy” Will says in an insulting tone.

“Wow what? I did the natural thing...ugh fine I’ll take the napkins off.” I brugridingly say.

I take all of the napkins off and she is still staring at me like I never put them on her. I don’t know what to do now. I want to bond with Ice Cube but her staring and acting weird is making it hard. I was about to give up entirely when weird stuff started to happen on Will’s end.

“So nothing is more lewd to you than hand holding?” Remi asks.

“Yes, how many times do I have to tell you this? Hand holding is the most lewd thing two people can do.” Will restates.

“...Heh ok” Remi says with a smirk.

Then suddenly she starts to put her hand over Will’s. OHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDDD.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Will screams.

“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS” I yell out.

“God damn, Remi, you a hoe” Nerva charges with a bunch of food in her mouth

“....” Ice Cube adds.

Then our table flipped over revealing Nazuko and she looked really pissed. You’d think I’d be surprised but I’m not, makes perfect sense.

“REMI! I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D GO THIS FAR, YOU SLUT!” Nazuko yells.

“AHHHHHH!” our waitress yells.

That poor waitress, I bet she didn’t expect to see such a lewd act while working today.

“I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP! SEE WILL, I TOLD YOU! NAZUKO WAS TRYING TO RUIN THIS WHOLE DINNER!” Remi yells while still holding onto Will’s hand.

“THAT’S RIGHT! GOOD THING I DID TOO, SO I CAN STOP THIS BLASPHEMY. NOW IT’S TIME FOR PLAN Z. BIG BOMB!” Nazuko screams.

She takes out a bomb, ignites it, then runs her way out of the restaurant with our waiter. Wait I should probably run too. But the next thing I know everything explodes. I open my eyes and see that the whole restaurant is basically gone, just charred remains are left. Also I think we’re in a crater now. I look around and see that Ice Cube is in my arms. Wait, did I just shield her from the blast? When did I do that? Why did I do that? I look at Ice Cube and she is staring at me with her giant eyes. They’re bigger than ever before, I think she’s just as surprised as I am. I quickly drop her, making her plop to the ground. She gets up and continues to stare at me. Wait I have no time to be scared by Ice Cube. I gotta see what happened to everybody else. No one appears dead so that’s good. All of the other patrons just look knocked out. I also see Will and Remi get up and it seems Will protected her. Good for him man, unlike what I did with Ice Cube that can be seen as romantic. Wait I forgot Will is too dense to notice, unlike me who is not dense about anything. I look at Remi and she just has this real deadpan look on her face like she’s done with everything.

“..That’s it. We’re going to the tavern. I need a drink.” Remi says walking away from all this.

“Wait I’m going too?” Will asks.

“Yep”

“Do I have a say in the matter?”

“Nope you’re coming let’s go.” Remi says dragging him along with her.

“Ugh bye Will.” I say to him as he gets dragged off into the distance.

“Quincy save me I’m scared” he pleads.

“Nah” I replied.

Will’s gonna be fine I think. He’s just gonna have to be on the lookout for that hand holding. Oh yeah what happened to Nerva and Adam? I was about to look for them but Ice Cube pokes me on the shoulder and points me to where they are. They flew further than the rest of us. Nerva is up and about but Adam is still knocked out. I think he was still in his cheese coma so he probably has no idea what happened. Ice Cube runs up to her sister.

“I’m fine, I’m fine stop asking. Huh? Oh yeah I took this bitch and propelled us back with my fire before the bomb went off. I’m proud of Nazuko, that was a dope ass bomb.” Nerva explains.

Well I don’t know what Ice Cube said but I can piece together that she asked Nerva how she felt and why they flew so far back. Wait, does that mean Nerva protected Adam? That doesn’t sound right. Oh well I don’t care enough to find out more. Adam afterwards wakes up.

“Ugh so much cheese. Wait huh!? What just happened? Where did the restaurant go?” Adam asks, realizing his surroundings.

“Nazuko was under our table the whole time then blew up everything” I explain.

“...Now I’m even more confused,” Adam replies.

“...” Ice Cube further elaborates.

“Oh ok now I get it”

Me not understanding Ice Cube is still pissing me off. I need to get out of here, I’m pretty sure that the date is concluded once everything explodes.

“Well since everything exploded, I’m done. I’m gonna go to the bookstore to get myself a new book, head back to the tower and call it a night” I announce to everyone.

“Well, fuck. What am I gonna do now?” Nerva asks aloud.

“What do you mean?” Adam asks.

“I’m still fucking hungry” Nerva complains.

“Ugh well I think there’s food back at the tower.” Adam proposes.

“Fuck I guess, feels like a downgrade though. What about you sis where you goin?”

“....” Ice Cube answers.

“Ah so you gotta report back to Luther so you’re coming with me.” Nerva states.

Before she starts making her way back to the tower, she abruptly pulls me to the side.

“Psst my sis is defnitely under fucking mind control. She acted way too damn weird during that dinner.” Nerva tells me.

“I know right? It freaked me out. What do we do?” I ponder.

“I need to figure out more of the specifics, so I’m going to keep an eye on my sis tonight. Gotta do more of that ugh.. What’s that shit where you get like info?”

“Research?” Adam answers.

Wait when did he get into our huddle?

“Yeah that shit. I’m gonna do that science shit and figure out how to free my sis from mind control”

“Nerva I really don’t think that’s the case” Adam asserts.

“No Adam, it makes perfect sense. I can think of no other explanation besides that really stupid one you gave earlier.” I claim.

“Adam calm down I think I know when my own sis is acting weird. Right sis?” Nerva asks Ice Cube who has also joined our huddle.

Nerva’s face changes as she realizes what that means.

“..Oh fuck.” Nerva curses.

“................” Ice Cube angrily says, looking at her sister.

“Yeah I thought you were under mind control because you are.”

“....”

“What do you mean, why did I ever think that? Cause you been acting fucking weird. You never wanted to go on a date before.”

“....”

“Bitch we both know that it being a favor doesn’t explain shit. Doesn’t explain why you were acting like you wanted to go. The sis I know fought tooth and nail to not go on dates. Then during the date itself you acted weird” Nerva asserts.

“....”

“What do you mean I wouldn’t understand?”

“......”

“Well now I’m more certain than ever.”

“Anastasia I’m so sorry about this. They’re not smart when it comes to these things.” Adam interjects.

Did Adam just insult me? How dare he. I can’t stand this anymore, I’m getting out of here now.

“Look guys I’m gonna get going. Ice Cube, I hope you get over your mind control. Sorry for the awful dinner, let’s never do it again. I’m out.” I say as I depart.

“Ugh bye Anastasia, it was fun talking to you. Bye Nerva” Adam says as he begins to follow me.

“Bitch just get outta here” Nerva says.

As Adam catches up to me I hear Nerva and Ice Cube keep arguing. Well just Nerva but I’m sure Ice Cube is saying stuff in return.

“Hey Quincy isn’t this great, you and I are going to hang out. In a setting where we’re not fighting. I’m glad I have to get something from the bookstore too.” Adam says jovially, walking by my side.

“Boy you sure you couldn’t just go on your own like tomorrow or something?” I retort.

“..I don’t know where the bookstore is.” Adam admits.

“Ugh fine. Just don’t be annoying”

“But I never try to be annoying”

“Bro how are you already failing? God damnit Adam we just started too. That’s it I’m jogging there.” I say as I start to increase my pace.

“Wait Quincy no wait up for me please! I don’t wanna lose you and get lost. Quincy come back!” He calls out as he struggles to keep up.

Adam and I hanging out together, this is going to be a pain. To be honest this whole day has been painful, I can’t wait until it ends. At least Will’s having fun at a bar.