I may follow Will’s advice and do that quest he mentioned. The idea of doing one in which I can just read the whole time allures me greatly. He also said that if I do it I’m not likely to die either, so it’s a win-win. As we continue to walk towards Dragon’s Descent, I might as well tell the rest of my group what Will told me.

“Hey, guys, I just talked to Will and he said there’s an easy quest no one has accepted yet. Sounds like a good idea to claim it right?” I ask them.

“Might as well do something easy. I don’t see a problem with it.” Warren says.

“Fuck that! I wanna do some hard shit. Like, ugh, fight a fuckin’ dragon or oooooh take on the mafia.” Nerva says excitedly.

“Quincy, was that guy the first hero? Like, the one from the prophecy?” Adam questions.

“Yeah, that’s him.” I respond.

“DID YOU SEE HIS PARTY!? DOES BEING THE FIRST HERO MEAN YOU GET A PARTY ALMOST COMPLETELY FULL OF CUTE GIRLS!? CAN I JOIN THEM INSTEAD?” he screams putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Bitch, what you talking about, there’s a cute girl right here. Do you see this figure?” Nerva says drawing everyone’s attention.

She points to her little 12 year old like body in an attempt to show off. The poor girl is about as flat as a ruler. We all just look at her awkwardly.

“Oh, fuck y’all,” she grumbles, going into Dragon’s Descent.

“Ugh, changing the subject. That was really him? His armor looked a bit...off-putting” Warren states.

“Yeah I don’t know what’s up with that. I swear most of the time he doesn’t look like an evil power ranger.” I assure them.

“What’s a power ranger?” Warren asks.

I sigh. I forgot that no one in this world can understand my pop culture references. That’s kind of depressing.

“Who cares if he looks like a powder granger or whatever? Did you see the girls!? They were all sooooo cute. Like, every single one. It’s not fair. He has a freaking harem, guys. My life would be complete if just one of them talked to me” Adam declares.

“Don’t say that, Adam, you can aim higher than just having a girl talk to you.” Warren says to comfort him.

“You think I can have my own harem one day?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, buddy.”

“Oh.” Adam says dejectedly.

“Guys, let’s just go inside now. Besides I have a feeling it’s a bad idea to let Nerva be by herself for too long” I suggest.

“That is true,” Warren concurs.

We all walk into Dragon’s Descent where I see that Nerva has just won a fist fight against some other adventurer. She’s standing over the guy with bloody knuckles and is cheering.

“WOOOOOOO! GET ON MY LEVEL, HOES!” she tells the cheering audience.

“Nerva! Let’s go get the quest!” Warren calls out to her.

She notices Warren and comes to us. Now that we have everyone back together again we head to the front office where the secretary is. I talked to her before when I signed up to become an adventurer but it was just normal small talk.

“Hey, Willow, got any available quests?” Warren asks.

“Yeah, just one though. Here take a look. Also, are you growing a beard Warren? It doesn’t really suit you, you kinda look like a homeless person” she responds handing him a piece of parchment.

Warren looks a bit agitated but ignores that last comment and reads the paper.

“This must be the quest the hero was talking about. We have to go to a nearby village and exterminate a monster. Seems simple enough.” Warren tells us.

“Can we do a different quest? I’d rather not fight a monster. I don’t want to die. Can you please check if there’s a different one?” Adam asks the secretary.

“I just told you, there’s only one available.” she replies angrily.

“Yeah, but, maybe, you missed one, you know? Like, it was lost in the paper work.” Adam proposes.

“Are you saying that I’m not doing my job correctly? That I’m not capable enough to put papers in the right places?”

“N-no I-I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying stuff happens, y-you know? Can you please just check?” Adam pleads.

Willow exhales loudly, turning around in her swivel chair. She turns immediately back around.

“Nope. Didn’t find anything. That’s the only mission.” she tells us.

“B-but you didn’t really look” Adam points out timidly.

Maybe Adam wasn’t setting his goal too low when he said all he wanted was a cute girl to talk to him. Because it seems that every conversation he has with a female ends with said female becoming angry. Maybe I should intervene before Willow kills him.

“So, Warren, what is this creature we got to kill?” I ask.

“Doesn’t say. You know anything Willow?” he inquires.

“Nope we have no idea. The reports haven’t told us. But we do know it’s not something serious so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I mean look at the reward. If it was something serious it would be more than just 250 gold right?” she mentions.

250 gold? That sounds kinda low in order to exterminate a monster. With the four of us we would be getting 62.5 gold coins each. If a single gold coin equals one dollar (curses I can’t figure out the exact exchange rate here without doing more research) then each of us would be getting just a little bit more than 60 dollars, that doesn’t sound like it’s worth it since we’re putting our lives on the line. Then again, Will and Willow are saying it would be an easy adventure and I could read during it so I personally don’t mind.

“You’re not lying to me are you, Willow?” Warren asks in a concerned tone.

“Nope. I would never. You calling me a liar?” she responds immediately.

Oh no, now Warren and Willow are staring each other down. Great, now the secretary is angry at two people in our group. I was about to say something to try to ease the tension but Nerva talks before I get the chance.

“Guys, what the hell is happening? I can’t fucking see.” Nerva intervenes.

I look down and oh my god she’s too short to look over the secretary’s desk. The desk is slightly taller than her so she’s been looking up at Warren this whole time. I want to laugh so hard right now.

“It’s nothing, Nerva. Come on, guys, let’s go and get this quest over with.” Warren tells us.

“You sure? I can knock this bitch out for you.” Nerva offers.

“Nerva, please do not do this again. I’m getting tired of calling Armstrong over every time we interact.” Willow says annoyed.

“Well, if you let me kick your ass, we would be past this. I can’t help it if your resting bitch face is very punchable. That is, when I can see it anyway.” Nerva proclaims.

“It’s fine, let's go. We need to get our gear and a carriage. It’ll take us about a day to get there so we need to leave asap” Warren orders.

Everyone starts to leave but I lag behind. I feel like I need to apologize. I’m sure Willow was just doing her job.

“Hey, sorry about all that.” I tell her.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad someone is finally doing that quest,” she says.

I was about to leave feeling good about the situation--but then Nerva rushed back in.

“Oh, and your desk is still ugly as shit, fuck you!” she says flipping her off.

Jesus Christ, Nerva just ruined the moment. I just leave without saying another word with Nerva following me. For gear, we went to a local blacksmith and nothing interesting happened. Turns out that since our group consists of two magicians and a monk, we don’t really need weapons. Warren bought himself a sword which I swear is just a machete, and a short dagger which he gave to Adam. He told Adam to use it as a last resort to defend himself. Adam looked horrified holding it.

Then we went to a potions shop and we let Adam buy the needed stuff since magic is more of his thing. I didn’t go inside because I think that’s the same potion shop I stopped at during my awkward poo adventure. Adam came back and he had a bunch of healing and stamina potions. Now we are on our way to get a carriage to take us to who knows where when I see an artisan. Maybe I should commemorate my first adventure. Seems like something worth doing.

“Hey guys we should have that artisan make a painting of us. You know where I come from there is this ritual where we do the most fabulous pose we can do to ensure good luck on our future endeavors. We should have the artisan paint the moment.”

“Sorry, Quincy, but we really don’t have the time for that--we have to get going” Warren tells me.

“I don’t think I’ll do it right, so yeah, let’s not do that” Adam agrees.

“Sounds fucking stupid” Nerva chimes in.

I have never felt so disappointed in my life. I may hate these people. Real friends pose with each other. A carriage eventually arrives and Warren tells the driver where we’re going. We proceed to get on to start our adventure.

The carriage journey wasn’t very interesting. During the journey Warren told us we’re heading to a small poor village in the boonies called Midmond. It has a really small population, like, it only has about 250 people in it. Most of the surrounding area is farmland. Sounds a lot like the first village I came across when I first arrived here. We arrived at Midmond the next day to discover that poor wasn’t an apt term to describe it. We get off the carriage and I see there’s no roads. It’s literally just dirt and mud. The buildings themselves are really run down with some places looking like they are about to collapse. Some buildings don’t even have roofs. This place reminds me of Detroit.

“Wow. This village looks like it’s seen better days.” I say out loud to no one in particular.

“No, this place has always looked like this. Actually, I think they’ve added a building or two.” Warren remarks.

“Aw man, I already stepped in mud--my shoe is ruined. . .” Adam complains behind us.

“This place is fucking awesome! Look at all the dirt. This is some hardcore shit right here!” Nerva praises.

“You all must be adventurers, about time you showed up,” said a voice.

Wait, where did that come from? We all look around but don’t see anyone.

“Hey guys I found a kitty. Aw, you’re so cute, Mr. Kitty. Do you know who called out to us hmm?” Adam says in a baby voice.

I would judge him, but I’m the same way around my dogs--so, eh, I won’t insult him over this.

“Why of course I do. I’m the one who said it,” said the cat.

“AH!” Adam screams, jumping back.

Ok, so we got a talking cat. Going off of Adam’s reaction, I’m willing to bet that’s not a normal occurrence in this world.

The cat clears its throat and continues,

“As you can see, this is quite a bizarre situation I’m in. I’m mayor Joel of Midmond. We are happy that someone has finally arrived to take care of our monster problem.”

“No problem, mayor cat, we’re here to help.” I say trying to roll with whatever is happening right now.

“Why thank you. As you can see, I am not supposed to be a cat. The Yero has caused nothing but trouble for our poor village. Everyone’s souls have been swapped. Parents are now their children, children are now their parents. Men are now women, chickens are now dogs, dogs are now birds, birds are now flies. It just keeps going on and on.” the cat mayor explains.

“Wait, a Yero, in this part of the empire?” Warren questions.

I don’t really know what’s happening right now but I’m just going to nod at everything being said to make it look like I understand.

“Why, yes. We were as surprised as you are. It caught us completely off guard. We’ve never seen one before, so we didn’t know that we should have ran away.” the cat mayor divulges.

“Guys, what’s a Yero?” Adam asks.

Thank you for your ignorance Adam, now I can stop pretending.

“It’s a monster that’s native to Zefren. I’ve never seen one myself, but apparently it attacks by soul swapping two creatures within its blast. While its prey is confused, it attacks.” Warren explains.

“That sounds cool as shit! I wanna change places with a fucking dragon. I’ll then be a dragon plus Nerva…...a fuckin’ Derva!” Nerva proclaims with a wide grin.

“Wait, how many people has this thing killed?” I ask the mayor cat.

“Hmm, no one actually. It blasted us and then ran away. It’s now just roaming next to the church/school/hospital/tavern.” the cat states.

“You have all of those things right next to each other?” I inquire.

“No, it’s all one building.”

Wow, this is a whole new level of poor. When I get back home, I’ll never complain about being middle-class ever again.

“Ugh why does this place look like a ghost town?” Adam questions as he starts to inch closer to Warren. Probably for safety.

“Everyone’s hiding. We do not want to get our souls swapped again. I’m lucky to be a cat. Imagine if I swapped with an ant. No one would want an ant as mayor. Now, go, adventurers. The church/school/hospital/tavern is not too far away. It’s the largest building in the village,” the cat ordered.

I look up and I can see what the cat’s talking about. I see a large but run down church in the distance. We started to move over there and as we walked a tumbleweed passed by. Well, if that doesn’t signal an incoming showdown, I don’t know what will. We are now in front of the church and the creature is nowhere to be found.

“Maybe we got lucky and it ran away. That way we don’t have to fight, isn’t that great?” Adam hopes but his hopes are immediately destroyed as a loud wailing sound came from the large church.

Jesus, that’s loud. Sounds like a dying cat or something.

“Alright, time for a badass bitch to kick some ass. Come on, Adam, let’s fuck this thing up!” Nerva claims as she shoves Adam forward.

“Wait! We need to kill this thing from a distance, come back!” Warren calls out as he runs to prevent them from opening the church’s front door.

But it’s too late as a blue energy beam bursts out of the doors enveloping Adam and Nerva. Warren jumps back preventing him from being caught in the blast.

“Nerva! Adam! You guys ok?” I call out.

It looks like Warren had nothing to worry about as Adam and Nerva got up unscathed.

“Oh that fucking thing is going to pay!” exclaims Adam.

Wait, Adam? That’s not his line.

“Am I dead? Please tell me I’m dead. I’m so scared,” whimpers Nerva.

The hell is happening right now. I was confused for a bit but then the answer hit me like a truck. Their souls have been swapped. Ok, it looks like this quest isn’t going to be so simple after all. Looks like I won’t be able to read while doing this. I hope Will is having a better time than me.