《Gerald the Dungeon Companion》Always knock before entering

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Gerald woke up from his second nap feeling mightily refreshed. His hunger and thirst have also been satiated with the diminutive fairy rarely ever getting to indulge himself in the sin of gluttony. He would’ve actually drank more beforehand, if not for the jerky/brick that was still ridiculously tedious to process and of which sat so heavily in his stomach.

He was starting to suspect that the jerky itself was designed to be some kind of incapacitating weapon. The sight of his heavy and distended stomach gave credence towards his theories and left him concluding that he wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry soon.

Then there was the issue with his whole-pink-cake, it just didn’t seem right without the hole in its centre that it had sported in its previous iteration. Gerald had to agree that the baker was onto something with hole being an intentional design feature rather than flaw, for without the hole the pink-cake just seemed to require a few chews too many.

Next time I ask frae the pink yon, I’l make sure ta leave in ta hole. But maybe I should’a have a wee peak in ta ring for something better ‘an ta blasted jerky.

His musings were then quickly pushed aside as the copious amounts of cider inside his body demanded to be release after his aged liver and kidneys filtered most of it.

Not really wanting to leave his bed but feeling that relieving himself in it was quite disgraceful, Gerald harrumphed before getting out from under his covers.

He did play with the idea of just exposing his tonker and weeing off the side of the bed, but decided against it in the end considering his bladder now had poor pressure and wasn’t what it used to be.

It was more likely that he would dribble down onto his new mattress then actually shoot off anywhere.

He walked a few steps away from the tiny clearing that housed his bush and Silky before rounding the bole of a large and menacingly purple mushroom-tree, where he started relieving himself.

It was quite the long session that left Gerald quite tempted to rest a hand on the mushroom whilst peeing, but decided that the comfortable stance wasn’t worth getting potentially poisoned.

With a satisfied grunt and a few shakes to empty his water-gun, Gerald then headed back.

Silky was currently cycling between the dim and bright states that he was starting to believe was some form of meditation or else was just her being busy. But looking past her and at his bush gave him something new to worry about.

For his refruiting ability, as miraculous as it may be, still relied on his bush having fruits. Apparently he had died too many times recently and exhausted this bush’s current stock of fruit. It would regrow with time, but it meant that Gerald would have to take it easy or else he would have to refruit somewhere else.

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There was also the option of him just waiting to be refruited here within his very own version of purgatory where he would be in some form of stasis. The method did have the benefit of de-aging his body and was akin to having a very long nap, but one that gave him a very unsettling feeling and caused the fairy to start losing track of time.

Gerald had grown tired of living once and just kept staying in the darkness, not wanting to be reborn. But it was just so depressing and boring whenever he did so. He had then left his little slump with the added benefit of having a spry young body and decided to live a shitty life rather than hiding away within nothing.

So with his fruiting situation in mind he decided that it would more prudent to avoid seeking out creatures for now and to just take it easy or else to just kick back and relax for the time being.

But with his newfound opulence of owning a bed and having a unlimited supply of food and drink came with its own dangers, one that highly tempted Gerald. But even if he had never been very active by nature, he always tried to keep himself in a reasonable yet slightly disappointing shape and decided that it would be for the best if he worked off the jerky with a small little donder to go plant picking.

Silky was currently still developing her first little level and it would be good to introduce some green vegetation. Or else otherwise he’d be stuck looking at all these phallic and glowing mushroom-trees for all eternity and Gerald was starting to get a headache from his private little never-ending-light-show.

Deciding to just leave the kid be, he headed out without a word.

He flicked his gossamer-like wings a few times which prompted another rogue fart before revving it up fully and lifting himself off the ground. This time he stuck to the ceiling so as to avoid touching any of the numerous mushrooms that littered the place.

Gerald quickly found that flying by the ceiling had proven to be the right choice, as he was able to avoid all of the mushrooms, but if he could abuse the fact then any flying invader could do the same.

Better tell ta kiddo to fix tha, he thought to himself before remembering that he had forgotten to ask for his own private little secret route in and out of the dungeon.

Up ahead he spied a suspiciously familiar little clearing within the canopy that caused the fairy to swerve to the side and avoid it. For Gerald would rather be damned than let those creepy Shrools stare at him again.

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The rest of his journey through the budding dungeon was highly uneventful with his flight that terminated by the entrance being even longer than before.

Before leaving he did check up on his very own little Flenemon, only to find the black little monster to be tucking in its arms and having seemingly grown slightly larger. From experience Gerald quickly came to the conclusion that it was digesting a meal and was very likely that the thing had already started to put in some work and had captured something that had attempted to invade the dungeon.

He felt like a disappointed father who’s kid had finally gotten a job.

Not particularly worried of the monster in its current state, Gerald then flew down to have a closer look.

He was quite impressed to find that amongst its five furled-up tentacles was a budding little sixth one and that the creature already had a second eye that it currently kept shut.

The monsters accelerated growth was impressive to say the least and one that he couldn’t just attribute to it being inside a dungeon. For it had already eaten himself who was level a hundred or so of which would’ve supercharged its levelling, but it also kept feeding itself and finding its own food.

The entrance to the dungeon must be quite the spot for it to settle considering it was a static predator that relied on trapping prey with its tentacles.

But Gerald knew that if it didn’t grow fast enough or if Silky didn’t make it into a boss, sooner or later something would come along and kill his Flenemon.

Gerald was starting to feel a sense of attachment to the thing as soon as he started to worry for its mortality, it was starting grow on him like some morbid pet.

He silently wished the monster good luck before flying up into the air and squatting out a few lumpy turds before heading off into the cave.

His disgusting bomblets served to wake up the sleeping monster that quickly sending it thrashing about in impotent fury, the sight of which left Gerald in a delighted mood.

Gerald quickly then touched down onto his familiar little landing-zone before quickly walking off towards the nearest little orange weed. It was the exact some weed he had taken a few leaves to using as packaging previously.

Wanting to take the weed back with him, Gerald quickly came upon a few problems. It was slightly too large and its was firmly rooted into the ground. He could pull it apart and leave himself a little stub and dig up the roots to then transport what he needed, but that sounded like too much of a hassle to him even as he thought up the idea.

Gerald quickly wondered if the weed would be sporting some seeds up above in its branches and leaves. So he buzzed his wings once to lazily lift himself upwards whilst scratching his distended belly.

Flitting past a the first batch of low hanging leaves that concealed the upper layers of the weed, Gerald was met with a horrendous sight.

For hanging off one of the higher branches were two sinuous Splines intertwined together whilst hanging off a tendril of mucus. The snake-like variant of the common Slime were currently carrying out what seemed to be some private yet obscene mating ritual, once that was full of slimy secretions.

Then as Gerald was captivated in abject horror and fascination, the two creatures inflated some large and white phallic organ beside their heads which then in turn also intertwined with each other.

As if on cue the fleshy chandelier then proceeded to spin and pirouette in the air before fanning out into a mesmerizing fleshy flower of brown and white.

Finally feeling like he had seen enough, Gerald was about to turn around and beat it but a sight caught his eye and halted his retreat.

For up high above through the canopy of the weed were some corn-like stalks that bent downwards as they were laden with heavy seeds.

“You’re shitting me,” me complained to himself for he would have to fly distressingly close to the horrendously procreating Splines.

He steeled his resolve before deciding to fly upwards.

But before he even got anywhere close to flying past the mating pair, they began to explosively eject slimy white eggs all over the place which quickly plastered all over the naked Gerald.

“EurggghggAHHHH! ORRGGGHHHHWHATTAFUCK?!!!!” shouted the fairy in disgust as he looked down upon himself to find the disgustingly wet eggs coating him all over. Yet as he complained more and more eggs kept getting ejected into the surroundings.

“Would ya fucking-“ he started before another egg splattered into his waiting mouth.

Spitting out the putrid projectile before yelping in disgust, Gerald then shot up into the canopy before fleeing back home.

Een his hasty retreat, Gerald did not forget to quickly snatch himself a handful off the orange stalks as he continued to wipe himself free of Spline eggs in disgust whilst cursing heavily.

For right now, the fairy wish he could just die and refruit.

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