Chapter 29

Nightmares.

Damien Reyes.

Time/Area: July 16th, 2013. NYC.

You blame me. NOT MY FAULT. I was hungry..I.. Don’t need to feel sorry! That is not my emotion. Why do I feel..apologetic?

Ringer wants to see Parents?

Then DIE.

I don’t..understand you. You fight constantly for no reason? I see your memories. They are like glass. But I cannot…live?

No.

Co-exist with you. So rarely do our interests align, you are impossible to handle. This liquid coursing through your veins makes it impossible for me to take control.

I am the…essence… of fear. I am the most powerful emotion. My only goal is to feed. To feed on others' fears; To plow through their mind and rip out my food until there is nothing left.

Why have you…disrupted my goals?!

ThiS wAS sUppOSed to bE MY BODY!!! You…were supposed to be just a COPY. So why..am I HERE?! My…body is now a husk because of that…RINGING.

You cannot…steal my…power like thiis.

Stop…yelling at me for YOUR mistakes? Haha… I am stuck with you…pathetic…person. Why…do I..still feel…s o r r y

-

I jolted upwards, sending splashes of water out in every direction as I frantically looked around.

I was still in the tub.

“Uh,”

I whipped my head to my left to see Jason standing by the door, sleep evident in his eyes,

“I was wondering what was taking you so long..” He breathed, yawning.

I wiped the sleepiness out of my eyes and brought a hand through my black curls, my mind running in an endless loop as I tried to recall what just happened.

I groaned, not being able to do anything but give myself a headache,

“How long was I out?” I asked, reaching under the lukewarm water to feel the bruises on my legs.

The pain was… completely gone.

Jason let his head fall back into the door-frame,

“Uh, well I fell asleep ” He recounted, “And..now it’s four in the morning.”

I coughed,

“Crap,” I breathed, eyeing the white towel I had originally brought next to me on the ledge of the tub. The clothes I had changed out of were next to the towel. “Okay…I-I’ll be right out.”

He only nodded, his head clearly elsewhere as he went back to his bed.

The door closed with a click.

I stared at my palms, a weird sense of claustrophobia passing over me. I felt trapped. It was painfully ironic, seeing as this…thing was trapped inside me, but I still hadn’t asked for any of this.

Why have I…disrupted its goals?

Why the heck did monsters even have goals?

How the heck did monsters even have goals?!

Was this even my life anymore?

Frustration overwhelmed me as I clenched my raised hands, balling the shared limbs into fists so tight that my veins showed.

‘Why do I feel apologetic?’

Screw that.

Killer.

I tried to take a deep breath, trying to block out those echoes from the dream so I could focus on actually leaving the bathroom.

It was no use. Even as I stood up, drained the tub, and wrapped my towel around me, I couldn’t stop hearing it. I looked down at my stomach after bundling up my clothes in one hand, glaring at the soaked bandages that covered my torso.

I felt no pain stemming from them, and for some reason, I absolutely hated that.

I gritted my teeth absently, tearing off the wrappings with my free hand before I realized I was doing it. I tossed the useless material into a bin next to the sink, analyzing my body for any remnants of a wound. There was none; just my usual tannish brown skin with a monster’s eight pack.

I exited the bathroom, cool air whisking over my skin as I felt my toes scrape over the feather-like bristles of the carpet floor. Jason was on his bed, looking at his phone instead of sleeping,

“By the way,” Jason started, “I only woke up because I thought I heard you talking..?”

I scratched my head, “Bad dream… I think,”

He raised his eyebrows, looking up as the light from his phone reflected off the green of his eyes, “Was it the..monster?”

I slowly nodded, remembering what I told him, “I-I should probably need to write down what he said..” I admitted, knowing that ignoring it wouldn’t help anyone.

“Wait,” Jason coughed as I went into my closet, raising his voice slightly so I could still hear him. “It spoke to you?”

“Yeah.” I matched his volume from within the massive closet, throwing my used clothes into a plastic, see-through laundry bag leaning against a mass of hangars. There were brand names in this room that I didn’t think anybody owned within a quarter mile.

After finding some sleepwear [Sports shorts/White T-shirt], I left the closet space, heading over to my nightstand. I checked within its black cabinets, conveniently finding a stack of notebook paper and a box of pens. I wondered how long they had been sitting here before someone actually moved into this room. If I was Mrs. M, I wouldn’t be able to stand all this space.

I brought out a sheet of paper and one of the pens. My mom always told me that if I wanted to remember what I dreamed, I had to write it down on paper, and I guessed that that was no different from monster voices in your brain.

Jason had walked over to my nightstand, and was reading my “Dream” from over my shoulder while I wrote it.

“That’s…. very disturbing.” He muttered as I finished. My hands trembled as I re-read it over and over again. I had omitted some words that I wasn’t sure were truly said, since the parts of myself that I still controlled were telling me all sorts of things by now, but the basics of it still shook me.

Jason saw my worried expression, clearing his throat,

“How about we both sleep?” He suggested, walking back to his bed.

“Good idea.” I mentally agreed, crumpling the small sheet before tossing it into a trash bin next to the nightstand.

-

Once I got into my bed, the main light was off and Jason’s bed lamp was the only illumination in the room. It made Jason’s side of the room glow while my side appeared to linger in darkness. Kind of fitting, seeing as what...I was now. Let the human stay on his side. Shut up.

Jason was laying down underneath his sheets, tossing a play-ball into the air by 13 inches before catching it again with one hand.

Jason caught the ball once more, sitting up after doing so,

“Um, Damien?” He quizzed.

I looked at him, “Hey.”

“I know you’re...we’re… dealing with a lot..but could you just explain how the funeral will work? No point in uh…delaying the conversation.”

I sighed, nodding.

I explained everything I knew about it- from the memorial service, to the graveyard service.

After I was finished Jason gave a half smile. It was ridiculously fake, but I didn’t need to be his best friend to know that it meant Our-Life-Sucks.

“Thanks,” He said, “D-do you want to help me with unpacking tomorrow?”

I laughed, a sound that was just as empty as Jason’s smile, “You mean today? Sure.”

Jason’s half smile became full, but I couldn’t tell how authentic it was, “Yea... after we sleep more.”

He turned off his lamp, both of us turning away from each other before quickly falling asleep.

-

You.

I blinked, but I didn’t know how, since I was still very much asleep. I looked around, but everything was black.

My eyes were closed, that much I knew, but then how was I seeing?

I tried to look down to see myself, but it felt like everything there was distorted. I felt like I was in an intense lucid dream, stuck within some eternal void of darkness.

Except, when I thought about myself dreaming within a dream too much, I usually woke up. That wasn’t happening now.

Suddenly, straight from what I assumed was the up direction, The monster dropped down in front of me. No sound was emitted from its fall, and I wasn’t even sure what we were standing on was even solid, but it definitely was here.

It was only as tall as me for some reason, but that didn’t make me any less intimidated. Like a dream though, I didn’t feel…shocked at its arrival. It seemed scheduled, set in stone, almost like the thing had been here the whole time.

It was completely bare, every muscle on his body tearing through its white skin as it’s bald head sported a pair of glowing red eyes and weirdly clean teeth.

I gritted mine upon seeing him,

“You!” I yelled, my voice resounding through my brain in echoes. It was like I was trying to speak underwater.

It winced, which was a very weird sight,

“What.”

“What?” I boiled with anger, “WHAT?! You killed my parents is what!”

He looked down for some reason, as if it cared. I couldn’t believe I was talking to this thing. I just wanted to…rip it into pieces.

“Not… my fault!” The monster yelled in defense, crouching down on its knees and cradling itself.

I was even more confused. It was like it was an entirely different pers-monster. It was a monster.

“Y-yes it is!” I yelled walking towards it, “It’s ALL your fault!”

Suddenly, it sprung up, growing at least three human heads taller than me,

“I NEEDED TO FEED!” It walked closer, causing me to back up, fear beginning to consume me as I felt my head swim with pain.

It raised it’s spike-arm as if to stab me, but instantly stopped, retracting its arm in what I felt to be regret. It hadn’t stabbed me, but was that…my blood dripping from its arm?

More pain.

“UGH!” It shouted, blood and pain disappearing instantly like a poorly timed commercial break, “I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry.”

I watched it repeat itself, the ocean of pain ripping through my brain beginning to thin out into a consistent river of…feelings?

I was feeling…regret?

No, I wasn’t. I couldn’t be.

Then why… Why did I feel sorry?

I glanced at the creature in front of me, watching in realization as it paced this infinite void, muttering words that were somehow both loud and quiet at the same time.

Was I feeling his emotions?

Was it a he or an it?

I gulped.

Or was it a she and it was just that ugly.

“HE!”

I took another step back,

“Did I say that out loud?” I wondered. What even was ‘out loud’ here?

I suddenly groaned as images flooded my head that I hadn’t seen before.

The only one I recognized was the picture of my parents; their motionless, singed bodies.

Eyes wide open in fear- That was the last expression they ever made.

I couldn’t help but try and scream. How many times would I have to see that. How long would it take whatever was doing this to me to be satisfied?!

“Just stop!”I shouted at him.

The images disappeared instantly.

‘Sorry!” It shouted, the noise blasting through me like a tidal wave as its form seemed to grow another foot. It shrunk back to my height, taking a step back from me this time,

“I mean..no I’m not..I’m just...ARRRGH! I have no need for you to… suffer… as long as I am fed.”

I looked at him, beginning to feel a bit dizzy as I tried to process what was in front of me.

What did this mean? The monster’s thoughts seemed just as confused as mine. It was like its whole nature was being changed...by my brain. Was that a good thing? Was it trying to be nice or something?

I didn’t want it to.

I didn’t want to feel any less angry at the monster.

Did I?

I couldn’t help but stare into the thing’s eyes, no longer able to feel fear or hate anymore.

It matched my gaze perfectly, its eyes seeming to pierce my soul. Maybe they were.

It wasn’t…fair.

“I hate you. I’ll kill you. I hate you. I’ll kill you.”

Empty promises.

“I’m not sorry. Not my fault. I’m not sorry. Not my fault. I’m not sorry.”

Broken Lies.

You can’t kill me if you don’t want to kill me.