Chapter 33: Wolly’s Crunkets

“Sehn, ignore him!” Cah’lia screeched. Once again her foolish brother had opened his stupid mouth, and now Sehn’s life was in danger. It wasn’t the boy’s fault, he was only seven. Yet, Nero was really going to have to learn what not to say in front of Sehn.

They’d awoken earlier than usual, intent on getting a move-on. The way down was proving to be significantly easier than the climb up, and just a few hours after setting out, they’d made it halfway down the other side of the mountain.

The trip down continued in a steady descent, which they carefully treaded for most of the day. Now, however, there was a gap. The path running along the leaf-covered dirt ended in a narrow cliff, with a somewhat steep drop. They needed to find an alternate route down.

Cah’lia’s feet crunched on the twigs and leaves as she walked over to Sehn. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please, Sehn, just ignore him.”

“I will NOT ignore him, Foo’lia,” Sehn growled. “My disciple has just said, and I quote. ‘Hey, Sehn, I bet you can’t jump down there and land on your feet.’ Hah! I shall jump down, climb back up, and then jump down yet again!”

This wasn’t going to end well, things with Sehn never did. Cah’lia tried to reason with him, but as usual his inflated ego caused him to ignore anything she said. She gripped his shoulder tighter, enough to cause pain, and he spun around to face her. “Ouch! What gives?”

“You’re not jumping down there, Sehn. No way, that’s ridiculous. You’ll break both your legs.”

“Bitch please. The Great Sehn’s legs cannot be broken. The moment I land, energized greatness shall envelope each of my bones, forming a protective cocoon around my lower body.”

“Oh yeah? Then how come you almost broke them when you jumped off that building in Koringrath?”

“I already told you, I was simply seeing if—”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard the story a million times. Look, we’re finding an alternate path, and that’s that.”

Sehn muttered something under his breath, and Cah’lia chose to ignore it. If she had to drag the Elf she would. She marched over to Nero, and grabbed his ear, tugging on it. “From now on keep your mouth shut, you silly boy,” Cah’lia whispered. He cried out, throwing weak child-punches at her abdomen which served as nothing more than an annoyance. She tugged harder.

“Rina knows what Nero said was stupid.” Cah’lia smiled at her, and Rina smiled back. She was becoming more and more of a joy to be around. She was smart, curious, and Cah’lia grew closer to her each day. Cah’lia and the little Human were inseparable.

It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for. Veering just off to the left, under a series of arched trees, Cah’lia spotted a small opening. There was a small circular crack in the tough stone of the mountain. It wound down into a series of descending boulders, letting out into the gap below them.

“This way,” she said. “Be careful going down, and make sure you don’t fall.”

Nero pulled away from her, and peered into the small opening. “Whoa, this is so cool! It’s like a staircase made of rocks. I bet I can jump down two at a time.”

The words left the boy’s mouth before Cah’lia could stop them. Sehn was quick to one-up him. “Oh? Then in that case, I shall jump six at a time.”

“Neither of you is jumping any at a time!” Cah’lia snapped. “You’ll both follow me, and carefully go down one at a time. Nice and slow, until we get down all of them. If either of you tries to show off, even just a little bit, you’re getting a beating.”

It amazed Cah’lia just how well she was shifting into a commanding role. She was firm when she needed to be, and while Sehn gave her grief at every turn, he always ended up listening to her. In fact, Cah’lia was probably the only person in Sehn’s life that he actually obeyed, the thought of which filled her with conflicting emotions. Lately, it seemed she was growing some type of power over Sehn, something that made her feel both affection and heartache toward him.

“Let’s just go,” Sehn grumbled. “But let it be known, that had Nero and I contested, I surely would have emerged the victor.” Cah’lia narrowed her eyes on her little brother. Squinting, she gave him the fiercest look of warning she was able. He wisely chose to remain silent.

Cah’lia led the way, ducking under the small opening, and crawling into the darkened crack in the mountain. She looked behind to make sure they were following. Aside from the sounds of her hands and feet crawling along the brown rock, she could hear Nero and Rina giggling.

“Rina saw that,” the girl giggled. “Rina saw Sehn look at Cah’lia’s butt.”

There was an explosion of denial, with Sehn swearing his innocence up and down. Cah’lia was glad she was facing away, or they’d see her blush.

So, she thought with a hidden grin. Sehn likes to take peeks, does he?

She wiggled as she crawled, hoping it would cause Sehn to feel a bit of unease. He deserved to be teased a bit, for all the trouble he’d put her through since they’d left Elvar.

They only crawled for a short while, before exiting the small tunnel and arriving at the first gap. It was only about ten feet below them, easy enough to drop down without much trouble. Nero was right—it really did resemble a natural staircase made of giant rocks.

Cah’lia hopped down, and landed softly on her feet. When it came to alacrity, Cah’lia was unrivaled. She held out her arms to catch Rina. “It’s okay, don’t be afraid.” The girl hopped down to join her, giggling when she landed in Cah’lia’s arms. “All right, Nero, you’re next.”

“No way,” he said.

Cah’lia argued back and forth with Nero, the boy refusing to let her catch him, swearing that she was insulting his dignity.

“Move!” Nero demanded. Cah’lia shrugged and took a step back. Nero jumped, and landed with a thud on his feet, falling forward and scraping his knees. He looked up, and his lips quivered.

Here he goes, Cah’lia thought with a sigh.

“Owwww!” he cried, tears falling down his face. “W-why did you l-let this happen, owwww,” he wailed. “Cawiah, it huurrtss.”

“Quit being such a baby,” Sehn growled. “You’re my disciple, not some wimp. Back up, Cah’lia.” Sehn leaped into the air, twisting into a spin, before landing exactly the same was as Nero. He fell forward, and scraped his own knees.

“Fucking hell!” he shouted. “You provoked me to do this! Gods, it fucking hurts!”

Cah’lia shrugged again, and refused to console either one of them. It served them right for being such stubborn idiots. What was worse was that they repeated similar incidents the entire way down. Each time Cah’lia begged them to let her help, and each time they refused. They laughed at her and then cried out in pain when they scraped their knees, or bruised their ankles. Sehn didn’t shed any tears, but by the time they got to the final rock, he held a look of relief.

“All right, let’s keep going. Here,” Cah’lia said, reaching into her bag and passing Nero a tube of ointment. “Put this on your knees.”

“D-do it for me,” he pleaded. His eyes were drying from the tears, leaving small red marks behind on his boyish face.

“No, Nero. You made your own stupid choices, so now you put on your own ointment. Quit being a baby.”

“S-Sehn, will you—”

“Fuck that! How dare you even ask me that, Nero? You’re lucky I don’t increase your torture sessions to four per day for that unmanly display of tears.”

Cah’lia tuned out the two idiots, still bickering behind her. As long as they kept up they could argue all they wanted. Rina remained by her side, holding her hand and pointing out many of the weird-looking animals that lived on the mountain. There were large cats similar to lions, but with the horns normally seen on bulls. There were round purple birds, with snouts instead of beaks.

Around mid-day the slope evened out into a flatter surface. Within another hour, they’d finally be gone from the mountain, and from there it would only be a day’s travel to Hahl. It would normally take a few hours, but they’d left the horses behind. Not that they’d have been able to get the beasts up the mountain at any rate.

The sound of feet kicking leaves grew louder, and Cah’lia moaned once again at the stupidity of the two boys. Sehn and Nero were apparently engaged in some kind of leaf-kicking war, seeing who could kick as many and as far in a single swipe. As the dirt came closer and closer to her back with each violent kick, she gripped her hands into fists and whirled around on them.

“If you two fools kick any of that dirt on me, well, trust me you don’t want to find out what’ll happen.”

They laughed at her, but at the same time they offered each other nervous glances. Good, let them try and play off their fear as laughter. Her patience was wearing thin for Sehn and her stupid brother. Rina looked up at Cah’lia, and tugged on her sleeve. “What is it, Rina?”

“What is that noise, Mistress Cah’lia?”

“What noise, Rina?” Cah’lia knelt down to meet her eyes, confused. She hadn’t heard anything.

“Rina hears something, from over that way,” she pointed, “it sounds like yelling.”

At this Sehn and Nero stopped kicking dirt, and huddled next to Rina to find out what the girl was on about. “Who’s yelling?” Nero asked.

“Rina has very good hearing,” the girl said with pride. “There’s someone yelling over that way.”

Cah’lia looked where she was pointing, through a series of trees that ran parallel to the western rock-face of the mountain. Cah’lia followed along the path, sliding her hand to her leather-hide pants, and gripping the dagger at her side. This wasn’t the type of place people visited often, and Cah’lia wasn’t willing to take any chances.

They followed along the path, and eventually Cah’lia could hear it too. It was a high-pitched voice, screaming something that sounded like a cry for help. Cah’lia turned her walk into a run, looking behind her to make sure the other two were following along. She didn’t have to worry about Rina. Wherever Cah’lia went, Rina was always by her side.

They came across a small clearing in the path, and Cah’lia was taken aback at the sight that greeted them. There was a tiny man, no bigger than Rina, stuck with his head inside of a small crack in the mountain-rock.

“Oi!” he shouted, wiggling his tiny butt as he attempted to break free. “For the love of me Gods, is there any that’ll be helping me. Poor Wolly, always getting me’self into trouble. Oi! Someone, anyone!”

Cah’lia cleared her throat, and the man paused for a second, halting his shouting. “Is...Is someone there? Oh, please, let there be someone there. Old Wolly has been stuck in here all day. Please, if anyone be there, then get Old Wolly out of this Gods-cursed head-trapper.”

“I’m here to help,” Cah’lia said. “Just hold still.”

“No!” Sehn cried. “Cah’lia, I forbid you from helping that man, not until I’ve burned this hilarious picture into memory. Quick Nero, start drawing!”

Cah’lia gave Sehn a dirty look. It should be him with his oversized head stuck in the mountain, she thought.

Cah’lia grabbed the man by his small feet, and gave him a tug. She overcompensated, not expecting to free him so easily. The little man was sent flying, crashing against a nearby rock in the worst possible way. He was a Dwarf—there was no doubt about it. He had short curly black hair, an oversized nose, and thin pair of crushed glasses.

He jumped to his feet, holding his groin and howling in agony. “Oh, ye done me in, missy. You done in Old Wolly for good, ya did. Oh, I think they be smashed, I think ye smashed Wolley’s Crunkets. Oh, for the Gods, please, don’t let them be smashed. Poor Wolley’s Crunkets.”

Nero grabbed Cah’lia, pulling her down and whispering into her ear. “What’s a Crunkets? Does he mean his…thingies?”

Cah’lia tried her best not to laugh, but Sehn was already lying on the ground, choking in hysteria. “Hahahaha!” he cried. “Do it again, the Great Sehn demands more entertainment!”

Cah’lia leaped over to Sehn, and gave him a kick in the side for being so cruel. He only grunted, before continuing to laugh at the weeping Dwarf.

“Ohhhh, me Crunkets,” the Dwarf said, continuing to dance on his feet. “Ya smashed me Crunkets, how could ye smash old Wolley’s Crunkets?”

“I’m very sorry,” Cah’lia said. “I was only trying to help.” The Dwarf seemed to calm down. He turned around, mumbled something about modesty, and then pulled down his pants, exposing his naked bum. He bent over, and began to blow air on his “Crunkets.”

“BWAHAHAHAHAH!” Sehn roared, tears falling from his eyes. Nero looked shocked, and Cah’lia knew why. It was the first time he’d ever seen the liquid exit Sehn’s eyes, and the circumstance was more than fitting given his character.

“No more!” Sehn yelled, writhing on the ground. “This man, he is killing me. He has discovered a way to—BWAHAHAHAH—he has discovered a way to incapacitate the G-Great Sehn. Cah’lia! We are under attack.”

For a moment it really did seem like Sehn might die via laughter. Cah’lia walked over to the weeping Dwarf, careful not to make eye contact with his…Crunkets.

“Your name is Wolly, my friend?” she asked.

“That it be, my good Elf,” he said. “I’m Wolly o’ the mountain Dwarves. Me wife is no gonna be happy, if I come home without me Crunkets.”

“He’s killing me!” Sehn cried in agony, once again rolling on the ground and choking.

Cah’lia tried to filter him out. “What is it you’re doing in this place? It’s no place for a Dwarf.”

Wolly shrugged. “Old Wolly was just tryin’ter get me some supplies from Koringrath, but me got lost on the way back. I’ve been stuck e’re for three days. Oh, please, Elf, could ye get Old Wolly out of here? Me never been having much of a sense of direction.”

“I’m heading to Hahl, will that be all right?”

“Oh, dear, Old Wolly’d go to the ends of the earth with ye, if it be getting him out of this Crunket-smashing mountain.”

“Come on, then. Sehn, get off the floor. We’ve got to keep moving.”

*****

Patrick knew better than to argue with Saerina, but his curiosity got the better of him. “At least tell me why, my good princess. Why aren’t we following them? At this rate, they’ll get to Hahl before we do, and they don’t even know we still live.”

Princess Saerina looked at him, with her dark, red, and knowing eyes. “Because, we’re about to encounter some unwanted guests. It’s fortunate that they are alone, for I’d have sent them off even if those scouts hadn’t come upon us.”

“Unwanted…what? I don’t understand what you’re—”

Patrick stopped short, hearing the cries of two large animals echo above him. He gasped at seeing the creatures in the sky, with riders on their backs. It was distant, but he heard a child’s voice call at them from the sky, electricity dancing off of her body. “It’s them!” she called. “Kellar, Mistress Orellia, it’s them!”

The girl leaped off the back of the animal, and Patrick moaned. Now what was happening?