“When we meet the dungeon master, I want my criticism for his work to be expressed thoroughly,” Frank growled. “Because this is grade-A bullshit.”

There was a joke somewhere in Frank’s words, but Jay shared the same sentiment. The second boss challenge section was a doozy!

The party stood on the edge of a dark wooden ledge. Beyond that was a sheer drop. Jay was the first to look over, having no fear of falling from any height, even without the gravity power. The dark pit below appeared endless, offering nothing when it could take everything.

At the very least, the way forward wasn’t empty. Passing left, right, forward, back, up, or down were wooden platforms with runic symbols carved into their bases. The platforms were wide enough for all of them to fit together, but no more than that.

Nothing supported the magical platforms, either.

The constructs appeared to hover through the air via magic, the bluish-purple inscriptions doing the work instead of complex machinery. There were more than a hundred of these platforms to maneuver around the entire room at different heights.

You need only stick the landing every time.

Or fall.

“Hm, this is some good magic cheese right here,” Jay said, pointing at the closest passing platform. “What are you thinking, Mike?”

“I want to study them,” Mike said. “And recreate them. Desperately.”

“I bet you do,” Jay replied, chuckling. “But we’re short on time, and then there’s that thing up there.”

Above them, a single figure watched the party. It perched on a hanging beam like a bird. When it fanned its plastic wings periodically, it revealed a sleek, black body covered in magic inscriptions. Its head was almost like a man, with two glowy blue orbs facing forward on its face. But its mouth was a razor-sharp beak that could rip flesh easily.

“That doesn’t bother me as much,” Frank said, “compared to the puzzle pieces.”

Three other ledges occupied the platform chasm other than the entrance and exit. These ledges ranged at different heights and held a series of looping, multi-colored bars obstructing the way to a cage at the heart of the jungle obstacles.

Each cage contained one egg-shaped item that Jay spotted thanks to his improved Perception.

Getting through the jungle bars, unlocking the cage with the keys looted from the gorilla guards, and extracting the eggs wouldn’t go without a hitch. Creeping bug toys with worm-like bodies and giant pincers guarded each key. They also had bluish inscriptions on their bodies.

“We gotta get the eggs from each cage and take them to the boss door,” Jay said, pointing to the other side. “See the little podiums right in front of the door. If we take ’em there, we’ll get to the boss, I bet.”

“The bird has to be yours, Luckrun,” Frank muttered. “And it stinks. That’s what the Toyreveler wants.”

“I figured,” Jay said.

“The bug guards have considerable magical defense,” Mike explained. “So, my combat effectiveness is reduced on that front. We’ll also have to go after each cage one at a time. If we try to split our keys up, we can inadvertently use the wrong key on the wrong cage.”

“Those eggs are pretty big, too, so they’re gonna double as handicaps,” Dennis said thoughtfully, making good use of his new AP in Intellect. “The bars between are barely wide enough for me to squeeze through. I can’t use Ogre Hunter to fight in there against those bugs.”

“I can thrust with the sword,” Frank said. “But that’s about it.”

“Yeah, I hate this room,” Dennis said. “Screw puzzles.”

“I rather you guys leave, honestly,” Kleo said. “One mistake and this can end any of you. I don’t want that.”

The option to leave with their earnings hung over the party. Frank could press the Yes option at any time and extract them from the dungeon instantly. It went without saying that he’d choose it if one of them were going to meet with their demise. Nobody wanted that, but it could come to fruition if they screw up.

Jay shared a look with his best friend.

“Doesn’t this take you back to our platforming days?” Mike said wistfully.

The [Freak] smiled.

“My mom got me this game console relic, a PS2, and oldies from her ancient past,” Jay explained to the others. “Sly Cooper, Ratchet and Clank, Jak and Daxter, Spyro, and others. When we get home, I’ll show them to you, Kleo.”

“Yes, Master,” Kleo said sluggishly, a piece of her back disappearing permanently. “I would like that as long as we can get back together. Somehow.”

“We will.” Jay wore a hard smile on his face. “Mike’s pretty good at platforming. Better than me. So, he’ll get you guys through just fine. I’ll deal with….”

Pause.

“Hey, wait a minute.” The [Freak] placed his fists on his hips. “Why are we acting like a bunch of scrubs and playing the standard route? That’s not who we are."

Everyone looked startled but curious. Jay had their rapt attention.

"We’re speedrunners, backdoor bastards, and zone-abusing cheaters." The [Freak] raised his fist proudly. "We’re a dungeon master’s worst nightmare!”

“Ah. Yes, I see.” Mike hummed, his eyes glinting with intelligent amusement. “If you’re going to put it that way, the solution is quite simple, and it’s within our theme of having you at the center of it, Jay. Of course, the [Fighters] will still have to do the boring grunt work.”

Frank and Dennis shared a resigned look as the geeks worked out another crazy strategy.

***

Jay hopped from platform to platform while holding the greatsword on his shoulder. The grin on his face was as big as it could ever get.

He was living the dream, frolicking around a puzzle-platform room with badass magic and a decently big sword.

Weapons and armor weren’t restricted by class. You only needed the proper Attributes to wield them effectively and gain some stellar benefits. If Jay had enough Strength, he’d totally rock Ogre Hunter right now. Regardless of how ridiculous that would look as he leaped around like an acrobatic maniac.

His [Moonwalker] Skill had improved quite a bit since when he first got it. It was effortless to glide over fifteen yards, sometimes as far as twenty. He crossed distances any regular human would balk at without equipment, overt magic, or serious effort. All while under the watchful eye of a magical predator, the promise of doom via beak and talon.

The dark chasm below barely registered for Jay. The fate that awaited anyone who failed to stay atop a platform was just a tiny, amusing detail. What was falling to the [Freak] of Gravity? He almost felt like the abyss was a distant cousin. They might not get along easily, but they had mutual respect. When the abyss looked back, Jay gave it a neighborly wave.

After a series of gravity-defying jumps, Jay reached the furthest, tallest ledge containing an egg. He landed deftly on the highest bar among many entwining around the cage at the center. The jungle bars had enough space for a human to squeeze through, including Dennis. But weapons like the greatsword were reduced to glorified steel pokers here. They didn’t seem threatening to the egg-guarding monsters.

[Identifying]: Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toys, Level 7–These creepy crawlers can put you in a deadly pinch if you let them out-maneuver you in a closed, entangled space. They are faster and deadlier than they look. One snip, and you can lose a limb or worse. The magical inscriptions etched into their plastic flesh grant them some of the highest Poise in the dungeon.

“Really, Toyreveler? Can you make it any more obvious you’ve been watching us like a dark lord loser?” Jay laughed, jumping aside a rushing bug guard.

The green and orange creature snipped the air with its steely pincers, missing wide and exposing half its body.

Jay fastened his grip on the greatsword with both hands and swung. The blade bit into plastic flesh, but it was not a killing stroke.

The bug guard retracted.

Another bug guard took its place, missed the attack, and received a greatsword chop at the base of its head. That one slipped away with its life like the last bug guard, even if there wasn’t much of its health left.

More bug guards came springing out, snipping at the [Freak], but they kept missing.

All they got in return were laughs and cuts.

The ten minutes Jay had spent practicing greatsword swings under Frank’s pressured tutelage bore some fruit. Consequently, he didn’t have the Strength or the proper swordsman foundations to kill the bugs like a pro. But he had Agility, a significant factor in keeping him alive to try, make mistakes, and retry again.

He was working his way up to be a deadly menace, too. Eventually, he harmed enough guards to reface the ones that got away.

You’ve slain a Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toy, Level 7.

You’ve slain a Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toy, Level 7.

You’ve slain a Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toy, Level 7.

Moonwalker leveled up to 9!

“Yeah, sure, you can design them so I can’t magic them,” Jay said as if the dungeon master was listening. “But I’m not just a magic user. I’m a [Freak]! I can do it all, and you can’t stop me!”

You’ve slain a Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toy, Level 7.

You’ve slain a Jungle Gym Bug Guard Toy, Level 7.

The bugs were apparently min-maxed for speed, attack, and magical defense. The [Fighters] would’ve had to act with greater care. Even if they could kill the bugs with one stroke, the [Fighters] would have to defend reprisals from other bug guards immediately.

With that said, Dennis and Frank would’ve probably dealt with the guards faster than Jay. They were [Fighters], and this was their thing. The point behind the bug guards was to slow the crawlers down, keep them busy, and steal their attention away from the main threat long enough until it was too late.

“And three, two, one,” Jay said, backflipping off the jungle gym after slaughtering nearly a dozen bug guards and leaving many others injured.

A black shape the size of three men blurred by where he’d been, making little to no sound. The main threat had entered the fray.

[Identifying]: Puzzle Room Magecatcher Miniboss, Level 10–Speed, intelligence, magical defense, and razor-sharp talons with a beak that can snap you apart. These features mark this creature as the cream of the crop of minibosses here. It flies high in power, knowing no equal, serving only the dungeon master. To face this creature means you’re fighting the pinnacle of Rank 1.