“Well, since you’re all still here for no good reason, I might as well half-ass my job and keep playing tour guide,” Kleo said, waving up at the open gates of the frosted castle.

It served as a decent milestone before the challenge rooms and boss chamber. It stood above the snow drifts with peaked towers that scraped the bellies of low-passing clouds. The moat surrounding the twenty-foot perimeter wall was frozen solid, barely visible under the piles of snow that had gathered here. The entrance was on the side of a drawbridge already down. The gate was raised, inviting them inside.

“You weren’t much of a tour guide when Frank and I first came here,” Dennis commented.

“My head was still screwed up by Jay making the sky the floor,” Kleo replied, “and skipping half the damn dungeon because you’re special snowflakes and don’t appreciate an honest and thorough crawl.”

“Speedrunning was the best way to win this,” Mike said.

“Malarkey, I say!” Kleo waved her fist stiffly. “Malarkey, malarkey, malarkey!”

Jay leaned over to Mike. “She’s abusing that word because it sounds funny.”

“I used to hate when people do that,” Mike said. “Semantic satiation once plagued me back when mom had me train religiously for those spelling bee competitions.”

“Mrs. Zhou is a tyrant like no other,” Jay admitted. “The way she harped on you so hard was straight malarkey.”

“Jay,” Mike growled in warning.

“What does malarkey mean anyway?” Dennis pondered openly. “When I hear it, I want to spread it on toast. What would malarkey taste like?”

“Please stop,” Mike groaned.

“It’ll taste like learning the things you’ve believed as a child were all lies,” Kleo answered. “So, you got the right idea, you big galoot. Your shattered dreams sound like some yummy malarkey.”

“The castle,” Frank muttered. “I want to return our attention there.”

Frank hadn’t spoken in a while, having fallen silent the rest of the trek to get here. Predictably, the big notification from before darkened his mood big time.

Hearing him talk again killed the lighthearted mood the party was trying to keep, which wasn’t an easy ordeal. They should be happy, though. They’ve won. Jay’s party was the victors. They could hit the exit button, collect their loot, and walk out like a squad of badasses. They’ve faced trials and tribulations few people on earth would ever see or even imagine. It was worth being proud of.

Jay couldn’t feel proud.

He was bent on getting Kleo out of the dungeon. A mere whim when they’d first met became a promise. Then his promise merged with his [Conviction] while having a knife to his back that desperately wanted to be used.

But Jay was uncertain about how to express that. So, he kept his lips sealed and entered the castle with everyone.

The icy winds blowing through the castle window slits and around the hallways sounded menacing and intense, like the ghosts of this place were howling in sorrow. It gave Jay the creeps. Would ghosts leave an impression on his blooming gravity sense? If they ever meet weird spirit stuff, he’d have to remember to test that with Mike’s help.

They entered a courtyard. It exhibited the first trees Jay had seen since reaching the second floor. They were dark skeletons frozen solid with branches that ended in spikes. Jay could feel cobblestone laid out on an easy-to-follow path under the snow. Low cobblestone walls acted as rails that would’ve prevented them from the garden if any of those had survived. The cold and the lack of castle servants to maintain the place didn’t create a pleasant environment for a functional garden.

“I’ll start by suggesting that the Toyreveler meddling with a dungeon crawl might not be the first time,” Kleo said. “My role as crawler guide and betrayer had the dungeon core share with me all sorts of tidbits framed as strange rumors and unlikely townsfolk gossip. If you haven’t noticed, there are probably many things I say that I shouldn’t know if I’ve been a real, plain townsfolk girl. But this role, which probably belonged to Mary once upon a time, needs that extra oomph to sell me to crawlers. So, that leads me to believe the dungeon crawl meddling is something the Toyreveler will do when he wants the crawlers to keep away, either by giving them an easy-to-take out or….”

They entered the keep, a large structure of staggered towers merged together. Inside was an atrium nearly as cold as the outside but without the random bursts of icy gales. Jay felt the tension fall from his body. Then he saw a petrified figure near a cracked stone column to his left. It was uncanny. His brain registered it as a statue. But it seemed too lifelike. It also didn’t seem like a toy. Carried by his whims, Jay separated from the party. He approached the figure and looked it directly in the face.

It had the appearance of a thin-faced man. His mouth was stretched open as if screaming his last breath. The eyes stared into what would become his oblivion, no doubt. Jay stayed put, staring into the face as he felt Mike come up behind him to make his examinations. They shared a look and exchanged wordless messages with subtle expressions and head movements that only childhood friends would understand.

“What?” Dennis asked.

Jay hesitated.

Mike frowned.

“I’m going to assume the worst,” Frank said darkly. “Those are not statues. Those are not toys.”

Dennis had his helmet buckled to the side of his rucksack, displaying his face to all. The horror of his expression befitted the grave discovery. It was doubly worse for him since he’d toured here already without realizing the truth.

“It’s coming to me now,” Kleo said. “Things I’ve heard without being told by others. This castle had once belonged to the Snowman King, a joky miniboss, believe it or not. He’d cast magic of cold and ice from his seat of power in the throne room. Most of it was harmless. It gave the crawlers some struggle and innocent frostbite. He was fragile once you got to him, so he offered loot in favor of not getting slain. The trick was losing out on a valuable item if pissed-off crawlers killed rather than sparing him. Then on one crawl before my time, the Toyreveler changed things, making the Snowman King deadly.”

“This is not,” Mike said, “a Rank 1 dungeon.”

There was no question in his statement. The [Mage] said it as a matter of irrefutable fact.

“It is now, even under the thinnest of margins,” Kleo said. “It was once a Rank 6 dungeon far before my time, and I know this as truth even when I shouldn’t.” The little plastic girl held her head as her body degraded and recombined. “I really shouldn’t know these things, but it’s all surfacing in my head like it’s been there, waiting, locked away for a long time.”

“Take your time,” Jay said. “Tell us what you can.”

They crossed the atrium, passing a row of grand columns where tattered banners hung. The wind picked up as they passed beneath open windows where the jagged remains of ancient glass lined the edges. The sound of howling picked up, deepening the dark and foreboding atmosphere of the ice castle. Soon, they reached the shattered remains of dark wood doors laid before the alcove leading to the throne room.

“We hadn’t gone this far inside,” Dennis said, his voice barely audible. “I don’t know if I can keep going.”

“We’ve fought monsters,” Frank said. “This is where you draw the line?”

“That’s people in there, Frank. Frozen corpses that’ll never get back to their families. That’s different.” Dennis’s blue eyes fell on the teen agent. “Don’t you feel anything for them?”

“Are they people from our dimension?”

“No,” Kleo answered. “I can speak on this now. I’ve got it sorted, I think. What you see before you remains a dungeon raid party, a large group of crawlers taking on the dungeon’s hardest and most dense parts. When it was Rank 6, the dungeon was way bigger, way more complex, and way more populated than this. You would’ve started farther out, perhaps outside the house, and have to work through a series of challenges that would’ve lasted several years, if not more. What you see is the last dungeon raiders of a bygone era, before the Toyreveler cheated.”

“How?” Mike asked.

“I’m not sure,” Kleo said. “He abused something. Whatever it was, the Toyreveler altered the Snowman King and tricked the raiders. He doomed them, and he doomed the dungeon, punishing us greatly. The System Admins forced stipulations that stripped the dungeon of its hard-earned glory, power, rich resources, expansive lore, and knowledge of great and terrible things gathered over the many years. Thus, we became a bottom feeder chucked at newbie dimensions like yours that the Multiverse plans to bring into the main fold.”

Kleo hopped down from Dennis’s rucksack and headed inside the throne room. Jay and Mike followed. Frank went in after them. Dennis dragged his feet at the back.

The throne room’s architecture reminded Jay of a globe, the walls sloping around from the floor to the ceiling. The throne was a piece of fancy furniture with a long back, wide armrests, and a snowflake motif.

Feeling a bit whimsical, Jay picked Kleo up. He sat her on the throne and took a seat on the armrest to her left. She gave him a strange look, but no more as they settled into their respective positions.

From their vantage point, they could survey a room filled with raiders and toys locked in combat before getting frozen into statues. The toys were knights with ball joints that marked them as obvious dungeon constructions. The raiders were lifelike and variable in appearance.

All that was missing was the Snowman King, leaving his throne to a lowly toy girl and a weirdo.

Mike, Frank, and Dennis stopped at the bottom of the steps leading to the throne. They didn’t even question or seem surprised by Jay’s proclivities for randomness. It didn’t appear to have any meaning at first, but the little toy girl sounded more sure of herself when she spoke.

“I do not think the Toyreveler began as a dungeon master. I got the impression that there was only the core, but then the core accepted a master. Where cores are the workhorse and power of the dungeon, the masters’ have influence and understanding mostly beyond the cores’ base designs. Maybe the core thought having a dungeon master would improve things, but it chose wrong in the master. Thus, it brought low our dungeon, and the second floor has remained a Safe Zone ever since, leaving this castle as a reminder of the Toyreveler’s folly. It’s also a warning to you four.”

Kleo panned a serious gaze over each boy.

“It is best if you leave. The Toyreveler knows your win is his demise. He’s playing for keeps, setting something up that’ll probably wreck you even if it means the dungeon will get punished again. Punishment doesn’t equate to total destruction. I can see why he’ll do it this way. And he’ll probably keep doing it this way whenever bright, talented, and awesome dungeon crawlers like you guys show up and play the game better than the Toyreveler.”

Kleo sighed.

“I give you guys crap, yeah, but I can tell you four are going to be the best of the best.” Kleo smiled. “Leave. There’ll be better dungeons than this. Maybe some that won’t play for keeps. Friendly dungeons exist, even if there aren’t many. Then you’ll meet a better dungeon friend than–”

“I’ve heard enough,” Frank said. He left the throne room.

Minutes of glum silence passed, filled by the howling wind.

Jay chuckled. “Kek.”

“What’s that for?” Kleo said, unamused.

“Frank’s a pretty good guy deep down,” Jay answered.

Dennis’s eyes widened, carrying a merry glint. Mike smirked, nodding in approval.

Kleo looked at them like they were all crazy.

“Why?” she asked.

“It’s the manly thing to do,” Dennis said. “We told you we’ll help. We’re gonna help.”

“I’m bound by curiosity,” Mike said, glancing at Jay. “I’m expecting the unexpected at the end of this. If we take the easy way out, there’s little chance of that happening.”

Jay paused to consider his words.

Kleo trembled in anticipation, clacking around in her seat. The knife to Jay’s back pulsated from under his cloak, framing his back with a bloody red glow.

The [Freak] narrowed his shining purple eyes and smiled viciously.

“The Toyreveler played a stupid game,” he said, “so we’ll give him a stupid prize.”

Kleo looked up at him for a moment. “I expected a cooler line to go with all the colors.”

“He has his moments,” Mike said.

“With all this drama,” Dennis said, “I wonder how the other teams are doing.”

“If this were a show, it’d be the perfect time to get a glimpse of one of the other groups,” Jay said, pushing past the displeasure of his ruined moment of coolness. “Maybe they’re having simpler dungeon crawls than us.”