《The Archivist's Petty Revenge》Side Chapter: Team Building Exercise, Seasoned with Vinegar

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A week before camping...

“Liah, did you have anything after the lecture today?” I asked as I drove the two of us to class. We were both squinting against the rising sun, since the best way to avoid the aggravation of rush-hour was to get up before the crack of dawn.

A brief flash of confusion flashed across her face, before a look of understanding took its place. Making a bit of a show of it, she dug into the backpack at her feet to grab a planner. Freeing it from the bag with a gravitas that’d make you think pulling the book out would grant her the title of king, she plopped it open and began to make a show of slowly turning each page.

“I think I should be free.” She finally answered. “Why do you ask?”

“We’re coworkers, right?” I asked. “I was thinking maybe we should do a bit of team-building.”

“Team-building?” She raised an eyebrow as if she didn’t believe me. “I guess you technically are my boss, at least in the org chart the boss showed us. Sure.” And in a lower voice that I wasn’t quite sure she meant me to hear. “I guess even if that’s the story we’re long past the point of ‘fraternizing.’” I chose to ignore that last bit.

“Cool, I already got the request for it approved at work. So this afternoon is officially a paid employee morale event.” I responded.

Liah looked shocked, before bursting out laughing.

“That takes some balls, doing that. Getting paid just to take me out for coffee?” Her amusement was clear to see.

“Did I say we were going out for coffee?”

“What else would it be? Don’t tell me you were planning on drinking at lunch-time, were you?” A playful yet somehow judgmental glare was directed towards me.

“Maybe one or two...the selection there’s really good.” Damn, how did she know?

“Coffee. Coffee should be fine for lunch. We can go somewhere fancier for dinner.” Her tone made it clear this was an order, not a request. Before I even had the chance to make a counteroffer, she continued. “You’re already soooo bossy when it comes to making me help with your spells and curses, I think I’ve earned a bit of a chance to give a few orders of my own. What kind of dutiful familiar would I be if I let the evil witch I’m serving run amok all the time?”

“If you were any less dutiful you’d be like the wisecracking puppet cat from a 90’s sitcom.”

“’Finally, someone whose life is more pathetic than mine!’” Naturally she followed this with theatrical laughter.

“You pretended to just be my pet cat for how long?” I didn’t want this kind of backtalk from someone I’ve seen spit up hairballs.

“Oooh, ooh, ow ouchie, my back!” She mimed, the epitome of maturity. “Acting like a granny hardly makes you the more mature of the two of us. I half expect you to fly up the chimney on one of your brooms, cackling madly one of these days.”

“And here I was, almost looking forward to team-building this afternoon...” I complained as I continued driving onwards to class.

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After class, we once again braved the long, arduous beltway drive… Not really, there was a bit of a lunch rush but really nothing too bad. As a matter of fact we’re almost there. My plans were somewhat thrown off by a certain familiar demanding coffee for lunch but I’m sure I can manage. I can manage pretty easily, actually. There’s a great coffee shop that roasts their own a few doors down from my first choice for lunch. But…

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“Their lunch menu seems lacking.” Liah’s disappointment was clear in her voice as she checked their website from her phone, pouting about what I can only assume was the lack of fried mice or whatever else she enjoyed eating.

“But their coffee’s the best in town.”

“That may be, but...” Her pout shifted to a scheming grin. “You can make up the lackluster lunch with dinner?”

“What did you have in mind?” She kept bringing up dinner.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll let you know when I decide what I want.” Her smile was starting to get on my nerves, like the mocking grin of the Cheshire cat.

Despite her complaints she seemed to enjoy the coffee and pastry. We both grabbed a second cup to go. As comfy as the atmosphere of the shop could be, the feel of having a warm travel mug of city roast while wandering the historic district in the autumn chill just brought a whole new dimension to the experience. The occasional person in Victorian dress leading groups around only added to the experience.

“What’s with them?” Liah asked.

“Ghost tours. They like to say this town is one of the most haunted in the state, per capita.” The historic costume sure added to the spooky vibes the plethora of Halloween decorations seemed to provide. It made the statement seem plausible.

“Those things are kind of all over.” Liah shuddered. “Glad they at least have the sense to stay away from me.”

“Oh really? I thought black cats were often grouped in with the rest of the spooks and ghouls.”

“That’s all thanks to their association with witches. Teasing me for something that’s all your fault is just underhanded. And it’s more of my half-fairy nature that seems to scare them away. I’m not really sure how that works, actually. It’s for the best; if you aren’t careful they may be drawn to you.”

“I try to avoid them.”

“Smart. Normally if you aren’t aware of them they’re more likely to leave you alone. A bundle of ill will and negative emotion like you would draw them in like flies to vinegar.” She was entering lecture mode again.

“It’s flies to honey, isn’t it?”

“Flies actually are more likely to be attracted to vinegar. Something about the bitterness. It fits better. I know you’re still bitter about a few things...” She stopped in thought

“And yet you’re still spending time here with me, despite being all salty-vinegary.”

“Some people like vinegar. It has that nice tangy flavor, you know? Honey’s good and all, but vinegar just adds that savory complexity to things. Even if there’s the baggage of all the rotten grapes that lead to the end product, that doesn’t make it any less good on french fries, or in salad dressing. Just as long as it doesn’t get mixed up and end up souring the sweeter parts.” The last part felt almost like an admonishment.

“So...” I was about to say something along the lines of “You’re drawn to all that bitterness just like ghosts would be? I thought you didn’t want to be grouped with them,” but an oddly timed glare from Liah shut my mouth, thankfully before I put my foot in it. It’d probably help to be a bit more tactful.

“So, want to check out a few of the stores? We have plenty of time to kill. Unless you’re afraid of the ghosts. They do say this town is haunted.” I laughed loud enough to attract a few glances from the ghost tour listening to some macabre story about the train station across the street.

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“Sure, I love checking out antique stores. All those old things are great inspiration for my drawing.” She reached up and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Don’t worry. I can protect you from any of those spooky ghosts lurking about.”

Sure enough, the dark, shadowing figures I had noticed lurking a few of the stores seemed to shy away from Liah’s presence. She wasn’t lying in the slightest.

“Does this also work with demons?” I had to ask. “Those honestly kind of freak me out.”

“Awww, is the scawwy witch afraid of the ebil, ebil, demons?” Thankfully no one was near enough to hear as we perused a rack of vintage clothing.

“They’re dangerous.” I muttered.

“So are fairies but you’re still hanging out with me. Besides, you’re probably the most dangerous person in this small town at the moment.” She shifted through the rack as she spoke.

“I may dabble in magic, but I am not that dangerous.” A few minor spells doesn’t make you some all powerful sorceress.

“You’d be surprised, you do have me as a familiar after all.” She frowned in thought, looking between two dresses. “But I was more thinking about how for all intents and purposes, you’re a bustier, more muscular Dale Gribble. Speaking of busty, try this on, I want to see if it’d fit you.” Shoving a dress into my arms before I could even protest her comparison, she bundled me into a changing room. Oddly enough, the dress fit perfectly. It had a fifties-ish vibe, in a psychobilly way. My hair and make-up certainly didn’t seem to match the black crepe of the bodice and skirt.

“It can’t be that bad, show me.” Liah knocked on the door as she spoke. Wordlessly, I opened it.

“See? All you need is the hat and it’d be perfect. Although, if we changed your hairstyle and gave you an orange sweater instead...” The gleam in her eyes worried me. “Jinkies, the glasses are perfect already.”

“I never really saw myself as one of the Mystery Inc. types.”

“You do all that cosplay, and you never thought to dress up as Velma? You have the nerdy librarian look down pat.”

“But wouldn’t that make you Scooby? Ruh roh.”

“Just think about it. For now though, it’s more nerdy witch missing her hat. It is October, so you probably could get away with wearing one in public.”

“By that logic you could have your cat ears out. As you said, it’s October, you could get away with it. Or would it just draw attention to how the roots on your human hair are showing? Actually, I’ve always wondered about that, you’re a natural blond but a black cat?” It’s kind of weird. The black hair does suit her better, but the contrast is just confusing.

“It’s magic, I ain’t gotta explain shit.” She rebutted.

“I know that’s not how that works. I’m sorry I asked, Miss Black no. 1.” I riposted as she pulled another dress off the rack. This one seemed sized more for her.

“Don’t quote Type O Negative at me, you catgirl-obsessed weirdo. Pick out a necklace to go with that, will you? You have such potential, you might as well use it for more than just cosplay.” The dressing room door closed, cutting me off from both my familiar cum roommate and the comfy hoodie I normally wore.

Sighing, and shivering slightly, this dress was kind of breezy, I wandered over to a display of jewelry. Lots of trashy costume jewelry, but there were a few diamonds in the rough. Figuratively speaking, that is. I made a mental note to ask the staff later to grab a cameo brooch that caught my eye, and there was this absolutely darling sterling-silver necklace that reminded me of spiderwebs. I was debating on whether to pick up a jet-studded hat pin when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Get the spiderweb one, it’ll look great.” I heard muttered in my ear. I turned around, and was surprised by what I saw.

Her usual wardrobe of band shirts and military surplus was more than fine. Her often outwardly prickly personality fit the aesthetic like a glove, and I kind of took it for granted at this point. I really didn’t expect her to go for white.

The dress had the breezy air you’d expect from the late sixties, but with styling that brought to mind the lingerie gowns of the late Edwardian, breezy and lightweight looking. The style could honestly have passed for one of Alexander McQueens lighter looks, especially the way she wore it. You normally would think there would be a clash, but the black boots and the black of her hair already clashed contrasted with her pale skin, so a bit more white didn’t make too much of a difference.

“Oh, forgot one thing.” She ran back to a rack, grabbing a black belt with a large silver buckle. Fastening it around her waist, she gazed up, like a cat in thought, before nodding to herself. “Perfect. Now, let's go grab a staff member to get that necklace for you, we’re gonna be late.”

“Late?” We didn’t exactly have plans.

“Dinner.” She replied. “I’ve been starving for seafood, so I took the liberty of making a reservation.”

“But my-”

“Don’t worry, that dress hides your sidearm just fine.”

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It was a short walk to a popular, if upscale, French seafood restaurant. Of course I had to drive, and her instructions would have been helpful if I hadn’t already known where the place was. We wore the dresses she had picked out of the store, Liah thanking the staff for being understanding with a far more sociable demeanor than she’d ever shown me.

It was times like these that I was forced to confront my more introverted nature. I couldn’t ever imagine being so comfortable talking to the imposing looking maître d’, spouting off the phrase “A table of two for Thorne.” with a practiced smile. Wait, why were the reservations in my name?

Seated, settled with bread, and with a freshly opened bottle of Loire red wine, we looked right at home despite the vintage nature of our outfits. Despite that, something was nagging at me.

“Aren’t we here for seafood? Why are we drinking a red?” It seemed like it’d clash with the lobster I wanted.

“With that outfit? You just need to be dramatically swirling a glass of red wine.. It goes perfectly!” She let out a refined laugh, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. She really loved to be extra. “Plus, I’m here for the tuna. Delicious, medium-rare tuna...you just have to have a red.”

“The cat girl, lusting after tuna…”

“Hey, I have money for the first time, I’m allowed to splurge. Way better than your “lets get beer and wings at a bar” plan. The military must have warped your brain if you think that’s an acceptable team-building exercise,’ as you put it.” She savored her wine, reaching into her purse as she did so. “Though, as the one who invited me out, you’re going to be the one paying.”

“How did you even get a reservation here? It’s pretty packed.” The atmosphere was hushed, but still lively in the subdued manner of nicer establishments.

“It’s magic, I ain’t gotta explain shit.” She grinned. “Also, although the order is all wrong, we need something to signify our contract.” She placed a box on the table.

“That is?”

“It seemed most fitting. Open it up. For the sake of avoiding making one of those big scenes you seem to dislike, I’ll refrain from putting it on myself.”

I slowly opened the small box. Inside was a ring. A simple band, white gold, with a ruby set in the center, flanked by a sapphire on either side. I started to place it on my right hand, but a nagging feeling at the back of my head led to me hurriedly switching it to my left ring finger.

“It goes well with your necklace. It’s a bit fancier than what you got me when I asked you to be my familiar, but I never did get you something in return.”

“This is about me making you my familiar?” I was a bit thrown off by that. Something so brilliant, compared to a simple cats collar.

“Of course. It’s a contract, binding us together. As I’ve stated before, I’m not one of those ghosts or demons. We’re equals, partners working together. I can’t just get a ring from you and not give you one in return.” She gestured at the ring on my finger with her left hand, and a sparkle caught my eye. A silver ring, with two emeralds and a sapphire. “You gave it to me in my cat form, but when I transform back, it looks like this.”

“That’s...”

“Oooh, food’s here!” Before I could ask her to explain more, the perfectly seared tuna steaks caught Liah’s eyes, and the moment was gone.

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