《The Archivist's Petty Revenge》Chapter 15: Road Trip!

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Having finished preparing the charms and silver bullets, packing for the trip took no time at all. You really only need the basics for a trip like this. Sleeping system, tent, warming layers, a pocket knife, crackers, sardines, and maybe some Spam. And beer. Lots of beer. Maybe some whiskey too. I’m partial to brandy, but it doesn’t really seem to fit the “vibe” of camping and shooting.

Is going off in the woods with a group of people who are certainly on a watch-list to drink and play around with guns a good idea? No, it probably isn’t. Is being an undercover fed with a group the ATF suspects is a militia a good idea? Probably not. But I made plans already to go camping and have fun, and I’m not going to let such a minor annoyance as my employer telling me to spy on my internet friends I’m meeting for the first time get in the way of a fun weekend camping.

That said, there were some logistics that needed to be sorted out thanks to the assignment from work. Well, even if I wasn’t being ordered to go there, the underlying specifics of why I was being asked to go, like the whole “unknown thing” in the woods possibly eating people issue would mean I’d want to be prepared for danger. And I guess meeting heavily-armed people who have less than favorable views of the government in real life for the first time in a remote area might be something to be slightly cautious about.

The main issue is that, given my unofficial(totally official but don’t remind me) “billet” as a special agent, I really should have my familiar with me when working on a job. Cops having a partner to watch their back is a staple of police movies. She may not be the Hooch to my Turner, but I’ve been more of a cat person anyways. And even if I’m not doing my suspicious fed work seriously, being able to call on extra firepower for spells would be helpful if something extra spooky decided to rear its ugly head. But she doesn’t exactly seem like she’d have a good time camping...I can just have her hang out in the woods in cat form, I’m sure she’ll be fine. I wouldn’t worry about it.

“I’m definitely worrying about it, asshole.”

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“H-how did you know what I was thinking?”

“I’m your familiar! Of course I know what you’re thinking!”

I forgot about the whole mind reading thing that was part of the contract.

“There’s no way you didn’t! You know comparing me to canids gets on my nerves.”

“I didn’t mean it that way...”

“Of course you didn’t… Ms. Cage...” A grin began to play across her lips.

“Okay, now that’s just low!”

“Don’t compare me to a dog from a cop movie, and I wont compare you to a desperate actor. Besides, I’m not the one who stole the Declaration of Independence.”

“You didn’t show your face during the job, but weren’t you? I used you as my familiar for that job.” I pointed out helpfully.

“Ergh!”

“Anyways, the whole partner thing was the main take-away. But you don’t seem like you’d want to meet the rest of the group.”

Well, she can stay in the tent after dark, or maybe reading-

“I still have drawing homework to do. I’ll just stay a distance off in the woods during the day working on my assignments. I don’t really want to end up on some sort of watch list by attending your militia group anyways.”

“But we’re already feds.”

“That’s beside the point! Besides, I can roam a fair bit away. This area’s rather picturesque. Although...”

“Although? That’s pretty ominous...”

“This whole area. There are a lot of spots where reality gets...thin. This land is old, and even if it seems well-settled there’s a lot of dark hollows for things to hide in. Dark hollows, caves, all sorts of nooks and crannies for bad things. I could feel them out there.” She shuddered.

“I think I felt that too? I definitely felt an itch passing a few of those farmsteads.”

“...aren’t you the art history major here?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You did see what was painted on those barns, right?”

“Oh, those neat designs. I always thought those looked cool, when my parents would drive us up to Hershey Park.”

“Those are hex-signs. Specifically meant to protect the farms from evil witches.”

“But what does that have to do with me?”

“All the curses you’ve cast?

“I don’t just do curses. I’m more of a magical multi-tasker.”

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“Face it, you’re a witch. And not the modern feel-good wiccan type. In a lot of ways you’ve been acting just like the old hags those Pennsylvania-Dutch peoples ancestors drew those signs to ward off. I’d rather you not go as far to use a dishrag to steal their milk. I can feel the itchiness too, as your familiar...”

“Oh, neat, I can do that? I knew I forgot to pack something! And fresh milk sounds like it go great!”

“I’ll just ignore that. My main point was that this area clearly still had a lot of caution towards the supernatural, and for good reason. These hills are haunted… heh, I’ve always wanted to say that… well, they’re haunted and reality is thin. I probably help as a way to keep you grounded but there really is a risk of you crossing over to the other side?”

“Dying?”

“No, there’s a world adjacent to ours. Where do you think all the tales of people being dragged off to fairy realms came from? And it’s not always a one way street. Just an hour ago we passed a game lands where I could feel a strong-ass summoning spell where someone tried to drag over something from the other side.”

“Another witch?”

“So you do admit it… but yes, probably. It’s none of our concern. I don’t think we really have jurisdiction over that. But just so you’re aware, you aren’t the only person out there doing this kind of thing. And I certainly wont be the only supernatural creature in the forest.”

“Good to go.”

Anyways, the plan will be to let her out a bit before I actually reach the site of the meet-up so she can go off on her own. I wouldn’t want them to think I’m some sort of weird obsessed cat-lady.

“But you are obsessed with cats.”

“Could you at least stop interrupting my train of thought? It’s already tough enough driving here. I think I might have made a wrong turn...”

“Good point. Where are we anyways?” I wasn’t sure, but it kind of looked like there was a cliff right off the left of the road we were on. A poorly-maintained dirt road. In a regular 4-door sedan at that.

It was mid-afternoon on a Friday. While it wouldn’t have been an issue for me, since I went out of my way to avoid classes that had sessions on Friday’s, Liah had one of her art classes in the morning so we got a late start. I ended up leaving straight from school, with a trunk full of camping supplies and guns. Generally colleges in this state frown on bringing firearms on campus but who cares what they think. What are they going to do, arrest me? That sounds like a good way for campus police to get themselves cursed.

Even if they did find out about it, I suppose I am technically law enforcement. Not that I’m particularly proud about that fact. Considering where I’m heading, it’d be preferable not to be overly self-conscious of that at all. But, if I were to be harassed by campus PD I could always pull one of those “I’m a fed so I have jurisdiction!” lines that you always see in movies and TV shows. It’s completely false, but maybe campus PD might not be smart enough to know that? Most feds aren’t, after all. Expecting cops of any affiliation to actually know the law is a pipe dream at best. Rather, even if they know the law, that doesn’t mean most of them care about enforcing it in a fair and just manner.

But I digress. The real issue is the long, long drive. I really want to get there before sundown. Setting up tents in the dark sucks and I’d rather not go through that. And, while I’m sure things will be fine, if something does attack, then the best time and place to attack would be when I’m just arriving and unprepared for any sort of supernatural fuckery. I’d be stuck carrying all sorts of gear, and I wouldn’t even have introduced myself to anyone else in the woods. Introductions are important. They can help foster a sense of camaraderie, making others more likely to help you out when you’re in need.

But again, I digress. The real issue, the one I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about, is simple; where the fuck am I?

“The real issue is that we’re on the edge of a fucking cliff!” Liah screamed.

Oh, that too.

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