Before Sonja began telling me what had happened so far, Stephen came over and placed a sack of what I assumed were eyeballs next to his dirty backpack. He sneered at me through strands of greasy hair hanging over his face. “Oh good, pretty boy is back. Ready to lead us into another cluster like last time?”

“Stephen,” Sonja said with a low rumble.

“I’m just saying, maybe we should train our Apprentice noob friend on our priorities. Because I will not race halfway across the dungeon again to rescue his ass due to his own stupidity.”

“Then educate me, Stephen,” I said. “That’s what I meant by ‘leave out nothing.’”

“You guys do it,” he said to Constantine and Sonja. “I’ve got some more harvesting to do.” With that, he walked back over to the monster with his dagger out.

“Don’t pay attention to him, brother,” Constantine said in a low voice. “It’s part of his character’s ‘Negative Trait’ setting, which I believe is called ‘pain in the ass.’”

“It’s ‘Haughty,’ douchebag,” Stephen said from across the room.

I glanced at my forearm and remembered that I also had a “Traits” section:

Positive: Disciplined, Honorable, Merciful

Negative: Stubborn

“I’m not stubborn,” I muttered. Then I asked, “All right, what happened?”

Between Sonja and Constantine, they told me that when we first arrived (an event of which I had zero memory), we all pretty much freaked out like I had when I woke up a few minutes ago. We calmed down enough for our character traits to assert themselves, and we figured out how to operate the red jewel pedestal to get Barney’s cryptic message. After some more debate, we decided to open the dungeon door and proceed to our destined battle with Angelus, the demon lord.

“That’s where I died my first time,” Sonja said. “We ran into some skeleton warriors, maybe twenty paces from the door. Those guys are much faster than you’d think.”

“You’ve already died once?” I asked.

“Actually… I died again in the following room.” She shrugged. “What can I say? Barbarians love to rush into battle.”

“At least she was kind enough to die close to the Spawn Room,” Stephen said. “Not like you who had to wait until we were almost to Level Two.”

“So wait,” I said, staring at Sonja, “you’ve only got one life left?”

She gave me a thin-lipped smile. “Don’t worry. I’m far more careful now.”

“I hope so. What happens if we use up our three lives?”

Sonja and Constantine shrugged. Stephen just smirked as he harvested the blathering aberration.

“Great,” I breathed.

They told me the dungeon beyond the first two rooms was like something from the Mines of Moria after the goblins and orcs had taken over. Dark, bottomless chasms, dank mining tunnels, and ancient stairs, columns, and bridges built by a long-dead civilization.

We fought some wandering monsters along the way that were right out of our favorite RPG. The first few combats were dicey affairs, as we all figured out how to use our skills and powers. But we survived and grew more experienced. The Tomb seemed to recognize that and threw even more powerful and nasty monsters at us that brought us to the brink of defeat several times.

“I found this magical item in an old tomb,” Sonja said, holding her wrist up to show me a solid, silver bracelet with elaborate etchings. “It's a ‘Comprehend Languages’ bracelet. I can understand, speak, read, or write any language for fifteen minutes once per day.”

“Nice,” I said. “Sounds like something a wizard might use.”

“Exactly,” Stephen growled while he cut the aberration's flesh. “What’s a barbarian going to do with a Comprehend Languages bracelet? She only got it because she put it on before I could stop her. Now it won’t come off unless she dies.”

Sonja shrugged. “Finders, keepers. I haven’t used it yet, but it was fun watching Stephen’s eyes bug out when I put it on.”

“We fought a gelatinous cube,” Constantine said proudly. “Stephen got stuck in it.”

“It was transparent, for Krait’s sake,” Stephen said as he yanked a glistening organ from the aberration. “I don’t have dark vision like you.”

“Well, we carved him out before burning it,” Constantine said. “I found a Ring of Illusion in it that I can use once per day. But it has to be something I’ve seen before or it won’t—”

“Okay,” I said, getting antsy, “I amend my order to tell me everything. Just get to how I died.”

Stephen snorted. “You died because you’re a righteous jerk.”

Sonja pinched the top of her nose, then said, “We found the entrance to Level Two. But nearby, along an underground river just beneath us, we also saw a cohort of goblins marching a dozen gnomes in shackles and chains off to enslavement or worse. You, uh, lost it and ran after the gnomes to save them. When we finally caught up to you, well, you were already dead.”

“We could’ve been in Level Two by now,” Stephen said. He stored his monster guts in several pouches, stood up, and walked back over to us as he wiped the orange blood off his hands with a dirty cloth. “Maybe even home.”

I felt an intense flood of shame over hearing I’d been killed by goblins, as if I’d been floored by a kick in the crotch from a snotty middle-schooler.

“I died fighting a bunch of little goblins?”

“Little goblins?” Sonja said, then laughed. “They’re not little. They’re nothing like our favorite RPG.”

“That’s why you were such an idiot for running after them,” Stephen said.

I frowned. “But why wouldn’t I just go to Level Two if the entrance was right there?”

“Exactly!” Stephen said, then gave me a condescending smile. “Maybe Mace 2.0 won’t be as daft as the first release.”

“It’s The Tomb,” Sonja said. “And these characters we’re playing.” She flexed her veined hands on the shaft of Mourner and stared at the orange-slick blade. “Right now, it’s all I can do to stop myself from running into that hallway and finding the first fucking monster I can and just smashing in its skull.”

“And I just want to be the voice of reason among you lot,” Constantine said. “Keep your souls from losing their way. And keep your bodies from losing their blood.”

“And I think you’re all the sorriest party I’ve ever been stuck with,” Stephen said. “To think what I could’ve accomplished with a party of actual wizards…”

“Anyway,” Constantine said, “we had to run back to this Spawn Room. We were almost here when we got ambushed by that aberration over there. You were already screaming when we entered.”

“So I just re-spawned as soon as you got here?”

“That’s how it seems to work,” Constantine said. “As soon as the three of us enter the Spawn Room, our dead comrade just pops back into existence. Doesn’t matter if you died in the next room or half a day’s run away.”

“Anyway,” Sonja said, still staring at her bloody ax, “you know the rest.”

“There’s no other way out of here?” I asked. “This room has no doors to the outside or surface or whatever? We can only go down?”

Constantine sighed, walked to the wall between two columns directly opposite the dungeon door, and pulled on a candle sconce. It moved like a lever. The stones next to it rumbled, and then a door-shaped outline formed as the stones swung inward. Beyond the door was a long hallway about fifty feet.

And then daylight.

I stared at the cave opening fifty feet away. It was so close that I could feel the cool air on my face and smell its fresh, earthy scents. Right near the entrance, tall green grass swayed in a breeze. The sky was a sapphire blue, and I could see hills covered in pine forests off in the distance. Beyond the hills, jagged snow-covered mountain peaks were as picturesque as a Swiss ski resort. I stared at that tempting, beautiful landscape for a long time.

“Shit,” I said. “We could leave right now?”

Stephen gave me that condescending chuckle, of which I was quickly growing tired. “Not that easy, pretty boy.”

“Yes,” Sonja said quietly, “we can leave this dungeon any time we want. But then we wouldn’t be able to go home. We’d wander that pretty countryside for the rest of our lives. As these characters.”

For the first time since I woke up, I felt like Chris and Mace were in total agreement on this one thing. We couldn’t leave the dungeon.

As Chris, I wanted to go home and see my son more than anything. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in some alternate dimension and never see my family or friends again. Besides, I had promised Jack that, despite the divorce, I would always be there for him. It broke my heart to know that I had missed picking him up from college on Monday, let alone that to him, I was now a “missing person.”

As Mace, I had a burning desire to cleanse this dungeon of a demon lord that I knew should not exist in this world, whose evil was polluting the minds of the people who lived in the surrounding communities. It was my Ancestral duty as the last of my kind, and if I didn’t do it, others would have to risk their lives to do it.

I had no idea what any of that meant, but at the very least, I knew Mace’s skills would help me get home.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly. “All right.”

Sonja grinned ferally, Constantine gave me a grim nod, and Stephen’s lip turned up in a sneer that I couldn’t tell was approval or contempt.

I got that itchy feeling on my forearm again and I looked down at it. An inked popup displayed over my Character Sheet:

ACTIVE QUESTS:

You have accepted the quest, "Destroy Angelus the demon lord."

If you destroy Angelus, you will unlock the method by which you can return to the Flat Earth.

“What’s the ‘Flat Earth’?” I asked. I read the whole quest description to them.

“Ah, yes, we accepted the same quest,” Constantine said. “The Flat Earth is what The Tomb calls our home.”

“We think that’s what it means,” Stephen added. “For all we know, it could open a portal to an actual flat Earth.”

“But for now, that’s all we have to go on,” Sonja said firmly. “And that’s enough for me.”

I tapped the popup and it faded away. “Okay. Then let’s go kill a demon lord.”