Monday morning started with a loud ralph, well actually a series of them.

I had been pulling my clothes on in the dark when I heard the commotion and the unmistakable sound of someone getting sick. I rushed outside to see Matilda emerge from the bushes wiping her mouth. She made it halfway back to her tent before turning and rushing into the bushes again. She serenaded us in the early dawn, the rooster crowed in accompaniment.

Michelle hurried out of the tent and I pointed to the bushes.

I was making coffee when Holder stumbled up and asked what was going on, I simply shrugged and then asked him to stoke the fires. Amos showed up and the chores commenced, I joined in while the coffee cooked. Sonya made breakfast, porridge would have to do this morning; we had fried bread on the side.

Michelle joined us and reassured everyone that Matilda was going to be fine, she looked at me and said, “She’s not sick, just pregnant.”

I dropped my spoon which had been on its way to my mouth.

My mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out so I just shut it and got up to pour myself some more coffee.

I pulled myself together and asked, “Anybody else?”

“Well yes,” came the reply, “Mila and Mara are also.”

“Well hell”, was all I could come up with so that’s what I said.

I walked over and started loading the cart with our gear, we had a road to cut.

Everybody else was busy jabbering away but Matilda was nowhere to be seen, I decided that I’d best go looking for her. I found her behind her tent staring off into the distance, she looked up at me as I approached. It was easy to tell that she had been crying. There was only one thing I could think to do so I did it, I simply took her into my arms and held her. Of course she started crying again.

I held her for quite a while and then gently guided her back into her tent and laid her on her cot, she snuggled in and closed her eyes. I kissed her forehead and left her to nap.

The rest of the girls trapped me as soon as I left the tent, I looked to the fellas for help but they both just grinned and then whispered something between themselves. Great, the guys had thrown me to the wolves.

Nothing that was being said by any of the women made the least bit of difference until Michelle reminded me that Matilda was going to get emotional. Well now that would be interesting to watch if I wasn’t going to be watching it from the center of that emotional typhoon. I shrugged them off and went out to cut a road.

**** ****

I cut trees like a man possessed that day, after our second break was past Holder stopped dropping trees and helped them clear behind me. I didn’t stop for a breather between fallings either, I simply hoisted my logging axe and went on to the next tree.

This had never happened to me before.

Down came a young oak.

I had never made this mistake.

Down came an eight inch chestnut.

I was always, always, always careful.

Down came a Linden.

Why did she keep crawling into my bed while I was sleeping?

Down came a seven inch oak.

This isn’t fair.

A five inch birch was gone in five chops.

I am definitely not going to marry her.

A fifteen inch cottonwood withstood twenty minutes of my frustration before succumbing.

On and on I went, my mind raging about everything that had happened to me in the last three months. I swung the axe in a deadly rhythm and walked on to the next. Each tree was a frustration. Each tree was a moment of doubt and pain to be slain. Each tree offered an outlet for all that had been building up within me these past six months.

I reached my peak when a medium sized spruce refused to fall, this tree was the frustration of my downfall. I dropped my axe, pulled out my M1911 and blew the rest of the trunk away. That fucking tree fell too.

I holstered my pistol, put my axe over my shoulder and walked back to camp to find a bottle.

**** ****

I was sitting on our makeshift bridge smoking cigarettes with my bottle in hand when Brin found me, he whined at me and when I didn’t respond he left. He was back within minutes with Sonya of all people, I don’t know what the fuck he was thinking.

Sonya sat down behind me with her legs around me, she was so short her legs couldn’t bend over the edge of the bridge they just stuck out in an absurd sort of way. She put her arms around me and laid her head on my back, “I’m sorry” is all she said. We sat there like that for quite a while with Brin laying next to us.

She turned me down when I offered her some bourbon so I drank alone and smoked cigarettes while she held me, it was kind of nice.

**** ****

Sunset was closing in when Brin finally started fussing again, I was halfway through the bottle and almost out of cigarettes. The creek wasn’t going anywhere so I had better. I started to move which woke up Sonya, I think she had silently cried herself to sleep on my back. I finished my cigarette and threw the butt into the creek getting a head start on the mass pollution express that would arrive here in about sixty years and last for a century after.

Sonya slowly got feeling back in her legs and managed to untangle herself from me; I groaned mightily lifting myself to my feet, my shoulders and back taking their revenge for what I’d done to them today. We slowly walked back to camp together, I wasn’t in a hurry and my mind was still quaking.

The camp was completely silent and mostly shut-down when we got back. There were two plates left out on the table for us and a bowl of food for Brin, I gave the dog his food. We ate in silence then Sonya took our dirty plates into the camper while I finished shutting down the camp and went to bed.

Michelle was waiting for me with a gentle kiss and blissful silence. My body ached and I was exhausted and half drunk, I undressed, laid down and went to sleep.

**** Chapter 54.5 – Crying in the Night ****

Matilda was back.

There was a disturbance in my bed so it had to be Matilda.

I was seriously too tired for this.

She squeezed in-between us facing me this time and she laid her face on my bare chest.

Michelle wrapped us both up and gave Matilda sweet little kisses on her shoulder.

I slept again.

I dreamed of past(future?) nightmares, my subconscious struggling with the logic.

I dreamt of Matilda in my huge bed in a fancy Pub B&B. She kept kissing my chest, she always kissed my chest.

I was tired so I rolled over on top of her.

Her hand put me inside.

Wait her arms were both around me so…

….Michelle was rubbing my back as I gently made love to Matilda.

Matilda didn’t like gentle love this must be a nightmare.

It wasn’t, I was awake and I started to remember. She’s carrying my baby.

Michelle did this. Deal with that later brain.

Making sweet love to Matilda on this night was the right thing to do.

I stopped and looked deep into those dark eyes and quietly said, “You cannot leave”.

We made love with Michelle kissing and caressing the both of us.

When we finished and I rolled off Michelle kissed Matilda delicately and caressed her abdomen gently.

Exhaustion took me and I fell asleep watching them.