Sunday morning is here, and I’m way more scared than I’d like to admit. With a couple of hours left until we have to leave for church, Zoe and I agree to get it over with.

Both of my parents are awake, just laying around in the living room. They’re deep in conversation when I walk in, so I decide to just take a seat on the couch and wait for a break. They’re sitting in the armchairs that are set up directly across from the TV, which is playing one of the Star Wars movies.

“I still remember seeing Return of the Jedi in theaters as a little girl!” Mom was saying. “I must’ve been, what, seven? Eight?”

“The cultural impact the series has had is phenomenal,” Dad explains. “I wasn’t a big fan of the prequel movies, however.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about those. Weren’t those coming out around the time you were born?” She asks, looking at me.

Listening to my parents just nonchalantly talk about movies somehow makes me feel worse, so I decide to go ahead and get this over with.

“We need to talk about something important.”

“Oh, certainly!” Mom says, grabbing the remote and turning the volume on the TV down. “What’s going on?”

It’s stupid, but now that I’ve gotten myself into this scenario, I don’t even know how to begin.

Maybe it’s just that I always put myself in situations where I’m on the defense, and so I never have to properly explain myself. What’s the best way to approach this? Should I monologue about my experiences in life, like I did with Zoe yesterday? Should I pose theological questions?

After I’m silent for a while, my parents give each other a meaningful look. (But what are they saying?)

“Well, it’s about something I’ve known for a few years now,” I begin. And I should continue from there, but I can’t bring myself to say the word.

What’s wrong with me? Why is this the thing that breaks me? I’ve always been able to charge through just about anything. Whenever I imagined this moment in my head, it was always with me being tough, even defiant…

My parents definitely seem alarmed by my behavior. After another significant glance, my mom actually comes over and sits next to me on the couch.

“Tell me what it is, Ash,” she says softly, looking into my eyes.

I’ve been so stupid. I never should have let any of this happen. I never should have put myself into this situation. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it.

“It’s about Zoe and I,” I finally say. “We had a talk on Friday, and… we have mutual feelings for each other. Romantic ones.”

I see Mom’s shoulders relax slightly. (Why? That reaction doesn’t make any sense.)

“We were thinking something like that might be happening,” she says.

Of all the things I was expecting her to say, that was not one of them. All I can say is, “What?”

Mom gets up from the couch and starts pacing around, like she’s trying to do a lot of thinking.

“It’s true,” Dad explains as she does this. “Your mother and I, we have lived long enough to recognize when two people are in love.”

“Oh hush, I’m the one who noticed it first,” Mom snaps, though she’s smiling a little bit.

I’m speechless. They just… knew already? Or guessed, at least? My phone vibrates again… and again… I guess I better check that.

“Now, Ashley, you seem very nervous about this,” Mom explains uncertainly, turning around towards me. “But, you should know that…”

At that point, however, I stop listening to her. My phone was vibrating because Zoe was messaging me. I think she might’ve started earlier than I did.

And what Zoe says makes my blood run cold.

Mom must see the look on my face and stops talking. “What’s wrong? What happened?” she asks me, sounding genuinely frightened.

“Zoe and I had planned to do the big reveal at the same time,” I explain. “And it sounds like her parents aren’t taking it well.”

Mom’s eyes start darting around the room, like she’s looking for something. “What do you mean, not taking it well?”

“Well, they yelled at her, and she had to leave the house,” I say.

Mom makes for the kitchen. “I think it’s best if I go and try to smooth things out,” she says as she walks. She grabs her purse, which for some reason was sitting on the counter near the fridge, and then takes off. Which, of course, leaves just my dad and I.

“It’s a good thing that she’s going and not me, honestly,” he comments. “I tend to not be the best at convincing people of things. She’s a lot better with that sort of stuff.”

I glare at him, trying to gauge any sort of reaction that would indicate how he’s taking my recent revelation. However, he just sits there, looking thoughtful. Like usual.

It kind of makes me angry.

“So… what are you guys gonna do?” I ask him.

He looks at me curiously. “About which thing?”

“About… anything,” I ask. I’m really not sure why his nonchalance is annoying me so much. “Are you mad? Am I about to be homeless too?”

“You’re certainly not about to be homeless, and neither is Zoe. But are we mad? I think not. I suppose I can’t speak for your mother, but all the same, I think I can be reasonably sure she won’t be.”

I sit and wait for a follow-up to this thought, but none comes. I guess what he said is a little reassuring?

“Did you ever have any experiences like this with other girls before Zoe?” Dad asks me after a while.

“Um… No,” I say truthfully. “There was someone else I liked before, but she didn’t reciprocate.”

“Okay. You said that you’ve known for a few years now. Do you have a particular motivation for telling us now?”

“Well, you guys were probably about to find out about it anyway, since some others at school found out and are intent on spreading it around.”

“Mmm,” is all Dad says to that. I still can’t see anything on his face, not anger, not concern, nothing. He’s just sitting there staring at the TV with glazed eyes. I can tell he’s not watching it, he just does that when he’s deep in thought.

I think I’ve had about enough of this. “Well, if you’re done with the twenty questions,” I tell him, but I can’t actually think of a way to end that sentence, so I just start making my way back towards my room.

“Wait!” he interjects suddenly as I go. I ignore him and keep walking.

I’m quite surprised to see Ms. Davis’s car park across from me. Ashley hasn’t replied to my messages yet, but I assume she must have told her parents that I’m in trouble.

Ms. Davis gets out and immediately looks down at me with great concern. I imagine that I’m a really miserable sight. Sitting on the curb, having just lost about 80% of my body weight in tears.

She immediately plops right down next to me and pulls me into a deep hug. I hold back more crying for now, though I still can’t stop myself from sniffling loudly.

“It’s going to be alright, Zoe,” she croons to me softly.

“Do… do you know? Did Ashley…”

“She told me about you two, yes. Now, let’s take a moment to get calmed down, and then I can take you home and…”

I shake my head. “No. I c-can’t go back.” Because it’s true. And the thought crushes every inch of me as I hear their angry voices in my head… over and over…

“What do you mean, ‘can’t go back’?” she asks, frowning over me.

“I’m not… welcome there. Not w-wanted…”

“Oh, Zoe. I know things might have gotten intense in there, but I’m sure that… your parents still love you, and that in time things will settle down.”

I don’t believe her. But I don’t say anything. I feel like I’ve been torn to pieces.

“Here, how about I go talk to them?” She offers. “You just stay right here, and we’ll talk things over.”

Sure enough, she gets up and walks back towards my house, leaving me feeling strangely cold.

A few minutes after that, I hear a knock on my door. Dad comes in.

“Ashley, I really would like to talk to you about all of this,” he says.

“Well, you didn’t seem to be in a big hurry to spill the beans,” I spit at him, moving in my bed to a sitting up position.

“What’s the matter? Why the anger?”

“Well, first of all, if you guys already knew what was going on, why didn’t you… I don’t know? Say something?”

“We were waiting to see if you would tell us.”

“Well, there you go, I did. Happy now?”

He takes a few steps closer to the bed. “You told us because you were backed into a corner.”

“Yeah, well, can you really blame me? Look at what’s happened to Zoe.”

Dad frowns at me. “Did you think that your mother and I would react that way?”

“Well, how was I supposed to know?”

There was a moment of silence. Dad slowly makes his way to the bed and sits down next to me. I kind of just wish he’d go away, though.

“Your mother and I, we care very much about you, Ashley,” he tells me solemnly. “Which means that, whenever something is wrong, we want to know about it.”

“Well then, something has been wrong for the past two and a half years. And I don’t mean me being a lesbian. If you can believe it, there are actually worse things that can happen to a person than that.”

“Why must you take such a defensive tone?” he asks, sounding annoyed for the first time. “If you feel honestly that you are that way, your mom and I are not going to fault you for that.”

“But if I was bi and I just happened to fall in love with a girl, would you have a problem with that?”

“What does… I think you’re missing the overall point.”

I’m so angry that I want to start throwing stuff around the room. “You think I’m missing the point here?”

“Tell me what’s really bothering you,” he urges me. “Tell me what’s wrong. You can be honest now.”

And how am I supposed to do that? How can I put it into words?

The answer is, I don’t. I just start crying. I can’t believe it. I’m actually crying.

I admit that anger wasn’t a rational response to what was happening, but the emotion was too strong for me to overcome. So, after all these years, this is what it takes for my emotions to finally spill out.

There you go. Are you fucking happy now? You got me. You fucking got me. I failed the test.

Father just wraps his arms around me, and I do the same back.

Ms. Davis returns several minutes later. Though I did not hear any raised voices from the house, I see that she is clearly furious.

“Okay, change of plans, Zoe,” she says. “How about you come back to our place for the time being?”

I don’t have any other ideas, so I will myself to climb into the passenger’s seat.

I can tell that she’s still angry, because she’s driving way more aggressively than usual. Her acceleration and turning are erratic, and she’s going several miles over the speed limit.

My horrible sorrow starts to turn into anxiety. What happened between her and my parents? Maybe she’s angry because she’s on my side, and so she disagreed with them. But what if they managed to convince her to change her mind about being mad?

“I… I’m sorry,” I croak to her.

“Zoe, honey, you don’t need to be sorry for anything,” she says softly while running a stop sign. “I just thought that maybe we should take a day to let tempers cool… we weren’t quite able to… of course, I always found your folks to be pretty agreeable before…”

She trails off from there. I’m willing to bet that she’s only withholding further ranting because I’m in the car.

“You’re not... mad at Ashley and I?” I ask timidly.

“No, of course not. Not mad at you… Like I said, let’s wait a little while and see what happens.”

And on that note, we make the rest of the trip in silence.

My mom arrives a few minutes later, with Zoe in tow, confirming my worst fears.

Zoe looks surprised, even shocked, when she sees me at first. I lead her back into my room.

I think that Zoe has already ran out of tears, but she still bawls into me. Loud, ugly sobs, like the cry of a wounded animal.

When it’s quiet, I can hear my parents talking seriously through the wall. They’re quiet enough to where I can’t make out what they’re saying.

I don’t even have it in me to be angry right now, about what has happened. I’m sure the anger will come soon. But all I can feel right now is immense grief for her. I’ve lost friends before, but at least I’ve never completely lost a family. It’s tempting to just join in. But I had my little moment to cry, and so now I have to be tough for her sake.

After a while, my mom pokes her head into the room, now dressed for church. She tells us that we should stay home from church today. That’s fine with me.

Still, I can’t help but to wonder how they’re going to be received there. Is Zoe’s family still going? That could get awkward, to say the least.