Season 1, Episode 5 - The Boxtops XXXVIII - "Having a Blast"

Reed’s purloining of the backpack full of boxtops was fairly easy. Almost disappointingly so. When she stepped back out of the restroom, the entire table was caught up in chanting and celebrating. All she did was walk by, casually scooping up Mackenzie’s backpack off the floor as she went by. Nobody noticed. They were all so immersed in the table’s conversation that they didn’t realize Reed had left them.

Or maybe Reed had become so withdrawn from the social group by this point that they already paid her no mind. Reed knew that sounded too harsh; she hadn’t been putting herself out there in the first place. If anyone was to blame for the rest of her classmates not noticing her absence, it was her herself.

Reed walked slowly and deliberately through the diner, ready to be caught, ready to make a big show about the injustice of it all and how she wanted her fair share of cake. Because she loved cake, goddamnit. But nobody called out to her. She even snuck a glance back, ready to make a joke and hand the backpack over and then segway into her spiel about fairness, but the table started chanting again.

Reed found herself leaving through the doors and arriving outside the diner, stepping into the late autumn afternoon. Caramel-colored leaves swirled in front of her, down one of the many avenues of Russet. Cars rumbled by; pedestrians headed either way on the sidewalks or over a nearby pedestrian bridge; the sun was slowly starting to set.

Not thinking she would ever make it this far, Reed started walking, not exactly sure what she was supposed to do now. The air felt crisp on her face, the occasional breeze making her hair flow in the wind. She pushed strands of hair out of her eyes, passing by deli’s and tanneries and other brick buildings, apartments on the second levels above the store.

Maybe she could hold the boxtops hostage. Have a good laugh when her classmates scrambled to get them back from her. Maybe she could even demand more than her fair share of cake. But then she shook her head, because she wasn’t a cheat except for when she was. And she didn’t intend on being a cheat this time.

If there was one thing Reed learned these past three months, it’s that an honest conversation would’ve likely solved all of this. But those were still hard! Talking to Audrey or Isaac became easier by now, but to talk to Mackenzie? To speak her mind honestly in front of an entire class? Insanity. Much better to just make a big show, put on some theatrics, to get her point across.

But all that left her with was a lonely walk down a long road far from home, a bag of boxtops in her hand that, at the end of the day, she really couldn’t do anything with.

Reed looked back, hoping to see her classmates charge down the avenue to retrieve the boxtops, but nobody arrived. The streets of Russet were quiet. The people minded her own business; even a truck full of local Military Police officers seemed to drive by silently.

Home. With no options, Reed decided that’s the only place she could go right now. To just lay down on her bed sounded like heaven.

She scanned the avenue; about a block away, she found a streetlight with a clock at the top of it, one of those small ones shorter than a telephone pole. Reed frowned as she read the clock hands; the time was 5:28. If she knew her train schedules right, the next elevated train out of Russet to the Pond would be in two minutes.

Home called for Reed. She picked up her pace, her feet moving quickly in the direction of the nearest train station. She knew it would be around a street corner, but until she saw it with her own eyes she wouldn’t feel satisfied. She turned her speed into a jog, then a sprint, her body immediately groaning from the exertion.

She ran around the street corner, passing by a large oak tree, then immediately turned right. There, up ahead of her at the end of a small tree, stood an elevated train station. She could hear the churning noises of metal-on-metal as the next train pulled into the station, smoke from its smokestack rising into the air.

Reed broke into a dead sprint, pushing everything into it. She really just wanted to go home. Her body had never moved with this much intensity or purpose before, at least when it came to something this far away. She could move like no one else when it came to short-term movements, a quick dodge of sidestep, but sustained movement, something long-term - Reed never worked at something like that before.

Reed stepped around other pedestrians, the train whistle indicating an impending departure sounding ominous as it rattled around the station. A large metal staircase led to the top; Reed took the steps two at a time, her shoes slapping against the metal with loud thuds as Reed ascended.

Reed never knew upwards movements could be this difficult, especially when you really wanted to get to the top. She heard another train whistle, this one more urgent, saying that this is it, the train’s about to go, any sorry sod that misses this one will just have to much around the train station until the next one. Reed had no intention of meandering; she could picture home clearly as she arrived at the top.

Fortunately, the lack of Military Police officers guarding the station (Russet was pretty peaceful) meant that Reed could forego the quarter required for every train ride and could just leap over the turnstyle. That set her body on fire on the inside; when had she ever required her body to leap after moving in a dead sprint over that much ground?

Between her panting, Reed actually managed to gasp. The door to the train car directly in front of her was still open! In fact, a figure stood inside the car, right next to the door.

Reed raised an exhausted hand. “Hold the door,” she wheezed out, reaching for the train. The platform wasn’t that large, but every step became slower and slower as Reed reached her limits. The gap seemed insurmountable; as much as she hated to say it, she would need help from this stranger to achieve her goal.

The figure - a man - stepped forward, raising his own arm to keep the doors from closing, but then the sunlight illuminated his face - Stennis. The proselytizer from earlier that day. And, apparently, the son of the woman Reed denied a train seat to a few days ago.

Upon the sight of Reed, Stennis smirked and lowered his arm. He stepped back deeper into the car; Reed was still only halfway across the platform when the door closed. She heard the familiar chugging noises as the black train wheels started to turn, the smoke out of the smokestack intensifying as the train pulled away, leaving Reed to muck about a platform.

Reed could only stand and watch it leave her, disappearing down the elevated track as it headed deeper into Russet before changing course for the border crossing. Actually, Reed could not even do as much as that - as all the adrenaline and fight left her body, she collapsed onto a nearby bench from the exertion.

Then she immediately collapsed onto the platform itself, clutching at her a calf as a cramp utterly paralyzed her. She rolled around on the platform, taking sharp breaths as she simultaneously tried to catch her breath and deal with a calf cramp caused by her usual dehydration. Finally, when she rubbed a small hand across the tense muscle enough times to lower the pain to a tolerable level, a cramp in the other calf flared up.

Reed was almost too proud to admit it, but all the pain and exhaustion came out as a stress vomit. She wiped her mouth, then saw cuts and scrapes on her hand from when she collapsed onto the platform. But at least her current level of physical discomfort went down; she sat on that platform, looking at the orange sky above her.

Then she realized there were still other pedestrians on the platform, all of them gazing at each other with a mixture of curiosity and horror (at least, that’s how it felt, sitting there on the ground).

Reed’s face went scarlet and she just sighed, looking back at the platform.

“Yeah.”

She unsteadily rose back to her own feet, resting a hand on the platform bench to help herself back up. Reed gingerly picked up the boxtop backpack, which she had accidentally flung away while she writhed around on the ground. Fortunately, the bag had been spared of any damage; Reed sighed in relief at the sight of all the boxtops safe and sound.

She ignored the other pedestrians' presumed stares as she moved over to look at the train schedule. Next train - not for another half hour. Not wanting to be on this platform either, Reed slowly walked off, passing through the turnstile, her head hanging low as she descended down the metal staircase.

When she arrived back at the bottom, she expected…something. Anything. Maybe her friends and classmates would be there waiting. Maybe a crowd would be gathered to gawk at her episode on the platform. But the world kept going; nothing had changed at street level. People still walked, people still shopped, cars still drove, birds still flew - whether or not Reed had been there that day, they would keep on doing that.

Reed ran a hand through her hair and found another bench to sit on at the bottom of the stairs. She resigned herself to just stare at the ground until a familiar smell wafted over her.

She managed to raise her eyes, which displayed a dull flicker of surprise. “Chili Dog Man?”

The same chili dog vendor who sold her those outstanding chili dogs during the State Police raid last month now stood before her. He held out a chili dog in his hand, offering the same condiments she got last time.

“I’m surprised you remembered,” Reed mumbled, waving away from the dog.

“I remember all my customers and their orders,” Chili Dog Man answered with a calm grin indicating that he understood his place in the world. He looked older, middle-aged maybe, with graying hair and a stocky build. From his phsyique, Reed wondered if he had eaten too much of his own chili dogs - but she couldn’t really blame him, since she would’ve done the same if she was in his shoes.

“Not hungry today?” Chili Dog Man asked when Reed rejected his offer. “You seemed to love my dogs last time.”

“I was in a good mood last time,” Reed said with a sigh.

Chili Dog Man nodded at her words, then tossed the chili dog away. It landed on the other side the brick plaza at the bottom of the stairs. A flock of birds immediately flew over and started pecking at its remains on the ground. He wiped his hands on the apron he wore, then sat next to her on the bench, watching the birds eat their fill.

“You know, I have an amateur interest in psychology,” Chili Dog Man said. “I’ve seen so many customers all over the city - all over the country, really. I’m nowhere near an expert, but I’m interested in the human condition. That’s why I sell my chili dogs near and far. To see everyone I can."

“Then what brings you here today?” Reed asked glumly, resting her head on two raised palms.

“There’s that big ceremony this week,” he explained. “The one hosted by the Russet Military Police. They invited the State Police too. It’s symbolic, but they hope it’ll solve all the violence in the country.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” Reed mumbled, watching a big pigeon chip away at the chili dog, a few smaller birds flying in, bouncing around, trying to find the best angle to get a piece of the pie (well, dog).

“I don’t need to be a psychiatrist to know you feel troubled,” Chili Dog Man said softly. “But in my journeys, I’ve seen many cases similar to yours. You’re trying to hide it, but you really just want someone to reach out and talk to you.”

Reed frowned, not exactly to undergo a psychological exam conducted by a chili dog vendor. But he did speak the truth.

“Talking’s hard,” Reed admitted. “I only have a handful of people I can talk clearly with. Everyone else, I don’t know. I'd much rather them come to me.”

“Well, I’ll give you an opportunity right now,” Chili Dog Man proposed, relaxing on the bench. “Think of this way. What are the odds you’ll ever see me again? I’m just a ship passing in the night as I go on my travels. I have nowhere to be right now. I’ll listen to all your troubles.”

Reed absent-mindedly ran a hand along the hilt of the Domino Sword, the cold metal comforting her. “Well…I guess…I’ve been kind of a jerk. I’ve been doing some bad things, and sometimes, I actually enjoyed doing them. I had a hundred people riled up over a fake funeral once. It seemed fun, getting everybody going. But people going also means that people aren’t staying.”

She thought of all her escapades the last few months. “I still have a few people who still stick around with me because they have the patience of saints. They always say they’ll help me, so I guess it’s on me to improve myself now. But I don’t know. You ever feel like the world just kicks you around? Mistreats you for no reason? If the world punches down on me, then sometimes I just like punching down on those around me. Makes me feel good, even though it really doesn’t. I guess it’s just easier to pull everyone downwards than to lift myself up.”

Chili Dog Man rubbed his chin in thought as Reed finished explaining her thoughts.

“Hmm,” he merely said, his eyes looking into the distance. Reed wiped her face, regretting having spoken so openly of herself, but then Chili Dog Man answered.

“I have…a daughter,” he said. Reed wasn’t sure why there was a pause before daughter, but she herself knew how complicated families could be, so she didn’t pry (she also wanted to say that she didn’t care, but she kind of did). “She’s sick, so she mostly stays in…a medical facility. I don’t get to see her that often since I travel so much. I’d love to take her with me, to show her the wider world I always speak so highly of. Sometimes I worry that, the longer she stays there, the more likely she’ll forget about the outside world, since the facility will become her entire world. For her to lose that inquisitive spirit…it would kill me.”

Reed wasn’t sure who exactly was opening up to who now. But it felt kind of nice, to have someone speak so clearly with her about their own personal problems. Everyone being nervous about something together wasn't so bad.

“I wonder if it’s the same for all of us,” Chili Dog Man pondered. “We’ve gotten so used to our lifestyles that we’ve decided that the current way we live - it’s the only way to live. We’ve forgotten that there’s a world beyond our current situation. We’ve resigned ourselves to live in the current way, because sticking with the status quo is much safer than trying to change things.”

“Plato and his cave,” Reed recalled. She felt surprised to be reminded of that story twice that in a single day. Maybe being a Rddhi user meant she needed to face questions like that. Or maybe facing questions like that was part and parcel of being alive.

“She had lived, we’ll say,” Chili Dog Man intoned. “A harmless life, one she called a virtuous life. A quiet life, which was not life at all. But that, she had not lived enough to know.”

“What’s that from?” Reed asked.

Chili Dog Man smiled. “I presume from someone going through the same thing you are.”