01.001 Vision

And he took that scepter in his hand with a reversed grip, and Ella started backing up as he threw it at her, spearing her right through her chest and driving her back to fall awkwardly, the crystal tip of the scepter or spear sticking out her back. The pain was immense and Ella felt her vision fading quickly while the figure rose up and reptilian scaled boots stepped in front of her.

Ekerri moved to her and reached out and dipped his hand in the red around the scepter. And his tongue came out and he licked it.

“Damn. I thought for sure this was cake.”

01.003 Party

Aoife sat next to Ella, their thighs touching. And then Ella turned and their eyes connected. The crowd faded away.

Ella kissed her with her tongue exploring Aoife’s mouth. Aoife felt her nipples stiffen, showing through the thin gauzy shirt she wore. She grabbed Ella’s hand and led her to a bedroom door, breasting boobily to the door.

“Wait,” said Ella. “This is badly written women. I cannot take part in this.”

01.007 Again

Henry Jindal-Witten pulled on the ripcord again and the motor started up with a loud roar.

“Jae-Young, huh? You going to treat my daughter right?”

Jae-Young could not take his eyes off of the chainsaw in front of him.

“Yes sir! I wouldn’t ever do anything inappropriate. Errr. We just held hands.”

“Do you mean you aren’t satisfying her!” Her fathers voice was a growl.

“Ummm… no sir? Yes sir. Whatever you say sir.” Jae-Young’s voice took on a desperate quality.

“Excuse me, but there are no chainsaws allowed in the hospital.” The nurse admonished her father.

“Sorry.” He said sheepish.

And then looked at Jae-Young and ran one finger across his throat.

01.014 Punked

Ella and Donna lined up in the ring. This was the final point.

“Get her a body bag” yelled Craig from the side.

Ella looked deep within herself and remembered her sensei’s words, “If done right, no can defend.”

She lifted her arms up to each side, and one leg up and waited. Donna looked confused.

She moved in, and Ella remembered the beach, standing on posts covered in seagull shit, practicing the kick over and over again. She kicked and hit Donna in the chin. The referee held up a flag and with that, Ella won the All Valley Karate Tournament.

Donna even came over and said, “You’re alright LaRusso… I mean Jindal-Witten.” And that affirmation of her worth through the superior use of violence warmed Ella’s heart.

01.023 Kakamora

“Wait,” said Jae-Young. “I thought we were going to Iceland.”

“As if!” replied Ella. “It cost the same to go to Hawaii. Beaches baby!”

Ella pulled out her bikini and started stripping down in the airport until a police officer told her she needed to go somewhere else. She stuck out her tongue and ran off.

When she got to the beach, she was just getting her tan going when a large wave appeared.

“Excuse me, you are blocking my sun.”

The wave tried to give her something, but Ella just threw it in the trash. “Littering is bad…mmkay?”

Later they went for an afternoon cruise. Jae-Young was still trying to convince Ella they needed to go to Iceland when some drugged darts hit him from the side and knocked him right out. The sound of drums sounded over the water and the captain of their ship screamed, “Kakamora!”

Ella looked and saw them. “So cute!” she squealed. Then they drew scary faces on their coconut shells. “Even cuter!”

The ship was sunk in short order because their cuteness was just too much for anyone to resist, and Ella swam to a deserted island.

When she got there, she met the few other survivors.

“Hello! Hello there!”

“Oh hello. I think this is everyone who survived.”

“Nice to meet you all! The beach here is gorgeous and look, I killed one of those pirates and he is still so cute!” Ella held up the severed coconut head with blood dripping from it.

“Very cute! I’m Captain Grumby. This is Mr. Howell III and his wife, Mrs. Howell, Professor Hinkley, Mrs. Grant, and Mrs. Summers.”

“Wait! Shit. I wanted to be Ginger. That means I’m Gilligan. Fuck!”

01.030 Interlude - Magna Mater

Chit looked in disbelief.

“You want me to do what?”

Thiha told him again.

“Okay!” and before he could think about it, he grabbed a knife and cut his penis off.

“No!” Thiha yelled, “we were just joking!”

01.033 Coping

She opened the door and turned back to tell them one more thing. “I lied earlier. I cope with it by doing drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.”

01.035 Service

The scorpions were all kneeling and worshipping her. As she deserved.

“From now on, I shall no longer be known as Ella. I shall no longer be known as Inanna. I shall be the great Flying Spaghetti Monster and you will receive blessings from my noodly appendages.”

The scorpions looked at her and then looked at one another.

As one, they fell on her and began consuming her.

Bahu said, “she doesn’t really taste much like spaghetti.”

01.038 Analepsis Friday, April 14, 1865 - Washington D.C., United States

“What are we doing here?” asked Arcsa.

The High Priestess looked at him and grinned, “watch this!”

She walked into the theater and took careful aim and shot.

Saturday, July 2, 1881 - Washington D.C., United States

“You think you are so amazing,” Arcsa said, “it may be 1-0, but here we go!”

He walked up to the man and pulled the trigger twice, the revolver being a bit tricky. Police tackled him and took him down fast.

“1-1 now bitch!” he yelled as he was carted away.

Friday, September 6, 1901 - Buffalo, New York.

“Arcsa is such an idiot. As if I would stand to be tied with him.”

The High Priestess took out her .32 and hid it underneath a handkerchief.

The Pan-American Exposition was in full swing, and it was loud and a bit obnoxious.

The High Priestess saw her target. “Another point to me!” and she took her shot. Only to watch it bounce off the damn coat button. “What the hell?”

She quickly took another shot before that idiot Parker and the National Guard piled on her.

“2-1!”

Friday, November 22, 1963 - Dallas, Texas

Arcsa took careful aim. It was a long shot to a moving target, but the elevation helped. The Carcano Model 38 was perfect for this.

Suddenly Kennedy’s head rocked back. Arcsa looked around and saw a puff of smoke from a grassy knoll and heard a yell!

“You ain’t got nothing on me! 3-1! Who’s the bitch now?”

This one is entirely tasteless, I admit

01.041 Interview

Xu eyed this young girl interviewing at his firm. She was perfect for his plan.

“Mr. Goldberg, stop ogling her ample bosom. Miss Jindal-Witten, come with me.”

Goldberg looked down, caught out.

“Right here into my office. I’ll follow in just a moment.”

Ella walked into a dark room when the door shut with a loud clang behind her.

“Hey! What’s going on.”

The roof lifted up and a dragon’s head peeked in.

“Perfect! Now just a bit of seasoning.” He started to sprinkle something down.

“Is that paprika? And brown sugar?” Ella caught a bit more. “Black pepper, garlic powder…. some mustard and cayenne.”

Xu became alarmed. “How dare you determine my secret spice rub! All of the Tianlong know I am the best. Good thing I am eating you soon.”

Ella could feel the floor heating up.

She yelled up, “Try adding some onion powder also! I want to taste my best.”

01.046 Consideration

Ella took a moment to process what had been said and then she realized what had been in the stew.

She looked up at the High Priestess.

“Damn it. The People really need to learn about onion powder.”

The High Priestess was surprised and feel to her knees, forehead to the ground, “You are the prophesized one!”