《ODHM: Holst Curio and Convenience》22: Too Sexy

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*Snap!*

“I think we should do it like this,” said Jo. Sketching an open, semi-rounded, design on the table-sized tablet we were all working on. The open center of the design was surrounded by more closed-off, maze-like protrusions, or “petals”, that could allow one to see the open center but kind of sent you on a journey if you wanted to find something on your own.

“Hm, I guess that looks okay, but I feel like a lot of people might just get fed up with how the loops are set up,” I said.

“Al-, Also aren’t the lanes a bit too narrow?” said Brandy.

Josephine, Brandy, and I were redoing the store’s layout. We did this, every so often, based on prior performance in the store. Beyond the desire to make sales, there was also a desire to keep the look of things inside the store fresh and new for our other customers. There was also a need to keep things familiar enough and similar enough to older layouts that older customers would be able to easily find their way around.

In theory, we could have let my figments handle this kind of work. Specifically, the Thinkers. I had more than a few Thinkers that I’d created with the specific task of mastering marketing, advertising, and social engineering. However, this was the kind of work we, I, liked to do myself, regardless of its inefficiency, and whether I had tools that could do it better and faster. After all, running this shop “was” the trade and occupation that I’d chosen for myself.

*Snap!*

“How about this?” said Brandy. Doing her own sketch. Drawing up a design that was similar to your usual department layout with aisles and sections, all just set up in a plain order, with the front of the store left relatively clear for use as the basis of the store's auxiliary businesses and services.

“Hm, it’s a neat look, but doesn’t it feel a bit too...standard?” I said.

“I like it, but I think we need to expand that open area, over there, a bit. Either that or create a second open area for the sake of the arcade,” said Josephine.

“Oh, yeah! The Arcade! How on earth did we forget about that?!” I said. Slapping my own forehead, because honestly, it kind of made sense. More often than not, customers who were coming into our shop to visit the arcade, had no interest or awareness of the actual shop itself, which made it so that the arcade and the actual shop basically existed, and ran, semi-independently of one another.

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“In that case, my idea is….’this’,” I said. Writing up a quick draft of spell-coding, with a couple of sample designs laid beside it as building blocks for more complex store layouts that the future program could build using the simpler layouts.

“Cheating!” grumbled Josephine. Her cheeks puffed out adorably as she pouted.

“That’s uh...I guess, it’s pretty good, but it’s like...What was the point of us all doing this then?” said Brandy also seeming a bit put-off with my solution that at least “seemed” to fly afoul of my ideal of doing the work personally, so that it actually feels like a job that “I” am doing.

“H-, Heh, come on now...Don’t forget that we have a whole bunch of iterations of the store running. We already have things set up so that the store’s look changes based on the shopper’s needs, expectations, and preferences. It only makes sense to make smaller changes that the store’s spells can implement into its already set layouts, without crashing the “user-friendly” setup we already have going,” I said.

“Ngh...Fine. I guess that makes sense. I still say it’s a bit cheaty though,” said Josephine.

“In that case, c-, can we expand the space-altering algorithms so the store can generate and accommodate more complex patterns and layouts?” said Brandy. Seeming to rebound pretty quickly.

“I don’t see why not,” I said. Nodding. As I envisioned upgrading the store’s various environmental mechanisms, so they could accommodate all sorts of wild and weird environs. It seemed like an especially good idea, since we were starting to roll out the loyalty program and I thought it’d be a nice touch if the loyalty customers got an even nicer, personalized, store-layout.

*Snap!**Bang!*

“Uh, what was that?” said Brandy. Sitting up and looking concerned. Sounding even more concerned when Jo placed her hands over Brandy’s eyes.

“Whoops…Be right back,” I said. Blushing abashedly, and quickly hurrying away.

*************************************************************************************************************

Josephine watched her husband teleport away and let go of the other woman. Pulling her hands away from Brandy’s face.

“What happened? Why did you cover my eyes?” said Brandy.

“Woof...Seem, Hubby’s gotten handsomer again…” said Josephine. Sounding simultaneously amused and perturbed.

“H-, huh?! What?!” said a befuddled Brandy.

Josephine pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and used it to wipe the entrance of one of her floppy ears. Then she showed the red smear that was left on the handkerchief to Brandy. It was a stain born of blood, cranial fluid, and liquified nervous tissue.

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“Er….” said Brandy. Looking like she still didn’t know what to make of anything that was happening, or anything she was seeing.

“Ellis trains and works out just as much as we do...He just does it where we can’t see...The problem is, that as Ellis gets stronger, it amplifies his true-nature...which affects his looks...Which means, he needs to constantly improve and upgrade the perception-shield...Er, the facade, that he wears...Usually, he doesn’t have to make the improvements with every little breakthrough of his cultivation, but if he’s not watching out for it, the perception-shield will fail...and well, even my brains can’t deal with that much overwhelming sexy…” said Josephine.

“Ah…” said Brandy. Not sure what to say to that. Trembling as she tried and failed to imagine looks so profound and high-tier that they literally melted the observer’s brains.

“Here,” said Josephine. Interrupting Brandy’s fantasies.

Brandy looked and saw that Josephine was offering her a clean handkerchief.

“H-, huh?” said Brandy. Uncomprehending.

“I saved your brains, but you still got caught in the range of the dangerous sexy...Your nose is bleeding. It’s bleeding a lot,” said Josephine.

“Eh? What?! Oh, no!” said Brandy. Rising out of what she was now realizing was an addled stupor, as she finally noticed that her face and the front of her shirt were completely soaked in blood.

“Sorry about that…We’ll understand if...” said Josephine. Her expression was concerned and guilty.

“No, no...None of that, please...Living with you guys has made me happier than I ever knew I could be...I can deal with a few nose bleeds and....d-, dangerous sexy...and I’m assuming that if I...We...are strong enough it doesn’t affect us as badly,” said Brandy. Smiling faintly. Her expression firm, stearn, and resplendent.

“Yeah! How’d you know?!” said Josephine. Seeming to brighten right back up again, as it became clear that her friend wasn't going to be leaving.

“Well, if it was as bad as all that...I don’t think you and Sir could be as happy as you often seem to be,” said Brandy. Blushing.

“True…Ufufufufu...” said Josephine. Smiling brilliantly, and shyly playing with her hair.

“A-, anyway,” said Brandy. Blinking dazedly for a second as she found herself charmed by the other woman’s rare appearance of bashfulness, and wondering if Josephine wouldn’t eventually need a perception-shield of her own.

“I’m going to head to my room to change...Then could we maybe play that new game you told me about?” said Brandy.

“Of course...Kitchen-Sink Ultra Mega Rumble Extreme is already loaded in the console in the big living room, so you can just meet me there when you’re ready,” said Josephine. Her eyes were shining.

“Oh, good...Er, well, see you in a bit then,” said Brandy. Stumbling a bit, as she turned and left to head to the family’s private server, and the residence that lay within the server.

*************************************************************************************************************

Elsewhere in the Holst family’s private server, I was desperately trying to figure out what exactly went wrong with my facade. The perception-shield was meant to keep the effects of my actual appearance from hurting anyone. I checked my facade daily because I was basically a walking hazard without the shield in place.

I’d thought I was fine, but it seemed that I’d unexpectedly grown too fast this time. The imbalance between my reality, far exceeding the projected reality created by the facade, in a reaction that could effectively amount to me making the world itself motion-sick, or rather perception-sick. After coming into contact with myriad strange things, during all those lifetimes spent incarnating as various villains, my body and presence alone could warp reality.

I honestly should have realized what that snapping noise was. There was just too much, damned, stuff in the store that made similar noises. Blinking, quacking, quaking, whispering strange things in the night. The insides of our little store were actually quite cacophonous now that I thought about it. I'd naturally be creating a set alarm for future failures of my facade to rectify the issue.

Beyond this situation being a very embarrassing goof, it made me worry that the changes to my physique and true-being were accelerating. For the time being, I was going to hope that this was just a fluke, but for the sake of my customers and my family, I’d make the filters and shields that made up my facade even more robust. Hopefully accounting for, and catching, any future issues before someone got seriously hurt.

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