With his armor retracted the Eater casually strolled through the underbrush not too far away from the budding dungeon. His pallid white flesh was on full display, with purple veins etched across his skin and his six eyes blinking in the soft light of the evening. All along his body his ochre armor was folded away just hidden below the skin, waiting to deploy at a moment’s notice. His lipless mouth was constant rictus grin that exposed his sharp teeth that line the top of his mouth and his bifurcated twin lower jaws, with his six eyes that sat in a semi-circle on his brow scanning his surroundings.

The Eater wasn’t scared to be walking essentially naked in the dangerous Whisperwoods alone. In fact he was doing it to lure himself a meal. For he made sure to suppress his bloodlust as he casually walked about, without too many use of his skills or instincts aiding in his movement. In fact he had to try harder to act nonchalant and suppress his scout-form’s abilities.

For surely whenever there was something weak and foolish in dangerous territories, there was always bound to be some predator that would helpfully offer it’s services in culling the weak and foolish.

Amir was actually enjoying himself as he took in the scenic walk, if not for the multiple broken bones and multiple layers of fractured exoskeleton that prompted him to mute his own sense of pain.

Damn knock-off Gimli, he swore to himself as he was reminded of the thrashing he had suffered not too recently.

Round these parts of the woods there didn’t even seem to be anymore strong creatures for him to fight to vent away his frustrations. For the Peat-Golem he had toyed with earlier seemed to be the ruling lord of this tiny slice of the woods.

Also it wasn’t as if the Eater could just range deeper into the woods and towards the foothills of the Melikar ranges, where there was bound to be stronger things for him to fight and consume. He had even heard that the ranges played host to mythical Corium-ranked monsters and higher.

But that level of enemy were way beyond his means. For now.

Well what he really wanted at that moment was to eat something substantial. For his recent recovery had taken quite a toll on his lipid reserves.

“The fucking cat-thing from earlier wasn’t even that great, all sinew and barely any muscle, Pfff!” he hissed as he complained to no one in particular. It was times like theses that he was reminded of the delicious foods from times long before.

Like a lemon chicken burger with a brioche bun…. Aww not again, he thought sadly to himself as his horrific mouth started to slaver.

After all these years of him and Bob having exhausted every avenue of possibly going home and giving up on ever doing so, he was always brought back to Earth by the memories of food.

Sure the magic’s sick and the system is whack, and the bitches were great, the Eater listed off to himself as he was reminded of his very amorous stay in the seedy town of Deshnik. The town where he had unlocked a very particular skill and spent many a night in unscrupulous establishments with loose woman of different races. His crew was originally posted there on a little Swallow mission, but he had killed and eaten a rogue who had attempted to rob them upon their very first day there.

Apparently the rogue had the skill called Lady-killer and a very big dick that his very peculiar Eater skill counted as acquirable and thus something he could absorb through eating. Sure he had to eat a big ol’dick, but he would’ve done it all over again just so he could get mad laid like he did.

At first Bob just thought it was hilarious and was happy for him, if not a little jealous. But after the sex-spree carried from days into weeks and their funds started to dry up, he didn’t find it so funny anymore.

The out of nowhere he was reminded of how his mum would’ve found it funny, if very also grossed out by the news. Then the Eater paused in his stroll as a wave of melancholic nostalgia tugged away at all three of his hearts; in his chest, his left thigh and his right foot.

“Better safe than sorry,” was his motto.

At that moment, the Eater missed his family.

Wonder how’s mum,dad and my sisters doing after all these years? He wondered sadly as he looked up into the sky that barely broke through the canopy above. He still imagined that they were out there somewhere, and that he might be able to see them if he looked hard enough into the cosmos.

He even missed his work. Bet my supervisor would’ve cursed me for leaving all the contracts for him to handle on his own, James that prick, he thought with a little intermitted hiss escaping from deep within his throat.

The scout-form wasn’t the best for conversing, but he had Bob for all the talking that they ever needed.

He really missed driving whilst listening to his music. There were many nights where it was just him on his way home, the road and his tunes. He had loved that.

Sure the Bard’s musical renditions through his skills were spot-on, but they were limited to songs he had heard from their time on Earth and in Amir’s opinion, his friend’s music taste was utterly abysmal.

It was fun to sing along to Anastacia’s Left outside alone, as Bob performed his All-buff skill whilst Amir was in the process of killing someone. But the song had lost it’s luster after all these years, having been sung hundreds of times.

The Eminem battle buffs were also great in the early days too, but Bob sometimes liked to freestyle even thought he sucked at freestyling.

Shame how Bob’s not a Bicep fan, would’ve been pretty sick just to listen to the beats, he mused to himself.

Also annoying is how the prick never plays M-J, even thou he fucking knows the songs, cursed the Eater as he resumed in his walk.

But most annoying was how his friend just didn’t care about Earth anymore. He just took to Delmathar like a fish to water. Even if he still was hung up about his girlfriend whom he believed was out there somewhere on Delmathar too, he just seemed to love every moment on this fantasy-shithole.

Amir was sure that his friend enjoyed life here more that he ever did growing up on Earth. But it just doesn’t make sense.

Why does he like it so much? It was full of class elitism, racism and most of the population where just weak as shit in a world full of monsters that could kill them in hundreds of ways.

Who gives a fuck if you were a level one-hundred-something-stupid Carpenter and could carve out Pinocchio on toothpick using a spoon in five minutes, after a whole lifetime of toiling, if it meant a random monkey-dog could just eat you if you went for a stroll in the woods? The Eater thought annoyingly to himself.

For him, life would be considered pretty good by this world’s standards. He was Grafted into a killing machine that would just be occasionally plagued by a horrible hunger. His strength was even higher than his level suggested for he had acquired a whole Swiss-army-knife of skills and organs. He had so many, that he would have to metamorphosize between forms for different scenarios . This particular one he was currently using was dubbed as “Exo-Scout without Dick II.”

All in all he would consider himself quite the accomplished…. Necron-Chimera as his status labelled him. Whatever the fuck that was, it was what he is.

He had pilfered so many skills and organs that he had one for nearly every occasion, heck he even had a halfling-looking ghoulish one he used for nights out in Everglow with Bob if he wanted to go unwind after missions.

But the gestation time as he metamorphosized still left a lot to be desired, with it leaving him defenseless whenever he was going through the process.

It was a rule that Swallows only check their statues in Everglow for safety reasons, and the Eater preferred morphing there instead of on missions for the same reason. But sometimes he had to morph in some dingy tavern room or some barn on a mission, but only if he had Bob and Harriet to watch his back.

On the other hand, when he used his ultimate battle form he feared nearly nobody, unless they were Adamantium-ranked or higher combat Classers. For he would move so fast and be unstoppably strong as he flowed through the rush of battle, measuring his mettle against that of his foes.

Whilst bob, bob was weak, and even if his singing magic was amazing, he was just still just a support class, he reflected ruefully on his friends apparent mortality in this dangerous world. He never understood why bob enjoyed the life here so much. It’s so backwards, with barely any flushing toilets or tandoori chicken…

“Man I fucking miss tandoori chicken on cheese pizzas,” he hissed softly to himself.

At this little proclamation the bushes just to the right and in front of the Eater began to rustle before revealing itself to be some large brutish deer-like creature.

The creature snorted in disdain at the Eater who had interrupted it in its evening forage. It then lowered its squat head that sat atop a powerfully muscled neck as it charged.

Seeing the angry glint in the creature’s eye that bore no predatory malice, the Eater discerned that it must be just some peeved herbivore that didn’t like the look of him.

A meals a meal, he thought as his armor slide out from below the various skin-folds to protect him before his used his phase-walk and disappeared.

The Eater then reappeared at the trunk of a tree that was off to the side before kicking off powerfully and sending himself flying above the creature.

As the Eater disappeared from the observable reality once more as he sailed above the charging monster, he soon reappeared with his elbow ochre-colored blades fully extended as he pirouetted through the air like a spinning top.

The creature only then realized something was wrong as it had charged into thin air. Then all feeling below its neck was cut off as it’s vision began to spin nauseatingly. It barely even understood how it had died before it’s brain soon shut off after its head painfully crashed to the ground before coming to a stop, staring at a bush.

This was because the Eater had cleaning decapitated the creature as he had sailed past with a beautiful little ribbon of blood following in the wake of his elbow-blades as he spun through the air before coming to a kneeling rest.

It’s headless body crashed messily before its inertia carried it forwards as it slide on its knees on the soft forest floor. Then the corpse came to a stop before keeling away from its detached head that was looking away from its own body beside it.

No bad if I say so myself, seven outta ten for style and execution.. ha execution, the Eater praised himself as he got up to saunter towards his waiting meal.

…

After his messy meal was over and with his lipid organs half-full, the Eater had stored away any leftovers from the corpse into his magical holding organ before getting up and heading back.

But something was nagging at the back of his mind.

What was I supposed to do in the first place again? He tried to remember.

Oh yeah bob wanted me to collect some grubs to seed the dungeon as it’s “base lifeforms” or whatever…. he quickly recalled with a small measure of guilt. Maybe Harriet will get it done.

But the memory of his parting with her left him feeling doubtful. For before parting ways, the Firefist-ape made her way up the first fruit tree she saw and helped herself to a snack before quickly falling asleep.

That idiot monkey always is just thinking about food, he thought with annoyance before starting to look about around him. Ok better find something then… Now if I were Bob, and I was looking for bugs, where would they be?

…

Walking back with some pallid little worms he found under some life litter in one hand and a terrified blue mouse in the other, was the Eater. He himself knew that his haul was quite pathetic compared to the amount of time he spent away from the dungeon and therefore sure to earn him a few choice words from his friend. But he didn’t care much.

After a short brisk walk he broke through the trees and back into the clearing of his previous battle with the golem where his friend had seeded the new dungeon in. The tiny little mouse in his hand had recovered enough mana to give him another little squirt of its paltry water magic but the Eater paid the creature no heed, for there was a new surprising little development in the clearing.

From the hole that dropped down into the web of tunnels that was the dungeon, was a growing patch of green grass.

Not conspicuous at all, why don’t you just paint a huge target on your face instead you silly dungeon? Amir thought in disdain as he walked closer.

When he did get closer, he discovered that what he had first assumed was grass was actually moss instead. But it was all the same to him, for both served him no purpose.

But just when the Eater was about to drop into the hole and reconvene with his friend and hand in his haul, a small flash of blue lightning announced the arrival of the ridiculous Dwarf.

Surely enough, in a fraction of a second later and the squat, blue-tattooed Dwarf appeared. He was just a few steps away from the Eater who was already poised to make some distance and lure him away from the dungeon.

“Grumble, mumble, grumble,” spoke the newcomer with a voice like grinding granite as his tattoos faded.

Then a brief silence filled the air between the two people in the artificial clearing.

“What? Why should I?” hissed back the Eater as he deployed his armor to cover all exposed bits of flesh. His little worms and the mouse already released to free his hands for possible combat. Plus they would’ve died if he phase-walked whilst carrying them.

“Mumble grumble?” replied the Dwarf with an evil glint in his eye as he simple shrugged back.

“I fail to see how that is my problem,” hissed the Eater as he started to relax his legs muscles, just in case he had to fire all synapses and make a quick burst of speed. Towards him or away? He quickly calculated to himself.

The Dwarf who wasn’t expected such an adamant refusal, only stood there in shock at the audacity on display from someone who he could easily squash.

Then his shoulders quickly shook as he let out a small chuckle that sounded to the Eater like an asthmatic chimney.

The Dwarf then mumbled softly before fishing out a small brown spherical object from his shirt before flicking it over with his thumb. Then before the Eater had even caught the little projectile, the Dwarf disappeared as he teleported away in a thunderclap of blue runic magic, to places unknown.

Then as Amir’s hand clasped around the sphere as he caught the little seed, a scroll appeared before him. Another identical scroll then appeared for the Bard who was in the dungeon below and a third appeared before Harriet who was sleeping in a fruit tree some ways away.

Legendary World Quest: Brew the strongest drink in the world

Help this divine seed reach it’s full potential, to become the most potent drink ever made on Delmathar.

Rewards

Experience AND The gratitude of a Dwarf

“What the fuck is this shit?” swore the Eater.

…

“What?!” shouted the startled Bard.

…

Whilst Harriet continued to snore away.

…

The Eater then quickly retrieved his worms before shooting off to the side where he retrieved the terrified little blue mouse that was making a beeline for the trees.

He then quickly retreated back into the dungeon to find his friend. Surprisingly inside the dungeon that was previously bare dirt tunnels, he found it to be covered in moss and colorful little squares, circles and triangles.

But instead of trying to work out what was going on, the Eater only hurried in his footsteps as his sought the company of his friend.

The winding tunnels proved useless in confounding the Eater, for he shared a fate-bond with Bob. The bond had proven time and time again to be invaluable as it enable one to seek out the other wherever they were. It was quite the anomaly which apparently other Grafters did share and was how they had found each other in their earlier days in Delmathar.

“Oi what the fuck is it, with this Sony playstation showroom dungeon you got going?” he hissed as he rounded the corner into the core room.

“Oh hey Amir! Haha.. funny. Nah it’s all Please’s doing. But what the hell was that green scroll?” eagerly asked the Bard as he shot up from his little seat before rushing towards his friend.

First thing that Amir noticed in surprise, was how Bob who was just previously bald like a shaved testicle had somehow grown back all of his feathers. With the new ones looking healthier than he had ever seen them.

“Oh you saw it too? I haven’t a fucking clue mate, looks like a special quest to me. How about you, did you do the thing?” he hissed back as he questioned his friend. “Also who the fuck is Please?”

“It’s the dungeon you twat, and what thing are you on about?” asked Bob as he waved a dismissive arm in the direction of his friend who towered above him, as he came to a stop just a few paces from Amir.

“The dungeon monster thing you moron, you’re all feathered up and shit, plus in my predator-vision you’re all purple like the dungeon’s domain,” answered the Eater as he crouched down for a better look. His facial armor was now peeled back and retracted into their sheaths as all of his eyes were trained on his friend and glowing in a prismatic range of colors as he used one of his specialized senses.

Upon hearing those words, Bob looked down at his own arms and with surprise started touching his paunch little feathered stomach as he felt his new purple, shiny and downy feathers. “Oh yeah… I guess it worked, wait what do you mean I’m all purple in your sex-pest-vision?” he asked in confusion.

“Its fucking predator-vision you twat, and what I mean is that you’re now the same color as the dungeons…. Mana? Lifeforce? I don’t fucking know!” angrily hissed Amir. “And here’s the shit you asked for.”

He then released his hold onto the small little animals before his friend. The worms quickly began to squirm as they slowly ambulated away, whilst the little blue mouse quickly bolted back the way they had come.

But before any of the creatures got anywhere, the moss quickly grew to entangle them before entombing the worms and the mouse in a blanket of magical Bryophyta.

“Holy shit did you see that? Nice work Please!” praised Bob as he hobbled over to prod the worm-shaped mounds on the floor.

“Well seeing as how you’re a dungeon monster now… can I eat you to test if the respawning works?” hissed the Eater as he menacingly approached his friend with his hands outstretched down towards Bob like grasping claws.

“Haha, good joke.. but fuck you no. I’ve just started getting the hang of not dying over the last decade on this world with you, or have you forgotten?” replied Bob as he tried swatting away the armored hands that were nearly as big as he was.

Amir paid him no heed as he grabbed onto Bob, before bringing him up to his face. The lower armor on his face then slid back into their recesses to expose his horrible mouth. Then the two sets of jaws unhinged as the Eater then brought his friend closer into his nightmarish maw.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” he hissed as he brought Bob who was wriggling I protest closer towards his mouth.

“Fucking stop it! *Ahhhrgh* Fucking bitch-tits! Let me goooNoooooo!” shouted Bob before he started to pee himself.

The yellow urine then trickled down past the armored hand and into the waiting mouth and causing Amir to splutter in disgust.

“What in the fuck! Eurggh! Yuck! You fucking sick fuck! You pissed in my mouth you shit! I was only joking!” Hissed Amir before throwing the squirming Bob away. But even as annoyed and disgusted with his friend as he was, he made sure to do so softly.

On the wall where Bob was about to crash into, a large conical formation of moss grew out of the wall to cushion his fall.

Amir then was to take a step back but found that moss had started to grow to trap his feet.

“What the fuck? Tell your dungeon pet to never fuck around with me Bob,” he hissed angrily as he quickly tore out his feet once he remembered what it had previously done to the little creatures.

“Dude what the fuck? That wasn’t a funny joke man!” shouted Bob indignantly as he ignored the threat to the dungeon, as he struggled to right himself whilst upside down in the moss-bowl.

“It was funny…until you pissed in my mouth like a little chicken,” joked Amir before laughing to himself.

“Dude.. not cool man,” replied Bob as he jumped down from the bowl before starting to walk away in a huff.

Realizing he had offend his friend by using the taboo C word, made the Eater quickly come to a stop in his joking.

“Look Bob it was just a joke ok? I didn’t mean to say that,” he apologized as he quickly caught up to his angry friend. Then seeing that Bob wasn’t replying as he stormed away down the dungeon, prompted Amir to scoop him up.

But instead of seeing a sullen Bob, his friend was smiling wickedly with his grotesque little face.

“Haha.. you drank my piss you sick fuck,” joked Bob.

“Never mind that… also we shall never talk of this again,” hissed Amir once he realized that he had giving his friend some blackmailing material inadvertently.

“Ok back to the serious shit, was it the dwarf again who gave you a quest? I’d never even heard of a gamey looking quest UI like that before, anywhere, ” asked Bob as he begun to pace about on the floor once Amir had released him.

“Yeah it was the knock-off Gimli all right, he just appeared and told me I had to do him a favor then fucked off again,” answered Amir as absentmindedly begun to scratch the folds of his armor on his neck.

Bob then stopped in his pacing as he contemplated on the ramifications of what had just transpired.

“But if he’s so powerful that he could issue these types of quests, which I’ve never even heard of, to the whole party like that… then why us?” he asked no one in particular.

“Easy, it’s because the half-priced prick thinks we’re total chumps! Did you not read the quest? He’s just an old-ass alchey for fuck’s sake!” hissed Amir angrily as he clenched the hand that he was using to scratch himself with.

“Did he give you something then, like a seed or something stated in the quest?” asked Bob.

“Yeah here you go,” answered Amir as he produced the seed he had been hiding between the cracks of the armor by his wrist on his left arm.

“What in the fuck man? Why have you been keeping it this whole time like some sort of Gollum with the one ring or some shit? Why didn’t you just show it to me first thing, instead of your little Rottwood worms and that crappy rainmouse. AND, you could’ve done so much better than that shit man, don’t you fucking for one sec think that I don’t know you went for a snack!” angrily shouted Bob as he started to gesticulate and hopping about in anger.

“Calm your tits man! Stop getting your g-string in a twist, I can see your balls when your hopping about like that!” replied the Eater as he pulled back the offered seed.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Bob calmed himself down before raising out a hand for the seed once more.

Amir complied once his friend had settled down and dropped the seed into the outstretch little hand. But the seed that looked like a beach-ball in relation to Bob’s size, simply fell out of his hands and nearly sent him stumbling forwards.

He then quickly recovered but before he was able to go over to inspect the giant seed that sat on the moss near to his feet, he quickly froze as he became catatonic.

“Oii you ok there?” Amir hissed in question after a few moments had passed. He wasn’t so sure if his friend was poisoned or paralyzed by coming into contact with it somehow.

“Yeah, yeah.. I was just talking to Please there for a sec,” replied Bob once he had snapped out of his telepathic conversation.

The seed that was the floor between the pair then began to move as the moss grew up behind it and pushed it along the floor.

“What’s going on?” asked Amir in confusion.

“Please wants to eat the seed, it says that’s its full of power,” Bob nonchalantly replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Wait WHAT?! Fuckin no! The two-bit Warwick is going to fucking smash my ass again!” shouted Amir as he rushed forwards to grab ahold of the rolling seed.

“Haha, yeah Please I don’t think you should eat it,” laughed Bob as he walked up to his friend.

The dungeon core crystal then chimed as Please made its displeasure known.

“Please is moaning, it says that the seed has got so much power,” Bob translated for his friend.

“Yeah still fucking no, ask her of she can grow it or whatever it is she does with the moss,” suggested back Amir as the thought occurred to him.

Looking down, he then waited as his friend froze once more as he communicated with the dungeon.

“Please is an it,” spoke Bob once he had snapped out of his little conversation.

“Really? Like fuck man, my sight is showing that SHE is all purple and shit. So Please is definitely a she or at least a very camp guy with these vibes flying around everywhere,” Amir retorted in annoyance.

“Now tell me what Please said,” he added once he realized that his stupid friend had caused them to side-track once again.

“Yeah Please says there’s no way she could grow it, it would literally destroy her to even try to germinate this thing,” Bob answered as he walked over towards the core. He then turned towards his little alcove before assuming his position back up on his comfy little seat once more.

“Did she fuck, she didn’t say that,” shot Amir in annoyance.

“You are correct, she did not. She just said it was too hard and she can’t do it,” replied Bob with a little shrug of his shoulders.

“Man, you are such an annoying prick sometimes,” cussed Amir as he sat down onto the floor.

“Coming from the guy who pretended to eat his friend for a joke?” shot back Bob with snarl on his face.

“Touché, but how the fuck are we going to do this quest then?” questioned Amir as he prodded the soft moss with a inquisitive finger.

“Well I’m sure it’s not going to be so simple isn’t it? It’s a fucking epic level quest, so its not like some farmers just gonna grow it like a pumpkin seed you fuck,” answered Bob as he looked over towards the core.

Legendary World Quest: Brew the strongest drink in the world

Help this divine seed reach its full potential, to become the most potent drink ever made on Delmathar

Find the farmer to grow this seed

Rewards

Experience AND The gratitude of a Dwarf

….

Far away in Pancreedy, Joantack the Minotaur felt a shiver run down his spine as he sat on the edge of his bed. He was just about to retire early for the day.

….

“What the fuck?” both Bob and Amir spoke simultaneously as they both looked on in amazement at the newly updated quest scroll before them.

The green scroll then faded into nothingness after a few seconds as if it had never appeared, leaving the two dumbstruck friends and a confused dungeon.

“Keep going!” shouted Amir as he shot to his feet.

“Keep going what, you fuck?” swore Bob as he too shot up from his little moss-seat.

“Keep saying stuff!” prompted Amir as he bounced from one feet to the other excitedly as he shook the seed in his hand before him.

“Err…. and its not like we are going to find someone to help us process the fruit afterwards?” Bob tried lamely.

But seeing that his little question came to no effect, their excitement was quickly smothered into disappointing embers.

“Good job asshole,” insulted Amir as he sat back down whilst shaking his pale head, with all six of his eyes in tiny slits as they gave his friend a withering glare.

“What the fuck, man? Its not like you had better ideas! You just got me to say shit?!” shouted Bob indignantly with his tiny arms flailing angrily in the air.

“Well I would’ve worded it better,” replied Amir in excuse before turning away.

“Yeah well fuck you, you didn’t do shit,” spoke Bob angrily before crossing his arms and looking away from his friend in anger.

“Well you fuckwit I would’ve said “and maybe we can find some artisanal brewer to help-” shot back Amir angrily.

Legendary World Quest: Brew the strongest drink in the world

Help this divine seed reach it’s full potential, to become the most potent drink ever made on Delmathar

Find the Farmer to grow this seed

Then Find the Brewer to brew the most potent drink

Rewards

Experience AND The gratitude of a Dwarf

…

In the little village of Pancreedy and in her little Brewery was Paekflower Fem the Desert Kobold. She was busy corking her beer with the aid of a magical-artifact whilst listening to her daughter recount how she had ran into her crush in the morning, the Centaur boy.

A quick shiver ran through her body before disappearing as quickly as it came about.

…

“What the fuck,” mirrored the two friends in the dungeon once again.

Then they boy broke off into a maniacal laughter, with a young baby dungeon chiming in confusion.

But soon she too started to chime in short little intervals as she mirrored her friends.