《The Blunderbuss Chronicles: Jon The Farmer》Book 5: Chapter 13
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Hector still had his head buried in his hands while they, even after they had departed the town for quite a while. He eventually leaned over on Helia as the wagon continued.
“Did everyone have a glorious night?” Stewart finally asked from the floor of the wagon.
“I wish I had gotten sloshed like you did,” Tallow said. “Instead, I got attacked by thieves… again.”
“Oh?” Stewart sat up, then grabbed his head in pain.
“Agh!” He steadily laid back down. “A shame.”
“And they were looking for you again.” Tallow gave him a slight kick in the ribs.
“Do you know any fancy-schmancy robe-wearing vizards?” Mallory asked Stewart casually.
“Vizard… Vizard… like a wizard but vi… yes!” He raised one of his hands in acknowledgment.
“Ultimare!” he cried out.
“Ultimare?” Mallory coked his head to the side. “Really?”
“He’s from the north,” Stewart explained. “From the lands afar. He joined Rafael and helps him attend to many things.”
“Whose Rafael?” Mercy asked.
“Maybe she can take responsibility and explain…” Stewart pointed to his sister.
“Do you know this Ultimare?” Mallory continued.
“Yes,” Stewart answered. “In fact, he was the one who came to us looking for our services.”
He frowned. “He was here? In the city?”
“Yep,” Mallory said solemnly.
“Ah,” Stewart winced in thought. “I suppose he would be the one to come out here. I supposed he could have hired bounty hunters, but yes. Rafael must have really fancied my sister. He doesn’t do anything without his vizard. He’s probably standing in the corner of the room, waiting to be-”
“And he’s there to bring you back?” Mallory asked, interrupting Stewart’s dry rant. “Did you mess up his carpeting?”
“No!” Stewart responded. “I would have done a fabulous job. At least until Helia screwed it up.”
He made a scowl. “She started flirting with the lad, and then they got engaged. Before we got paid.”
There was a shared silence between the group that Stewart was clueless about.
“This Rafael guy is rich, right?” Tallow asked, resuming the questions. She had just resolved to just resting her feet on top of Stewart’s stomach. He didn’t really seem to mind. “Why would it matter if you were gonna get paid or not?”
“Cause there was still a long time until the engagement happened!” Stewart exclaimed, careful not to lift his head too much. “And they expected us to keep working on the interior! It’s one thing if we could look for another job, but we couldn’t just up and leave. We had to survive until then.”
“But you stayed at his house,” Helia said without turning, and you ate his food, and you-”
“I followed you!” Stewart sat up. This time, he ignored whatever pain he might have gotten. “I did it for you! I didn’t want to be there any longer than we were!”
This was the trigger to get her to turn, making Hector have to sit back up again. He didn’t turn back to watch the argument.
“Do you know what I’ve sacrificed for you!” She cried.
Stewart made another scowl, but he ignored her.
“Well, the engagement wasn’t completely finalized when we got the letter to leave.” He continued to the rest of the group. “After some deliberation, we decided that it was better for us to move on. After all, our business was important-”
“Important to you,” Helia interrupted.
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Stewart tried again.
“Important-”
“To you!”
“Focus on driving, you twat!” Tallow yelled at her.
Helia turned away and stopped speaking.
“I assumed that Helia had made everything clear before moving on,” Stewart said. “But then she came back and informed me that they may not have been super happy about our leaving and that Rafael said that he would quote on quote, ‘spread the word about our departure, and wait for our sound return.’”
“Bounty hunters…” Mercy acknowledged.
“Yeah, but…” Stewart shrugged. “We didn’t completely understand what that meant at this time. It could have meant anything, just that we were supposed to watch out backs.”
“Did you know it was dangerous for you to leave?” Mallory said.
“Maybe…” Stewart said. “In hindsight, Rafael isn’t too high in the echelon of landowners, but my sister said that she was ready to leave, and I also wanted to depart the land and follow the scent of adventure. We’re still co-owners in this business… and as much as she gets on my nerves, she is my sister. I’ll listen to her over some overzealous blowhard any day.”
The wagon stopped.
Everyone except for Stewart turned to the front.
“What’s happening?” Tallow asked, leaning over the side of the wagon to see past Helia.
Across the grassy hills, standing in a line were 5 black-clad figures side by side with just enough space in between them to cut off the wagon’s path.
“...You know these people?” Tallow asked Mercy.”
Mercy scowled. “No. I don’t know every person who… you already know that.”
“You guys are blocking the path!” Hector called out, although it lacked his usual vigor in it.
“I think that’s the point…” Mallory said.
“Then keep going,” Hector said to Helia.
“But-” Mallory started.
“Keep going,” Hector said, “and if it’s a fight they want, then we give it to them.
He turned to the rest of the group as he spoke.
Mercy acknowledged him with a nod. Everyone else just silently accepted it.
“Right…” Mallory braced his hands on the side of the wagon.
“What’s going on?” Stewart asked from below. “Who’s blocking us?”
“Shut up…” Tallow whispered. However, Jon could tell it wasn’t malicious.
“They’re not moving,” Helia said slowly. “Should I turn?”
“No,” Hector responded. “We don’t wanna show our backs to them. It’s better if we collide with them head-on. See if they’ll move out of the way.”
Jon hoped they would move out of the way, but something told him they wouldn’t.
The wagon traveled slowly until it stopped a few feet in front of the line of people.
Up close, Jon recognized the clothing. It was the same outfit that the man he had seen the night before.
Oh.
Now, he could see that they all had some variation of the same outfit in some turn. They all wore fur shoulder pads, with black jackets, and some sort of black clothing, as well as having the same black paint on their faces and horned hats sticking out on their heads.
In the light, Jon could tell that the black patterns were some sort of war paint that Jon didn’t know if it could make them look any more scarier than they already were.
In the center of the group was a tall bald man with a very dense mustache and beard combo that matched the outfit. He was the tallest of the group, looked much older than the others, and, obvious due to the bald head, was the only one not wearing a hat.
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“Good day to you, sir,” The bald man said with a grin. His crossed arms posture showed that he probably wasn’t gonna move anytime soon.
“Top of the morning to ya,” Tallow shouted, “now will you get the fu”
“Tallow!” Hector raised his free hand to stop her. “Let me take care of this.”
He ignored a scoff, finally lifting his other hand off of his head and sitting up straight.
“..You’re in our way.” Hector declared loudly and fiercely. “So, I’m only gonna say this once. Move.”
“Aw, boy wants us to move?” One of the other warriors said. From her voice, Jon figured she was female, though it was hard underneath the combinations of paint, clothes, and hat.
Jon expected Hector to yell back, but he didn’t.
“If you don’t move,” Hector continued, “then I’m gonna have to force you to move.”
“Then do it!” a guy on the lineup said. Jon looked at him to see that it was the barechested man from yesterday.
Oh.
Jon lowered his body a little bit, hoping he wasn’t seen.
“I would like to resolve this without incident,” Hector said.
“Aw, really?” the girl from earlier continued to taunt him. “Afraid of a little incident? Don’t wanna get hurt?”
Hector sighed. He climbed down the side of the wagon seat, ignoring Helia’s approach to help him. He then walked up to the bald man.
“Uh uh, uh!” Two of the members had walked up in front of the man, blocking Hector from getting closer, but not quite touching him.
“Not any closer,” said the woman on his left side. She was taller than Hector.
Hector didn't seem intimidated.
“Aw, please,” the bald man waved his hand. “He wouldn’t be able to leave a scratch on me.”
“Last chance,” Hector said. “Move out of the way.”
“We can’t let you go,” the bald man responded. “We’re here looking for a sort of parcel.”
“What sort of parcel?” Hector asked.
“A woman,” the man replied. “A special woman from a special family.”
“That could be anyone,” Hector answered.
The man laughed.
“Sure.” The man gestured to the wagon. “And I’m to assume that none of these people are from a special family.”
Jon looked back at Mercy, just to see that she had disappeared. He then looked down to the floor to see her lying side by side with Stewart. She had placed her hand over Stewart’s mouth and was gripping it hard, presumably to stop him from speaking.
Jon also saw that Stewart was turning blindingly red. He didn't know if it was because Stewart couldn’t breathe, or something else.
Jon quickly turned back to the conversation to not make a scene.
“You know what they say when you assume,” Hector said.
After a short pause, he turned back to the wagon.
“What do they say when you assume?” Hector asked loudly.
“You make an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me!’” Mallory yelled back.
Hector turned to the group.
“What he said,” Hector concluded.
“Hah!” the bald man laughed, and the two people in front of him gave a small smile. “How clever. Fine, you may have a point there. However.”
He gestured to the wagon again. “You’re heading east. There’s nothing there but the clans. You’re reaching the borders of the Kingdom’s, Allura in this case. So, unless you have special permission from the clans to go somewhere, chances are, there’s nothing for you.”
“Thank you for alerting me,” Hector said, “but I know what I’m doing.”
“Sure you do!” the girl on the left responded. “You wearing that special armor and all.”
Hector grunted. “What’s it to you?”
“What it means, boy,” the bald man said, “is that unless there’s somebody special on that wagon, there ain’t no reason to come this way. That’s not an assumption. That’s the truth!”
Oh no. Jon gripped his gun. He was ready for a fight.
“Fine,” Hector said. “I’m the next in line to rule the Resden Kingdom. Lord Hector Sufir Quartersire Mangsly, and I’m here to make a diplomatic envoy to the clans and offer them my support.”
Jon was shocked. Not only did he expect to hear Hector ever speak his whole name in such an assured manner, but to just declare his mission to people he couldn’t care less about, whether or not he was lying.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” The bald man laughed. “We have some real royalty here! The future King of Resden?”
“I-”
“That giant patch of dirt with walls you call Resden!” the bald man laughed even more.
“It’s really important to the-”
“Of course, you think it’s important!” the bald man said, waving away Hector’s explanation. “You’re gonna be King.”
Hector huffed.
“Why hasn’t he roasted them into a pile of ashes yet?” Tallow asked Mallory.
“I think he’s trying to resolve it without fighting,” Mallory said, watching the scene. “Make things go as smoothly as possible.”
“Well, he better be quick,” Tallow said, “before I smooth them into the ground.”
“You might not have to wait long,” Mallory said with a frown.
“So, if I attack you, the entire Kingdom of Resden will attack me?” the man taunted. “Oh boy. I can’t wait for all 5 soldiers on their ponies-”
“Can you just move?” Hector asked pointedly. “None of you are important enough to justify the amount of time I’m wasting standing here.”
The man tossed his head back and laughed even more.
“You are, in line,” he repeated. “Well, your majesty, allow me to introduce my family to you, and then I will let you go. We’re trying to make a name for ourselves. Can we do that?”
“Sure…” Hector said obviously very much not wanting to.
“We’re the Drukett family,” the man said, spreading his hands wide in a presenting gesture. We’re a super fighting squad consisting of my family and I.”
Inside of his Jon heard a faint echo of I don’t care in Hector’s voice.
“This is my daughter, Juniper,” he said, pointing at the girl on the right blocking Hector. She smiled.
He motioned to the person on the left. “This is Dot. She’s also my daughter.”
“That’s a woman?” Hector asked.
The bald man laughed.
The girl, Dot, blew him a kiss.
Jon could understand what Hector meant. It was hard to tell anything underneath the gear, and their faces all looked very similar, all smooth with no facial hair, except for the father.
“On the far end over there, is Gina,” he said, waving.
Gina, the girl who taunted Hector earlier, waved back.
“And there,” the man pointed to the man on the other side, that Jon had bumped into. “That’s Jules. He’s a crazy one.”
The man pointed to himself with his thumb. “And I’m Jack-”
“Yeah, yeah, Jack Druckett.” Hector motioned for him to hurry up. “Can we go on?”
“Can he just roast these clowns already?” Tallow muttered.
“My family’s been fined tuned to be the best ass-kickin’, money-making, high traveling warriors this side of the mountains,” Jack explained. “Better than any clan or guild you can find.”
“If you wanna do work like that,” Hector asked, “then why don’t you just join the King’s Guard?”
“Cause that’s chump money they pay out,” the man explained, “They make less than any self-respecting mercenary should. In fact, they make it so low it probably drives down the prices of other mercenary groups. Freggin’ amateurs.”
He grinned. “But forget them! Maybe I can offer you my services, especially ‘cause I know how much of a joke the Resden army really is.”
“I don’t need any help,” Hector said. “There are good people in the army of Resden… and I can handle it.”
The man produced a deep chuckle. “I can tell. You got fire in your eyes. Probably can handle yourself out here.”
“As long as he’s wearing that pretty armor,” Juniper said with a smirking smile.
“Armor doesn’t make the warrior,” Hector said.
“Of course it doesn’t!” Jack replied. “That’s why we don’t wear any!”
“Are you sure you just couldn’t afford any?” Hector asked.
The man and his two daughters in front of him burst into laughter so hard they bowed over.
“...Are we done?” Hector asked.
“Sure.” The two girls stepped aside, and Jack moved over as well, making a wide space for Hector to go through.
“...that’s it?” Hector asked.
“That’s it,” Jack said. “You can go.”
“Come on, guys,” Hector said, turning and walking back to the wagon. “Let’s get out of here-”
“The rest will have to stay!” Jack said in a harsh tone.
“What?” Hector fiercely turned back to the man with venom in his eyes.
This time, the two daughters had to hold Hector to stop him from approaching his father.
“This is a joke,” Tallow muttered, she tried to leave, but both Stewart and Mercy grabbed on two of her ankles.
“The rest will have to stay,” Jack repeated firmly. “Unless you can pay up or-”
Jon saw Hector’s hand reach for his sword, so he stood up in the wagon with his gun braced to shoot.
Jules, on his end, saw Jon rise up. He pointed at him so fast that he had to hold his hand up to stop his hat from falling off.
Jon thought that his position was gonna get given away.
“Yoooo!!!!” Jules yelled. He threw his hands up in the air. “It’s you!”
Everyone, on the line, including Hector, had turned to him in astonishment.
“You can’t just break formation!” Jack cried.
“It’s him!” Jules quickly turned back between the line and the wagon. “It’s… beer boy!”
Beer Boy?
Jon quickly pulled back his gun in embarrassment and sat back down, turning his back to the man.
“Yooooo!!!” Jules ran forward with his arms wide open as if he was going to give a hug.
Jon quickly dropped to the floor and laid down beside Stewart and Mercy.
“You can’t be down there, Jon!” Mallory said. “He’s gonna see Mercy.”
Jon huffed and sat back up, going back to the seat.
“Don’t get any closer!” Hector called, but Jules had already made it to the wagon, ignoring the wave of heads following him.
“What up, my man!” he said, holding his hand out.
Jon slowly reached his hand out as well.
“Yo!!!” He slapped Jon’s hand hard and ran around in a small circle at the side of the wagon.
“I… so...needed that!” he said after he finished his lap. “I was having this massive headache, and I needed something to drink, but I didn't wanna have to go back upstairs cause my sister was being a total bitch, and-”
He pointed to Jon. “He gave me the rest of his ale!”
“...The ale I bought?” Stewart asked, causing Tallow and Mercy to hit him in the chest with their hand and foot respectively.
Jules didn’t seem to pay attention to the small retort.
“I can pay you back now!” He reached into his pocket.” How much do I owe-”
“Stewart!” Dot yelled. “Get back here!”
“...Yoooo, bro… I’m sorry… bad timing...” Jules nodded as he pulled his hand out of his pocket. “I’ll get you back when this is all over,” he whispered.
“Jules!”
Jules watched Jon with anticipation.
Jon slowly reached his hand out, to which Jules smacked it hard again and ran around, screaming in a circle and running back to his spot on the group.
“Yo!!!” Jules ran back while still pointing at Jon with both hands. He stopped at his former position on the end of the line.
“He can go, too!” Jules said, pointing back at Jon this time with only one hand this time.
Jack sighed. “Sure. So, like I was saying-”
Hector drew his sword.
“I heard what you said,” Hector replied, bringing his sword over his shoulder. “We’re going through, like it or not.”
“Finally!” Tallow said, drawing her dagger with her free hand. “I was just ready to-”
“I’ll make a deal with you,” Jack said, unafraid of both Hector and his sword.
“What is that?” Hector asked, not loosening his grip on his sword.
“I’ll let the entire wagon go,” Jack said, “and in return, you have to fight one of my daughters. I mean-”
“He knows what you mean,” Dot said. “Any one of us.”
“What good does that do you?” Hector asked.
“It’s free publicity,” Jack replied. “Win or lose, we let the wagon go. And everyone on board. Special or not.”
“You don’t care about your mission?” Hector asked.
“Aw… the little errand boy King is worried about our mission?" Dot mocked, “How sweet.”
“However,” Jack said, “if we lose, then you have to marry one of my daughters.”
He laughed at Hector’s disgusted reaction.
“I’m joking!” Jack said. “What we get out of this, is that if my daughter wins, then she’ll have the honor saying that she kicked the ass of the future ruler of Resden. That’ll be all the publicity we need to make ourselves heavy with business.”
“Tell me about it…” Stewart muttered.
He got another kick from Tallow.
“He’s not seriously…” she spoke under her breath.
“It makes the most sense,” Mallory said. “It should be fine.”
Jon looked down at Mercy, who just looked back at him with a general sense of concern.
Jon nodded and returned his gaze to the field.
“Fine,” Hector said. “What are the rules?”
“Beat one person until the other person can’t get back up,” Jack responded. “And no throwing the fight. It won’t count.”
“Fine,” Hector said. “As long as you keep to your word… I’ll keep to mine. Let me talk to my group.”
“Of course,” Jack waved him away. “Don’t take too long, though. It's a limited-time offer!”
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