Death! Death and murder! Death, murder and... and... okay, that was kinda nice.

"[Oh, so now you like me spraying you with water, huh?]"

Worst Child chuckled as she filled up the little tub in the poke-care section of the pokecenter by way of spraying my fur down with gloriously warm water from an oversized, brass showerhead.

"[Silly little thing aren’t you, Lux? There you go, nice and warm. Soon we’ll have you all clean and pretty! Your fur is going to look gorgeous after this, I promise you!]"

I realised the evil witch had used her foul powers to warp my mind somehow, as I was all but purring with happiness as she and Ed both worked sweet, berry-scented shampoo into my fur and lathered my body up all over, especially my tail.

"[So we have to be careful, right? We need to make sure we bolster her skin and fur health with natural oils, or she could get itchy and flaky, and I don’t want Lux getting sick just because I want her to look pretty.]" Ed was stubborn in wanting the best for his prize pokemon.

"[That’s right, so don’t cheap out on the pet shampoo, though you also shouldn’t just buy the most expensive, you need to...]"

I stopped listening to them as they started jabbering on about essential oils, groomish schedules, washing techniques... it was all a bit much. Good thing I didn’t need to care about it, that was my trainer’s job. When I’d been a boy, I’d... had I liked showers? I wasn’t sure. I seemed to remember washing occasionally at least. I’d had several piles of clothes? That made sense, because as an eevee I was supposed to smell like, well, an eevee and not like pechaberries or razzberries or whatever the heck it was, so it must have made sense as a human to have my own scent. But... I could suffer through this sort of pampering occasionally. After all, I was Ed’s little princess and I deserved it, right? And besides, if everyone else was going to know what how pretty I was, the wash would help.

Soon enough, the lovely warm water was swept away — evil! Prison! For one thousand years! — and for a short while I was cold, wet and very much unloved. And then Best Child undid the evil of Worst Child by using the blow drier and getting me all warm and dry as he worked my fur over with the Brush of Divinity.

My fur fairly shone by the time he was finished brushing me properly, and I thought that would be it... but then the pair of them even cut, buffed and painted my nails! They chose a soft pink that offset my eyes perfectly, and then... came the dress!

Somewhere, deep inside, I was somehow worrying whether this much lace and frills was perhaps not entirely manly, and I seemed to remember something about that mattering... but when I caught sight of myself in the mirror as a quite frankly gigantic bow was tied around my neck to finish off the outfit, I thought to the reverse world with it, I’m pretty and know it.

The music grew louder and louder as the platform I was on rose up to meet the stage. The audience was huge, and a lot more intimidating from up close. Worst Child had done her most worstest in getting me ready for this show, for which crimes she would pay. Prison! For one thousand years!

The bow around my neck was soft rose pink, and the loops spread out far from the sides of my muzzle. The bow also had long, airy streamers that made me look a lot like an oddly coloured sylveon.

The platform came to a stop, the lights focused on me and Ed, and our time to shine began.

"[Lux! Baby Doll Eyes!]" Ed commanded, and... I did my best. I pranced forwards, the lights focusing on me almost blinding as I gave the unseen but very much felt crowd my most loving gaze, and just for a moment, there was blissful perfection. Hundreds of people, focused entirely on me. I was the prettiest pokemon in the entire room as I loosed my cutest expression at them, fluttering my eyes that Worst Child had helped make up. It made me feel... strange. In a good way. I was... pretty. No, I was beautiful. I could hear the crowd, approving whispers and cries, shouts of ‘awww!’ and ‘oooh!’ flying at me. My tummy fluttered with an altogether alien feeling. I liked it.

As the show went on — it wasn’t that long, but it felt like forever — I let the music and the atmosphere take me. I pranced, I twirled, I leaped, as I used Agility, Quick Attack and more, and I did my best to show off every gleaming inch of my perfectly groomed coat, my fluffy tail and my beautiful big bows and streamers, the dress and lace, and at the end of it, Ed caught me as I leaped onto his shoulder, to triumphant applause.

...Third place. A third place ribbon.

I wasn’t sure how I felt. I wasn’t the prettiest princess? Could I put that many people into prison for a thousand years?

I didn’t even fuss too much when Becca groomed me afterwards and buffed the nails on my claws back to a shine, and gave me yet another shampoo, wash and blow-dry. I was one thoroughly pampered pet by the end of it, and falling asleep in my food bowl.

Would Ed want to use me again in a pageant, knowing I had failed to impress? What if he didn’t? Did I want him to?

As I curled up into bed, I realised that I really didn’t know what to think. And that was... I would have thought it was alarming, but in reality it was kind of comforting. It meant that I didn’t know who I was, which meant I could be whoever I wanted to be. And for some reason, that felt like freedom now, not something to be fearful of.

Two things I knew; Ed was my trainer. I was his pokemon. Whatever else I used to be, what I did going forwards was something I’d choose for myself. Whether I would have chosen being a pet before or not — I both would and would never have, of course — I was choosing it now. And that meant getting a first place ribbon if Ed wanted to get one. I would be the prettiest princess, next time!

I curled up at the foot of Ed’s bed, feeling quite proud of myself. Third, as a first attempt. Yeah. I was pretty awesome. And that felt like happiness.

It was a few days later, after some more training, some more exploring and finally a farewell to Verdanturf.

Route 117 was uneventful, other than a few Pokémon battles along the way, with both Ed and Becca taking their wins in stride. Ed didn’t really mention it, but he noticed how Becca was keeping her eyes open for a new Pokémon as they passed through the idyllic countryside. It was an interesting quandary he was a part of, considered like that. He wanted to help, so found himself trying to work out what would suit his mentor and friend. It took a lot of research, but he figured out something she’d really appreciate. The problem was, Ralts were very hard to spot, let alone catch – however, if he managed to even point one out, he knew she’d be over the moon.

Thus, it was with a mixed feeling of both joy and sadness that the otherwise uneventful trip through flowery meadows and past inviting ponds – despite the warnings from Helen – finally came to an end. There was a healthy amount of relief too as civilisation came into view, the lights of Mauville turning dusk into a riot of colour and noise.

"Ah, at last! Mauville! The bright and shiny city of fun!" Sly exclaimed, taking a deep breath, exhaling noisily and throwing his arms wide at the sight as they descended from the hills towards the bay. His smile was as wide as his arms. The city was indeed bright and shiny, and even this far out the chatter and music from the city was palpable.

"Oh man, and I was looking forward to getting some rest, in a proper bed," complained Ed, at which Becca chuckled.

"Which of you two was the old man again?" she teased. Ed stuck his tongue out.

"I guess I can be persuaded to check out the nightlife," he retorted, with a sniff.

It was properly night by the time the three humans sauntered in through the wide, glass-covered entrance to the massive arena-like open plaza that formed the gateway to the recently re-developed Mauville City.

Unlike in more rural cities, here there was nobody to reprimand them for breaking curfew. Indeed, if there was a curfew, then everybody was breaking it. The almost physical impact from the music, the chatter and the smell of street food brought out all of Ed’s and Becca’s Pokémon.

Taking a big stretch right from the tip of my nose to the end of my tail, I flexed my entire body, seeing stars for a moment. "What’s all this then?"

"Entertainment central, that’s what," enthused Tully. "I don’t know about you, but this sort of setup means all the free food I can snatch."

"You’ll get yourself in trouble," huffed Shadow.

"Not if I’m fast enough," the swellow countered. "It’s not like I can pretend to be cute like Sissy."

"Pretend?" Sissy hissed. "I am cute!"

"Now that—" Lucky began, but he was quickly shushed with a finger on his muzzle.

"Nope, not gonna happen," Sissy interjected. Lucky looked crestfallen.

"On the other wing," sang Tully, as he quickly rose out of reach, "maybe you are that cute."

Lucky looked down his muzzle at the finger on his lips, and blushed. Sissy scowled, turned, and pointed a finger up at the flying Pokémon. "You’d better hope I don’t catch you."

"It’s not me you’re after, sweet-cheeks," laughed Tully, his cawwing laughter fading into the music as he swooped off into the distance. Lucky grinned toothily, even as he was sent flying onto his backside from Sissy’s slap.

"She wants me," he said to himself, eyes roving.

"You tread in dangerous waters, my friend," said Shadow, as the manectric helped the totodile up.

"It’s what I do," Lucky replied, striking a pose. "I am dangerous waters. Dangerous is my middle name."

"So you’re Lucky Dangerous Waters?" I asked.

"You know it, Princess." He posed harder. I sighed, long and low. His grin told me he thought I was swooning.

"You know I thought it was squirtles who were all nuts," whispered Bart, blushing as he realised he was overheard. "Oh!" he promptly rolled up into a ball. I sauntered over and bopped the sandslash with my tail.

"Knock it off, Bart. We can hardly have a boy’s night out if we have to roll you everywhere."

"B-boy’s night... but you’re a girl!"

"Figure of speech! Anyway, Chompy’s off with Sissy, Ziggy’s with Barb and Tully’s out thieving himself fatter than an overfed snorlax," I replied, pointing in the various directions that our friends had all vanished, to the somewhat amused calls from our trainers. "That leaves you two, me, Lucky and Guy. You’re surely not going to abandon a girl all on her lonesome in a strange city at night, are you?" I fluttered my eyes at the boys. Shadow and Guy rolled theirs, but both Bart and Lucky blushed.

"Alright Lux, what do you plan on doing then?" asked Shadow.

"Poke-park? How about we see what food we can scrounge up? What..." I paused for a moment, head tilted to one side as I regarded each of my friends in turn. "What do Pokémon do for fun anyway?"

"Sissy tries on dresses," offered Bart. Then he panicked again, rolling up into a ball. "But I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that!" came his muffled voice.

Shadow chuckled, as he once again did his best with just his muzzle and a paw to get the sandslash to unroll. "Chompy really likes to play the mysterious wise mistress angle," he replied, his voice muffled as he coaxed Bart out from his hiding place. "Though to be fair, she does know what she’s talking about. I think. She keeps to herself, but that’s just the way she is. If she didn’t enjoy our company, we’d know."

"I don’t really know what to do either," said Guy. "I haven’t been a ghost Pokémon long and I haven’t had hands ever, until now."

"So, how about we have a wander, beg some food, get in a few fights – it’s training, I tell you – and see what we can see? Yeah? Great! How about... that-a-way!"

I flicked my tail into the air, turned smartly around, and headed off into the crowds. For some reason, the guys followed.

Mauville did its best to live up to its name; it was a large, noisy, boisterous mega-mall, full to the brim with humans and Pokémon doing their best to enjoy themselves at all hours. The floor was polished stone for the most part, with large patches of greenery, ponds, trees, sunlamps, ice baths and so on for any and every type of Pokémon to enjoy themselves in. There were cookie and poffin stands every few feet, and sizzling food-on-stick or food-in-bun merchants every other storefront, to which we availed ourselves at every opportunity. Seriously, pokemon don’t just eat for free, we gorge. I hoped my metabolism was still going full tilt, or I’d have to fight off a few pounds. We were getting pretty far from our trainers, but figured we’d be able to find them soon enough. Besides, we were all registered so it wouldn’t be too hard to find a Pokestop and from there alert the pair.

I didn’t exactly mean to become leader of the pack and didn’t realise I had been setting the pace until, after a good number of "oh, aren’t you precious?" and "Look at you with your little friends! Out for a stroll?" and the like, it became clear that it was the cute eevee that was getting the treats – which I was dutifully sharing out to the rest of the crew – along with a good deal of the headpats. It felt odd. I was no stranger to crowds, apparently, but approval? This was... a new feeling. It wasn’t entirely like when I’d been on stage, getting my ribbon, but I was pretty sure I liked it.

After a while, I led our merry band to a corner out of the way, then decided to literally step outside for some fresh air. The night was cooler outside and the music and chatter, whilst still thumping and cacophonous in the distance, was muted. What eventually caught my eye though was the truck parked on an otherwise inaccessible dock-like area on the other side of a canal of some sort that led into the bay. Off in the distance, I could see the actual bay and to either side was just more canal, making the dock-like area a sort of giant, cut-off tine from a fork.

"Guys, what is that?" I pointed a paw at the truck inexplicably and otherwise unobtrusively parked next to a building... with no way for the truck to have gotten there in the first place.

"It’s a truck," said Shadow, blithely. "Humans ride around in them when they don’t have bigger Pokémon for it."

"Yeah, I know, but... how did it get there?"

"Well, they must have just... huh." Shadow padded his way over to the waterfront, sniffing experimentally as he came to the same puzzling conclusion I had. "Wanna check it out?"

"Eh, why not," Guy said, the haunter speaking up for once. He floated over to the vehicle with ease, circling it. "Looks like a normal truck. Bit grimy, I don’t think it’s been moved in a while," he called out, before floating back over and joining us again.

"How about a lift?" Shadow asked.

"Sure. I have hands! I can grab things! This is so much better than splashing..." Guy swooped back, grabbed the manectric and flew Shadow across the short, watery gap.

"Hey Lucky," I asked the totodile, contemplating the dark waters, "Do you know Surf?"

"What am I, a totodile or a notadile? All you have to do is ask, sweets! I’ll do it, for a kiss on the cheek."

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to argue. "Oh brother. Fine. One kiss on each cheek, for taking me and Bart across."

"Deal!" Lucky leaped the few feet into the water, disappearing beneath the surface in a riot of bubbles, before reappearing a few moments later as he got himself into a good position to carry first the sandslash and then myself across.

As I hopped out onto dry land, the totodile leaned forwards, eyes closed.

"Pay the mon, Bart." I winked at Lucky, whose eyes had sprung open at my words. The totodile scowled, then blew a stream of bubbles at me, sending me flying backwards into the salty water of the bay. I came back up to the surface spluttering and yamper-paddling, a tiny little growl emanating from my throat. Lucky toddled his way to the wharf and looked down at me. He winked back.

"Alright then, one kiss from you to get you out of the water," he offered, grinning. I chuckled, and had to give him points for perseverance.

Summoning the echoes of his attack to myself, I took a deep breath and blasted the blue menace with a similar bubble beam, sending the totodile flying into the water on the other side the wharf, from where he emerged, coughing and spluttering before paddling around to join me.

"It’s a start," Lucky said, with a grin as he spat another brief bubble beam at me, and I at him, as he paddled around the corner and nudged me with a shoulder. "But... hey, wait, what’s that?"

I grumbled at him as I tried to pull myself up out of the briny water to a convenient lower platform by a frantic paw, scowling in case he was trying something else cute, but then looked where he was peering and saw the same thing he had. Under the truck was a manhole cover and out of that came a stream of multi-coloured lights and sound. The totodile helped me up onto dry land once more, then ducked down under the surface and swam up, leaping out of the water in a single, easy motion.

"I don’t know, what the heck is that? It looks like... a party. Hidden under a truck," I said, shaking myself dry. Ugh, this was going to take hours to get the salt out of my fur and I’d smell funky for a week. Maybe I could persuade Worst Child to give me another bubble bath.

"Must be why the truck is here, to hide the party," Lucky commented.

I looked at the totodile, opened my muzzle prepared to say that was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard, but then glanced between Lucky, the truck and the disco lights coming from under it, and shut my muzzle again. "Point. Let’s go investigate."

The manhole cover took a bit of lateral thinking to open. My paws didn’t have opposable thumbs and I’d learned my lesson about sticking my tail in places, not that I could break another tailbone until we’d levered up the heavy, round slab of metal for it to fall on one, anyway. In the end, stage one was simple.

"Hey, Guy? Can you phase through that thing and push it up from below?"

The ghost Pokémon looked at the thick metal slab for a moment thoughtfully, then nodded. "...I guess?" He swooped down, becoming semi-translucent as he slipped beneath the ground. For a few long seconds, nothing happened, then the manhole cover eased up a few inches. "Help me with this, guys! It’s heavy!"

Lucky and Bart moved swiftly to grab the cover and help, whilst Shadow and I did our best to cheer the two on. I tried not to cheer too much, but Lucky was obviously hopeful and I had to suffer through various amounts of flexing.

"You’re very pretty," I told him, which had the opposite of the effect I wanted. It might have turned ugly, but that was when the abra popped his head out from the hole.

"Hello? Are you on the list?"

"What? Er, list?" Bart asked as our small group crowded around the manhole.

Looking down into it, I could now see that instead of the normal ladder, there was a circular set of stairs which would definitely be more navigable by creatures such as myself than humans, due to the size. Or the abra, if he didn’t just float. He looked around at all of us then quickly disappeared down below. We shared glances for long enough that the abra returned, with a clipboard.

"Names?" he asked officiously.

"Uh, Bart?" replied Bart, followed by all of us introducing ourselves. Finally, the abra looked over at me.

"Ah! ah, I see, new girl. You... you should’ve been told ‘plus one’, but I guess it’s fine for your first time. And besides, special night, right? Come on down, follow me, mind your step."

To somebody’s credit, I made it most of the way down before my dainty little paws betrayed me. I’d faced the evil of stairs a few times in the various pokecenters and malls I’d been in since becoming Lux and leaving the wild. I’d lost a few battles before now and this was going to be one of them. Once the world stopped spinning and the stars went out.

"Ow," I complained, paws pointing towards the ceiling.

"Up you get," said Lucky, as a surprisingly sympathetic totodile eased me to all fours and patted down my fur.

"Thanks, Lucky," I said, flicking my tail at him. He smiled, satisfaction radiating off the blue monster. I did my best to ignore that and turned to face the amused abra. "So, what’s this about?"

"Didn’t you read the leaflet? Oi. Well okay, I’ll go through it one more time so the whole party has it straight." The abra straightened up and smoothed down his fur, then looked each of us in the eyes. "This may be hard to believe, but... I used to be a human."

I couldn’t help it, my muzzle fell open in a grin. So this is what it felt like, being on the other side.

"Honestly, it’s true. I used to be a kid, a long time ago now... four? Five? Six years? I don’t know, it was quite a few years back. One night I went to bed as a kid, the next morning... abracadabra, or at least abra, and I was a Pokémon."

"...Yeah, that’s, yeah." I managed, mumbling. "Makes sense."

"That’s what I thought. So, what happened to you?"

The abra led us through the underground tunnels, down stone passageways and across little bridges next to deep, dark streams. These were the sewers of Mauville, but thankfully post-cleaning so the water was entirely water and not... something else. The walkways were cold stone and moss-covered concrete, our pawsteps echoing along with the music and the lights. It wasn’t dark, which made it all the more obvious that this was no ordinary sewer, or at least that it was no ordinary night in it. There were strips upon strips of LED lights the whole way, which lit up the otherwise dank, dreary and depressing tunnels and made them something entirely other-worldly.

"Me?" I asked. "Pokeball accident. Long story." The abra raised an eyebrow, to which I replied, "well, there’s a longer version, but that’s about the thick of it." He nodded.

It was a few moments later when we turned into a larger room lit up with several exploud at one end running a DJ station and a crowd of Pokémon including squirtles and charmanders participating in some sort of rap battle – Pokémon have a natural advantage there compared to humans – and full of other Pokémon mingling around a buffet table and a dancing area, complete with glittery disco ball. One other occupant of the room that I noticed was... a human, in a very large zigzagoon suit. At least I was pretty sure it was a human, he certainly smelled... well, he smelled. He liked that suit a bit more than was healthy, in my opinion, but then there are worse-smelling ‘mon out there, so who was I to judge?

"Poffin?" he asked. "Pink? Yellow?"

"Thanks!" I replied. I was onto my second one before I realised he’d spoken to me. In Pokémon.

"Did he...? I asked the abra, eyes wide.

"Yep, he’s a bit of a pokemaniac, but he’s a good guy."

"My favourite butterscotch!" the man in a zigzagoon suit said, smiling, as he pointed to the poffins on the plate he held out.

"We don’t know what flavour that actually is," the abra added, smiling and patting the guy on his leg, "but if we ever find out, we’ll make him some."

"Well, then you’re welcome," I told the human. "So, he’s not a Pokémon, but—"

"Yeah, he’s close enough. We’ve also got Dave, who’s not an ex-human."

"I can be if I want to be!" called a nincada from across the room.

"Not a problem, Dave!" replied the abra, raising his voice. "We’re pretty non-judgemental here. I’m Siegfried, you can call me Siggy. That’s Benny and Hill, they’re..." Siggy pointed to two buizels, who waved.

"Well, I was just diving off a boat once," Benny said, "when bam, I got hit by a heartswap from a passing manaphy."

"Next thing I know," said Hill, "my buddy was on the boat and I was in the water, a buizel."

I held up one paw, muzzle open, then closed it again. Then I opened it again. "Um, so... heartswap? But you’re both..." I pointed to the two buizels, from one to the other.

"We don’t know which of them was the human first either, but they’ve both been one, so it still counts," Siggy added.

"Yah, either the manaphy messed up or, well we did get split up at one point, so maybe things got stuck from the distance? After a few weeks of not swapping back, we went on a trip to find a way to make it happen." Said Benny.

"Yup, we met a few Pokémon on the way, became your standard Pokémon and trainer pair, won a few battles, and eventually found our way to a woman who knew how to make a potion to become a Pokémon," continued Hill, "and we asked her for one to change us back. Either she misunderstood the request or heartswap gets in the way. Next thing we know, we’re both buizels." He laughed. "There went our dreams of winning the league. Kind of. We’ve got a good trainer now, and things are looking up."

"Never thought about changing back?" I asked. The room went silent, then everybody exploded into laughter.

"Are you kidding? I love being a Pokémon! Even better when my best bud gets to be one too!" Benny explained. Hill nodded.

"And this is Voltaur," Siggy said, pointing to a raichu, who nodded and held out his tail, which I tapped with my own, my fur floofing out at the brief shock.

"Sup. Getting the introductory tour? Long story short, I found a chick selling knock-off magic potions that let you understand Pokémon," Voltaur began, obviously used to being introduced for just this reason. "I’d always wanted a better understanding of my Chicka, so I bought one. Apparently ‘don’t level up and evolve’ was something that should’ve been on the warning label," the raichu said blithely, pointing one paw down at his body. "Should’ve had a warning label, now I mention it."

"What happened to Chicka?" I asked.

"Couldn’t get a babysitter until... heeeyy! There she is!" Voltaur leaped out of his seat and scampered over to a pikachu that teleported in with another abra, who vanished again, presumably to pick up another batch of party goers.

"So, yeah, you’re in good company," said Siggy, as he waved off the excited Voltaur. "We’ve got..."

"Ancient curse," said one bulbasaur.

"Reincarnation," stated a riolu.

"Also reincarnation. Kind of." The honedge’s voice was odd and echoing in my skull. "One moment, I was in a battle that was I-don’t-know-how-many thousand years ago or so, the next I was being used to kill an innocent woman and child. I wasn’t about to let that happen, so... here I am, whilst the guy wielding me passed on in my place. It’s kind of why we honedge’s get a bad name, but I only do that if I really need to."

The introductions, such as they were in the frenetic atmosphere of the party, continued, with reasons for human-turned-Pokémon given that included ancient machines, curses, gifts from the gods, and more.

"Just be sure to thank our benefactor who set all this up, alright? Mewtwo’s a bit of a stickler for formality; he’s been going to therapy for his... issues, from when he was younger, but he’s still big on respect, and the guy deserves it. Who’d have thought of putting trucks in out of the way places like this so we could hide underneath them? Eh? And speak of the ‘mon of the hour! I said today was a special night! We share the club space with his Pathfinder group, and have a little cross-club get-together every Friday. This Friday’s special since it’s—"

Siggy looked up. I followed his gaze, to see nothing but the ceiling... until a moment later there was a flash of light and a large Pokémon I’d only ever heard of in hushed whispers appeared. Along with a smaller, pink, fluffy cat-like Pokémon that fussed over him.

"Mew! Leave it! I’m perfectly fine... I promise, I’ll stay inside, and if I go outside I’ll take the scarf!" Mewtwo’s voice echoed strangely as he fended off the other, smaller creature that flitted around him. "Yes, yes... I love you too."

Eventually the smaller, pink and fluffy creature was mollified enough to disappear in a sudden teleport.

"Mew’s his bigger, er... sist... er?" I whispered to Siggy.

"Mewtwo’s a clone, so... partly mother, partly big sister," Siggy whispered back, then stood up straighter and spoke much louder, "Mewtwo! Thank you for coming! This is all to wish you a happy birthday! I know you’re... every year we say it, but we’re glad you’re here!"

"I thank you," said Mewtwo, magnanimously, daring anyone to ask about the long, floppy scarf he now wore. "Who is this, a new member?" Those eyes fastened on mine, and I found I couldn’t look away. It was like they could see into my soul. I tried to grin.

"Yeah, she’s here for the first time tonight."

"Relax, little one," Mewtwo said to me. It didn’t really help. I tried to stop cowering and shaking, but it was very difficult. "I don’t punish Pokémon, not unless they were very bad people before."

"I... don’t kn-know if I was," I said, voice small.

"Then there is little point in my imagining things for you to have done and I should merely wish that you do good from now on, yes?"

"I promise!" I squeaked.

"Good! Then, are we all ready?" Mewtwo asked loudly, his gaze roaming around the room. There was a chorus of cheers. "Then I think it is time we went to the real party!"

"Wait, wait, wha-?" I managed, before there was a sudden, weird discontinuity, and we found ourselves inside a frankly massive marble-flagged hall, the floor of which shone with such pristine majesty that I felt frankly unworthy to walk upon it. My head was spinning, at the trip as much as the naked opulence of the place.

If that wasn’t enough, the form that clip-clopped its way from the ballroom at our entry had me almost swallowing my tongue as the four-legged, flying-plate-encircled god of all creation approached.

"Ar... ar... ar..." I sounded like a broken record.

"My lord Arceus," said Mewtwo, inclining his head from where he still hung in the air above the rest of us. The genetic Pokémon slowly came down to floor level.

"Welcome, welcome! Nice to see you again, Mewtwo! Come, join the party all of you," said the god, as if it were the most usual thing in the world, before about-turning and leading the way.

I watched as the rest of our group left for the main ballroom but couldn’t resist; instead of following them, I turned the other way and went to what stood for the main doors to whatever this place was. Despite the damned things being far too many feet high and wide, they swung open silently at the merest pressure from my little paws. Peering outside, I saw... Sinnoh. We were in the Hall of Origin. The legendary, mythical, lost Hall of Origin, way up Mount Coronet. With mounting madness, I realised Arceus had a musical, novelty doorbell and a sign that read ‘Dunlevellin’ in unown font. And I could read it.

"Right. Yes. Of course. The Hall of Origin. And I’m at Mewtwo’s birthday party," I said to myself, trying very hard not to christen the God of All’s hallway and prevent my brain from leaking out my ears.

"Indeed! A right good old shindig it is too!" said Ho-oh, as the mystical firebird back-winged and landed on the steps, his burning majesty making the pristine, glowing stones visible as they hung in the air.

"Are you... are you really Ho-oh?" I asked, gulping.

"Of course, wot-wot! Boop! There you go, immortality! Proof enough? Come on, my girl, lead the way! It’s cold out and I hear entrees with my name on them calling! Haha! I’ve got a good buzz going on out here but the real party’s in there!" Ho-oh tapped me on the head with one gigantic wing, and I momentarily felt his fiery powers of creation sweep through my body. Eventually my brain stopped fizzing and I realised the god-like Pokémon was waiting patiently on me.

"O-of course," I said, pointing with my paw, now trying very hard not to christen the rug that Ho-oh was still wiping his huge, clawed feet on, and by extension Ho-oh himself.

I showed the great firebird to the ballroom. My heart almost stopped at the sight; merely ‘opulent’ didn’t do the space justice. Everything was gold, silver, marble and precious gems. There was even a water feature, which was only somewhat spoiled by having several pokemon taking turns diving into it to chants of encouragement, bets and raucous cheers from an enthusiastic crowd as they did so.

"Ah, the kids are already here, glad they made it safe!"

I glanced over at the table where Ho-oh was looking. "Of course; Entei, Raikou and Suicune, why wouldn’t the Legendary Beasts be here?" I said to myself.

"Exactly! Good show, they need a night off every now and again! Of course Lugia has to bring her kids or you never know what kind of trouble they’d get up to, haha! Go say hello to your new... hmm, cousins, my girl." The firebird ushered me onwards as he hit the drinks stand with the fury of a thousand suns.

Of course, when Ho-oh tells you to do something, you do it, so I found myself sidling up to the three great legendaries, rather apologetically. "Hi, uh, I... Ho-oh... umm..." I tried to gesticulate, but I could barely conjugate.

"You too, huh? I wouldn’t worry about it." Suicune was rather nonchalant about things; she gazed me up and down and took stock with whatever semi-god-like powers she possessed. Entei seemed a bit more serious.

"I can tell you have questions, but there are no answers that will satisfy you. Listen, I am Entei, little one. It is because I am Entei that I am known, not because of what I used to be. Become who you think you should, and trust in yourself to be true to that."

"Does this happen often?" I squeaked, trying to ignore Suicune as she mimicked her, presumably older, brother behind his back.

"Eh, whenever Pops is in a good mood," replied Raikou, butting in as he powered through a plate of poffins. "If it bothers you, Yveltal is around here somewhere... there she is!" The black-and-yellow creature pointed a paw across the room, where a red and black floating nightmare was chatting animatedly with her massively antlered brother, Xerneas, because of course she would be. "She can remove the charm if you don’t want to bother Dad about it."

"Th-that’s fine," I squeaked again, "she’s probably very busy!"

"Eh, you’ll be fine. Introduce yourself if you want."

"Umm, when does this party... end?" I asked, a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Raikou raised an eyebrow, laughing. "Oh you really are new at this, aren’t you, honey? Well, over there is Palkia... and next to him is Dialga. Of course, we’ve got Giratina lurking near the buffet — and who wouldn’t, the creator of the entire universe should know where to get the best snacks from — so we literally have all of time and space to have our party in. And Gira’s dancefloor is just the best, so I hope you’ll stay for that a bit later."

"Is this really all to celebrate Mewtwo’s birthday?" I asked.

"It started as a way to cheer him up, so yes, but... it got a little out of paw a few years back."

"And you’re immortal. And you’re immortal! And you’re... a cat. Oops, not supposed to have those in this universe. Alright, I need a couple of volunteers for... what region were you from?"

Ho-oh conga’d past wearing a lampshade and quite literally shaking his tail feathers as the party stepped up more than a few notches.

"Dad sure likes the sauce..." Raikou said to herself, shaking her head and laughing until lightning flicked from her whiskers. "You’ll get used to it. Eventually, every Pokémon who’s any Pokémon turns up. Sometimes more than once if nobody keeps an eye on Celebi."

"Which reminds me," said a deep and foreboding voice from behind me.

I eep’d and spun to look up at the multi-legged, multi-winged form of the master of the anti-matter world, and this time I did christen the ballroom. The God of the Reverse World blinked and rolled all of his eyes.

"Palkia? Number sixteen please." Without missing a beat, Giratina himself leaned down – and down – to talk to me directly. "I have... some questions for you, Lux."

"I—" I began, before the single most unpleasant experience of my life followed as Palkia rewound time just a smidgeon and I quite lost my train of thought.

"But first, the bathroom is that way," said Giratina, pointing one of his many, many, sharp segmented limbs to one corner, where there was a helpful sign and a small hallway leading around a corner. "I’ll be waiting."

"Y-yes, sir!"

What do you do when the master of the anti-matter world tells you to take a potty break? I did the obvious, of course, before Palkia did another number sixteen for me, and skittered my way across to the little eevee’s room.