Aaron Cyrus February 29th,20XX

Every time I remembered my earlier actions, an intense wave of nausea washed over me and made me curl into my stomach.

What was it? Why had I acted like that?

All I could remember was seeing that guy running toward Archer with that knife in hand. I'd been so far away, but I felt like I'd been mere inches away from the scene as it had happened.

The fear in Archer's face, Eva's crying face as she sprinted towards danger, Tillo, who had been unconscious on the ground with blood coming out of his neck. I'd seen it all as I'd flown into the building.

I'd been angry, but not to the level of murder.

I wasn't a violent person in general, but that had become especially true as I'd had that accident a few years back.

God. The look on Archer's face as he'd yelled at me.

I'd likely retraumatized that poor kid.

Hurting people had never been an option for me in the past, so what was it about this time? I'd already thrown a pebble clear through his leg, but even that was weird. The only reason I could do that was because of my powers, so why hadn't I just used my abilities to take him down?

I'd wanted to save the kids. That was all I'd wanted to do when I got in there. I'd just wanted to make sure that they were all okay. That they were all alive.

I shouldn't have let things escalate like that.

My leg tingled as I remembered smashing it into that criminal's face. Over and over again, until his mother wouldn't have recognized him.

"Mr. Cyrus?"

A calm and heavy voice called out to me, and I looked up to see Anatha leaning against the doorframe. She brought up her phone and shook the screen at me.

"Ms. Knightly wanted me to call you into my office. Something happened?"

It was a bit embarrassing to have to see a therapist mere days after I'd sent the twins to her.

Honestly, I already knew what was wrong with me, and I didn't need someone's help in this. I didn't dislike therapists, and since Joyce had personally brought in Anatha, I had complete faith in her abilities. If I didn't, I wouldn't have sat the twins in front of her.

The problem was that I'd seen enough therapists to last me a lifetime.

From when they had diagnosed my dad to when they tried to tell if I'd taken after him. To when I'd gotten into that accident, and right after I'd gotten my powers.

I knew that they were there to help, and I trusted that. But I didn't like how helpless it made me feel. Here I was, a grown man that couldn't even work through his thoughts on his own.

Honestly, what was I? Who did I think I was? A Hero?

I'd gotten carried away.

From when I'd saved that kid in the sky diving incident to when I got to play around with my powers in here, I'd let it all get to my head. It somehow hadn't occurred to me that there were evil people out there and that I would have to go against them.

If Archer, Kaja, Tillo, and Eva hadn't been in that school, would I have gone? And even if I had, what would I have done?

Would I have lost my cool? Would I have hesitated and let other kids get hurt?

"Mr. Cyrus!"

Anatha didn't yell at me, but she slightly raised her voice to bring me back to reality.

"It looks like you have a lot to say, and I'd be cheating Ms. Knightly out of a paycheck if I didn't at least lend an ear. Even if you don't want me as a therapist, I make a great listener, but I'm better at my job than I am at playing the role of a stuffed animal."

She didn't wait for me to say yes and closed the door behind her as she entered the room. A bright silver tablet hung off her left arm, and a stylus flashed in and out of her fingers.

She dragged a chair from the other side of the room and placed it in front of mine. I'd wanted to be alone, so I'd come to one of the studios on the second floor, but I guess Joyce had tasked Anatha with finding me.

"Now, What's on your mind?"

The stubborn expression on her face made it clear that she didn't plan on leaving until we'd held a session.

On a level, I appreciated that people cared enough about me to hound me down like this, even if it was just a job, but on the other, it was pretty annoying not to have a choice.

I took a deep breath to calm down as I realized how much pressure Joyce must have put onto her to make sure she got me talking. I usually didn't have any problems with going to therapy, so I wondered why I was so resistant this time.

"I don't know how much you've heard, but I… I went to save the kids from the incident at their school. But not only did I end up hurting them a bit more by breaking a window right beside them, but I also lost control and almost kill someone in front of them. I didn't stop until Archer passed out yelling at me to stop."

To her credit, she didn't show any emotion on her face but that of attentiveness and concern, but I knew that she'd been caught off guard.

"As much as I hate to be a stereotype, how did all of that make you feel? Or rather, what about all of that bothers you the most?"

She changed the question as she saw me shut down and used a more potent question.

"I- I'm not a violent person. But you should have seen the look on those kids' faces… I felt like a worse person than the person I was beating up."

Anatha slowly nodded and waited a few more seconds to let me speak before responding with another leading statement.

"Well, what type of person are you, Aaron? And why are you a better person than the person you were violent toward?"

"That person was a terrorist! They attacked a school full of children so they could take one of them as a hostage! I'm… not a bad person, at least. I try my best to help others that need my help, and I don't see violence as a conflict resolution tool-"

"But you used it as one. There was a reason for that Aaron, what was that reason?"

Her soft but flat voice cut me short as my voice climbed higher and higher in agitation. She asked many agitating questions, and I could see what she was trying to do, but I didn't mind following the flow she had set.

"There wasn't a reason! I just got angry when I saw Archer and Tillo all banged up like that! I also got mad when I went around and saw all of the other kids knocked unconscious on the ground. God knows what type of trauma they'll have when they wake up."

"There was a reason, Aaron; you said that you got angry when you saw…"

She trailed off and let me finish her sentence.

"When I saw how hurt the kids were."

"Right, so you did it to protect them. You went too far this time, and it's great that you're repenting. But why do you distance yourself from violence so much?"

"Shouldn't I?"

"Why should you? You're a big guy. You also have superpowers. As you are now, violence would be a very effective tool should you choose to use it."

That... was a good point.

I'd always been slightly fitter than my peers and slightly taller as well. It also wasn't like I'd never been in situations where a swift punch to the face wouldn't have fixed things faster than talking things all had.

An old memory of me getting into a fight resurfaced in my mind, and I got a bitter feeling.

I'd won that fight, but I'd ended up losing a good friend, and I'd gotten suspended off the team for a month.

As I currently was, unless I fought Destia or someone on her level, violence would just be bullying. There wasn't any glory in that.

"I distance myself from it because I don't need it."

"But you did in this case. Aaron, I'm not going to tell you your feelings, you need to figure those out on your own, but I can see that you hold yourself up to such a high level that I wonder how you've maintained it until now. Even if you did make a mistake, it's okay to acknowledge it and try to do better next time."

She shuffled her tablet away, and I saw a long page of text on its screen. I hadn't seen her typing at all, so maybe it was a transcript of our meeting.

"I do hold myself up to a certain standard, but I didn't think it's anything bad... I mean, shouldn't we all strive to be the best people we can be?"

"Of course we should, but not at the cost of completely shutting down when we step outside of that mental image of ourselves. I've seen celebrities crumble under the stress of being put on a pedestal before, but this is one of the first times I've seen someone internalize that pedestal so much. Aaron, what do you do for fun?"

The sudden topic change threw me off, but I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I'd already committed to cooperating, anyway. I did a lot of things for fun. Maybe not as much recently because of all the superhero stuff and work, but I had many hobbies I wanted to get back to.

"I read a lot, I watch TV on occasion, and I'm pretty active too. I think I have a pretty well-rounded life."

"So you study a lot, you monitor your performance on whatever shows you appear on, and you practice tennis when you can. Aaron, remember you filled in a few questions earlier? You were honest then, so why did you feel the need to twist the truth? Also, why didn't you just lie?"

"Anatha, if you have anything to say, then just say it."

"And you're deflecting. Fine, let's try this question. Aaron, why are you so resistant to letting yourself be a normal human?