《The First Flame》89. I Fall, Consumed by the World
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Iris kept a firm hold on Arylos, stroking his hair to ease the pain he was hiding. She knew there was no point in trying to get him to stop, but she hated seeing him in pain like this. All she could do was offer the last Titan some comfort as he was overcome by emotions he could no longer control.
“You don’t mean that,” Bellona whispered while shaking her head.
Arylos took a deep breath as he ran his hands through his hair, pulling on the locks as he felt his pain run through him like a hot stream. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly as his hands slowly stopped shaking. “That was cruel of me. I lost control and I should have been better than that.”
“It’s fine,” Iris whispered in answer.
Bellona lowered her head, letting go of the knife under the table. “I’m sorry too,” she returned while clenching her fist. “I pushed you too far. I should have known this hurts you.”
“No, how could you know?” Arylos answered as his voice slowly returned to normal. “You don’t know my ways nor my past, and maybe that is my own fault.”
Bellona nodded and turned her attention to the scared valkyrie at the side of the table. “I’ll take in Eir,” she answered confidently. “You two were right; I understand her condition better than most. I can offer work as well, work that she can still do in her broken state.”
“N-No, you don’t have to do that,” Eir cut in while shaking her head.
Bellona smiled and gave Eir a smile. “I was just like you a long time ago, girl. I know what you’re going through and I know how painful it can be. The last thing you need is to be out there on your own.”
Iris nodded and let go of Arylos and rubbed his shoulder. Bellona looked back over to the grieving Titan, a part of her envious of Iris’s ability to comfort him. “And I think the last thing you need is for old wounds to be opened,” Bellona continued while looking straight to Arylos. “Arylos is going through a lot right now so I think some breathing room between you two is just what you need.”
Arylos slowly nodded, keeping his gaze fixed towards the table. Unable to find any words to return to Bellona or Eir, he could only answer with his silence.
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“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Iris suggested with a nod.
“I’ll be fine,” Arylos growled under his breath.
Iris grabbed his arm firmly, a reminder of her presence. “No, you won’t. I know you have a lot of things going on in your head so that’s something to work on.”
Arylos clenched his fist as he turned to Iris. “But Iris–”
“Shush,” Iris ordered while putting a finger to his lips. “Tell me you’re alright one more time and I will hit you.”
“She’s right Arylos,” Bellona cut in. “Your head’s in the wrong place right now. I think it’s important that you take some time away to get your head on straight before something bad happens to you.”
Arylos gritted his teeth, wanting to push back. He wanted them to leave him alone, to let him handle everything as he always had. Yet he knew he couldn’t bring himself to push back. He said a lot of hurtful things to them. He undermined Eir’s pain, questioned Bellona’s integrity, and insulted Iris’s ancestors and family. He sighed, giving in to Iris’s demand while lowering his head in submission.
“I understand,” he whispered softly.
“Good boy,” Iris returned with a cheeky smile before turning towards Bellona. “And you’re sure Eir can stay here with you?”
“I’m sure,” Bellona answered with a smile and a nod. “It’s not Templarius here, but we make things work.”
“And Eir, you’re alright with this?” Iris asked while turning towards the valkyrie.
Eir thought to herself for a moment while rubbing her hands together before nodding. “Yes, thank you for giving me this chance.”
“It’s the least we can do after stranding you here,” Iris answered while wrapping her arm around Arylos’s. “If that’s all we need, I need to take the big guy here home. Let me know if either of you two need anything.”
Iris smiled and pulled on Arylos as he slowly rose up from the table. Iris exchanged pleasant farewells with the Templarians before pulling Arylos by his hand through the front door of Bellona’s house, keeping a firm grip as she pulled on him. Arylos could hear nothing but ringing in his ears as he was pulled along by the girl, her grip on him being his only grip on reality. His head swam in emotions he wanted to contain; his fury, his fear, his anger. He felt weak now that he was losing himself in the endless tide.
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Yet the Titan held Iris’s hand tighter, taking comfort in her grip on him. The warmth of her hand contrasted against the cold within him. He wanted nothing else but to keep a hold on her, even if the worst comes to pass. Iris pulled him down one of the side streets where foot traffic was minimal and Arylos could feel an ache within him. He stopped in his tracks, pulling back on Iris as she turned to face him in confusion.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly while gripping her hand tight.
“For what?” Iris asked.
“For everything I said,” Arylos admitted while looking Iris in her eyes.
“You don’t have to apologise for that,” Iris laughed as she came close. “You have a lot on your mind, a lot that I don’t know myself.”
Arylos quickly shook his head. “I insulted your ancestors for what they did. That was not fair of me.”
“It’s not like I could control it,” Iris returned while brushing some of her hair away. “Sure, I can understand why they attacked you, but you don’t need to apologise to me for that.”
“But they were your family,” Arylos added.
“And yet I know none of them,” Iris returned in a stern voice. “What they did, they did on their own. I can only ask that you don’t think of them when you look at me.”
Arylos sighed softly, feeling his hand starting to shake once more. “But I still said something horrible. Something that undermined how all of you felt; undermined how much you care about me.”
The two stood in silence as each one waited for the other to speak, both of them wanting to know what the other felt. “Did you mean it?” Iris asked through the deafening silence.
Arylos opened his mouth to speak but lowered his head. He had no answer for Iris, not one that would satisfy her.
“Tell me the truth, Arylos,” Iris continued as her voice went stern and her grip on Arylos’s hand tightened.
“Yes,” Arylos admitted, closing his eyes to control himself.
Iris let out a soft sigh while gripping Arylos’s hand in both of her hands. “So that’s why you run headfirst into fights. You want one of them to be the end.”
“I don’t want to lose what I have,” Arylos clarified, feeling shame come over him. “Yet, I’m the last of my kind and my kind deserved to die. I’m the last of them and will forever remain that way.”
Arylos felt a tight hug, jarring his eyes open and seeing Iris holding him close. “Why do you say that?” she asked in a soothing voice for Arylos.
The Titan rubbed her scalp while gritting his teeth against the welling pain. “Because we lived long enough and died by our own hand; my own hand. We got what we deserved and my continued life is just defiance against that lesson.”
“Even if it means abandoning me?” Iris asked softly, tightening her hold on him.
Arylos held her tight while releasing a deep growl in his chest, a sound Iris found akin to a lion’s pur. “You give me reason to bear it, so I won’t abandon you. If I’m stuck with you, then you’re equally stuck with me.”
Iris let go of Arylos but pressed her fist against his chest. “I already woke up without you there once; don’t do that again,” she ordered in a stern voice. “If you die on me, I’ll find whatever afterlife you Titans go to and drag you back here kicking and screaming. Do you understand?”
Arylos chuckled under his breath as he let go of Iris, finally giving her a smile to let him know he was feeling better. “I would expect nothing less of you,” he told her in a soft yet laughing voice. “I would expect you to be so clingy that you would bring the dead back to life.”
Iris blushed and turned to the side as she laughed. “Then make sure that you don’t die, okay?” she asked with a smile as she held Arylos’s hand tight. “You’re all I have left so if you leave me, I won’t let you get away with it.”
“Yes, little girl,” Arylos answered in a laugh, feeling free of the pain that gripped him, feeling only the grip of Iris holding him from the edge of a cliff.
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