《The First Flame》69. Forever Lost in the Gravity of You
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Iris walked beside Arylos as they walked under the light of the white moon, adding a silver sheen to the snow as it fell to the ground once more as winter refused to give up Kaiyumi. She felt the cold as it bit at her and could only cling to Arylos, feeling the warmth of the Titan’s skin being her comfort. A part of her liked winter but she was really excited for spring this year, wanting to see more of Sentoraya and its lush gardens in the spring. She grew impatient with this cold and the snow, wanting winter to let them go.
But she would be lying to say she didn’t like it.
She felt comfortable and safe with Arylos by her side, locking to his warm arm and not wanting to let go. With him there, she enjoyed the beauty of the night and the lights of the city as it grew quiet for the night.
“Since it’s cold and I haven’t made dinner yet, would you like some terosaki?” Arylos asked in a light voice.
Iris perked right up at the suggestion. “Absolutely!” she cheered, knowing the street food would give her some warmth.
Arylos laughed under his breath and took a few turns and Iris could smell the savoury aroma in the air as they neared a small stall, lit by orange and red lanterns with a father and son preparing the delicious treat.
“Two boats please,” Arylos called out and the men cheered in response, preparing the order for the duo. Iris took in the smell and the heat of the stall, contrasting with the cold and odourless smell of the night. She looked to Arylos who was admiring the food, looking at it once again with those carnivorous eyes of his.
Those inhuman, monstrous eyes that Iris could not help but feel warm for.
She felt a short circuit in her brain as she tried to wrestle with this emotion that was welling up. She hid her face behind her sleeve as she tried to get the blood to go to her limbs rather than her cheeks. She needed more time to figure this out, to sort out what was going on with her.
This is too soon! she screamed internally while trying to reason with this. He’s not even human; he told you to remember that so fucking remember that!
While Iris was lost in the maelstrom inside her, Arylos paid and presented one of the boats of the small fried batter balls covered in a dark savoury sauce and fish flakes to Iris for her to take. The smell shook her free from the whirlpool and she took the boat in her hands, feeling the warmth of the treat. Without hesitation, she took the pick and poked at one of the balls and popped it in her mouth.
This would forever be one of her favourite foods. The sauce overwhelmed her as the dried flakes gave a nice crunchy texture to the soft fried ball. She felt it pop open and flood her mouth with the moist interior and she could taste the telltale saltiness of the tero in the core; the seafood reminding her of a simpler time and bringing her back to the memory of eating this treat on the wall at Mornyr Khai.
She enjoyed the experience, wholeheartedly loving the treat as it contrasted perfectly against the cold of winter’s return. She remembered Arylos at Mornyr Khai, when he started to open up to her. When she determined that she wanted to know more about him.
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When he told her that he is the last of his kind.
She looked up to Arylos who was enjoying the food with a smile, taking in the flavours and the sensation as it warmed him up. She knew what he was now; a Titan, a godlike being from outside of her world. A creator of her reality. A monster that ordered the destruction of her world and fought to undo that mistake. A creature that spends its time alone and drifting through the endless reality, forever an outcast and never belonging anywhere.
She found she could not remain mad at him for causing the Dragon Wars. Instead, she felt sorry for him. They really weren’t as different as she thought when splitting hairs. He has nothing save for her, and yet she has nothing save for him.
The two of them finished their meal in silence, letting their emotions do the talking for them, taking comfort in the experience.
“Ready to keep moving?” Arylos asked as he finished, wiping the sauce from his beard.
Iris nodded, still chewing on some of the treat as she got up with Arylos and the two continued down the street. As they walked, Iris kept glancing towards Arylos as he admired the city, the lights, the sounds, the smells. She felt a sudden urge come to her.
She reached out and took the Titan’s hand in her own, gripping it tight so as to never let go.
Arylos felt a little shock as he turned to Iris. “Getting clingy again are we?” he smiled.
“Your hand is warm,” Iris teased while sticking out her tongue.
“I can tell; my hand is slowly turning to ice,” Arylos responded as the two of them came to a bridge overlooking a small stream at the edge of a garden waiting for spring’s return. Arylos let go of Iris for a moment and came over to the guard rail as the two of them leaned on it, admiring the sound of the stream below.
“Thank you for indulging me,” Arylos confessed softly. “I’ve rarely had moments like this, so being able to enjoy it makes me happy.”
“Your life was really that rough, wasn’t it?” Iris asked, turning to face the Titan who was lost in his own thoughts.
“Rough isn’t the word I would use, but we’ll go with that,” Arylos laughed under his breath.
Iris felt a little sadness come over her as she rested a hand on Arylos’s arm. “So, you’re eternal and can see everything this world has to offer, but you spend that time fighting off things that would rather see you dead. Isn’t it lonely?”
Arylos’s smile faded as he considered her words. “It is,” he confessed softly. “I will see everything in this world, but never be able to share it with anyone. So in a way, yeah; it is lonely.”
“Who would want a life like that?” Iris wondered aloud.
“Those who fear death,” Arylos explained with a scowl. “Those who look at my eternal life and think of it as a blessing; arrogant to the curse it really is.”
Iris’s grip tightened on his arm as she tried to keep her sadness under control. Arylos felt this and turned to her with a soft sigh. “But none of that matters anymore,” he told her with a smile. “I have my blessing and I intend to enjoy it for as long as I can.”
Arylos then reached into the pocket of his coat and took out a palm-sized item wrapped in white cloth. Iris could see his cheeks were red and he had a shuddered breath. He was nervous about something. With hesitation, he took Iris’s hand and placed the object in her palm.
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“And for that gift, I want to give you this in return,” Arylos told her in a soft voice.
Iris looked down at the item and unwrapped the cloth. When she saw the object, she felt like the gift he had given her was immeasurable. It was a small hoop with a net of twine decorated with beads spiralling in an intricate pattern. In the centre rested a small purple-black gem that churned with a soft violet and red light. At the base hung three feather shaped stones sporting a black colour with a soft yet vibrant red glow; like embers of burnt wood.
The small hoop was beautiful in a way that made Iris’s heart stop. She admired the beauty and the small markings along the hoop, tracing out the pattern of the twine with her finger and feeling something draw her finger towards the gem, like sticking her finger in a drain. She held the feather-like stones in her hand, feeling their density and a warmth radiate from them that brought warmth to her cold skin. As she admired the gift, she recognised the gem; the glass-like surface reminded her of the vision of Mortehksun that Arylos showed her.
Iris tried to speak, but could not find the words to quantify how this gift made her feel. She clutched the hoop close to her chest, feeling the warmth of the stone feathers brush against her chest and she took in the warmth of both the stones and the gesture. She could not help but smile like a stupid little girl.
“It’s beautiful,” she finally whispered, cradling the charm and she could see a soft and relieved smile come to Arylos’s face. “This is too beautiful for me,” she confessed with a laugh.
“I beg to differ,” Arylos replied softly before his face went red again and he shook his head in embarrassment. “That is a dreamcatcher,” he explained.
Iris had the realisation come to her as she looked to Arylos. “Like the charm I got you?”
Arylos nodded as he held Iris’s hand to show her the details of the charm. “I borrowed the design from another world that has a similar idea for such charms and adapted it for my own purposes. The twine is to act as a spider’s web, catching and trapping bad dreams and memories so the sunlight can burn them away and the feathers are meant to keep you warm and safe.”
Iris found a new level to admire the small charm, falling for it as it drew her in. “I made my own rendition to the design,” Arylos continued to explain. “I included a Void Obsidian; a jewel from my world. So that way I can watch over you like you have for me.”
Iris felt a tear start to fall as her emotions flooded through her. “What about the feathers?” she asked as she held them in her hand.
“They are my own,” Arylos explained. “Pulled them from my wings myself.”
Iris gasped and looked up to the Titan, her hand reaching out for his shoulder. “That’s what you were doing in the bathroom this morning,” she realised aloud.
Arylos nodded and pulled her hand away from his shoulder. “The feathers of a Titan carry extraordinary power. Many civilizations have fought and died just trying to get one. And you have three given willingly to you. As my appreciation for letting me live this dream for as long as I can.”
Iris wiped her eyes and clutched the charm close, choking back tears of joy. “Thank you,” she whispered between breaths before she started crying full force. “But I’m sorry that I have nothing to give you,” she admitted as she took out the bag of candies from her yokui and handed them to a confused Arylos.
“I didn’t know what to get you,” she continued while choking back tears. “You have always been there for me and I wanted to thank you, but I didn’t know how. And those stupid sweets can’t compare to this charm.” She wiped her eyes and her nose, holding onto the small charm tighter and feeling the warmth of the feathers. “You gave a piece of yourself to me and all I can do is give you candy. I’m sorry.”
Arylos smiled as he palmed the bag of candy and held the crying girl close while rubbing her back. She could feel a warmth shroud her as he held her. A warmth that made her feel safe and happy as she rubbed her cheek against his chest, silent save for the howl of his lungs.
“Do not be sorry,” Arylos whispered as his growling voice boomed in his chest. “You’ve already given me an irreplaceable gift already. Every day, you give me a piece of you that no one else can replace.”
Iris slowly pulled away from his chest as she looked into his hypnotic red and black eyes that shone with a beautiful light, as if the red moon now hung in the sky. “What gift can that be?” she asked while rubbing her eyes once more.
Arylos laughed softly, losing himself in the colour of warm honey in her eyes, falling in the gravity of her embrace. The warmth of her touch and the sound of her voice. He basked in the light that the soft nighttime light gave her skin.
He found his star.
Arylos choked on his own emotions as he lost himself in the experience; as she took away everything he was and left only the warmth of her presence. “When you die and leave me behind, it will hurt. But I welcome that pain because it means that I cared. And when you and even your descendants are gone, when everyone else has forgotten that this world even existed as time weathers away your world until it’s nothing but ash, I will have one thing left; one gift that you give me willingly and freely that I will treasure always. I treasure each of those small gifts of yours like jewels of a crown. It is a gift that only I can appreciate and cherish and it makes me feel small and yet so alive. An otherworldly feeling that makes me feel whole; like I have a piece of myself that I didn’t even know I was missing.”
“And what could that be?” she asked softly, trying to take in his words.
“Your smile,” Arylos replied with a warm smile of his own. “Your smile and the memory of it is a gift you give me without care, and a gift I will always treasure.”
Iris felt dumbfounded by his words, once again reaching up to her cheek and feeling the blood rush to her face. She didn’t have the words to tell him how this all felt. She was swimming in her own emotions and she didn’t know what to tell him. She knew what she felt, but she lacked the words to tell him. She found herself in agreement with the Titan.
It really is otherworldly.
She laughed under her breath as she came to her realisation and gave a warm smile to the last Titan. A smile that carried everything she felt and the same warmth that he gives her. She hoped that at least for now, that gift would suffice and tell him how she felt. She finally knew what she felt, but her smile was the only thing she could tell him.
And she felt happy.
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