《Glimpse of Eternity》Chapter 1.2 - All Was Well... Until It Wasn't (2)
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"Haaaah~" Ken was breathing in the air with a huge smile on his face, his arms stretched wide open. "I'm the king of the world!"
'Just like that movie about the boat!'
"You sound like an idiot." Kyouka cut in from behind him.
"Hey, c'mon. Don't rain on my parade. It's thirteen years you know? I haven't been outside for thirteen years. That's enough time for a baby to enter puberty."
"Why are your examples so... whatever. Are we done now? Let's go back in." she said impatiently.
"Wha--...? It hasn't even been a minute! Push me next to those benches over there, so you can sit down too." Ken suggested while pointing at some wooden benches nearby.
"What are we even gonna do there? There's nothing here but benches and trees!" While Kyouka protested, she still obediently pushed Ken's wheelchair along the stone-paved path towards the bench.
"We can just chat and stuff."
"We can chat inside too."
"Tsk tsk, it's not the same." Ken chided.
After Ken's wheelchair was pushed next to the right end of the bench, Kyouka then sat down on the right end of the bench so she could monitor her brother closely, just in case something happened.
"You don't have to be so on edge. I feel great right now!" Ken tried to assure his little sister who was obviously on tenterhooks. But Kyouka refused to let her guard down, so Ken had no choice but to let her do as she pleased.
"So... how's Father and Mother?" he asked, eager to get Kyouka's mind to relax a bit.
"Nothing much... They have different lovers than the last time you asked about them." Kyouka answered as casually as someone would when talking about the weather.
"Haha... what else can I say? I guess I'm glad that they're still so... energetic. I wish they'd share some of that vitality with me." Ken also responded casually, as if the subject really had nothing to do with him at all.
"Father's lover is absolutely just in it for the money."
"Oof. Well, I doubt he gives a crap about money. Our family is quite wealthy after all." Ken chuckled.
"Fufu. Indeed." Kyouka giggled.
The siblings looked at each other and started laughing at their inside joke.
"And what about Mother?" Ken asked.
"As for mother's lover... well, she's my mother, so she can't be ugly. She still looks good even at that age. It's the one thing about her I admire." she mused.
"Harsh. Shouldn't you at least admire her for bringing you into the world? She even gave you your awesome big brother."
Kyouka couldn't help but giggle again. "I guess that's true."
"Well, no doubt you really will age like her. You'll probably look like a young woman even when your fifty or something!"
"Of course!" Kyouka chirped happily.
"As for me... well I guess what I look like at that age won't matter since I doubt I'd make it past thirty," Ken said in a joking manner. He glanced up at the gradually darkening sky.
'When Kyouka's fifty, will the sky still look like the same as it does now? That's actually kind of comforting in a way...'
"..."
"Hm? Hey, don't leave me hanging here!" Ken bubbly said after Kyouka hadn't responded in a while.
"*sniff* you know I d-don't like these kinds of jokes..." Kyouka's voice which Ken always described as 'annoyingly pretty' sounded a bit muffled.
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Ken couldn't help but turn toward his little sister.
"Ah! What's wrong?!" Ken asked, flustered.
'Ah what do I do, what do I do!? My handkerchief...' Ken hastily felt around for one, but he was wearing a hospital gown. He didn't have pockets. 'Fuck!'
"Why do you think I'm *sniff* crying, you numbskull?" Kyouka glared at Ken resentfully, with eyes still spilling over with tears. She covered her eyes with a handkerchief that she pulled out from who-knows-where. She was breathing roughly, hyperventilating. Just like in the past, whenever she had asthma attacks.
"Wh-wh-what do I do? You don't have your inhaler with you, don't you? Shit..." Ken was in panic mode right now.
Kyouka always had a bit of a weak constitution. It was even worse when she was young. Before he got sick, Ken would always bring Kyouka's inhaler with him whenever he snuck her out to play. But there was one time when he neglected to check, and the inhaler he brought ended up being empty. It would have turned out pretty bad, if it wasn't for the fact that one of the kids nearby had an inhaler, too.
The current situation undoubtedly made some of Ken's trauma resurface.
"Ah!" It didn't take him all that long to stop panicking and remember that they were in a hospital. He slapped his forehead.
"Wait here! I'll go get some help-GEH!"
Ken was just about to zoom off to the hospital when Kyouka suddenly pulled him by the collar.
"I...I'm okay. Calm down." Kyouka tried to calm her panicking brother down.
"Wh-What... you're okay? That's great!" Ken sighed with relief.
"My asthma got cured a long time ago. I just got a bit worked up..." Kyouka explained with a hint of exasperation.
"That's good! That's really good, Kyouka..." Ken felt all the tension drain from his body and he collapsed limply into his wheelchair.
"Jeez...making such a fuss over a little bit of heavy breathing...What are you? My Mom?"
Hearing this, Ken merely shrugged. "I just got overly worried. My Bad."
Kyouka wanted to scold his reckless behavior of trying to race off to the hospital to get medicine, but hearing the genuine concern for her well-being in his voice, she decided against it in the end.
"From now on... No more jokes like that. Please?" Kyouka held her brother's hand left hand with both of hers and pleaded.
Ken couldn't remember the last time Kyouka asked for something so sincerely. Maybe never.
"Like what?" Ken asked.
"Like... about...you dying," Kyouka answered. Her voice was starting to sound shaky again, and tears were dropping down the corners of her eyes.
'Ah~. So it was that after all, huh? I joked about it from time to time, and she would only scold me lightly, so I didn't really think much of it. In hindsight, she was on edge all the time cuz we were outside, so she's more touchy about this kind of thing, huh?'
Ken had already somewhat accepted his mortality. After all, the estimates said that he wouldn't live past thirteen. With every year that he surpassed that age, living became much, much harder. The pain that constantly wracked his body would get worse and worse as time passed. Moving even just his arms and neck became harder and harder too. The pain medication that he took had long lost its effects.
And Sleep. That was the worst part of it all. Ken had three main problems when it came to sleep.
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First, being assaulted by excruciating pain all the time didn't really help facilitate comfortable sleep. He could never sleep deeply.
Second, Falling asleep. The constant pain made sure to not let you sleep well, but it also made it very hard to fall asleep. Additionally, even if he did manage to fall asleep, the constant pain would make sure to wake him up every few dozen minutes or so.
Despite that, Ken still had to force sleep upon himself. Human beings need to sleep to survive, so Ken had to take additional meds to fall asleep.
But just like all his other meds, even the sleeping pills stopped working after a while.
So the only way for Ken to get some sleep was to simply pass out from exhaustion.
Finally, the Third problem. Ken was terrified of the idea of not waking up.
For Ken, who didn't really believe in any kind of afterlife, Death was just sleeping. Except it was for keeps.
Ken knew his life was hanging by a thread, so he could die at any moment.
But what scared him the most was not seeing it coming.
If he was gonna die, he wanted to be conscious. He didn't want to go to sleep, looking forward to a new chapter of a web novel he was reading, a new anime episode airing the day after, or a visit from his sister only to die in his sleep.
Falling asleep was hard, and he had to do it. But it was also extremely frightening.
That was why, to Ken, whether he was awake or asleep, he was struggling. Even when he was enjoying the thing he loved, he would still have to struggle against life while doing it.
He liked living, despite it being really fucking hard sometimes. Watching anime, reading manga, web novels and light novels were fun. Being with Kyouka was fun.
Ken wouldn't pass up all the good things in life just because it was overall really harsh.
So Ken was gonna struggle the hell out of this life until he died.
That's what he'd decided.
As such, he'd already accepted his death. Enough to make jokes about it.
Since he only really had his sister to talk to, Kyouka was the one who heard these jokes the most. Ken had told her these jokes partly to let her know that he had made his peace with death. And also partly to prepare her for it.
After he was gone, she would essentially be alone.
Their Parents were just family by blood and on paper. Ken never really considered them as family. Even after he was gone they would continue to live their own life, forgetting they even had two kids.
Kyouka was going to be by herself, and Ken didn't want her to be caught unprepared.
However this is this, and that is that.
Would he still stick to his decision after seeing his only family member pleading with him like that?
Fuck that.
To hell with that crap.
So for the first time, he decided...
"Don't worry Kyouka!"
to assure her...
"I'm not gonna die yet."
that everything was going to be fine.
"Look, I just sucked up all this fresh air. I've never felt better."
He would make sure she knew that...
"All is well."
Ken smiled brightly at Kyouka. He even flexed his arms in various poses like a bodybuilder would.
'Ahaha, I probably look pathetic doing this while in a wheelchair. I don't even have much muscle either.'
Seeing him acting like a moron, Kyouka couldn't help but laugh a bit. She was smiling just as brightly as when they saw each other this morning.
'Ah, who cares how I look. Look at that winning smile. Call me a simp, but it's worth it.'
"Jeez, stop it. People are starting to look over here." Kyouka said in between giggles.
"Yes yes, my dearly beloved Sister. Has your mood been restored?" Ken jokingly asked in a theatrical manner.
"Fufu, Indeed, my dearly beloved Brother. You have done splendidly." Kyouka also joined in with her own theatrics.
"I see. That's good." Ken said with a smile on his face.
"Yep!" Kyouka chirped. "So no more of the you-know-whats, okay?"
"I know, I know. I won't be leaving the stage just yet." Ken answered with feigned exhaustion. "After all, I haven't seen the look on Father and Mother's faces when they find out that you're a lesbian, and hence won't be pumping out any kids."
"Pffft. So you do resent them!" Kyouka exclaimed as if she'd caught a thief.
"Meh. Just a little." Ken shrugged nonchalantly.
The Siblings joked around like that as they walked back inside the Hospital.
"By the way..." Kyouka suddenly brought her mouth next to Ken's ear.
"What?" Ken asked.
"About this morning. I'm...sorry about being annoying and waking you up." Kyouka whispered meekly.
Sensing the surprising amount of sincerity in the barely audible voice, Ken just chuckled.
"What, that? That was nothing. I was just grumpy cuz I just woke up." Ken assured his sister. "Besides, spending time with you is way better than sleeping."
"Kyun♥" Kyouka squealed. "Kyaa~, are you hitting on me right now?"
"You wish. You have the permanent role of being my Little Sister. Also, aren't you too easy? I essentially said that being with you was better than doing nothing." Ken quipped dryly.
"Oof. I just got Sister-zoned, huh. But it doesn't feel bad. Also! Sleeping is doing something! There's even something called Competitive Sleeping y'know!" Kyouka informed as she pushed Ken's wheelchair forward.
"Damn. Seriously?" Ken's eyes widened from the unexpected trivia.
'I would probably suck so hard at that. For rea-ACK!!' Ken was thinking about how absolutely terrible he would be at Competitive Sleeping when he suddenly felt an extremely sharp pain in his right waist. Ken was already used to pain but he had never quite experienced one as intense as this. It was to the extent that he passed out for a second. But then it started coming regularly, like it was following his heartbeat, and the pain came from a different place every time.
"Yep. I know for sure cuz one of the girls I played around with during High school was actually a pro at it. She could just fall asleep anytime and anywhere she wanted." Kyouka explained.
Kyouka was utterly oblivious to her brother's condition. She couldn't really see anything but the back of his head, after all. But after a while, her brother still wasn't responding at all so she stopped the wheelchair and walked to the front to get a good look at her brother, only to be horrified by what she saw.
Ken was clutching at his right chest with his left hand, while his right hand was grasping his right leg. He had a trail of dark blood spilling from his mouth, trailing down his chin. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets and the dark red blood that spilled from a corner of his mouth stained his pure white hospital gown.
It went without saying, Ken had some traumas.
But he wasn't the only one.
Kyouka, who's loved her Big brother dearly ever since she could remember, had stood by his side since his confinement as well.
As Ken experienced his own hell, Kyouka had a hell of her own to overcome.
Ken wasn't really aware of it, but during the early stages of his sickness, while he slept, he would have extremely violent fits. He would thrash around wildly. These fits would also be accompanied by agonizing screams that reverberated across the hospital's halls and threatened to shatter eardrums.
Kyouka had to watch all of that as a girl not even ten years old.
She had to watch her only loved one suffer for hours on end.
She could have left if she wanted, but she refused to leave his side as much as possible.
When her brother was well, he never let her be alone.
He would sleep beside her, tell her stories, teach her things and play with her.
The young Kyouka decided that she wasn't leaving, and that was that!
But she could do nothing to help her brother.
She could only watch.
She could only watch her most beloved family member suffer every time he had to sleep, for years.
Luckily, Ken seemed to have gotten better over time. He completely stopped having these sleeping fits by the time Kyouka was ten.
But she still has nightmares about those times, even after so many years.
The nightmares about that monster were particularly jarring.
Kyouka had fallen flat on her butt and was completely paralyzed. The situation was exactly like back when she was younger. She could do nothing but watch...
'N-no! I can't be like this right now! I'm not a little girl anymore! Move dammit! Shout! Do SOMETHING!!'
"H-help...HELP!!!" Kyouka shouted desperately, the veins in her neck threatened to burst. "SOMEONE! ANYONE!! HELP!!!"
'N-no-nobody's coming. I can't...move my legs...! FUCK! This is all my fault! This is all because I gave in to big brother's request... E-even when we were kids I shouldn't have...!'
"Ugh..." Ken spat out another mouthful of dark red blood. Despite this, he seemed to have regained some control over his body again, albeit with incredible difficulty. He used his trembling left hand to beckon Kyouka to him.
"AH!! Big Brother!!!" Hearing Ken spit out more blood finally seemed to have snapped Kyouka from her paralysis. She was about to use her freedom to go and push Ken's wheelchair towards somewhere they could get help but once she saw Ken's hand, she got up and ran to her big brother instead. "Big brother..."
"*cough* Kyouka...*cough**cough*...not*cough*...your*cough*" Ken could barely say anything in between coughs. Every attempt seemed to be met with a mouthful of blood accompanying each cough.
"Big Brother! Stop talking!!! Please wait, I'll get us back to the room quickly! And then the doctors can use all that equipment to fix you up!!!" Kyouka shouted at the top of her lungs.
Kyouka was just about to run around behind the wheelchair to start pushing it when she was stopped.
Ken's left hand was gripping her right wrist tightly. It was trembling, however, there was a surprising amount of force to it, that allowed no chance for Kyouka to break free of its grasp.
"Wh-why!? I need to get help!! It's all my fault!!! I never should have brought you outside!!! I-if I didn't...you wouldn't be...!!" Kyouka screamed hysterically.
Ken just stayed silent at his sister's actions. His eyes were staring into Kyouka's own. His entire body, aside from the hand gripping Kyouka's wrist, had stopped trembling. But this did nothing to comfort Kyouka. It felt like it was the calm before the storm.
"Wh-what...a-are you doing, big brother? I need to bring you somewhere they can make you better... Please stop...I-I'll be good from now on, okay? Please, let go so I can help you!!! I can't watch this... I can't...I'm sorry...It's all my fault... you... even your illness...!!!" Kyouka couldn't bear to look at her brother anymore. she turned her head away, and started crying while shouting hysterically.
Kyouka dropped down on her knees in front of Ken's wheelchair, her head hung low with guilt. She suddenly felt a soft tug from the wrist that Ken had never let go of. She looked at him with tears spilling from her eyes.
Ken looked at his sister as well, his eyes calm looking over her current state. Her clothes were all wrinkled and disheveled, and her plain white shirt was splotched with his blood. Her hair looked like a pigeon lived there for a bit, and left after laying some eggs. Her face was a mess, too. She didn't really wear any makeup but she had been bawling her eyes out and crying like some lunatic, and she had the looks to match.
'She really opened the floodgates this time huh. The only thing missing is some snot running down her nose...'
Despite the situation, Ken couldn't help but smile.
'Damn. Even when she kinda looks like a crazy bitch, doesn't she still look quite pretty? We might not have won the Gacha for parents but we definitely won the lottery for looks. Ah, this isn't the time for this. I gotta say it before I pass out..."
"Wh-wh-why are you smili--" Kyouka stammered. Before she could finish the question she had unconsciously asked...
Ken had brought his trembling right hand up to his lips. "Shh..."
Kyouka obediently shut her mouth and looked at her brother. He was also looking back at her with a steady gaze.
Once he was sure that he had Kyouka's full attention, Ken finally released the words that he had been wanting to say.
"It's...… not...… your...*COUGH*!!!" Ken's spat out a particularly large mouthful of blood and felt his consciousness slipping away.
"Big brother!!!"
"GUH!!" With incredible willpower, he forced out one last word...
"FAULT!!!"
'It's not your fault, you moron... Stop spouting crap. Your just a crybaby little sister. So don't go thinking you can take responsibility for shit you're not supposed to! I'm the one who actually did shit when he couldn't own up to it!'
In his last second of consciousness, he tried to convey everything he couldn't say with his gaze. With the hope that she understood, Ken closed his eyes.
'Good. I managed... somehow. I really hope I make it out of this alive.'
With that final thought, Ken lost consciousness.
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