《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 207: What is a King to a Keeper of Law?
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"Whoa, careful now." Will said as he grabbed Harold's shoulder.
Harold had just stepped on a pool of blood, and he started to slip. But Will managed to keep him from actually falling down.
Harold frowned. "Look at this mess." he scoffed. "You know what it is? It's a lack of respect. The youth nowadays just have no respect for authority or just general niceties."
He paused and a saccharine smile popped on his face. "Current company excluded of course." he added with a smile nod.
Will looked a little surprised and pointed at himself. "Wait, I'm not a kid. I'm over..."
Harold waved him off. "Calm down. Just take the compliment young man. Coming from someone as respected and established as me, it should mean quite a bit you know."
Will let out a genuine laugh. "Alright sir, whatever you say."
"Yes, that's right. What I say goes. Absolutely." Harold huffed proudly.
WHAM!
The hollow king crashed down, right next to the two of them. His body made an imprint on the ground as his sword was nowhere to be seen. The emaciated man lifted a hand up and pressed it into the ground, and he used it to lift himself out of the crater he had made. His spectral face was full of blind rage.
He raised up his right arm and opened his fist. The eye embedded in his palm seemed to strain itself, and a moment later a woman with massive swan wings plummeted from the sky as she clutched her chest in pain.
Even as she hit the ground, the hollow king kept his massive eye trained on her. His ghostly face kept a constant scowl while his flesh and blood mouth hung open like he was in a trance.
"What, is that some new rude gesture you kids are doing nowadays?" Harold scowled as the danger of the current situation seemed to go over his head at the thought of someone he saw as a youngster doing something rude.
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Harold reached down into the crater and pulled the hollow king up with ease.
"Egad man. Just look at yourself," Harold scolded much to Will's amusement. "You're practically naked! Such shameful attire cannot be overlooked any longer."
The hollow king's ghostly visage raised his eyebrow in confusion as Harold pulled out a notepad. He scribbled something on it, and then shoved it into the hollow king's chest.
"There, I have a list of clothing I expect you to be in the next time I see you." Harold sternly scolded. "I know this is stricter than the normal dress code, but I felt at least some basic punishment was necessary to remind you how important proper clothing is."
The hollow king grabbed the paper with his left hand and scanned his right arm over it. The list was indeed strict, and expansive. Everything from the type of underwear to the proper knot to use in the tie was covered. He seemed to have completely forgotten about the fight. After a moment, he turned his face towards Harold and lifted up a finger.
"Ah but but!" Harold chimed in. "I'll have no backtalk young man. Now march off to change right away before I decided to increase your punishment." He smirked and straightened up his tie. "And seeing how this is your first major offense, I don't think any demerits are necessary."
Harold put a hand on the hollow king's shoulder and looked right into his eyes through his thick, coke bottle glasses. "But, if you continue to question me, I'm afraid that'll have to change, and a mark will for sure have to be placed on your permanent record. Now you don't want that, do you? Why, a disciplinary mark for insubordination from me? That kind of thing never goes away. College, jobs, even potential girlfriends. Why that stain will hurt all your future prospects. Understand son?"
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The hollow king lowered his hand and let out a hiss like sigh before he shambled away.
"Impressive for a human." Gzemnid applauded as she floated towards Harold and Will. "Such fierceness. Why, you could be a duke of my realm with that sort of tenacity."
Harold bobbed his head back and forth, sort of like a chicken. "A duke? Me? Well, I would be honored, but of course my duty as a principal is my priority you understand Mrs..."
Gzemnid's blood-stained mouth curled up into a vicious grin. "Gzemnid. Miss Gzemnid. And you are Mr. Wormer correct?"
Harold looked up at the floating ball of eyes and fat. He blinked twice, and then pulled off his glasses to try and clean them. After a moment he popped them back on and looked at her again. This time he smiled and nodded.
"Why yes, that's me." He said proudly. "But a lady of such...high status as you may call me Harold. Does a duchy bring in a lot of money for you? Because, we have been looking for some generous souls to help whip this school into shape. Under my brand of leadership of course."
"Bold, aren't we?" she said as she floated around Harold Wormer.
"Careful of her. She tends to be a messy partner. Really takes the til death do us part thing to another level." Will whispered.
Gzemnid put a hand over the giant eyeball on her chest. "Why Will, I am positively hurt at what you're insinuating."
Harold lowered his voice as he turned to Will. "Keep your mouth shut, unless you want detention for the rest of the school year, along with being lead on the weekend cleanup crew for the campus."
Will shrugged as Harold straightened back up. The old man ran a hand over his combover and brushed some dust off of his ugly brown suit. "I am not so easily swayed you see. When I want something, I will do what is necessary to obtain it."
Gzemnid grinned. "I like that in a man."
"Then you must be a fine judge of character!" Harold laughed dryly as her insinuation seemed to go over his head. "Now, all we need is a small donation to really revitalize things around here. You see, it's already been a long two years since we renovated the football arena. It's practically wasting away and is a real burden on our star athletes here."
Harold began to walk off to the side away from Will, and she floated alongside him. "You see, what really brings in the best students? Athletics of course! And good exercise does wonders for the mind. So, you see..."
And so, Harold explained an in-depth plan full of plot holes and inconsistencies to Gzemnid. From the importance of football to the drain useless things like the arts were. His rambling was both boring and enrapturing. All while he tried to coax out obscene amounts of money that he kept regarding as nothing more than paltry sums. A hundred thousand here, two million there and so on.
His greed was on full display, and the floating monster just nodded along as she stared at him like a dog would stare at a raw steak.
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