《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 72: Facing the Past
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It was quiet.
It was dark.
He was alone.
The darkness was oppressive. Almost like the fog had drifted in from outside and turned completely black. The lights that normally dotted the path were gone. But, even without them, Ted knew he needed to keep moving. Otherwise, he would catch him. Otherwise he'd be...he'd be...
He could no longer remember why he was running. Was he running? Why was he drenched in sweat? His legs ached and his body pulsed with minor pains all over. It was cold, and the air tasted stale.
"What happened?" Ted muttered to himself as he raised a hand to touch the top of his head.
He drew his hand back quickly as pain shot through him when he pressed against his skin. But a certain sick curiosity passed through him, and he touched it again. Pain shot through him again, but he kept poking and prodding. He brought his hand down in front of his face and looked at it. Nothing. No blood, no mysterious ooze, no hand reaching out of his hair. Nothing at all.
"Hello?" Ted's voice echoed out around him, but there was no response. Only his voice carrying further and further away.
Slowly he started to walk. Each step echoed out around him. The silence seemed to heighten his sense of hearing, and as it surrounded him, he could even hear his own heartbeat. Why, he could swear he could even hear the very blood rushing through his veins.
"Is anyone there?"
This place felt so familiar to Ted, but his mind was plagued with questions. Why was he here? There were others, but...as he tried to bring their faces to his mind, he found they were always just out of reach. Like a shelf high enough that his finger could just barely brush over the edge, but he couldn't quite grasp it. He knew there was someone else with him, or that there had been. Maybe even a few other people. So, what happened? Why was he so alone now? Did something happen to them? Were they alright? Did...
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Then it hit him. The twisted truth struck at his heart like a knife. "They're better off." he muttered, almost like a practiced mantra. "And I'm better off too."
One after another, Ted walked forward. It was all he knew. He just had to keep moving forward. Step by step, towards what, he didn't know. There was just this feeling deep down inside him. Like a cry telling him he couldn't stay here. That he just had to keep moving forward.
His mind knew the truth. That he was better without attachments. They only made things harder when they'd inevitably end. He was just a burden after all. No point in forcing his weight onto others, not when he was the only one who had to carry it. He didn't know who the person or people were that he left behind. But they were better off without him dragging them down.
Ted's footsteps fell into a discordant rhythm as his thought swirled around his head. Ted knew this place, but he couldn't place why or how he knew it. He could not see a thing, and yet his path felt clear.
"Ted?"
His heart started to race. He knew that voice. He could never forget it.
"Why won't you look at me, Ted?"
It was like a strange mix of candy and knives. Her voice always had that strange venom lying just underneath the surface. Like if you said the wrong thing her words would physically lash out somehow. Sweat dripped down his forehead as he kept his eyes forward and picked up his pace.
"Look at me Ted."
Her voice was so commanding he nearly turned, but he managed to stop himself at the last minute. He began to shake but couldn't remember why he was so afraid. He just knew that he didn't dare turn to see what awaited him behind his back. Slowly, tears began to start to pool in his eyes.
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"Why are you abandoning me here? I've been so lonely."
A chill ran up his spine as he felt her wet breath against the back of his ear.
"Stay here...with me."
His tears finally broke through as he could feel gentle hands resting around his shoulders. As if she had draped herself over his back and slowly her arms reached down to delicately cross his chest. They were cold, so very cold, and his chest started to feel wet. Warmth mixed in with the wet feeling as it slowly spread from where she crossed his arms over his chest.
"Le...leave me alone," Ted whimpered.
She seemed to vanish for a moment, as the feeling of her touch disappeared in an instant. Then, he felt something slam against his back and he stumbled forward. He tried to catch his feet, but it wasn't enough. He fell onto the ground with a thud.
"Leave you alone!" she shrieked with anger dripping from every word. "How dare you! You'd be nothing without me! And what do I get? You're the one who did this to me. I'm here because of you!"
"It wasn't my fault." Ted's voice was cracking as his tears flowed down his cheeks. He kept his head down facing the cold, hard ground. "I never meant..."
"Never meant it? Fat lot of good that does. Intent? Results matter Ted, and you did this."
Ted winced as he felt a sharp pain in his ankle.
"And if you won't even look at me after everything you did...then maybe...MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE YOU A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE!"
Ted felt so tired. Maybe he could just rest here a while. Part of him felt like she was right anyway. He deserved whatever she had in store for him. But then, deep down, that drive to press on, to move forward, it seemed to pulse through his body. Despite the pain in his ankle, he got up onto his hands and knees. He lifted his head as tears dripped down onto the ground. His eyes looked straight ahead and into the darkness.
"TURN BACK AND LOOK AT ME! FACE WHAT YOU DID!!!"
HIs ankle screamed at him as the pain shot up into his calf, but he pushed through it and stood up. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." he sputtered out as he started to limp away.
Each step felt heavier than the last, but he didn't stop. He could hear her behind him. Poking him, prodding him, twisting between pleading and threatening him to turn around. He never did. Forward. That was the direction he had to go. But all the while he continued to mutter, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." And then she got quieter and quieter, until;
It was quiet.
It was dark.
He was alone.
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