《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 53: Clothing Optional
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"I've got to say, I've been keeping busy, but boy do I miss video games." Ted sighed as he made his way down the stairs to the main room. "I guess we have bigger problems or whatever, I just couldn't help but remember how I used to save scum in really difficult games when my character got hurt like Sentenza did. It wasn't always you know, just in difficult games where you got harshly penalized for any damage a character took."
Ted looked up to see Trizel and Death both shirtless at the bar with Lulu serving them fresh drinks. "Uh...should I ask?"
Yo! Ted, bro it's good to see you!
"I was gone what, five minutes?"
Bro bro bro bro...bro. Death said as he pointed his mug towards Ted, which made the liquid inside slosh around and spill over the side. What are you talking about? it's been like ages!
"I don't think...What the heck happened here?" Ted's eyes turned towards the main table they used all the time, and he saw it was broken in half, and in pieces on the ground. "Did that sleeping guy break in and wreck the place?"
"I am afraid not," Trizel said solemnly. "I tried to fight the monster, but he overpowered me quite handily. It was not enough to kill me of course, but I never had an advantage over him." Trizel chugged his fresh mug in one quick move and then slammed it down onto the smooth counter. "He had me completely on the defensive! It was all I could do to keep from losing my head."
It was clearly a sore spot for Trizel, and Ted didn't want to make things worse. "So, what's with the lack of shirts? It's not really that hot, is it?"
Ouch. You know I lost my shirt in the last battle bro. Death said as he shook his head. He held a hand up to his eyes and made a sniffling sound. *Sniff* It's been rough. Two amazing shirts gone. Especially after that lovely service, and now another one is gone so soon? It's a real tragedy.
"I think once was more than enough for a piece of cloth," sighed Trizel. "As for mine. I paid it as a tip for...excellent service..." His eyes slid over to a smirking Lulu as he said excellent service.
"Tips? But aren't we all kind of working together?" Ted asked.
"Well sure! Of course, we are," agreed Lulu before anyone else could say anything. "But there's a certain respect we need to show when even a coworker serves us. It's just proper etiquette, isn't it? Just good old-fashioned honor shown to one another. Like saying thank you, but with a bit more substance!"
Ted wasn't so sure. It still seemed a little wrong, but he could sort of see what she was saying. "I mean, I guess I can..."
"Exactly! It's a great way to not only show respect, but to increase our bonding!" Interrupted Lulu. "Really bring us together. Honestly, being against it is basically trying to break us apart into rival groups. Divide us and all that jazz."
Yeah man! And I think we should definitely stick together! We're totally one big family bros. Death added.
Ted sighed, "I mean, I'd have to be pretty heartless to argue against something like that, but..."
"Quite right! Only a heartless beast would try and break apart a family over something so vital to the lifeblood of a group. It'd be like trying to make a puppet move without using any strings." Lulu continued. "So, you obviously agree with me."
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"I didn't..."
"Of course you do!" Lulu said as she slid out from behind the bar and put her arm around Ted as she ushered him back behind the bar with her. "That's why you're getting a split of all the tips of course!" Lulu lowered her voice to barely a whisper as she added, "After my fifty percent take of all of them of course." She raised her voice back to normal and continued, "It's only fair right? After all, you're the booze master, aren't you? Keeping us in stock of loads of delicious alcohol. Why it's only fair, right?"
"I mean..."
Lulu patted Ted roughly on his back. "Exactly, exactly. Nothing to worry about. Now why don't you pour the next round, while I stash this round of tips somewhere safe?"
"What are..."
"Perfect, perfect! Just like that." Lulu said as she still didn't let Ted get a word in. "Make sure to keep them entertained while I'm out. Oh, and always remember, it's service with a smile!"
Ted was pretty confused about what exactly was going on, but Lulu left in a flash, carrying Trizel's shirt, and it seemed like a few other things as well.
"You alright there Ted?" Trizel asked.
"I feel like something just happened, but I really couldn't tell you what." Ted said as his hand instinctively reached for Trizel's empty cup and filled it with plain rum from the far-left barrel.
"Seems that you have enough of your wits about you to serve drinks properly." smirked Trizel.
"Hmm?" Ted looked down as he realized what he was doing. "Huh, I...didn't even think about it. It just sort of happened."
Maybe it's become a habit for you? Suggested Death. You have been refilling drinks for all your bros since I've been here.
"Yes, you do seem to have taken to it quite well, despite your insistence that you are an amateur." agreed Trizel.
Ted shrugged as he set the full mug in front of Trizel. "Maybe. I just never minded it I guess, and it felt like a way I could help out you know? I don't have any crazy abilities, like super strength, or the skill of doing amazing skateboard tricks." He winked at Death, who gave him a thumbs up.
"How often must we go over this Ted?" sighed Trizel as he sat there shirtless. "None of us could do what you do, and especially none of us could have remembered half of what you know about making alcohol."
"Ugh, water...so...thirsty..."
The three of them turned to the side as a voice rang out from the hallway. Narissa walked out with her clothes looking more worn than when she had gone down. Almost like they had aged years, while still staying clean and pressed. She was holding a small leash, with Og'drimun dragging on the ground on the other end of it.
"Oh wow," Narissa said. "You've all been busy. But redecorating without me? Such a waste. I could have really spiced up this setup."
"What are you..." Og'drimun's eyes grew wide as he saw the mug in front of Trizel. He immediately flew off of the ground and over towards the bar. "Uuurrrkkk," but he was stopped short by the leash around his neck.
"Too tired to go on yourself? Wasn't that what you said?" Narissa said as she raised an eyebrow at Og'drimun.
"Ugh...seeing this great display has filled me with renewed strength...or something." When Narissa didn't respond immediately, Og'drimun put his hand around his collar and pulled. "Whatever! Just let me go, I'm the one who didn't already have a drink, remember?"
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"Well, maybe if you had actually put a little effort into your work..."
"I'm the size of a piece of fruit! Give me a break you harpy!" Og'drimun sneered as he continued to struggle with his collar.
"Narissa, Og'drimun." nodded Ted. "How are things? You seem like you've both been busy."
Narissa put a finger up to her lips as Og'drimun tugged on the leash to no avail. "Oh, private stuff dearie. Real hush hu...Trizel. Why are you naked?"
Trizel looked down at himself. "Naked? Hah! Only my shirt is gone. I'm far from naked."
"I...see.." said Narissa. "I don't know why, but I'm genuinely surprised by your physique. I figured with how much you drink you were hiding a girdle and a gut under there."
Uh, what about me! I've got even less fat on me than he does. Death pointed out.
"True, but much less muscle as well." smirked Narissa.
Finally, Og'drimun managed to undo the clasp on his collar, and he flew smack dab into the counter. He reached out for Trizel's drink, but Ted had already poured a fresh one for him. With a quick flick, Ted slid the mug right into Og'drimun, who quickly tipped it up and down the entire thing as quickly as it would pour. "Ahhhh!" he burped out. "Another! Another!"
"No need to be so greedy Oggy," teased Narissa. "Not like the drinks are going anywhere."
"Hey! Don't call me that!" Og'drimun snapped. "I'm far too proud of a demon for such a cutesy nickname."
Yo, Og-bro. said Death as he leaned his elbow on the counter.
"It's ôɡ-drē-män." he enunciated. "I mean, it isn't hard to pronounce, especially when I know you've heard the real thing."
Sorry bro. Death said sincerely. Didn't mean to make fun of you or whatever. Anyway, Og'drimun.
"Much better," Og'drimun said as Ted refilled his drink. "Now, what is it you wanted?"
You don't think muscle counts, right?
"What?"
Like having less fat is better, even if you have less muscle as well, right?
"Sounds like you already have the answer you want him to pick." Trizel pointed out with a smile.
Nuh uh! I'm just asking questions!
"Uh..." mumbled Og'drimun.
"Not that it isn't a pleasure sitting around a half-naked skeleton, a shirtless man, and a naked demon, but I think I shall go up to my room to refresh a bit. Tata." Narissa said as she waved to them before heading up the stairs towards her room.
"Wait, so I'm the most clothed here now, aren't I?" Ted pointed out.
"Yep," agreed Og'drimun before he took a big gulp of his second mug.
Totally. nodded Death.
"Maybe you should at least lose your shirt as well then Ted," offered Trizel. "Then you would not be so left out."
"I think I'll pass," Ted chuckled. "Hanging around half-naked isn't really my thing."
Why not bro? I mean, even working, I just wore a robe with nothing else on. Death said. Why, you could say I was more naked then, than I am right now.
"I think clothes are dumb in general," Og'drimun said. "At best they're to entice people with the mystery of what could be under there. Make them wonder, and then, BAM! Show them the barbs."
"I mean, I didn't even hang around my own room without being fully clothed." Ted explained.
"Surely you at least disrobe before taking a bath?" asked Trizel.
"Well yeah, of course. But thinking back...yeah, I think that was pretty much it." nodded Ted.
What? Nowhere else? Not even like on a hot day, or just hanging out with the bros?
Ted shook his head. "Nope."
"Well, why not? Surely you didn't live in an icy wasteland, and it got too hot at times." Trizel pointed out.
"Well, I mean..." Ted said as he rubbed his arm.
"He's ashamed of how he looks." Og'drimun interrupted. "Seems pretty obvious to me when I think about it."
Huh? Why?
"Yes? Why would you be ashamed?" added Trizel.
"I mean, I don't look at all like you do Trizel." Ted sighed. "I'm not really in anything close to good shape really. Although I've ironically been eating a lot better since we got here."
"Fried dough and peppers are healthier than what you used to eat?" Og'drimun asked.
"Yeah, by a wide margin too."
"Ouch. Guess you made the right move then." said Og'drimun. "I wouldn't want to be seen shirtless like that either."
"What? There's nothing wrong with that. You do not need to be a perfect specimen to take your shirt off to stay cool." Scoffed Trizel.
Yeah man! Who cares what you look like, right? It's about confidence and junk.
"Nah, you need to have the right shape to pull off being shirtless," countered Og'drimun. "Otherwise, you'll just get made fun of."
"Yes! That's exactly it," sighed Ted as he was glad someone else put it into words. He still even sucked in his gut around other instinctively. "And I'm really not the perfect shape for that kind of thing."
"Perfect?" mused Trizel before he turned to his side and pointed at a welt-like bump that went across his love handle. "See this? From an accident when I was a child. I fell off of a horse I...borrowed...from my cousin. Ensures my physique will never be perfect, along with other marks across my body."
"Yeah, but those are cool scars." Ted countered. He held out his right hand and showed a slight discoloration on the top of it in the shape of a crescent moon. "See this? I got this burning my hand on an oven's element when I tried to take something out, and my hand got too close to the top."
Uh, no that is totally cool looking! If only it stood out more, we could call you the moon man or something. Death said in an excited voice. Man, I wish I had cool scars.
"You think that's cool? Hah, let me show you something." smirked Og'drimun.
The four of them continued to talk about scars, and body image issues. Ted was never fully convinced to take his shirt off, but he would be lying if he didn't admit they helped him feel a good deal better about himself. Along with just genuinely having fun talking about various scars, that Death continued to be more and more jealous of as time went on.
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