《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 44: Plans and Schemes

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"Surprise!"

Bawoooo

Sid had a party blower in his mouth, and as Ted and Trizel stepped out of the kitchen he blew it. The paper end unraveled and flapped in the air as it made a vaguely horn like sound. He was also holding a box with several dozen others on the ground near him.

Sentenza, Death, and Bakade were standing there too, but Bakade and Death seemed to be struggling to get their party blowers to actually work. Most likely due to their lack of lips which made it hard to blow air straight into it. Sentenza had one but didn't seem to make any effort to blow it.

Lulu leaned against the bar top and smiled at Ted and Trizel. "I figured we should actually make an effort for once. I mean, do you really want to keep drinking like savages with the keg right at your table? No, my friends! I've got the answer you're looking for. We're going to renovate this bar area back here. A few barrels here and there, bottles of the finest stuff on the high shelf. Drinking isn't just about the alcohol after all. Why some might say the atmosphere is even more important than the alcohol content!"

"Renovate it?" asked Ted. "But it works just fine...I think. It's just easier to have it all at a table together."

Lulu wagged her finger at Ted. "Ah, you're missing the real problem here. Variety! Sure, Trizel could bring out one, maybe two barrels, but there's so much more variety than that! What if people want more than that? Besides, what about things like the lime syrup and other additives? The table doesn't have unlimited space! Why, if we just restocked the bar daily, we could have access to everything! It's really just the best solution here."

"But as Ted said," added Trizel. "Is something wrong with the bar as it is now?"

Lulu shook her head. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Why my dear Trizel, of course there's a problem. It's horrendously boring. But! With my guidance, and a few supplies I nabbed, we can turn it around and make it the envy of the world!"

"Just let her do as she asks," sighed Sentenza. "It's better than trying to argue with her."

"See? At least Sentenza knows when to defer to a genius!" Boasted Lulu.

Bawoooo

Sid blew his party blower again.

"Go ahead, you can spit that out to talk now Sid." said Lulu.

Sid nodded and let the party blower fall from his mouth. "You do not need to assist us if you would prefer not to," Sid explained. "However, we will be working on this bar, and if you do not assist us now, you will not have any input in how it turns out."

"I mean, it doesn't sound like the worst thing in the world to me," said Ted as he looked over at Trizel.

The giant man sighed. "I suppose I can stay to help, but I do not think I will care much how it goes."

"Yes! Perfect!" Nodded Lulu approvingly. "We need someone to handle the heavy lifting after all."

"Of course," sighed Trizel with a small smile. "I suppose I should have expected that."

Lulu quickly leaped over the bar and started to unpack various boxes. Each seemed to have more and more miscellaneous stuff. It was hard to see how any of it really had to do with a bar renovation. Streamers, flags, collapsed tents, scissors, glitter, and similar craft supplies. However, when she got to the boxes around Bakade there were some things that made more sense. Wooden boards, hammers, nails, glass panes, wood glue, and a whole mess of other, similar things.

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"Alright!" Lulu called out. "Come on and gather close, and we can talk about the vision for this wondrous new attraction."

Lulu unfurled a blank scroll of paper on top of the bar and waited for everyone to gather around her. Slowly everyone got in close, and it started to feel a little crowded.

Ooh! Ooh! Death called out. What if we paint like some cool signs to put up that say things like "Beer cures everything that ales ya," And like have a picture of me giving a thumbs up. Oh no! And I'm in like a doctor's coat or something like that. With the weird reflective head thing doctors have.

"That's...certainly an idea," mused Lulu as she pulled a pencil out of her pocket and began to draw up a rough representation of what Death suggested.

"Wwwhhhaaattt aaabboooouuuttt aa wwaalll offf mmmiiirrroorrrsss?" Bakade asked. "Lllliikkkeee bbeeehhhiinnddd tttthhheee bbbaaarrr?"

Sentenza nodded. "I'll second that one. It'd make me feel more comfortable if I could see who might be coming in." Sentenza paused a moment as he watched Lulu sketch it out. "Maybe some barstools too then. Make it easy to sit and drink alone without having to pull out a chair for a refill."

"Uh, maybe have a place on the back for different barrels of alcohol?" suggested Ted.

"Simple enough," nodded Lulu.

I know! I know! How about like a volcano that's constantly spewing out flames! You could like light the tops of drinks on fire, and then pound down a burning drink! That'd be pretty cool, right? Death suggested as he popped behind various people while he spoke.

Lulu paused and tapped her pencil against her lip. "Seems like that might be a little too much, but," she continued as she brought her pencil back down to sketch out a volcano, "I guess we can see what we think later down the line."

No, like really big flames! Death pointed from over Lulu's shoulder as she worked on the volcano. Like so big someone would walk in and go, "whoa," you know? You should draw them so high they go all the way off the page. Yeah, yeah!

"Anyone else have suggestions for what they'd like to see included?" asked Lulu as she began to sketch in some of her own ideas that she apparently didn't feel the need to share with the other.

Trizel shrugged. "I still do not really see this as a necessity, but perhaps adding a place that'd keep ice cold?"

Lulu smirked and said, "Now that sounds like a challenge, but we'll see what we can come up with."

"A place for different kinds of cups?" suggested Ted.

"Aaaaa sssmmmootttthhh cccooouunnttteeerrr tttooppp ttthhhaatt'ddd bbeee eeaassyy tttooo ccllleeaaannn?" added Bakade.

A dragon head that pours out alcohol from its mouth and roars menacingly whenever someone uses it!

A few more suggestions came in, and Lulu drew each of them out into an oddly haphazard sketch on the paper. It looked absolutely absurd. Things drawn on top of each other, and seemingly haphazardly placed. If Ted hadn't seen her drawing it piece by piece, he would have assumed it was just a bunch of meaningless scribbles. It didn't help that her handwriting was atrocious.

Lulu quickly rolled up the paper and let out a contented sigh. "Alright! This should be enough to get started at least. You just need to do exactly what I say, and this whole thing will come together beautifully!"

She stepped up onto the bar top and started to bark out orders like a practiced leader. She carefully guided each of them in smaller tasks that would come together to create the bar in her mind. They were tearing out a lot of what was already there, but she made sure none of it was outright destroyed but was taken out carefully to be reused in some other place. Pull down that shelf, tear up this countertop, rip off these boards, and on and on. As time went on, everything started to look worse and worse, but Lulu assured them that it would turn out far better than any of them could have imagined.

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Sid and Ted were sitting at a booth with a mug of pine beer near both of them. It was their turn to be on break as the others continued to work on the renovation.

"You realize I am right, do you not?" queried Sid.

Ted scratched the back of his head. "I'm not sure Sid. A prison still seems far-fetched."

"This entire situation is far-fetched." Sid explained. "Think of this then. Why have we not run out of flour yet?"

"What do you mean? There was so much flour it was practically overflowing when we first got here." Ted replied.

Sid put his hands on the table. "We take more each day. Bakade's appetite seems to have slowed down since her first arrival, but there has been no impact on the stores. Our supplies only grow as you use the time machine to mature various plants, like the limes and peppers. Water constantly flows free. Food never runs out. Much of what we need seem to spring forth from nothing."

Ted thought about what Sid was saying. It still felt a little crazy to him, but there was something exceptionally odd about this place, especially this building.

Sid looked around and saw that the others still busy helping Lulu. He leaned in, and in a much quieter voice, said, "Sentenza cannot be resupplying us with all of this from his wagon in secret. No one could. They do not have the time, or stealth capabilities to succeed in secretly keeping our larder full."

"Yeah, but like you said, a lot of what we have is from the time machine, and of course, Nugget's daily egg." Ted countered. "If there was some warden watching over us, then wouldn't they supply something more nutritious than flour and other baking goods like that?"

Sid nodded. "You are correct," he said. "That is a problem but could be simple negligence or a misunderstanding of our physical needs. We were given the basics to make bread and plenty of water. A historical staple for prisoners. Yet, you took that and turned it into alcohol, which I doubt was in their grand design."

"What are you getting at?"

"Bakade's antlers spread is seven point five feet, yet she has no trouble walking through any of the doorways in here. Trizel should struggle to fit in any building built for a normal human, yet he has no issue even carrying a barrel over his shoulders. Accommodations seem to have been made for each of them. This is why it is vital we go over the edge and investigate the area below." Sid explained calmly.

"I..." Ted's head was spinning. Sid was right. It had crossed his mind before, but having it laid out so plainly was different. Each time he needed something; it was suddenly there. Cleaning supplies, medical equipment, glassware, even baking supplies. Where had that cream of tartar even come from? How did he know it was there and what it was? It was just...right. At that moment, of course that was the cream of tartar.

"It is troubling how little we know of our situation, but troubling Sentenza about it is not the appropriate action," Sid explained. "We must gather more information on our own. Yet, without any equipment beyond my mind, testing anything here is a waste of effort. However, exploring that area below could explain much."

Ted was still reeling from the realization that Sid had confronted him with. "This is...a lot to take in Sid."

"I am aware, but it is necessary. I need you to rally the others into going over the edge." Sid's eyes glanced over to Lulu as she held up the paper and was ordering the others around. "I have been convinced that our best odds are if we all do this together."

"Well, Nugget is hurt right now. I doubt she could go on any sort of climbing trip." said Ted.

Sid nodded slowly. "The absence of Nugget is acceptable. That would only lower our odds by three point seven eight two percent."

"I mean, what are our odds if she does come?" Ted asked.

"Without her the odds of success are sixty-nine point two five nine percent. With her it is seventy-three point zero four one percent," detailed Sid.

Ted's eyes grew wide. "I uh, that doesn't sound like great odds to me."

"They are acceptable odds. If we remove the loss of life as counting against the odds, it moves up to ninety-seven point nine one four percent without Nugget, and ninety-seven point nine eight three percent with Nugget." Sid calculated. "I had assumed you would have preferred loss of life be avoided, correct?"

"I mean, yeah obviously." scoffed Ted.

Sid nodded. "The odds are not a guarantee, but neither is doing nothing. We know so little about our captors that the odds are effectively ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent that at least one of us will be killed sooner or later. Their intentions are clearly not benevolent as we have seen from the emissary who demands tribute from us. Even more troubling is how it seems they wanted to prevent Death's mobility with this fog."

"Are you so sure that's why he turned the rains into a fog?" Ted asked.

"It is too convenient to be a coincidence. Especially with how useful such an ability is." Sid countered.

Ted let out a sigh and leaned forward onto the table. He didn't like the odds, but Sid had a good point. Ted shuddered as he remembered the strange tentacles and voices that had sent him here. Something that disguised itself like that, could he trust it? They felt the need to hide, but why? He couldn't see them just being benevolent and wanting what was best for them.

"I guess you have a point," Ted finally said aloud. "But I've played enough gacha games that a nearly four percent boost is something I can't pass up. I'll support you, but only if we wait until Nugget has recovered."

"I do not believe that is a wise choice." Sid explained. "The longer we wait, the more likely something will disrupt our plans again. Such as how Lulu's alter ego Pockets cut up our rope. Or how this blinding fog appeared."

Ted thought about agreeing but shook his head. He couldn't do it. Increasing the chance of them all surviving, even a little bit, was worth the wait. Not to mention he didn't like the idea of leaving Nugget all alone for who knows how long while she was still so injured.

"I'm sorry, but that's my choice. You can try and move forward with the others if you like, but I can't go along with it. Not until we could all go together."

BANG!

Ted jumped as Trizel slammed his hand down on their table. While Sid was completely unfazed.

"You two have been on break for quite a while now." Trizel said playfully. "Did you plan on helping, or would you prefer just to watch?"

Ted smiled and scooted out of the booth. "Alright. Alright. I guess if I have to." He turned back to Sid and finished by saying, "I've said my piece. I hope you can understand."

As Ted walked away, Trizel turned to Sid. "What was that about?"

Sid shook his head. "His adherence to his emotions over logic still confounds me."

Trizel shook his head. "How many times must we tell you? The logical choice is not always the best one."

"Except that is obviously false. Why, even by definition..."

Trizel interrupted Sid with a laugh. "I know. I know. Now I am getting back to work. Maybe you can spare some time to help with that too."

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