《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 36: Slap Happy

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Ted tripped over his feet and landed on his hands and knees as he tried desperately to catch his breath. "Why am I even running?" he muttered to himself. It was that look, that drive. Why did it frighten him so much? Why was it so unnerving? He wished that he could just figure it out. Why couldn't things just be spelled out and simple? Why'd they have to be so frustratingly difficult?

He slammed his fist against the ground as he tried to regain his composure. Ted had missed her throwing the knives after all, so for all he knew she was still in there telling jokes to the others. He had no solid reason to be running. His feet just acted on their own.

"Come on, get it together," he muttered to himself. "You've got to suck it up." Ted slapped his face to try and shock himself into sanity.

Then, he felt a yank on the back of his shirt. As he was being pulled back, he heard a gunshot and began to fall forward again before someone grabbed ahold of his arm and pulled him away.

"Bakade?" he said in surprise.

The long armed, monstrous girl was holding him under her arm as she jumped between the tents. She looked down at him and nodded as she made her way back to Sentenza who was kneeling on top of a wooden stand. She landed behind him and set Ted down on the roof as well. The wood creaked under their combined weight but seemed to hold together.

"Glad to see you made it Innkeeper," nodded Sentenza as his eyes scanned the foggy area down below.

Ted reached back and touched his now torn collar and shirt. "What's going on?"

"Hhhhmmmm?" asked Bakade as she tilted her head. "Wwweeerrreeenn'ttt yyyooouuu rruuunnnniiinnggg ffrrooommm ttthhheeemmm tttoooo?"

"I mean...I wasn't...I just panicked. I didn't mean to, just..." Ted mumbled as he tried to think of why he had run away. He knew he was afraid of her for some reason. But that felt like a stupid thing to say. He couldn't just say that he looked into the eyes of a clown, was reminded of his sister, and ran as fast as his legs would take him. I mean, how pathetic would that sound?

Sentenza slowly aimed his gun and fired into the mist. Soon after, the sound of a clattering knife rang up to their ears. He nodded and let out a small sigh. "I'm getting better at spotting them in the mist. I'm more surprised you managed to survive on your own there, Ted. Did anyone else come with you?"

"Rrrooopppeee," said Bakade as she picked up the remains of the rope still attached to Ted's waist.

Something finally clicked in Ted's brain. How did he get away? They were all tied to each other, and Sid had made the rope more than sturdy enough for climbing. There's no way he could have ripped it apart with brute strength. He looked back at the clean cut on the frayed edges.

"Hmm? Who tied you up?" Asked Sentenza as he eyed the rope around his waist.

"It's a bit of a long story." Ted sighed.

"Tttttrrryyy uuussss." replied Bakade.

"I'll even tell you our story. We walked into this tent city from the woods, and this disembodied laughter started to try and stab us. Got Death a whole lot. He ended up angrily chasing our attacker, but for a guy surrounded by death he's hard to track." Sentenza popped a cigarillo into his mouth and lit it. The claw marks on his face finally looked a little better, but he still had his left eye shut. "We've pretty much been running around trying to get that knife happy laughter before it gets us."

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Ted scratched his head. "That's...really weird. We've been in here a while and haven't been attacked at all."

Ted went on to explain what had happened. He started with the arrival of their smiling blackmailer. Next was their journey into the clown's mouth and meeting Lulu with the various games and foods they had as they circled their way in towards the biggest tent. Finally, how they saw the clown, Pockets, inside doing her routine. He made sure not to say why he ran away, just that they seemed to have gotten separated after that. He added that the only thing close to an attack was the bullet fired at him.

"Mhm, shot off your shirt that white glove in the mist was grabbing on to." nodded Sentenza as he slowly smoked his nicotine.

Bakade nodded in agreement. "Ttthhheeeyyy hhhaaddd aaa kkknniiifffeee ttoooo."

"Seems whatever happened to separate you guys must've brought you into this kill or be killed part of this town." suggested Sentenza. "But..."

Sentenza was interrupted by a loud crack as the wood underneath them gave way. As they fell down, Bakade grabbed Sentenza, and Ted's arms and leaped off the side of the crumbling building. Ted glanced back and saw a couple knives fly up through the wreckage and straight up into the sky.

Bakade turned her head and shifted her direction to the west. There was a strange feeling, almost like an electrical current, coming from that direction, and the mist seemed to be thinner that way. It was easy to follow, and she quickly ran into Og'drimun and Narissa chanting together as the mist seemed to slowly be fleeing away from them.

"...hold the course of the fire through our devotion. Clear the path to our destination with your mighty winds that we may walk upon the same path as your children."

Narissa glanced over at Bakade and Sentenza then scowled, but her eyes shot open when she saw Ted. She let out a low groan as she stopped her chant. "Ted! What a surprise to see you here. Poor Og'drimun needed me to chant along so he could...channel his power through more mass. See, with his small frame it is harder to do such strong magic alone, and..."

"What do you mean?" interrupted an indignant Og'drimun. "I don't need any help to cast magic. You're the one who said we should...mfff hmmmpff hmmm mmm."

Narissa quickly put her hand over Og'drimun's mouth and chuckled dryly. "Pay no attention to him. He's a little irritable after that clown's been trying to kill us."

"What? Pockets is the one attacking people?" Ted asked in clear surprise.

"I thought that you already knew that?" Narissa narrowed her gaze at him. "After all, you...ow!"

O'drimun bit her hand, and she quickly pulled it back as she winced and shook it around.

"Yeah, hurts, don't it?" smirked Sentenza as he tried to take another puff of his cigarillo, but realized that it had gone out when Bakade dragged them over here. He grumbled under his breath as he quickly relit it and with a content smile, let out a puff of smoke.

"You know I hate being silenced," Og'drimun hissed.

"Then maybe you should learn to hold your tongue on your own?" Narissa countered.

"Yeah...well...you didn't make enough of an effort in your marriage and alienated your stepdaughter with your jealousy!"

Narissa gasped. "Take that back you little troll, or should I say, gnome?"

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"Don't bring them into this, they're innocent wonders of the ancient world."

There was a faint giggling in the distance as the two of them continued to argue over increasingly petty things.

"Hear that?" remarked Sentenza. "it's different than that hollow one we've been hearing."

Bakade nodded.

Ted sighed as he looked at Narissa and Og'drimun fighting. He shook his head and muttered, "Why is it so hard for some people to get along?"

"Some just don't mix." remarked Sentenza as he glanced around the barely foggy area that they were now in. "I'd just put a bullet in the other one if it was me."

"Bbbbeeccaaauuussseee yyooouuu cccaannn'ttt cccooonnnfffrrrooonnnttt yyyooouuurrr ooowwwnnn fffeeellliiiinngggsss." replied Bakade.

Sentenza's face started to blush as he scratched his neck. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not afraid to confront anything. If I had any, I'd tackle them head on."

Ted took a step forward towards Narissa, and Sentenza glanced down at his legs. Sentenza must have gotten an idea, as his eyes widened, and he stuck his leg out in front of Ted. Ted quickly tripped over and fell onto the ground. Sentenza lifted a hand to his ear and listened around. Sure enough, there was more faint giggling.

"Sorry about that Ted," Sentenza apologized as he reached a hand out to help Ted up. "But I think this thing likes seeing others in pain. Just got to test it out again."

Ted accepted his hand and winced a bit as he inspected the new scrapes on his arms. Then Sentenza's words finally sank in as he saw the assassin walk up to Og'drimun while holding his pistol by the barrel. He lifted it up and brought it down fairly hard against the top of Og'drimun's head. The small demon quickly brought his hands up to cover where he had been hit as he let out a low whine.

"Ow, what was that for ya big jerk?" he complained.

"I'm testing something," Sentenza replied.

Og'drimun sneered as he retorted, "Yeah? Well, why don't I test a little something too!"

Og'drimun flew out towards Sentenza with his mouth open, ready to bite down. Sentenza easily stepped to the side as he took of his hat and put it over Og'drimun. The tiny demon went tumbling down and landed on the ground with a thud.

"Hey, who turned out the lights?" he said, muffled from the hat covering him.

The giggling got louder and seemed to be turning into more of a loud laugh. Sentenza nodded as he looked down at his hat slowly shifting around.

"Sorry, but it seems that this really is working." He didn't sound sorry, and as he lifted his foot over his hat, it didn't seem like he was going to act sorry either.

But then a wave of force knocked him back. Og'drimun lifted up into the air from under the hat as pulsing, purple energy radiated around him in a single rotating ring.

"You have brought this upon yourself Sentenza," his voice boomed in a deep baritone. "Now I shall summon the greatest being in my vast kingdom of knowledge. The terror of the three realms! The beast of burden who consumed all in its path! Whose power is second only to my own! The wondrous. The stupendous. The massive. Shaaraska!"

Og'drimun raised his hands, and the ring of energy around him split into six parts that curled into themselves to form six smaller rings. These rings began to spin around him like a gyroscope. His eyes turned bright white and let out light as if they were flashlights. He began to make a loud droning sound that quickly rose in intensity as the very ground beneath all of their feet began to quake.

While this was happening, Sentenza let out a sigh and picked up his hat from the ground. He looked disinterested as Og'drimun kept listing off how powerful this thing would be. On the other hand, Ted was terrified. Some new horrible monster created specifically to destroy things? Would that be different from the other people here now? They became villains in their worlds for different reasons, and most didn't see themselves as villains. But this? This was something with murder and destruction built into its every cell.

Ted took a deep breath. Maybe it would be alright. Maybe it would appear, and he'd be able to reason with it somehow? Then, bits of the ground began to fly up and encircle Og'drimun as well. They were soon followed by pieces of nearby stands and tents. It all began to spin faster and faster.

"Hahahahaha!" cackled Og'drimun while Narissa rubbed her temples. "Now you shall feel my full wrath! No longer shall you underestimate my all-powerful magic! This entire would will be torn apart piece by piece to show you the folly of your ways, oh foolish Sentenza! That is, unless you beg for my forgiveness." A wicked smile crawled onto his lips. "On your knees. Beg. Say, 'I'm sorry oh wondrous Og'drimun. You truly are the greatest of us all. You're the one who should be the master.' Say that, and I will...consider sparing you and everything else here."

Sentenza shifted his cigarillo from one side of his mouth to the other. Then he shrugged. "I figure I'll take my chances."

Og'drimun scowled and shook his head. "Foolish mortal. It seems high time I taught you your place!"

He clapped his hands together and wind rushed towards the glowing rings as they split from Og'drimun and encircled each other faster and faster until it looked like they were one solid ring again. Then, in a blinding light, Shaaraska came into being.

"Uh..." commented Ted. "Is it supposed to look like that?"

In front of them was indeed a massive creature. It stood even taller than Bakade, but it seemed to be nothing more than an oscillating ball of liquid. It had two googly eyes haphazardly placed on it that spun around as its gelatinous body jiggled in place. Then, it quickly collapsed into a jiggling lake with two googly eyes shaking around on top.

Og'drimun's lightly hit himself on the top of his head, stuck out his tongue, and winked. "Oopsie. I forgot I don't really have access to the same level of power I used to."

"I wish you had a better memory, or I had a worse one." sighed Narissa. "Or that you'd think through things for once."

"My bad," Og'drimun chuckled before Sentenza walked up and patted the demon roughly on the back.

"Now, what was that you said about begging earlier?"

Before the nervous Og'drimun could answer, an uproarious laugh came from the side as Pockets walked out and slapped her knee in laughter. As she continued to laugh, her oversized gloves started to shrink down.

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