《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 35: The Rise of the Gnomes
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If the clown noticed how Ted was looking at her, she didn't show it. She kept on a big smile and turned her gaze from his to look around at the others as well. Ted felt slightly better without her eyes right on him, but his body was practically screaming at him to leave immediately.
"Your routine or whatever seemed fine?" said Narissa dismissively. "Now, where is your boss?"
"Narissa is right," added Sid. "Your performance had much technical merit. Well-practiced skills were clearly involved with how natural it all seemed."
The clown bowed, and a rubber duck fell out of her pants as she dipped low. "Thanks for the compliment!" she cheered as she raised back up and gave Sid a big thumbs up.
"Your boss?" sighed Narissa. "Where are they Lulu?"
"Huh? Who's Lulu?" asked the clown as she scratched the top of her head with her oversized glove finger. As it moved back and forth along her cloudy hair, it made the sound of two balloons rubbing together.
"Fine." Narissa cleared her throat, and carefully enunciated, "Ta-llu-lah. Wh-ere is y-our bo-ss?"
"Tallulah? Lulu?" the clown replied. "I think you may be mistaking me for someone else miss. I'm just little old me."
"Your name is Little-Old-Me?" queried Sid.
"Haha! Good one!" she cheered as she clapped her gloves together. "But naw, my name's Pockets! On account of, well, all the pockets!" She turned several of her pockets inside out as if to prove her point. Oddly enough, they were completely empty, except for a single moth that flew away from her left hip pocket.
"You can just say it's you, Lulu." grumbled Trizel.
"Except her shape and even mass don't seem to match the Lulu we met," interjected Sid.
"Yeah, well makeup can change a lot about someone, and she's plastered in the stuff," shrugged Narissa.
"Um guys?" laughed Pockets with a small smile. "You do know I'm right here, right?"
"Sorry, I guess we're sort of used to rambling a bit," sighed Ted.
Wait, why did he do that? Why did he have to open his mouth? Now she was turning her gaze to him. Ted's heart jumped into his throat as Pockets squinted for a brief moment while she looked at him. His body was preparing for the verbal assault he was sure would come. But it never did. Instead, she just smiled at him.
For some reason, that almost felt worse. Like a fuse was lit on a stick of dynamite, and it had run all the way to the stick but didn't explode. There was no release of the tension he was sure he saw in her. So, instinctively, Ted took a step back. Then another. Then he turned around and started to run, but the rope stopped him from getting very far.
"Huh? What's up with you Ted?" asked Narissa as everyone turned to look at Ted trying to run away.
As their eyes fell off Pockets, her eye twitched and her smile turned malicious. She reached a hand into her pocket and pulled out four knives, held between her knuckles. The knives glinted in the light as she pulled pointed them towards herself.
Trizel was the first to turn back. "Seems our friend is having some...whaaa!" As his gaze met hers, she flicked her wrist and sent the knives soaring.
The knives didn't hit any of them, but instead cut apart the rope in between them. It went through Sid's carefully prepared rope as easily as if it was water. Now Ted, Trizel, Nugget, Sid, and Narissa were no longer connected. Og'drimun was still hanging off of Narissa's rope, but that was it. Everyone else was more or less on their own, and Ted just kept sprinting forward and out of the big top when the knife freed him from the others.
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"Ha...ha...ha...ha." laughed Pockets exactly like the eerie imitation they had heard earlier. "Now I'll show you something really funny."
Trizel let out a loud laugh. "Yes! Perfect! I needed someone to vent my frustrations on! Thank you for volunteering."
"Be careful Trizel," cautioned Sid. "You have already seen your abilities thwarted here. This may be another of those rigged games."
"Well, good luck!" called out Narissa as she ran out, away from the violent clown. "I'm rooting for you Trizel, just from way out here. Tata!"
Nugget clipped through the fabric on her leg with her beak and strutted up to stand beside Trizel and Sid. "Bawk," she said calmly as she stared at the clown.
Her movements were much twitchier, almost like she was from a video game and her frames were stuttering slightly. "Come and play with li'l Pockets!" she cooed. "We'll have so much fun."
In a moment she was right in front of Trizel. She clapped her hands together, and when she separated them, a knife appeared between them. In one smooth motion she grabbed the knife and thrust it up towards Trizel's ribs. Trizel wasn't just standing there the whole time she charged up at him and summoned her knife. He was ready and had already started to counterattack. While her hand came up, so did his knee. Before she could reach his flesh, he slammed his knee into her arm and knocked it off course. The knife flew from her glove and off onto the ground as the sound of shattering plates rang out from her as she was knocked back, and her arm went limp.
"Careful Trizel," warned Sid. "Don't fall for her trap."
Trizel scoffed. "All too easy. I just need to keep my distance, and wait for her, right?'
Pockets tumbled backwards and onto her feet again as her arm hung loosely. She looked down at it and shook her head as she pulled out a small lever. She seemed to plug it into the shoulder of her broken arm and began to crank it around. As she did, her limp arm got shorter and shorter. As she let go of the lever, it spun free, and her arm extended past its old length before springing back to the right side as the lever popped off. She lifted up both arms and swung them around slightly before giving a thumbs up.
Sid shook his head. "At best she is testing our limits, and at worst she is playing with us."
"Either way," snarled Trizel as he cracked his knuckles. "One slipup is all we need to secure our victory."
"It is odd that Ted noticed her violent nature first," remarked Sid. "Especially since he said nothing to warn the rest of us."
Trizel nodded before he cracked his neck from side to side. He let out a low groan and then added, "Agreed. We will discuss what happened after we take care of this problem." He looked at Pockets as she was rooting around with her arm elbow deep in one of her pockets. He pointed a finger at her as he grinned wickedly, "Come on then! Show me what you can do so I can demonstrate just how vast the gap between us really is!"
Pockets stopped and let out a laugh. This one didn't sound alien at all, but warm and genuine. "Hahahaha! Nice one!"
Trizel looked confused as Sid opened his mouth to explain. But the silver man seemed to have second thoughts as he simply closed his mouth without saying anything.
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"But you're right," nodded Pockets. "Three on one is a bit unfair. So, how would you like this lovely parting gift instead?" She pulled out a kitchen cabinet from her pocket and set it on the ground in front of her. "It comes fully stocked with all the finest utensils!"
She kicked the cabinet forward, and its top drawer fell open. As it opened, a vast assortment of sharp knives sprang out at rapid speed towards Trizel. While the knives flew, Pockets turned away from them and pulled out a humorously tiny tricycle and made her getaway.
"She may be leading us into a trap, we have to regroup outside," suggested Sid. "The others will be too vulnerable without us."
Trizel ignored Sid as he sneered at the oncoming assault. However, it seemed that was unnecessary, as Nugget leaped forward. The hen ran up to the knives and kicked up a single butterknife. It slammed into the handle of a cleaver, that flew off course into a deboning knife, that was knocked off course into a steak knife, that was battered away into a butcher's knife, and so on and so on until every knife had been knocked away and fell harmlessly onto the ground.
Trizel let out a frustrated sigh. "You are not as impressive as you think you are."
"Bakaw," shrugged Nugget as she strolled past the two of them to head outside.
Sid and Trizel waited for her to pass through the smoke before they began to follow. "I cannot understand her motives," Sid declared.
"Nor can I." Trizel sighed. "But I fear that was my weakness with all women. Truly they are unknowable."
"Nothing is unknowable," countered Sid.
Trizel smirked. "Sometimes I forget how little time you have spent being human Sid. Come! Let us gather with our friends and counter this fiend on our terms."
As the two of them passed out of the tent, and into the mist they ran into their first problem. No one was there to regroup with. Not even Nugget.
"That is troubling," declared Sid.
"Ha...ha...ha...ha."
"Come on, pick a direction, and we're sure to run into someone." said Trizel as he ran forward.
"Wait!" yelled Sid as he hurried to follow after Trizel. "When you are lost, the best solution is generally to wait in place."
"Except we are not lost. Everyone else is!"
"That is not..." Sid paused a moment. "Wait, no. You are correct. As I know our exact path from the entrance of this place to where we are now."
"Ah!"
"Don't do that!" chastised Narissa as she held a hand over her heart. "If you scream like that, I'll think we're being attacked."
Ogdrimun pulled himself up and onto her shoulder where he plopped down and tried to untie his ears while grumbling. "You try waking up in the middle of the thickest fog you've ever seen with your limbs tied together."
"Oh, come on," said Narissa. "It's really not all that bad."
"And my head. It's practically pounding."
"Well maybe you shouldn't drink yourself unconscious by trying to outdo an alcoholic giant? Hmm?"
Ogdrimun stuck his tongue out at her. "It doesn't feel like a hangover. More like...like I've been slamming my head against a tree all night."
"Oh dear, well I certainly would've remembered if you had done anything like that," she smirked.
"Oh yes, and I'm sure you had absolutely nothing to do with why it hurts so much." scoffed Ogdrimun as he finally untangled his long, rabbit-like ears.
"Are you insinuating that I..." Narissa paused as she looked around. "Wait a moment. All these stalls and tents are closed."
Indeed, all the tents that had been open with various food and games were now closed up and abandoned. They even looked like they hadn't been used in decades, with rot setting into several of them, and spiders taking up residence in others.
"Hmm? By your tone I'm guessing they weren't closed before?"
Narissa narrowed her eyes as she walked over to a tent and lifted the flap. Dust flew out and she waved her hand in front of her face as she coughed the particles out of her lungs. Inside there were rows and rows of bottles with half of them shattered and broken. She leaned over the counter and picked up a wooden ring from the ground. half of it slumped off as she lifted it up.
"No, they were all occupied by this same attendee. She seemed like just another conman, but maybe there's something more here." muttered Narissa as she inspected the half of the wooden ring she had.
Og'drimun leaned closer to it as well. "Tsk," he said as he leaned back on her shoulder. "Just some cheap wood is all."
"Yes. But before it was strong enough to withstand Trizel hurling it as hard as he could."
"Huh? That guy?" scoffed Og'drimun. "He looked pretty strong. No way this thing could've survived him throwing it against anything."
Narissa nodded. "Yes. Some other magic is at play here, but what is it?"
"Ha...ha...ha...ha."
"Wha...oh geez!" squealed Og'drimun as a knife lightly trimmed the fur on the top of his head.
Narissa hopped into the tent with the bottles and closed the flap behind them. She put a finger up to Og'drimun's mouth as she slipped under the back of the tent. While she tried to slip into the next tent, another knife came flying towards her.
Og'drimun saw this one coming and clapped his hands together as he rapidly said, "Firecircleroundthishomebringussafetybringusgnomes!" The air started to smell like a fresh cut lawn as the ground in front of them shook, and a totem pole of gnomes rose up just in time to intercept the flying dagger.
"Gnomes?" chuckled Narissa as she abandoned going through stalls and just started to run.
'You try thinking of something as a knife is soaring straight at you!" he pouted.
"Just seems a strange choice. Especially with what you look like right now."
"What! I look nothing like a gnome." he said. "I've definitely kept at least some of my charm and rugged good looks."
"Oh for sure, you have just as much charm as you used to," she paused a second as she nodded. "Thinking about it, I think your looks have actually improved quite a lot."
"Hah hah," he said dryly. "Very funny. You know, there were a lot...aaah! Firecircleroundthishomebringussafetybringusgnomes!" Another totem pole of gnomes making silly faces rose up just in time to stop another dagger.
"Hah!" roared Narissa. "Gnomes again? Really?"
"It's...it's just a really simple spell okay!"
"Oh? Are you certain it isn't because you really like gnomes, and that's why you made a spell specifically to create them even quicker?"
"Ha!" smirked Og'drimun. "Shows what you know! You can't just summon gnomes. You have to coax them to willingly join in the protection of your garden. Without proper reverence they'll just leave your yard for something better. And these poles are reverant statues to some of the greatest gnomes of all times. More of an homage than an actually su..."
Og'drimun paused as Narissa was on the verge of busting out laughing. His face almost looked bright red despite the fur covering it. "Just...shut up!"
A warm, light giggle echoed out from somewhere in the distance.
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