《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 33: A Winner Every Time
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"What do you mean you just work here Tallulah?"
"Exactly what I said," Tallulah nodded as she reached down and grabbed three more balls that she set down in front of them. "Oh, and please call me Lulu. Tallulah just feels so formal and stifling, know what I mean?"
Trizel glanced down at the balls and then back to the knocked over milk bottles. "Oh! Can't forgot half of my job here," Lulu chuckled as she walked over and, in a flash, had restacked all the milk bottles. "Now, remember, this time will cost you. Only those first ones were for free."
"Slow down a moment girl," Narissa said as she pushed her way to the front. "If you're just another lackey that works here, then you don't know all the secrets of this place anyway, do you?"
Lulu nodded. "That's exactly right."
"So even if we win this definitely not rigged game of yours..."
"That is what I thought too! It has to be rigged!" Trizel interrupted.
Narissa rubbed the bridge of her nose as she shook her head. "Anyway. Say we somehow win. You can't give us our full prize, because you don't have it."
Lulu let out a lighthearted laugh. "Ah! You got me! You managed to squeeze some vital information out of me for free. Well, that trick won't work on me twice! You'll have to win my game if you want another peep out of me."
"Fine, but what will trying again cost?" asked Ted.
Lulu started to open her mouth, but then her eyes grew wide, and she smirked as she wagged her finger at Ted. She then mimed zipping her lips shut and shook her head.
"I do not like it," interjected Sid. "We do not know what this will cost us. I suggest we cut our losses and find someone else who may have information we can use."
"No!" snapped Trizel. "I refuse to let myself lose to a charlatan like her!"
"Not that I don't enjoy seeing you humbled," Narissa remarked, "but we don't know the true rules of this place. It could be the more effort you exert, the weaker your throw, or some other asinine thing."
Trizel turned to appraise the girl and reached into his pocket. He pulled out several rectangular chunks of silver with strange carvings etched into them. "Here, five forells. That should easily cover the next round of balls."
Lulu crossed her arms as she tapped her foot and nodded her head. She was eyeing the silver as she shifted her mouth back and forth. Finally, she nodded as she grabbed the mess of coinage and jingled them together in her hand.
Trizel licked his lips as he reached towards the balls. "Ow!"
He pulled his hand back in surprise as Nugget had leaped forward and pecked his hand.
"Bakaw," declared Nugget before she turned her gaze to Trizel.
He stared back but didn't reach for another ball. "What? You think you can do it any better? FIne! Knock yourself out, but if you fail you shall owe me five forells."
"Baw," Nugget taunted as she put her foot on one of the baseballs.
Nugget rolled the large ball back and forth before she turned her eyes to the milk bottles. She blinked exactly once, and then turned to look at Lulu. She stared straight into her eyes, but Lulu just winked at Nugget. Nugget slowly dropped her gaze down Lulu's form and settled on her right leg. The hen made a small nod and rolled the baseball back and forth under her foot faster and faster. Until she pulled it back and kicked up from underneath it to hit it into the air. Nugget spun around and hit the back of the ball with her other claw, and it flew right into Lulu's leg.
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Lulu grunted in pain, but quickly stopped herself from making any other noise as the ball made her take a few steps back. After hitting her leg, it ricocheted to the side, and hit the middle of the far-left stack. With Lulu away from the foot pedals, the stack crumbled on the forceful impact. Lulu's eyes grew wide as she seemed to realize what happened, and Nugget gave a small nod.
"ARGH!" Trizel roared in frustration and turned away from the booth.
"Curious," mused Sid while Narissa giggled into her hand.
"Maybe Narissa was right about the whole effort thing?" Ted suggested as he completely missed the reality of the situation.
Nugget and Lulu stared at each other as the chicken put her foot on the second ball. Lulu slowly stepped forward but stayed a step back from the pedals. Nugget repeated the rocking back and forth that she had done with the first one. However, this time, with her eyes directly on the third stack of milk bottles, she sent the ball flying straight into Lulu's stomach. Tallulah tried to catch the ball after the impact made her double over, but it bounced away too quickly. Ted covered his face, as it looked like it was coming right for him, but it hit against the counter, and ricocheted back to knock over another stack.
Lulu had a hand on her stomach, and grimaced at Nugget as she stepped back towards the last remaining stack. Nugget kept her same firm expression and started to roll the last ball back and forth.
"Hey, are you alright?" Ted asked as he looked at Lulu. He turned to Nugget and added, "Come on Nugget, you don't have to be so mean and actually hit her."
The two of them ignored Ted, lost in their own mental battle. Both working to outsmart the other. Lulu squinted and bent her knees like a spring, while Nugget casually rolled the ball back and forth. This time, Nugget kicked the ball to the left, while putting a ton of spin on it. As soon as the ball went flying, Lulu leaped forward. She avoided the ball entirely, and her eyes were focused on the pedals on the ground.
Nugget squatted down on the counter and with a strained, "Bawk!" She popped up with an egg below her.
Nugget grabbed the egg in her talon and flung it at Lulu. The egg landed with a spalt right in the girl's eyes. She instinctively reached up to her face to wipe it clear, and the ball Nugget threw curved towards the last stack, and that was it. The ball slammed into the milk bottles almost a full second before Lulu, still somewhat blinded from the egg on her face, managed to hit the pedal with her hand.
Nugget gave a quick nod and hopped back over to balance on the rope again.
"Hey, sorry about that," Ted chuckled nervously. "Nugget can be pretty aggressive sometimes. Especially to new people."
"You don't say," Narissa added in a snarky tone.
"I believe that is a dated observation by this point, Ted." Added Sid.
Lulu sighed as she got up and pulled out a red spotted handkerchief from her pocket. She wiped her face clean and stuffed it back. "No, no," she said. "I'm a woman of my word. All's fair in a game of chance, and I have indeed been beaten. So, what do you want to know?"
"What is this place?"
"Huh? I thought it'd be obvious. It's a traveling Carnival of course!" She said with flair as she spin around and spread her arms wide. A bit of dust flew off of her, and she looked down as it flowed out from her. She let out a "tsk," and started to dust herself off.
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Sid nodded, "What dangers are present here in this...carnival?"
"Pshh," smirked Lulu as she waved away his question. "Too easy. Why losing all your money is the biggest threat here."
"What enchantment was trying to lure us in?" Narissa asked.
"Huh?" Scoffed Lulu. "Ah, is this your first time?" She smiled as she leaned out of her tent and took in a big whiff. "Smell that? That's the magic of a festival. Where your worries melt away and you can just relax and have fun. Food that's bad for you, and games with worse prizes."
She paused as she smiled and seemed to be reminiscing. "It's not like magic from a witch, or anything like that. It's just a special place. The sounds, smells, and so on all combine to make this a truly magical place."
"Yeah, I'm not buying it." Narissa said flatly as she folded her arms in front of her.
Lulu shrugged. " Well, that's all I know. If you want to know more you'll have to see the ringmaster. Anything happens here, they'll know all about it."
"Alright, well where are they?" Asked Ted.
Lulu pointed down the path they were on. "Just keep going down here, and into the big top. You can't miss it. Big, yellow and red stripes, and if they're in the middle of a show, just wait until the end. Then you'll have a chance to talk to the boss."
"This reward does not quite seem to match the difficulty we had in obtaining it." Sid commented.
Lulu smirked. "Ah, that's the beauty of places like this. The prize is never worth what you pay for it."
"Yeah, I think I remember anything I won at the state fair not lasting long." Ted said as he reminisced back on a giant Scooby Doo toy he won from a coin pusher game. It was almost as big as he was, but a week or so later, the head decided it didn't belong on the body anymore, and just slumped off one night.
"Ow!"
Ted rubbed the top of his head again as Narissa swung the sleeping Og'drimun around. "So sorry," she said with a smirk. "It seemed like you were drifting away again."
"You know, you're quite the lovely bunch," Lulu said as she rubbed her chin. Then, her eyes popped open and she snapped her fingers. "I've got it! Since you're going to see the boss anyway, why don't you all sign up to join? I'm sure you all have a whole mess of talents that'd be a great asset!"
"If the other workers are anything like you," Trizel declared in a huff, "then I doubt I could even stand to work here for a minute."
"Oh, bless your heart," smirked Lulu as she put her hands over her heart. "You really think I'm so wondrous and special that you'd be too heartbroken to work if you found out there were others like me."
Trizel rolled his eyes. "Fine, yes. That is exactly why. Come on, let's just move on."
"But we can ask her anything we want," Sid explained.
"She already told us she does not have the information that we need," Trizel explained. "The longer this farce goes on, the longer we risk getting caught by the master of this monster's den."
"Very well then," Sid conceded. "Just one more question. What all should we be wary of on this place? This carnival."
Lulu shook her head. "You're taking all the fun out of it! The surprises around every corner are one of the best parts!"
"I thought you said you'd tell us everything?" Ted brought up.
Her expression fell to one of pity as she shook her head. "Well folks, you've got me there! Like I said, I'm a girl of my word. So, I guess I don't have a choice here, do I?"
She cleared her throat as a mischievous smile spread across her lips. "Keep an eye on your pocketbooks, as in a crowd they're liable to disappear. Any games you play are harder than they appear, but most can still be best with the right sort of skill. Not basketball though. The hoops are smaller than most of the balls. Careful with the fried foods, it'll clog your arteries. The rides are generally alright but avoid the Ferris wheel unless you the thought of getting stuck when it inevitably breaks down. Oh, and there's also this little thing about a series of stabbings going on right now, but I'm sure that's mostly hysterics."
"I'm sorry, stabbings?" Asked Ted.
"Oh yeah, real gruesome stuff. Nothing to do with us of course, but nobody ever believes that." She shrugged her shoulders. "Whenever there's a problem somewhere they always just blame the carnies. We move around so much we make the perfect scape goat."
"Let me guess. Each place you all have come to just happens to suddenly have a rash of stabbings while you're there?" sighed Narissa.
"Yes, that's it exactly," nodded Lulu. "It's quite a conundrum. Like locals think the controlled chaos of a carnival is the perfect place to become violent or something."
They all felt a tug on their rope as it seemed Trizel had already started to walk away. "Come on. I thought we'd agreed she was no help."
As the giant forced them to move on, Ted waved a final farewell to Lulu, "It was nice meeting you!" He called out. "Sorry about all the violence and mess we left."
Before they could get very far, another hand waved out from behind another stall. "Hey there! Do you all want some delicious cotton candy?"
A familiar voice called out to them, and as they approached Ted called out, "Lulu?"
Indeed, it seemed that the redhead they had met at the first stall was now standing before them and leaning on her front counter with an enormous ball of cotton candy on a stick in her hand.
She looked surprised and put her free hand up to her chest as she asked, "Why yes, that is my name. But I don't think we've met before, have we? Or are you the new psychic the boss decided to hire to try and spice things up?"
Trizel put his hand on his face and let out a defeated sigh. "Here we go again," he mumbled to himself.
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