《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 8: Fire and Brimstone
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"You didn't..."
"Oh, but I did my friends."
"Nnnnnooooo waaaaaayyyyy."
"That is quite illogical."
Trizel smirked as he held up seven fingers on his two hands. "Count it, seven."
Sentenza shrugged and took another shot of the harsh rum. "Eh, I'm not surprised. Tell a fool that his skull's thick as a rock and he'll bash his head against one until it breaks to prove he's harder."
Trizel let out a derisive snort. "And you think you could do better?"
"Heck no. I'm no fool." Sentenza said as he shook his head.
Ted looked out from the kitchen as the five of them laughed and swapped stories. He lifted his arm as he coughed into his elbow. The heat from his back had only seemed to get worse, and now there was a dull pain that seemed to radiate from it. As he dried off a mug, he glanced back at the five of them seated around a single large table. It was lucky that Trizel had managed to find that bigger table up against the corner. It made it easier for all of them to eat and drink together.
"Looks like even Nugget and Bakade are having fun," he muttered to himself as he put the mug away in the cupboard. "No point in worrying them unnecessarily."
"Ted!" shouted Trizel. "What's taking you so long? We need you to come out here and settle a bet!"
"Yeah, come and tell this blowhard how wrong he is!" smirked Sentenza.
"Curious. Would my decision not be the most impartial of all of us?" queried Sid.
"You're blinded by dumb things like logic, and reason." explained Trizel.
"That makes no sense. Would it not be better to use objective measurements to decide the outcome?"
"Alright, alright! I'm coming. Just give me a minute to finish drying these last few things." Ted called out.
"Surely you do not all agree that deciding things through logic alone is flawed?"
"Afraid so." nodded Sentenza. "There's a lot of stuff you miss when you only look at things logically."
"Bakade, Nugget? Do you feel the same as these two?"
Bakade jerked a bit before she did everything she could to avoid looking at Sid. As the artificial man stared at her, she fidgeted with the hem of her 'skirt' with her hands. Seeing her reaction, Sid turned to look at Nugget, who was sitting on the table itself as usual. The chicken stared blanky back at Sid, unblinking as he tried to search her for answers.
Sid jumped a little as Ted sat down next to him and asked, "Alright, so explain what exactly you're arguing over now?"
It was not every day that Bakade joined them, but when she did, she always seemed to have a good time along with the others. There was something about the spruce beer though. Normally she had a voracious appetite that could never be quenched, but when she had a mug of that beer, she seemed to find a sense of fullness, of satisfaction. Like she was drinking the essence of the forest itself. So, with a little encouragement from Sentenza, who agreed that it was the closest attempt so far to an actual beer, Ted made the spruce beer an everyday staple. With that, Trizel took his place at the top of the group as the most voracious eater yet again.
"Seems like things have been quiet lately," said Sentenza as he put two cards face down. "I'll take two."
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Sid passed out two more cards to Sentenza. "I disagree, Trizel frequently rises past one-hundred decibels."
Bakade put down four cards and both Sid and Sentenza looked at her.
"If you want four cards, you should probably fold darling."
"For once I agree with Sentenza. The odds of getting a good hand when turning in four cards are one point three percent." explained Sid. "The smart move is to fold and wait for a better deal."
Despite their advice, Bakade pushed her four cards closer to Sid.
Sentenza smirked as Sid dealt out four cards for her.
Sid put down three cards and picked up three fresh ones.
"Alright, time to see what you're packing. Care to start us off Sid?"
Sid nodded. "It is irrelevant who reveals their hand first, as all bets are locked now. The results will be the same no matter what."
"Sure sure, now let's see them."
Sid layed down his hand. "Two pairs."
Sentenza nodded. "Ah, pretty good." he laid down his hand. "Three deuces, Queen high."
Bakade timidly followed suit as she revealed a royal flush.
Sid's left eye started to twitch as he saw her hand. "That is effectively impossible. The odds alone are zero point zero zero zero fifteen percent of happening with you exchanging four cards."
"Ah, and yet there it is." chuckled Sentenza as he held his hand out under the table.
Bakade looked away as she quietly low fived Sentenza away from Sid's eyes.
"It is especially odd that in all of our games I have gotten last place every single time."
"I wish I could help you, Sid. Some people are just born unlucky," said Sentenza as he leaned back in his chair.
"Uuunluuuuckyyyy," agreed Bakade as she pulled her winnings of fried dough towards herself.
"But I play every hand perfectly, the odds..."
Sentenza fidgeted with the ace hidden up his sleeve as he shook his head and cut Sid off. "Everything isn't about the odds. Especially in poker. In fact, odds are probably the weakest part of the game."
Sid sat in silence as he tried to process what Sentenza had said.
Sentenza groaned as he pushed himself away from the table. "Well, it was fun. I hope you enjoy your full month of dish duty Sid." As he walked out of the building, he struck a match on the doorframe and lit a cigarillo. As he shook the match out, he added, "Don't forget. The big meeting is tonight. Try not to be late again."
"I have trouble fully understanding Sentenza." Sid said as he stared out after the cowboy. "Does he appear as murky to you Bakade?"
Sid turned to see Bakade with her skull stuffed so full of fried dough it could not close. As he asked the question, she seemed to freeze a moment before shrugging her shoulders. Like a child with too much gum in their mouth, she started to force her jaw to compress the mass of food little by little. The robotic human stood up with a slight bow. "If you'll excuse me. I believe I have some duties I must now attend to."
Bakade paused her valiant attempts at conquering the mountain of food she had forced her mouth and gave Sid a quick thumbs up. Then she got back to the difficult task she had trapped herself in. After all, she couldn't just take some of it out. No, she had to overcome the mass of dough now trapped in her maw.
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As Sid made his way into the kitchen, he saw Trizel carrying a couple barrels.
"Trizel. Why do you not play cards with us? Nugget I can understand, as she would tear the cards with her talons, but you seem capable of restraining yourself."
Trizel blinked at Sid, before he set down the barrels he had over each shoulder and started to laugh. "Play that sort of thing with Sentenza? Are you mad?"
"I do not see how such a thing would bring my sanity into question."
Trizel shook his head as he broke into another fit of laughter. When he finally calmed down, he wiped a tear from his eye. "You overestimate your own skills Sid. You may have been an apex predator back in your home town..."
"Facility." corrected Sid.
Trizel smiled as he rolled his eyes playfully. "Right, facility. Well, here you're on equal footing or below the skills of the others here. I mean no one came close to my raw strength, but I suspect Bakade could overpower me if she really wanted to and wasn't half-starved. With Sentenza, well...let's just say your eyes are not as good at noticing things as you think."
"I do not..."
"Trizel!" shouted Ted from another room. "Is everything alright?"
"Be right there!" Trizel shouted back. "Just caught up a moment!"
The giant of a man turned back towards the sleek, silver humanoid that was Sid. "I would not worry about it anyway Sid. Not like it is a big competition to decide who is the best...yet. Now, if you'll excuse me. Ted and I are preparing a surprise for tonight."
As Trizel picked up the two barrels again and walked away, Sid tilted his head slightly.
"Alright, settle down." Ted declared with a smile as he stood up at the table. Ted looked a bit flushed, as it felt quite a bit hotter in here than normal for him. The others all seemed to listen, as a few chuckles of laughter slowly petered out around the large oval table. "Let me cut to the chase. What are we going to call this place? It's the only building here, and it seems a few of us have our own names for it, but I think we should decide on a name together. You know, make it easier when someone new shows up. We can say, come with us to...whatever name we decide, instead of usually ending up saying something vague. Which can seem a bit creepy as Bakade pointed out the other day."
"The King's Scabbard!" declared Trizel proudly.
"Not even waiting for the dust to settle, huh?" chuckled Sentenza.
"Why should I when it is already the perfect name?"
"That is a bold statement. When The Babbage Institute is a much better name."
"What is a Babbage? At least mine makes sense." scoffed Trizel.
"Why? Just because there's a king here? Or should I say, former king?" mocked Sentenza.
Bakade put her hands over her mouth and gasped.
"Alright, alright, enough teasing each other. We don't have to decide today. This is just the day for us to voice our suggestions. I think it'd be best to let things marinate a bit before we really commit." Reasoned Ted.
Trizel nodded. "Yes, and my nomination is of course for The King's Scabbard."
Bakade pulled out a piece of paper from a pocket on her 'skirt' and set it on the table. She suddenly had a pencil in her hand and started to write down the suggestions so far. She looked up expectantly at the others as she held the tip of the pencil against the pad of paper.
Sentenza took in a deep drag from his cigarillo and for once let out a big plume of smoke above him. Everyone turned to look at him as he sat there in silence for a moment. He seemed to relish in the attention and the quiet. Finally, he spoke. "Why make a big fuss about it? Names aren't a big deal. Just call it the inn, the bar, or something like that."
"Ooonnlyyy Oooonnnne," groaned Bakade.
"Yes, she is right!" declared Trizel as he slammed his fist on the table. "You can choose one of those bland names."
"Fine," shrugged Sentenza as he pulled out a silver dollar. "Heads, the inn, and tails, the bar."
Sentenza pulled out a buffalo nickel. He flipped it high up, and it nearly scraped against the ceiling. It fell back down and landed perfectly on the back of Sentenza's hand. Almost as soon as it landed, he covered it with his other hand. Ted lifted his head up, as if moving his head higher would help him see through Sentenza's hand. it didn't. After far too long, he finally lifted his hand. It was heads. "Guess my suggestion is the inn."
"Alright, then do you guys have other suggestions?"
"Bakaw!" bawked Nugget.
"Is...is that a suggestion?" asked Sid.
Nugget glared at Sid as she slowly ruffled her feathers.
Bakade nodded as she wrote down Nugget's suggestion.
"So Bakade, what about you?" asked Sid. "Do you have a suggestion for the name?"
Bakade shifted around uncomfortably but didn't say anything.
"If even..." Trizel looked towards Nugget, but as he saw her staring back at him, he froze a moment, and coughed uncomfortably. "I mean. We are all suggesting names, so surely you have one as well."
Bakade rubbed her forearm and kept her eyes down.
"You can always just write it down," suggested Ted as he used his sleeve wipe some sweat from his forehead. "You don't have to say it out loud if you don't want to."
"Wait, what about you, Ted?" asked Trizel. "What do you think it should be called?"
"Well, I don't know. I'm not as creative."
"Well, neither am I. Figure one name is as good as another." snorted Sentenza.
"Well, maybe something about how this is like a safe haven in between worlds?"
"So, the Haven?" suggested Sid.
"No, like maybe the Oasis or something like that?" offered Ted.
"That's as good as any of the other suggestions so far," shrugged Sentenza.
"No! The King's Scabbard is a far superior name to the Oasis."
"That is a very subjective point Trizel," scolded Sid. "I do not believe you have quantifiable evidence to prove your statement."
"Alright," interrupted Ted. "Let's just end this for now and think about things, okay?"
Ted let out a cough and leaned forward as he started to sweat. "Let's just...drink and relax..." he let out another series of coughs that sounded full of phlegm as he started to rock back and forth.
"Ted, are you..."
Ted fell forward onto the table as his face was bright red. His eyes slowly shut as the others around the table quickly stood up and rushed towards him. As he slowly lost consciousness, he could hear the others desperately calling out his name.
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