Gamer Guild’s Dungeon (Gift Shop and Exit)

--- Joshua ---

Thinking about it for a minute, with part of him tempted to grab another Madness chest, the rest eventually decided, “Why don’t we try one of the other chests for once?”

(“Alright, mixing it up, but same question as before which one is it going to be?”)

He gave the three chests that most people choose from a once over before nodding towards the chest with a shield on, “How about the Armor chest, so I can feed it to my tailcoat later?”

(“Go for it.”) His fellow Wonderlander told him.

Walking up to the chest and opening it to the GM’s usual fanfare, he found a metal chest plate of some kind within. “Okay, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess this raises my defense?”

(“Yep, and it’s one size fits all too.”)

“Cool.” (Wonder how many of these I have to feed my jacket to make it bullet proof?)

(“So after beating the floor, now you’re tapping out, right?”) The GM asked once he’d started down the stairs to the safe room.

“I don’t know, maybe I can fit in one more floor…”

(“You know, just because I don’t like seeing a fellow Wonderlander in pain, doesn’t mean I’m afraid to hurt you myself.”) The GM warned him.

“I’m screwing with you.” He shook his head with a grin, before grimacing. “Honestly, don’t feel like I can take another floor on. I’m running on fumes and my head is sort of just… blergh, at this point.”

(“Yeah, takes a while to get used to running around for hours on end.”) The GM agreed. (“Just be glad you don’t fall asleep in the middle of gang negotiations and need your brother to summon a Bear Beats to bail you out.”)

“No idea what that is, but that does indeed sound like it’d suck.” He nodded.

(“Yeah and, actually hold on a second.”) The GM said, making him pause as she seemed to talk to someone a small distance away. (“Hey, you're heading out, right?... Great, you think you can do me a solid?... No, I just need you to drop this off on your way out…. Look I’ll make it into an official side quest, okay?... Cool, thanks.”)

(It’s like listening to someone on the other side of the phone.) He thought idly, noting the weirdness of the voice in his head as he continued down the stairs.

(“Alright, I’m back.”) His fellow Wonderlander told him.

“Everything okay?”

(“Yeah, no, just had to take care of a… guild thing.”) The gang leader explained, in a way that made him wonder if he wanted to know or not. (“Hey, since you’re leaving do you mind if I scramble the stairs for a minute and just skip you straight to the exit shop?”)

“You can do that?”

(“Well, yeah. I mean it’s my dungeon, and you’re a Wonderlander so I can reshuffle the rooms however I want.”) The GM seemingly shrugged even as he froze with a foot in the air.

“Then why the hell have I been walking so much today?” He asked, feeling his eye twitch.

(“Because it’s all part of the dungeon experience.”) The GM bullshitted him. (“That and the tunnels are actually hidden loading screens, so I can tell my shit together for the adventurers passing through. I mean seriously I’m running like five instances of this dungeon at once, and cycling between all of you as you go to tailor your adventures to be a fun challenge for all of you. And in complete honesty, I’ve kind of been phoning it in on the other guys while we’ve been talking and I really should TPK them before they get any further.”)

“Alright, that makes a little more sense.” He admitted, while not admitting how that sounded like a terrifying level of multi-tasking for a Puppeteer/Tactician to be capable of. Especially one that could summon five times the number of enemies he’d fought today, and still have resources left over. (Right, note to self do not piss off the GM.)

“Uh, yeah, anyways… Uh, if I’m keeping you from your job, you can go ahead and skip me to the exit, if you uh, want.” He chuckled, suddenly very nervous about the fact that he’s been chatting in bickering with the leader of arguably the largest deviant gang in the city, while inside their domain of power. (You know that really should’ve occurred to me earlier.)

(“Thanks… and there we go.”) The GM told him as he suddenly found himself in front of a door.

“Right, uh, thanks for the short cut.” He nodded at the air around him.

(“No problem.”)

Shaking his head, he began pushing the door open before grimacing as he the darkness of the dungeon slowly gave way to brightness of-

He couldn’t help but blink at the sight before him as his eyes slowly drifted around a large open tent, with several T-Shirts and hoodies along the tent walls as well as a number of nick-nacks here and there, and to complete the look was a counter with the Merchant behind it looking completely bored for once.

“A gift shop… really?”

(“Look I have to make money off of this whole thing or else absolutely no one will trust it.”) The GM told him sheepishly. (“And this was the best way that didn’t limit people by charging money at the entrance.”)

“I can see that but…” He waved to the space around him. “A gift shop, really?”

(“Just go talk to the merchant and turn in your points.”) The GM huffed.

“Fine… but I’m not buying one of your novelty mugs.” He warned them.

Making his way to the merchant, the Dream straightened his back before yawning.

“Welcome and congratulations on finishing your run through the Gamer’s Guild’s Dungeon.” The Merchant told him, (completely breaking character) and not sounding happy about it. “Now the entire time you were in the dungeon you were being scored for all of the things you did. For you that means you have a grand total of…” The dying inside Dream clicked a button and a nearby machine lit up with the numbers, “eight hundred and eighty two points. Points which you can spend here at our dungeon prize counter. So what do you want?”

“You really do not sound like you want to be here.” He couldn’t help but note.

“I don’t.” The Merchant admitted. “Given how you’re supposed to be a Wonderlander I’m sure you get why I don’t like being so close to… reality.” The Dream shivered. “Unfortunately, I’m the only dream built to actually handle all of the shop mechanisms, meaning I have to come here whenever someone finishes a dungeon run.”

“Well that uh, sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. Especially since I can’t actually use all of my functions, given how we have to hold some of the power back to keep people from razing reality to the ground by upgrading their power ups.” The Merchant gave that thought a bitter chuckle. “Though that’d be good riddance I say.”

“I see…” He nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable by the Merchant’s new attitude.

(“Oh, actually, that functions still unlocked for him because of that power interaction thing we’ve got going.”) The GM told the Dream.

“Oh?” The Merchant asked, looking just a touch more interested now as he turned to Joshua. “That does sound like a break from the monotony, so tell me… What are ya buyin, stranger?”

A little blue screen flashed in front of him, listing a large variety of options and their costs as well as various empowerments he could grant his own equipment to extend their-

“My gear has an expiration date?” He frowned.

(“Uh, yes and no. For most gear there is a time limit before my Madness quits reinforcing it, but your tailcoat and whip won’t since they’re directly connected to you and your Wonderland that expiration date is non existent.”) His fellow Wonderlander explained.

“Okay, cool.” He’d been about to have a panic attack, given how useful those things had proven and could prove to be.

(“Actually, since you’re just going to feed your gear to your tailcoat and whip, let me just simplify this for you.”) The GM cut in again as the screen blinked off for a moment before turning back on with significantly fewer -though still a lot in their own right- options. (“These are the ones that are relevant to you, or that you might be interested in.”)

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” He told the GM, not sure if there’d have been other options he was interested in or not. (Still no point worrying about it.)

Shaking his head he went through the list once more before immediately stopping on one of the earlier options, “Oh, this one.”

A quick click and he felt a wave of the GM’s Madness crawl across his skin, before washing away and taking all of his physical aches and pains away with it. “Much better.”

(“Yeah, pretty much everyone buys a heal at this point, but that still leaves you with another seven hundred and eighty two points.”)

“Next up… I think I’ll grab one of those potion vials for the road.” He said, paying fifty points.

(“Uh, you’re going to need to pay more than that if you want it to last longer than a week.”) The GM warned him.

“Only need it to last the week.” He shrugged, taking the potion from the Merchant who wasn’t bothering with his usual fanfare.

(“Ooh, planning mischief.”)

“Something like that.” He admitted, before finding an odd option. “You’re selling Madness?”

The Merchant gave him a mildly alarmed look at that, which he guessed meant the Dream did not know about that. (Which also means he probably doesn’t know the GM has been feeding me Madness all day… Better keep that to myself.)

(“I’m only selling it to you since you need a bit of help getting your Wonderland off of the ground.”) The GM explained.

“Uh, thanks…” He told her, before clicking the cheaper buy ‘random’ button despite the look that the Merchant was now giving him. (Wonder if Avery would react that way to me giving Madness away… When my ass isn’t broke I mean.)

The Merchant seemed to glare at him for a moment before reaching under the counter and placing a glowing red sphere on the counter top, all without breaking eye-contact.

(“Right, there you’ve got a Raging Madness.”) The GM told him, even as his eyes were locked with the Merchant. (“This Madness is born from a deep burning rage, and is good for empowering things of physical, or flammable nature, while also inflicting rage effects.”)

“Ah.” (The Merchant is clearly telling me something…)

(“You’ve still got a little over five hundred points, you going to get some more Madness, or buy something else?”)

(Given the look the Merchant is giving me,) “I’ll uh, I’ll grab these really expensive gauntlets.” He answered just a touch nervously. (Hopefully, he’ll back off if I don’t have enough for anymore Madness.) “I’m hoping it’ll cause another weird power interaction and unlock something good for me.”

While not glaring as harshly, the Merchant still didn’t give him a particularly happy look as he reached under the counter and plopped a box on top of it.

(“Alright, the Madness is flowing just open it up and you’ll get something unique to you and your Wonderland.”) The GM assured him.

Chuckling nervously, he opened the box before frowning and giving the Merchant a look. (You’re responsible for this aren’t you.)

Instead of some kind of powerful weaponized gauntlet or a gallant piece of knight’s armor like he’d been expecting, inside of the box was an unassuming pair of white gloves with two black buttons on them.

(“Huh, guess that fits.”)

“What do you mean?” He asked, pulling the gloves out.

(“Well a ton of those old classic cartoon characters wear gloves don’t they?”)

“I guess, but I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to wear these and still use my powers.” He pointed out. “I mean most of the stuff I can do right now involves me making Ink from my hands.”

(“Uh, wouldn’t having your hands covered be a problem for all gauntlets?”) His fellow Wonderlander asked just a touch confused.

“Well, yeah, but… I was hoping for like an upgrade to my Toon Hands or something.” He admitted, thinking that maybe he should’ve considered the possibility gloves could screw him over.

(“Maybe you’re lucky and they work as a power modifier or something.”) The GM suggested.

“Maybe.” He frowned, before pushing his ink out of his skin and seeing it drip out of the glove. “Now the question is, did I just ruin these things by staining them?”

A moment to dry the ink told him that no, he did not trash the five hundred point item he’d just bought.

“So, I guess after all of that, the question is… what exactly do these things do?”

(“Give me a second… Huh.”)

“What?” He blinked looking around for something to place on the GM.

(“Uh, my Scan says the Classic Toon Gloves allow the wearer to use any touch based power as if the gloves were part of their skin, without damaging the gloves or hindering the users powers, despite not doing the same for others. It uh, it has no special abilities or stats beyond that.”) The GM explained, before seemingly shrugging. (“Well it sucks you rolled a one on the loot dice, but I guess you can always upgrade it with your own Madness.”)

“I guess.” He nodded, more concerned with the wording of that scan description than the seemingly lame power. (That’s something I’m going to have to check out at some point.)

(“So, there’s not really anything else you can buy for just thirty-two points, so I guess that means you’re just going to have to cash it out.”) The GM told him, as the Merchant put a five, two ones on the counter. (“Oh, and since you’ve been so much fun I went ahead and had him round it up for you.”)

“You're paying me to run your dungeon?” He asked, unable to hide his incredulity.

(“Eh, once we post the video online we usually make a decent amount off of the ad and site money.”) The GM dismissed. (“Besides my brother slipped this little clause in the liability waivers that says we have to pay in either trade or money based on your measured performance to allow us to use any footage we like. Though you can opt out, if you sign a little section saying so. It’s just a really little section.”)

“Huh… That is probably the most criminal sounding thing you’ve said to me thus far.” He admitted, trying to remember if he signed that section or not.

(“All we do is make a mix of epic and fail compilation videos. Or we’ve got someone that does that anyway. I try not to micromanage. I’ve got people for that too.”) The gang leader told him cheerfully.

“And uh, where exactly would you say my performance rates?” He chuckled nervously.

(“Thinking about it, while your fight with the kobold was kind of epic, I don’t really think I should let them release too much of your run.”) The GM confessed.

“What do you mean?” He frowned, feeling an odd impulse for extreme hyper violence at the idea of someone (trying to fucking censor me and kick me off the air!)

(“I just figured you’d prefer I didn’t out you as a Mask before you do so yourself, since you seem like you’d make a big deal out of it.”) His fellow Wonderlander explained, before continuing by adding, (“I also figured you wouldn’t want someone else to see your uh, little episode.”)

He couldn’t help but grimace at the reminder of that. “Right.”

(“Also, I kind of don’t want anyone else trying to skip the third floor boss with a bribe before I fix that mess.”) The GM admitted sheepishly.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” (Nothing wrong with letting you get your house in order.)

(“Still, you’ve got upgrades for your gear still.”) The GM told him, getting them back on track.

“Ah, right.” He nodded, before shifting through his menu until he got to the section with his Tailcoat, Ink Whip, and brand new Gloves. (Which has no upgrades for some reason…)

Shaking his head, and deciding that that wasn’t important, he instead opened his menu for his Ravenous Tailcoat and fed it the chest plate and iron bracelet. Which when done, the store’s menu told him would cause his jacket to gain a slight bump to defense and give him a slight increase to his max HP.

Moving onto his Ink Whip, he fed his weapon the broken sword he’d picked up prior, and found that this upgrade was much more interesting than a few stat points.

“Let’s see here…” He flexed his hand, forming his Ink Whip as it wrapped around his wrist. Now with the Ink out he flexed his hand again while pushing a new idea into the Ink based weapon, before watching as the Whip condensed and slowly reformed into the shape of a small black knife.

(“Ooh, now that is a nice upgrade.”) The GM told him, and he couldn’t help but agree as he read the pop-up informing him that his Ink Whip had evolved into Equip Ink, and now had an Ink Blade form.

Shaking his hand out with a smile on his face as his weapon faded into nothing, before closing the pop up and the store menu, leaving him to look around the tent as he slowly realized that after what felt like so long, he was just about done with the dungeon.

“Huh…”

(“Ah, finally here.”)

“Uh, what is?” He asked, looking around once more and seeing nothing new.

(“Oh, uh, I kind of need you to step out of the dungeon now.”) The GM answered, just a little brusquely.

“Oh, uh, sure thing.” He nodded, not wanting to admit that quick dismissal stung a bit. “Uh, good bye… I guess.”

(“Uh-huh, come on hurry it up.”)

Grimacing, he sighed, figuring he should’ve realized that he was just a random player to the GM’s game and that they weren’t actually friends so much as two people who met in the solo queue of a game.

Stepping out of the tent he felt an odd sensation wash over him, before looking at his now ungloved hands and down at his now regular clothing. “Guess this means I’m back in the real world now.”

“Ah, there you are.” A voice told him, drawing his attention to a brown haired girl and freckles towards him in a neon paint stained hoodie.

“Uh, can I help you?” He blinked as the girl seemed to have no concept of personal space as she got just a little too close.

“Yep, can feel the Madness rolling off of you.” The girl nodded.

“Uh, excuse me?” He frowned, instantly on guard.

“The boss wanted me to give you this.” The girl told him, handing out a piece of paper with the words ‘To My Fellow Wonderlander’.

Blinking once more, he accepted the piece of paper before opening it to find a phone number beneath a kiss mark and the Gamer Guild’s GG logo, with the words ‘call me’ written next to them.

“Oh.”