Mary woke up abruptly to what sounded like a motorcycle in desperate need of a silencer replacement starting its engine next to her ear. She looked around, unable to find the culprit - she was still lying on the audience hall’s floor, but most people had already dispersed. Melanie and her party still lingered around, throwing her nervous glances from behind a clipboard-carrying woman. She wasn’t one of the shrouded figures from earlier - her clothes were much more casual, and actually… Mary squinted her eyes. Wait, wasn’t she the one who led the selection ceremony?

The engine sound repeated, and this time Mary identified the source - it was the clipboard operator clearing her throat. “Mary Susan Oceanrunner?” she asked as soon as she felt she was getting enough of Mary’s attention.

“Um, I think so? Is something wrong, ma’am?” the heroine asked, rising from the hot stone.

“You are accused of major misconduct during the xeno-spider queen battle. Report yourself for your hearing to this building tomorrow morning at 10 am. You can bring any witnesses that you want.” The woman made a ticking motion on her clipboard, turned away and went away before Mary managed to recover from the shock.

For a moment, something white flashed above the woman’s shoulder, but it vanished too fast for Mary's brain to process what her eyes told it. Still, it was enough to send her sprawling back where she started.

“Are you ok?” Melanie asked, offering her a hand.

Was she ok? “I don’t really know at this point,” Mary said, letting herself be pulled to her feet.

“Getting too much attention from the officials is never a good sign,” Kevin said.

“Kevin, unlike you, the lass here doesn’t seem to have burned anything important lately, does she?” his almost bearded friend replied. Cesius, was that his name?”

“Doesn’t matter. It still doesn’t mean she's not in trouble.” Danielle looked Mary straight in the eyes. “Are you in trouble?”

Mary winced, receiving the complaints from both her brain and sore muscles. Something scratched her lungs, and she coughed up a small cloud of black dust. So, the illusion didn't cover up those... “Probably? I’ve been summoned to a hearing regarding some misbehaviour during battle.”

Kevin whistled at that. “Wow, that sounds awesome. What did you do?”

“Kevin!” Cesius glared at his companion. “You do not ask a lady about such things!”

“So what do you ask them, then?” The wizard examined his burned staff, quickly losing interest in the conversation.

“Nothing,” Danielle said without taking her eyes off Mary. “Simply keep your mouth shut - that works best.”

“Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen!” Melanie laughed. “Still, Mary - can we help?”

Mary sighed. “I don’t suppose you guys know all the rules regarding proper battle behaviour? To be honest, I’m not even sure what I could have done wrong.”

“Of course we don’t. You sound like crazy,” Kevin said.

“But we know where to find them!” Melanie perked up.

Books. Books, everywhere. Some dampened past the point of unreadability, their pages stuck together so close that they formed a smooth, grey pulp. They smelled of mould. Others, more or less fortunate, lay torn apart and scattered on the floor. Some of the furniture collapsed when their rotten wood finally gave out. Not everything was in total ruin, though - like the last time, some tomes sat comfortably on dark stone shelves, covered with a wall of spider webs. Mary could feel their ancient covers looking down on her, judgingly.

“Are we there yet?” Kevin asked while they entered the third circular hall.

“No,” Danielle said.

“I still can’t believe I’m here again,” Mary said, throwing a fireball down the gloomy aisle of crooked but still holding, oaken bookcases. She didn’t care about fire hazards anymore, so… just in case.

“Wait, you’ve been here before?” Melanie asked, dodging a stray encyclopedia diving for her head. It almost hit Mossie, and the SJW expressed itself very clearly on the matter with vivid gesticulation that lacked only a spark of magic to set fire to everything in sight, born or printed alike.

“Yeah, with my party. We did a pest control and rescue mission.”

“Hey, that sounds exciting. Why don’t we ever get to do anything exciting, Danielle?” Kevin asked, dousing a charging rat swarm in waves of fire. Somehow, he turned his staff into a quite decent flamethrower, hot enough to keep hundreds of tiny teeth from tearing his throat apart.

“Yeah, it’s not like we don’t have the opportunities. Remember that quest the mysterious hooded figure wanted to give us?” Cesius added. He limited himself to classical fireballs, although he managed to shoot them with a staff three at a time. It would be quite impressive if only he managed to hit anything smaller than a wall.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll let you go chasing halflings in a volcano. As if it isn’t hard enough keeping you lot alive as it is,” Danielle grunted while spinning her staff in an infinity symbol, which sent waves after waves of raindrops on Kevin’s burning clothes.

Mary didn’t know why the others decided to help her. Were there any rules about such situations? Blood debts earned by assisting lone heroines in need, paid by long decades of slavish work for the benefit of the rescuers? Well, she didn’t really have a choice in the matter, did she? She glanced at Melanie. The girl seems to like being in action, incinerating a flock of geographic atlases. Still, she didn’t seem as eager as before the selection ceremony, as her eyes followed a random puppy running away from the library depths. At this point, Mary didn't ask either, ignoring it as the rest seemed to after making sure Kevin wasn't aiming anywhere near the poor creature.

“I’m bored,” Kevin announced after running out of rats to burn. “Are we there yet?”

Supposedly, Cesius could locate their current target with a spell. In theory, the wriggling trail of cold flames on the floor should lead them to it in at most second-most efficient way. Five large chambers later, Mary wasn’t sure she believed that any longer.

“Are we there yet?” Kevin asked, his burning staff lighting the way. The fire didn’t seem to damage the wood, and Danielle kept a sharp eye for any stray flames.

“If you ask it one more time, I’ll divine the exact distance to our target from the shape of your intestines sprawled on the floor,” Danielle snapped through clenched teeth.

“Actually…,” Cesius looked up from the last series of incantations, “it’s just the next...”

He trailed off after taking a look through the door. A pillar of golden light shone on a white marble pedestal, surrounded by a row of granite columns. In front of it, there was a metal sign, with golden letters spelling ‘The savoir-vivre of a modern battle for dummies’.

Mary took a couple of steps forward, and her heart sank. The pedestal was empty.