For the next year, Mephis is much more careful. He stays awake, oftentimes forgoing sleep to keep watch whenever he does not feel like we’re in a safe spot. If he does sleep, it’s only for half the night, and he asks me to stay up to keep watch. Something’s bothering him. Fortunately, as I grow, my ability to stay up is increasing as well. Every once in a while, keeping watch is no problem. However, it does interfere with my training a bit. After my failure to silently cast Chill last time, I’ve been trying to work harder at mastering casting spells without chanting an incantation. I feel like I’m on the edge of succeeding, but I’ve yet to successfully produce any meaningful result. Mephis says that even producing a bit of cold air without an incantation is already unbelievable for someone who isn’t five years old yet, but I disagree. Something tells me…this is doable. There has to be some sort of trick to it! If only I could see someone actually do it, but I don’t have a teacher.

I don’t say that out loud of course. Over the last couple months, Mephis has changed. I think it’s because he blames himself for my lack of progress in learning swordsmanship. Sometimes I will catch him muttering at night about how I could already be studying Intermediate Magic, if I wasn’t with him. I want to tell him that he’s wrong, and even if it’s true, I would probably be dead if I wasn’t with him. However, for someone like me, that never showed weakness or feelings to anyone in my last life, it’s too hard. I am a child…and yet…not a child. Too weak to survive on my own, yet not capable of cheering on my savior. Even if I will not admit it, Mephis has long since taken on more of a role than just my protector. He…he’s something else. The words I want to say don’t come out though. As usual, I’m terrible at my expressing my emotions. Damnit…I hate that I’m still like this. I am the worst person to comfort others.

“N-No! Lian! Don’t go! I…I will…damn. I’ll atone. Whatever it takes.” Lately, Mephis has been having bad dreams. I don’t let on that I know that though. His pride is already damaged from being unable to teach me magic. I fear that if I say anything, he’ll take it the wrong way. Rolling over, the Blood Warlock falls back into a deeper slumber, “I’ll protect him…always. I will guard your will.” I’m not entirely sure because Mephis always chooses the direction, but it seems like the scenery is becoming a bit familiar. If I’m not mistaken, we’re going back towards the little house in the tree. Our first home when we entered the Dead Forest. But why? Isn’t it more dangerous if we go closer to civilization?

[Frozen Wind of My Soul, Come Forth-Chill]

I mentally chant the incantation for Chill while pointing my fingers, but all I get is a slight whoosh of cold air. Countless hours of practice have still failed to produce results. Just like my swordsmanship, something is missing. Casting spells without chanting out loud is a mystery I just cannot solve. For now, I focus all my efforts on Chill, which is the basic spell I am most familiar with. As for Fire, Wind, and Earth, while I can create great results with the basic spells using just a short incantation, I don’t even bother trying to cast them without words. According to Mephis, even the elvish spellcasters of legend could only cast a few spells without an incantation. It would be foolish of me to spread out my efforts over too many things. Out of frustration, I continue to try to get Chill to work, despite his warnings. Come on…icebergs, blizzards, snowstorms! Think of ice ice ICE!

[Frozen Wind of My Soul, Come Forth-Chill]

*Clink*

The softest of noises comes over the crackling of our dying campfire. Though it is just a slight tinkle of ice, immediately Mephis is up. Like I said, he hasn’t been sleeping much since that time.

“W-What was that? Kid?” He whispers as the single solitary ice crystal I’ve managed to manifest in the air slowly disappears into vapor. “Practicing your magic?”

“I…yes.” I can only tilt my head, wondering if I really just succeeded. The single lone, solitary ice crystal melted so fast it might have been a mirage. “Did you…also see that?”

“What?” Mephis leans back and shuts his eyes. “You’re a genius, Kid, I’m sure you’re doing fine. Can you stay up a bit longer?”

“Yea.”

No way. Did I actually pull it off? One more time to be sure?

While the Blood Warlock begins to snore again, I concentrate hard and try to think of what I did differently. I was just focusing as hard as I can on icy things. Is there something there? Perhaps I’ve been working too hard on trying to think of the incantation in my head? Instead, is the secret more of an image? Okay, icebergs…icebergs…ice ice ICE!

[Frozen Wind of My Soul, Come Forth-Chill]

*Clink Clink Clink*

Yes! Oh my god yes! It’s finally working!

My heart almost stops as I see three ice crystals blossom in thin air. They are slightly larger, big enough that the warm air from the campfire is not enough to instantly melt them. Once my focus is lost, the small crystals immediately fall to the ground and bounce gently before disappearing. I want to let out a joyful yell, after so many months of trying, but Mephis is sleeping. I settle for a barely suppressed chuckle and a huge grin.

I can’t wait to show him!

For the rest of the night, I continue to practice. My improvement is rapid, but by the end of the day, I still only succeed without using an invocation about 20% of the time. There are big streaks where I feel like I have it down, and then long stretches where no matter how hard I try, I get nothing but cold air. Mephis ends up getting a lot more sleep than usual because I’m so absorbed in practicing that I forget to wake him up. By the time he gets up though, I’ve used Chill so much that I’m getting a little tired myself. Okay, I better stop or I won’t be able to walk today. When Mephis gets up, there’s a wet patch of ground beside me where the dirt has grown moist from melting ice crystals. He raises an eyebrow.

“Still trying to cast Chill without chanting?” His question is met by my nod. “You know I haven’t heard of a human mastering it before they turned thirty. And that was the Archmage of Teirn…”

“Actually, I think I can do it sometimes. Not every time, but sometimes.” I reply and even though Mephis is used to my strangeness, this causes his eyes to bug out. The demonic red irises grow huge as he looks my way.

“Seriously?”

“Let me show you.” I hold out my hand and try to focus on icebergs and snow once more.

[Frozen Wind of My Soul, Come Forth-Chill]

*Cli-*

Cold air gradually begins to form an ice crystal, but doing it while under Mephis’s expectant gaze is harder. Or maybe I’m just tired. My flow of mana goes wild and the wispy white vapors coming out of my hand cut off with a poof.

“Damn, I had it just a second ago. I’m telling you!” I shake out my hand. The fingers are all dried out from being exposed to so much cold air. “Next time, I’ll show you for real!”

“Relax, I believe you. God knows, if it was anyone else, even the Archmage of the Mage Guild, I’d call them out for lying. But you don’t say anything unless you mean it.” He grins and hops to his feet. “You know, as a kid, you should crack a joke sometimes. The other children will think you’re weird if you’re so serious all the time.”

“Haha…yea.” I nervously laugh. It’s true that while Mephis has gotten used to my antics, if I were to interact with society in general, they’d probably think I’m very strange. Even if it’s another world, I can’t imagine the children are very much like me, a reincarnated twenty-year-old. I need to do better. If I was ever on my own, I’d stand out like a sore thumb right now. Who knows if there are other people who were reborn in this world, or what threats may come my way if anyone finds out that I’m not normal. I’ve been lazy because Mephis is always around to protect me, and since in my last life, there were no threats. In this world, people kill each other on the daily. I need to be better!

We walk with the rising sun while keeping a wary eye out. Since we hunted a lot of beasts lately, there isn’t a need to stop for anything. Eventually, the atmosphere begins to get a bit cooler, and the trees change appearance. The blighted rot which pulses ooze and has infested many of the behemoth’s in the center of the forest becomes less common. It’s a sign that we’ve begun to reach the outer edges of the Dead Forest.

According to Mephis, a long time ago, some great catastrophe caused the Dead Forest to be born. Over the years, the deep parts of the forest have remained diseased and full of beasts, a place where none but we, dare to enter usually. There is simply nothing to be gained inside. No people, or resources unless you count beast meat and rotten timber. It sounds grim, but to me, it is home. I have never forgotten the house I was born in and my mother, but I only knew it for a short few moments before leaving that home behind forever. The Dead Forest on the other hand has been with me since before I turned one years old. I dare say if I ever leave, I will feel almost out of place without its strange haunted trees around me.

“Do you recognize where we are?” Mephis points at a great fallen tree in the distance. It vaguely resembles a dead oak, but the branches are oddly twisted and snarled, like a great mass of decaying hair. “It’s been a few years.”

“This is where you first took me way back then, right?” I had expected that we were coming back here, but I’m not entirely sure why Mephis has chosen to forsake the inner forest. “Aren’t we too close to the edge?”

“We are getting close to the perimeter.” Mephis sighs, clapping his hand on my shoulder. “When we fled back then, you were so small, Kid. You fit in a basket. Now look at you. Already casting magic and asking questions while most children are still learning to properly talk. If someone had told me this would happen, all those years ago, I would have laughed in their face.”

“You didn’t answer the question, Mephis.” I get an uneasy feeling as we approach the unusually large and thick dead tree which hides his secret room. “Why are we here? I thought you said it was too dangerous to leave the inner forest.”

“You really are too sharp, Kid.” The tall man goes over and looks around the dirt outside the hidden door. “Mmm…doesn’t look like anyone’s been here. Guess we’re okay to spend the night here.”

“Mephis?”

“Okay, okay. I confess.” He throws up his hands after opening the door and pulling me inside. After checking outside one last time, he closes the big wooden slab behind us. “Can you get us a light, Kid?”

If I remember correctly, there should be a lamp somewhere around here.

I stumble around in the dark until Mephis takes my hand and puts it over a wick. His night vision is as acute as ever.

[Flaming Ember of My Desire, Burst Forth-Burn]

The incantation for burn comes from my lips and a small flame jumps off my fingertips and ignites the lamp sitting on the desk. Now I can see. Though I only spent a little bit here in the past, the room feels cozy and homey. One of my first refuges. Mephis has a lot of random hiding spots in the Dead Forest, but this one is by far the most well built.

“I was hoping to avoid talking about this for while. But I suppose the time has come.” My guardian sits in a little wooden rocking chair. The tree is large enough to allow even the tall Blood Warlock to stretch his legs out. As for me, I go and sit on the bed. It’s little more than a cot, but fortunately, I’m quite small so it should be able to fit us both since I can’t sleep in a basket this time. “Kid…I…”

“Yes?” A sense of nervous unease fills my gut. Mephis has been behaving oddly for some time. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive to his mood because I depend on him so much?

“I need to make a trip out of the Dead Forest.” His voice is very soft. As if he is afraid of how I will react to this. “My goal is to contact Lian’s friends and see if they are willing to receive you. Now hold on-“

“WHAT?” My high-pitched voice makes him wince inside the small room. It echoes off the heartwood of the walls and Mephis quickly puts his hands up, trying to shush me. “I thought we were going to stay together? You said I could stay as long as I wanted! Did I do something wrong?”

“N-No! Absolutely not! You’re perfect. Better than I imagined. Too perfect as a matter of fact!” Mephis is at a loss. It seems he didn’t quite expect my reaction to be so strong. Neither would I, under normal circumstances. But he’s all I’ve known since I was born. All I’ve got. “Listen, Kid. To be blunt, you’re not great at the sword. It’s a crime for me to waste your youth like this. If Lian’s friends can find you a real teacher, someone who isn’t defective like me, you could be one of the greatest mages this world has ever known! That’s all! You’ve done nothing wrong!”

Though I’ve never let my tears spill out in this life, my eyes fill up with unforeseen emotion. For a brief second, I instinctively activate my foresight, peeking into the future because I don’t want to be blindsided by anything Mephis says. However, after a moment…I stop the flow of mana and hang my head. I don’t want to cheat with Mephis. This conversation, I want to have it properly.

“Is that really all?” I murmur quietly while looking at the floor. Mephis sighs and gets out of the rocking chair. Coming over to the cot, he puts his hands on my shoulders.

“That’s all. I just can’t justify holding back your talent anymore.” He has a bitter expression, full of disgust as he says this. Though I recoil, when I see the tears in his own eyes, I realize the disgust is for himself. He genuinely believes that he isn’t good enough for me!

“If that’s it…and you really don’t want to get rid of me, then I don’t want to leave! Until I’m seven, just two…no even one more year! Let me stay with you, where it’s safe!” I plead with Mephis, try to find some argument which will change his mind, however, he just shakes his head.

“No…you’re too good at poking holes in my logic, Kid. If I don’t make a move while I have the resolve, you’ll convince me not to change anything, and by the time I get around to it, your best years will already be behind you.” The Blood Warlock has an awkward expression which might be equal parts concern and determination. There’s a word for that, I think.

“I can’t change your mind at all?” I ask and he hugs me closely, pulling me against his chest. For a moment, words are lost between us, as he shakes his head silently. Mephis must be using some form of silent incantation. I think he’s putting a spell on me because I’m not disagreeing anymore. He’s just strung me along to his will.

“You helped me get a lot of sleep last night, so I’m going to go to town now and send a message to Lian’s friends.” He announces. “I’ve thought it over, and there is a good chance that there may be assassins around the perimeter of the forest. It’s best if I go alone. You should stay here tonight. This place is well hidden, as long as you stay quiet, it should be safe.”

“I…” My voice falters as I realize I can’t offer to go with Mephis. In the night, without his demonic eyes that seem to effortlessly pierce the darkness, I’d only slow him down and be a liability. As I’ve always been. “O-okay.”

“You’re really not complaining?” Mephis raises his eyebrow while standing up and looking into my face. Just barely, I manage to hold in the tears. Not trusting my voice, it’s my turn to shake my head.

“I can’t change your mind. So, I won’t hold you back anymore.” I swallow dryly. He peers at me for a long time. Finally, he bends down and takes off his hat. Unwilling to meet his eyes, I continue examining the floorboards.

“Kiddo, you’re weird, and amazing in equal parts. And maybe you’re still young, but I’ve never once regretted bringing you out with me. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of a single time I’ve had this much fun since your parents and I used to adventure together.” Mephis regards me seriously, until I’m forced to look up and meet his gaze. “You know what happens when I think of the night, I first met you?”

“No…” I keep my voice neutral. But somewhere inside a slight flutter of hope is threatening to break through my sadness.

“Every time I think of that night, I feel so goddamn grateful. I thank the gods and Lian that they gave me the chance to spend these last few years with you, and watch you grow up. To be honest, when I thought of raising a child on my own, I was scared. If it wasn’t your parents, I never would have agreed to do such a thing. And I was sure it was going to be a pain…” He smiles and the sides of his lips curl upwards simultaneously with his eyebrows. The resulting expression is just…so…Mephis…that it makes me want to smile too. “But then you grew up…and never once were you a pain. Maybe a bit too serious for a kid, but never once did you ever hold me back, or do something stupid. Any other child, hell, most adults even, would have made some mistake and put us in a dangerous situation in the Dead Forest. This is a terrifying place even for trained warriors, let alone a baby. Yet…here we are. Both okay, and ready to take on everything life has to throw at us.”

“You mean it?” I sound like an idiotic child. I guess I am a child. Even if I’m reborn.

“Every word is absolutely the truth and nothing but!” Mephis ruffles my hair while putting his point black hat back on and standing up. “Alright, just stay here and keep quiet until I’m back. It shouldn’t take more than a day or two. I’ll come back as soon as I’ve sent the message to Lian’s friends!”

“…” I watch him go with an achy heart. After being together every day for almost five years, it’s hard to be separated for even an instant from my ready-made protector. He goes to the door and puts his hands in the crack to heave it open. However, at the last second, he turns around.

“I almost forgot!” Mephis reaches into his robes and withdraws two envelopes. One is a classic white manilla. The other is scarlet like his eyes. I’ve seen him scribbling at night sometimes, but he’s never told me what he’s writing before. “In case anything happens, I want you to have these!”

“Huh?” My small hands take the papers without understanding exactly what they are. “What’re they for?”

“If I don’t come back, you can read them both. But the red one is for you and the white one is for Lian’s friends. I’ve written down how to get in contact with them. Just in case.” He explains and my hands tremble a bit.

“I…nothing will happen, right?” Though I say that, my experiences from my past life are screaming that something is wrong. After all these years, why suddenly the caution? “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“This is just a precaution. While we were fighting beasts, I always thought that if something happened to me, you’d be all alone. Just in case, there are some things you should know. Don’t worry, just hold onto them.” Mephis grins as he turns back to the door. “No peeking! They’re for emergencies only!”

“Right. Um…” I tuck the letters into my Cave Bear-skin coat. “Be careful! And good luck!” And after a nod over his shoulder, Mephis gets the door open and walks out into the night. Just like that, I’m truly alone for the first time in years. Sitting inside the hollow tree, I listen to the wind rushing about and the beasts chittering outside. My eyes travel to my breast pocket where Mephis’s letters sit. They feel heavy on my chest.

Please come back. Come back soon!