A low stage had been erected by the parade ground so that Tengu samurai could watch the rabble train under an awning. We took our places there, alone on the wooden platform, and I whistled for Falcor to sit still and look intimidating. The goblins were less likely to rush us with a guardian dragon staring them down.

“Shippo,” I said, “just sway along with the music.”

“Mmmmmm,” Shippo hummed.

My vocal folds were versatile enough to imitate virtually any organic sound. I was exactly as good at mimicking human noise as whale song, and my natural range was more mockingjay than monkey. Rather than try to sing a traditional ballad, I used my Perform Skill along with my unique vocal instrument to go jazzy with it. This created a serious quandary for Shippo, who could not follow my improvisational rhythms, and instead started doing his own thing to the side. He actually did have a few ranks in Perform (Dance), and his tails moved independently of his body in a swishing circular fan.

The goblins didn’t immediately take to this. My Presence and Appearance were both below average, and therefore I did not make good first impressions. The audience was exhausted and irritated, and a few handfuls of what I hoped was mud splattered onto the stage under the amused eye of Karasu. Kyofu was in attendance as well, inscrutable in his mask of iron.

But my Perform was as high as it could be taken by skill ranks alone. Damwise Ramgy had used Endowments to grant in-game effects with his performances. That would have been helpful, but I wouldn’t have access to those until Heroic levels.

Slowly, the goblins came around. Some of them shuffled in place, and a few made noises that approximated singing along. Then a mosh pit formed, which quickly escalated into open warfare, as most of them were still bearing arms. My concert ended when Karasu came on stage and started cawing fierce orders. The other Tengu went among the ructious goblin folk, laying about them with the flats of their blades to break up the more serious fights until order was essentially restored.

From my extreme peripheral vision I saw that we were being surrounded. Falcor sensed it as well, and I whistled to keep him calm.

“How did we do?” I asked Karasu.

“Nothing goblins enjoy is worthwhile,” the Tengu captain said. “You won’t ever be allowed in the presence of the Most Glorious Lord of Heavenly Radiance.”

“That’s an exceptional title,” I said. “Could I aim lower and try for the Most Quotidian Sidereal Radiance instead?”

Karasu was not amused, and we were shortly escorted to the brig and barred behind a heavy stone barrier without sunlight. A single gloomy wisp provided illumination in the hall beyond our cell, and goblins in soiled leathers manned the exits.

“I don’t like this,” Shippo said, hewing close to Falcor, who was snuffling at a wall.

“You won’t be here long.” Karasu’s black eyes watched us through a thin window. “The salt worms are always in need of sustenance.”

“Was there any way for us to win an audience?”

“No.” The crow man turned his back on us and exited the brig.

>>

[Quest Update — Sing for the King]

You succeeded in entertaining the Goblin troop, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are unworthy of performing for King Kurayami. Still, you put on a great show, and isn’t that its own reward?

(You gain 1,200 XP)

(Shippo is too advanced to receive experience for this Challenge.)

(Falcor is too advanced to receive experience for this Challenge.)

>>

I still got the experience, so that was something.

Falcor grew restless, pacing back and forth in our cell. Feeding the salt worms was not a prospect he was likely to go along with, but as strong as my pet dragon was, the Tengu were all low Heroic and Karasu was a match for him one-on-one. Worse, Kyofu had a hidden status bar, suggesting he was even higher level. A couple of goblins visited us to bring mush and beer. Prisoners weren’t usually allowed alcoholic beverages, but the guards had all enjoyed my performance so much that they were willing to do small favors, just nothing that would set us free. It was obvious that they were all terrorized by the Tengu beyond the point of contemplating open defiance. Falcor stuffed his face into a large bowl full of fermented roots and splashed the pungent liquid over half the cell. At least it helped with his restlessness.

(Hollen? Where are you?) PamyuPamyu’s voice was a welcome surprise.

(Confined to a goblin brig. I take it you spawned on the ship?)

(Goblin brig? Yeah, I’m on the boat. The crew aren’t very helpful, and I think they want to bolt. The mists are creeping them out. They’re creeping me out too. I keep hearing weird whale noises but there aren’t any whales.)

(That’s the Kulu. I distracted it with the last of our gems, and it must have followed us assuming there would be more.)

(There was a Kulu? I always wanted to see one of those. Most of the images that get uploaded are just tentacles waving around boats before they get taken down.)

(Imagine me a hundred feet long, that’s roughly a Kulu. Oh, I have a humanoid body type now. We finished the addition during our journey.)

(God, I kind of wish I lived in the game like you and Lawlimi. Real life sucks. No one noticed all the files I copied about the estate dispute, so I’m not fired, but I figured out who Shogun1231 is. His name is Davis Navy, and he’s a heavy douche. Heavy. There’s a lot of emails flying around about what happened with the book, and Lawlimi’s name has been mentioned. They don’t know what happened to him, and they think he still has it. You know what’s weird? My mom heard about Bill Yang being dead and she asked me if I played this game. Then she told me she had met him when she handled some art briefs for Darkest Horse a million years ago. Small world. So what is this about you being in a brig? Is that like jail? And when you say goblin, is that a fun adjective for the jail or a racial description? I didn’t know this game had goblins. Isn’t that a Lord of the Rings thing?)

(Goblins are common in folklore. The etymology sources from the Old French gobelin, which is seen as early as the twelfth century and becomes more common by the sixteenth century. The French may have derived from the Latin gobalus, which is derived from the Greek kobalos, which is basically like calling someone a rapscallion, but its plural, kobaloi, can mean mischievous sprites or fairies.)

(Uh… thanks.)

(Tolkien invented the modern use of the word orc, however.)

(Sooooo… do you want me to break you out of jail?)

(That may become necessary, but I can’t advise it. You won’t be able to reach us, as the forests are heavily patrolled by Tengu and there is a high-tier Fae nearby that would object to our early release. I am confident that this imprisonment is actually a preliminary context for a new quest line. Such is the nature of the game.)

(Then what should I do?)

(If you come, you are likely to be arrested with us. Other than that, stand by, but it is your choice.)

True to my expectations, the goblin guards vanished when a creaking metal scarecrow appeared in the hall. A dull orange light shone from the gaps in his visor as he looked at us through the narrow window of our cell. He stared for a long time without speaking, until Shippo finally coughed out of nervousness.

“Tell me the true reason you came to Yamatoei.”

Perform down. Persuasion up.

“I told you the truth, to bear witness to the glory of the Bright King, and to be able to carry the tale with me back to the West.”

“Pretty words, and maybe they are true. You are so earnest, I am almost compelled to believe.” A bit of steam slipped from behind the visor with a hiss. “It does not matter so much why you came as that you are now in my power, and I have come to offer you a bargain.”

“What is it?” Quest!

“First, you must accept my hospitality and swear to keep my secrets as your own.”

“I’ll consider it,” I said.

“No. The choice is stark. Accept my terms, or become food for the salt worms.”

I turned to Shippo, who wrung his hands nervously, and Falcor, who chuffed, completely unimpressed. They were no help. This was the natural extension of the story line, and there was no reason to refuse participation beyond raw contrarianism.

“Is this your hospitality? A jail cell?”

“No, you have taken goblin food and goblin drink, but that is meaningless. You must share bread with me, and then we can deal with one another fairly and with trust.”

Being coerced wasn’t terribly fair or trust inspiring, but the custom was clear. If we tried to break any agreement we made after sharing food with a fairy there would be in-game consequences, a curse that would have to be expiated with yet another quest. As a positive, Kyofu would be similarly bound to treat us honestly.

“We accept.”

The iron Fae produced a blood orange and divided its sections so that all four of us would have a piece. Falcor was happy to swallow the treat, and Shippo nibbled warily. Kyofu pushed his own section under his visor and chewed, so there had to be something like an actual face under there. I ate mine as well. It was sweet and tart, and it tingled in my throat.

>>

Alert — You have eaten the fare of fairies in their own land, and must abide by their rules. If you break their customs, you will be afflicted with the curse of Fachan and hunted forever.

>>

Sure, sure, sure.

“Tell me about the deal,” I said.

Kyofu unlocked our cell and led us across the camp back to his office. He disarmed a trapped chest, revealing a smaller box of intricate design, a blacksmith’s puzzle, which he placed on his parchment-strewn desk.

“Open it,” he commanded.

This was a pure test of intelligence, and even with my statistic at a six it took me several minutes of manipulation to make progress. I had undone two latches when Shippo took the box and undid the rest with a few adjustments.

“The elders played these,” he said by way of explanation.

Inside the box was a mechanical device that looked like a centipede wrapped around a cored apple. I recognized it as a stylized Cabochon Discharge, an item used to drain cabochons of energy and divert it to some other purpose.

>>

Iron Leech

Celestial Utility

Availability: Rare

Condition: Excellent

This item was crafted by the hand of Kyofu, Master Smith of Yamatoei.

>>

“What do you want me to do with this?”

Kyofu creaked. “Swear on blood and bone that you will not reveal what I tell you here to anyone.”

“I won’t share it with anyone who is not a member of my party.”

The general nodded. It was understood that heroes shared information between one another and there wasn’t anything NPCs could do about it. “The device you see was crafted for a singular purpose, to win a rare light, to wrest it from its bearer. Do you know of what I speak?”

“You are not loyal to King Kurayami.”

“I am as loyal to the King as the King is to his people. The crown he wears is full of stolen light, and so it is no crime to steal it, if we can succeed.”

“If we fail, won’t he know you sent us? Won’t he recognize the Leech?”

“You won’t carry it with you.” Kyofu took the device, cradling it like a living thing. “You will be brought before the King as performers, a distraction. Only if you succeed in freeing a gem will this be used. Otherwise, there is no connection between us, and I bind you by your oath that you cannot betray me to Kurayami.”

“If we are to be a distraction, who is going to steal the crown?”

“Another hero.”

“The only way I would participate in this is if I was promised one of the gems.”

The metal man stood still. “There are three,” he said, “one for you, one for the other hero, and one for myself.”

This was a classic equivocation for the Fae; bound by hospitality, Kyofu couldn’t make false promises, but he could give me an impression and let me make false assumptions based on that impression. A simple declarative statement like that was no commitment at all. “I need you to swear that if the crown is stolen as a part of this quest then I will receive one of the gems,” I said.

Kyofu creaked as he stepped away from the cell window. “Very well, the other hero will bring the crown to my forge after it is stolen, and there the gems will be divided. All will be haste and confusion in the aftermath of the theft, and you will have to make your own way out of the palace. If you are not there, I will hold one of the gems for you in safekeeping.”

>>

[Quest Update — Sing for the King — Heroic Level 7]

The show must go on! Kyofu is giving you an opportunity to perform for the King, and potentially to take part in a scheme to wrest the Vallorn Crown from the head of the Glorious and Most High King of Yamatoei. If you refuse, you will likely be executed by the Goblin army, but there is nearly as much risk in agreeing to go along with his plan. The question becomes, do you think the Fae General can be trusted?

Reward — 4,000 XP – A Jewel of Vallorn

>>

I accepted, and Kyofu escorted us back to the brig. Shortly thereafter, we were released by the goblins, who patted me on the back and imitated some of the sounds I had made during my performance. We were brought to Karasu, who assigned a pair of Tengu samurai to look after us while we were prepared for travel. The goblins melted away as we left the military camp and marched to a nearby outpost populated by Dark Elves. They were about my height, some with wings or tails or other animalistic features, but all of them had jet-black skin, purple eyes, and Appearance scores at a four or above. Males and females were very similar, and all of them petted and praised both my companions with evident joy, though they were less impressed with my own physiognomy. Falcor abandoned his usual barks and growls to allow himself to be pampered and washed, while Shippo accepted their ministrations with nervousness and general discomfort. After our journey, he needed a good brushing, and he wasn’t the worse for a bath.

I was shown more deference, and allowed to wash myself in a large terra cotta basin with little interference from the Dark Elves. Karasu left us, but the Tengu pair he left behind stayed always within lunging distance. While this was going on, I updated PamyuPamyu.

(Great! I’m on my way.)

(I’m not certain that is wise.)

(I’m boooored, and if the goblins or the bird guys give me trouble I’ll tell them I’m a part of your performance. Besides, if I need to, I can always take out my big hammer.)

(It still seems an unnecessary risk.)

(You might need me. Plus, the bird guys are pretty busy with all the other players landing on the island.)

(Please elaborate.)

(Oh yeah, the mist just cleared, and there are a bunch of clan ships here. I spotted flags from the Hentai Clan, the Fedo-ration, and the Disciples of the Worm.)

The first two were not a surprise, but the third was new to me. I quickly opened my menus and did a check for all the clans local to the ark. The Disciples had received approval as an official player organization only a week ago, around the time of the auction in Aegis, and they already had over five hundred members. There wasn’t much information, but the clan had issued a general mission statement and recruitment blurb.

>>

Disciples of the Worm (Clan)

Greeting, citizens of New Arda. The Disciples is a new clan with openings for players of all Tiers and levels of experience. The only requirement is that you are willing to participate in our in-game induction ceremony and that you want to improve your character and help us become more powerful than any other clan. We help new players, and our founders have a lot of resources they are willing to share. For the more advanced, you will find unique opportunities for group Questing and an exclusive trade market waiting for you as soon as you are accepted. We are open to RP and non-RP styles of play, but Helmet Heads need not apply. Send a message to one of our Clan founders if you want to join.

Clan Master – JammyJams

>>

(Have you researched the Disciples at all?) I messaged.

(No. Kind of a lame name though. Why?)

(Please do.)

I scoured myself with some nice smelling crystal salts while I waited for PamyuPamyu to catch up. Even under the circumstances, I couldn’t help luxuriating a little. Being a disembodied thoughtform of nearly unlimited knowledge and perception was something I missed for the sheer utility of it, but there had been no baths. The Dark Elves provided us with clothes as well, not that I had sculpted my golem body to include genitalia, or even nipples, but I accepted the coverings as a show of general purpose decency, and the robes were quite comfortable.

Pamyu’s response was uninformative but predictable. If JammyJams was the head of a clan with five hundred members, it was likely that there were at least five hundred people on this server newly infected with the Acarus virus.

(Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)

Really, the moderators must have been doing a terrible job.