Flames crackled in the hearth in a way that you have never before experienced, and it's a small thing that is reminding you of how far you have come in a short time. A month ago and you were just a Drakeling, living in a cave. Hoarding shiny things and hiding from adventuring Heroes.

Around you, the party flows. Chunks of meat, spiced with unmentionables that you have no intention of divining, have long since been devoured. Charlemagne is sat, swaying gently, on the second barrel of ale. Your lair lacks cups, ad the goblin chef took it upon himself to use his ladle to serve the drink into mouths directly. As the guardian of said ladle, he looked to be quite drunk, even defaulting back to goblin-speak when you last visited him, abandoning his unusual eloquence. Mercy and a very red faced Amanda are sat at the tall table, giggling around the only two tankards that the currently very green dryad has coaxed from the trunk of her tree. Every few seconds one or the other of them looks over to you and the giggling begins again. You stop looking over when you see Mercy making a series of very explicit hang gestures and apparently sketching something on the table in front of a furiously red Amanda. Sapphire and Feathers vanished some time ago. Your own thoughts are... pleasantly muzzled, although the bitter taste of the drink left you somewhat underwhelmed, and you left the majority of the drinking to your minions.

Charlemagne finally overbalances, slumping backwards over the barrel and starting to snore. Notch-ear, one of the female goblins, staggers upright.

“Keeper of Ale has fallen!” she slurs. Maybe their small stature is making the alcohol hit them harder. The gobliness moves to reach for the ladle, but before she can get more than a step, Jack is holding it aloft.

“Long live the new Keeper!” he shouts. “Kobolds first! Goblins to the back of the queue!”

This outburst is greeted by ragged cheers from the kobolds, and outraged cries from the goblins. One Eye lets out a warcry that's picked up by the other goblins, and the War of the Ladle begins in earnest. You tune out the crashes and bangs as the kobolds stage a fighting retreat towards the kitchens, and slip out of the hall with Amanda's giggling echoing in your ears.

It's... nice. To do this, something that even a week ago you would have seen as a waste of time and resources. To live without fear, if only for an evening, and let your minions experience feasting, and drinking. Things that even the largest cities of kobolds or tribes of goblins experience rarely.

You're not sure where your feet are taking you, and you have nowhere in particular to be, so you let your mind wander as your feet do. There's a lot to think about. What sort of demonic horrors were going to come knocking now that you had a full week of extra attraction? If your workers are any indication, some sort of imp-thing is already on the way. A second floor is coming too, you're only putting it off right now because it seems a waste to work while the party is still going, and who knows what that will do.

You've wandered to the entrance hall, awash with moonlight and the sound of rushing water. For a moment, the view of rolling forest quiets your mind. You take a breath, the chill air filling you. A second breath, slow and deep, carrying the scents of snow melt; mountain flowers; lush, green trees and -

Rot.

The smallest hint, a grain of salt in a glass of water. Gone in a moment. But for that moment, the chittering, rotting, corrupt, sick...

And then its gone. Several more breaths are needed before you can convince yourself that the smell is truly gone.

That sickness is far away. It was an unlucky gust, nothing more.

You shiver. The cold moonlight is no longer so welcoming, and you turn to return to the party. Until you are distracted once more, by a noise. Faint, but you could have sworn you heard the sound of flesh striking flesh, a punch or slap perhaps? After several seconds listening, it doesn't seem to repeat and you shrug it off. And then you hear it again. Coming from the tunnel to the goblin town.

Curious.

You're forced to step over a small bloodstain to enter the first cave, and beyond you can see evidence of Feathers' fight with the Hero. The walls are cracked, the floor pitted and scratched.

The sound again, louder now, and almost immediately repeated. And followed by a... moan?

Oh. Well then.

You furrow your brow. The only people missing from the party are...

You'd raise your eyebrows if you had them.

You emerge into the goblin's village to find it deserted. But now you can hear another sound. Slow, rhythmic. You grin, and creep up the stairs until you can peak into the second chamber of the town.

There, at the highest point of the cave, in the nest of furs that Feathers constructed, are your wayward champions.

*Censored*

As you leave the caves behind you

*Censored*

You shake your head. Horniest dungeon ever indeed.

You step through them, headed back towards the mess hall to find the others, but you pause. Your eye drawn to the stairs down to the cells. The cells where one of your companions has been living without complaint. The fire in your blood cools. Maybe you should accelerate your plans for the second floor.

With a sigh, you turn away from the surrounding sex and make your way into the arena.

Upgrade Lair?

200 Fame, 50 Stone, 50 Wood, 50 Metal Ore (Any)

You hit yes, not giving yourself any time to think.

One viable room detected. Stairwell placed automatically.

And then another pop-up pops up, bursting through the remnants of the last. A fair blue crackle fuzzes the words for a moment, before it stabilises.

Congratulations! Your Lair has evolved into a Dungeon! Dungeon Paths generated by choices so far! Please choose a Dungeon Path:

Proud Bastion

Hidden Stronghold

You blink. This isn't what you expected. Maybe doing this after a drink wasn't the best idea. As if sensing your confusion, another window leaps into place to the side of the first. It shudders momentarily and then words spill across its surface, as if someone was writing it in real time.

Proud Bastion Path will extend your dungeon influence, allowing you to defend the local area; It will also reinforce your dungeon, and unlock thematic floor specialities.

Hidden Stronghold Path will hide your dungeon influence, making it harder for people to find you by accident, make you more self sufficient, and also unlock thematic floor specialities.

You frown. As much as hiding sounds good, it's as you said the Sapphire all that time ago. This is a dungeon. Death has no hold on you any more. And killing Heroes is how you will grow stronger. You bap your hand against Proud Bastion, and the window vanishes with an audible pop, only to be replaced a moment later as the walls around you groan. Shrieks come from the orgy-room, and not the fun kind. You wince.

Yeah. Should have sobered up first.

The new pop up is larger, practically overflowing with information.

Your choice of Path and previous actions have unlocked 3 Floor Specialisations! You may choose one now. Warning! This is permanent and cannot be changed!

Grand Halls (Unlocked by: Proud Bastion Path); Your Dungeon is your castle, and the Grand Halls reflect that. All rooms will be upgraded to Cut Stone style for free, and cosmetics such as torches and banners will spawn in viable locations. In addition, you may nominate one Monster sub class as Floor Guards. All members of the Floor Guard race will receive free armour and weaponry, and be more easily upgraded by your actions.

The Grim Oubliette (Unlocked by: Water feature, Mixed use of Dungeon and Natural room types, 1st floor, Proud Bastion Path); Your enemies will never love you. But now, they will fear you. All rooms will be upgraded to Mixed style for free and cosmetics such as cells and bone piles will spawn in viable locations. In addition, all undead spawned on this floor will receive better equipment. Finally, every minion on this floor will receive small stat bonuses based on the number and nature of prisoners kept on this floor.

City of the Disparate (Unlocked by: High individualism of inhabitants, High number of small monster races, Proud Bastion Path); Your dungeon is more than just a place to fight and die. It's a place to live. Rooms will be upgraded based on the needs of those who live in them, and cosmetics such as species appropriate artwork will spawn in viable locations. In addition, all individuals on this floor gain small bonuses based on their opinion of you.

You smile.