“My head is killing me.” I hissed.

My tongue rasped against the roof of my mouth and it felt like I was dragging sandpaper across it. I squeezed open an eye to take in the gloomy stone tiled surroundings trying to get my bearings. I was lying flat on my back and summarized they must have dragged me down into the dungeon.

It was rather odd I wasn’t in my bed and a quick glance told me I wasn't anywhere I recognized. I tried to open up my character sheet to check my statuses but a glare covered the information. There was a bit of static too that made my eyes water and I turned it off. I must have gotten hit in the head and it was causing havoc.

I tried to squint my eyes to check on the water pipes or the magic power lines from my crystal and nothing came up. I spied a table nearby and I crawled towards it. My joints were stiff and fought against me when I tried to bend my knees. I reached up and grabbed the edge to use every ounce of strength to rise to my feet. A sense of sickness reared its ugly head and I widened my stance to balance myself.

“Heinekia’s fat tits.” I swore under my breath.

The familiar phrase felt funny coming from my mouth and I had a chuckle to myself. The first thing I saw on the table was a jug of water and without hesitation I downed the entire thing. My tongue no longer ripped at the lining of my mouth and the headache passed. My vision returned to normal and I was able to get a better look at my surroundings.

The table was covered in sheets of paper and playing cards. Ink pots filled with iridescent bubbling liquid were beside the pages and the pens beside them glimmered with a purple shimmer. I crept over to the nearest page and when I looked at it, I felt like someone had just walked over my grave.

It was my character sheet. With all the stats and skills listed in incredible penmanship. Playing cards dotted the side of the page with the first one being mana blight. I picked up the card and felt a sudden surge of strength return to me and the sensation of nauseous pass. A notification flashed up for a brief second.

Mana blight has been cured.

I tapped the card against the page and the feeling of sickness came back in a flash. I tossed the card across the table and again I was miraculously cured. I looked around the room and felt very confused. It was a simple cobblestone room with the walls covered in dungeon lights and bookshelves against every wall. Small tables were stacked to the brim with cards, more ink pots or open books. Little stools or chairs were available but their surfaces were covered in more books.

I brought my focus back onto my character page and looked at what else I had. There was a second page that had an inventory and at the top I saw a small card listing my new shoes. Under it there was one for my sword and it said it was a cursed weapon.

“The hell?” I asked, reaching toward the sword card. My hand brushed a tall stack of cards near my sheet and they shocked me. I snapped my hand back and looked at the disturbed deck. “What would you be?”

The stiff playing card slid free from the deck easily and I turned it around in my hands. The top half had a graphic of a ring and a stack of silver coins. The text underneath said it was a gift of inheritance. A small screen appeared in my vision and between the static I was able to see what was written.

Gift of a lost fortune

From either ancient records or a lost bag on the road side, the character who receives this gift gains 15 gold worth of coins and items. This money appears in their bag immediately.

I tossed the card onto my character page and felt a jolt run down my spine. A notification appeared telling me it had been added and I grinned wickedly as the money on my sheet shot up. I reached towards the deck hoping for more freebies or even a card to power up.

“You filthy cheater!” A dark brooding voice hissed behind me.

Icharn, with his signature black mirror face and dark robes sailed past me. He snatched the cards away and blocked my view from the other pages. A force of will came from him and flung me back into a chair. The ancient books who had been resting undisturbed for generations met my back side as I rudely evicted them from their home.

“How was I supposed to know?” I shot back, feeling my temper flare. “Why am I here?”

Icharn smoothed out his black robe with his skeletal hands and the images of the previous battle rose to the forefront of my mind. I had nearly met my end to magic and the sobering thought smartened me up quickly.

“You have a point, mortal. It is in your nature to grab what you can to survive and I must say I’m quite thoroughly pleased. To use a phrase you are familiar with, I threw you into the deep end and here you are swimming.” Icharn said, almost sounding proud.

“A bit of drowning at the end there.” I said, gingerly touching my side. “Those little ankle biters did a number on me.”

“However, as punishment for overstepping, I’m taking this away.” Icharn said, plucking a card away.

Boon of experience has been removed by a divine being. Experience gains have been normalized.

I blinked as I tried to fathom what I had just seen. I looked at the blue card in his hands with numbers and percentages listed and raised a hand. I wet my throat and thought hard about how I was going to approach confronting a god.

“Did you give me a cheat?” I asked.

“People live their entire lives on Ewyernar and manage to get only a few levels from years of hard labour or extreme circumstance. While you have fought against hard situations I wanted to give you a leg up to get skill levels and class levels to catch up to the pack. You're nearly about to level again and I feel like you have learned enough to find your way now.” Icharn said, fanning himself with the card.

I tapped my fingers on the nearest small table and leered at the god. I didn’t know how I got here and if I couldn’t get free things I could try for some more information. Remembering our last chance meeting I leaned back in the chair appearing confident. Or so I hoped.

“Three questions again?” I asked.

The relaxed stance he had halted and the force of will returned making my teeth rattle. Icharn hissed. “Why would I-”

Three questions shall be answered by the god of hidden knowledge.

Icharn must have gotten a similar pop up because both looked down at the same time. I grinned and he slouched against the table. The god lazily waved his hand at me and I took it as an invite to begin.

“How many undead am I going to have to deal with?” I asked.

“The entire devastated village you found got raized, you can expect plenty more coming your way over the winter. Consider yourself blessed by Heinekia herself because the majority are ones that will fall over from a stiff breeze. Do be warned there are a few greater threats.” Icharn said.

I felt the colour drain from my face and I thought about the battle. The skeletons had overwhelmed us at the end by the sheer numbers they had. They fell apart easily on their own but I was going to need more fighters or traps to deal with the cannon fodder as we dealt with the real threats.

The edge of Icharn’s mirror face rippled. A black crystal fell and its shiny glimmery facets caught the light in the room. I squinted against the glare and by the time I blinked the crystal had vanished into the robes he wore.

“What’s with the crystals that grow out of the mirror?” I asked.

“There is some knowledge even I am not at liberty to share, mortal.” Icharn said, his voice going dark. The room dimmed and I felt a wave of tiredness take hold of me. Icharn pulled back his robe and on his wrist was a ticking watch. “It seems I am out of time again. However I am a generous god and your last question will not take away from your three. Here take this.”

Icharn passed me a small strip of paper and I had to do a double take as I saw what it was. It was a raincheck, a raincheck from Dan’s Warehouse. It was properly filled out and at the bottom was Icharn’s signature. It was good for two more questions from the god of hidden knowledge himself.

Icharn for his part seemed highly amused as I flipped him off and managed to spit a curse at him before sleep took me. I crashed into the floor and the room of the god vanished. I was taken back into the abyss again and the silver thread appeared once more to grab me around my chest.

…

“He’s coming around!” Rolada cried from the hallway.

I woke up with a start seeing I was back in my own bed. Clutched in my hand was the raincheck and I stared hard at the colourful slip. I had written so many of these damn things and I cursed them every time. A small part of me had silently hoped I would never have to see another one again and yet here one was in my hands.

“Fuck you, Icharn.” I said.

Icharn has received your prayer.

Here was its sense of humour again, it was like this world really did take great pride in mocking me. I turned my attention to Lin and Rolada charging into the bedroom and diving into the bed to grapple me into a hug.

“Welcome back, Josh!” Rolada said cheerfully. Her tail slapped the sheets around as the big bushy tail caught everything in its quest to show its owner’s joy.

“What’s that?” Lin asked, reaching out and plucking the slip from my hand. Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open in shock. “You were talking to a god?”

“The god of being a cryptic jackass. Turns out I was cheating and got my special privilege taken away.” I said, feeling a bit grumpy still.

“Cheating how?” Lin asked.

“Apparently he’d given me a boost on how fast I got experience.” I answered.

“You mean it wasn’t my totally amazing training and by the seat of your pants adventure that did that?” Lin asked, pretending to be upset. She then grew sombre as she said. “It would explain how you went from level one to just shy of level three in only two weeks. We thought it was odd but chalked it up to you being a keeper.”

Rolada squeezed me tightly, putting strain on my bruised side. I felt one of her hands slide down my side and move towards my pants. Her hand grabbed near my junk and she smirked mischievously. She gave me a peck on my neck and then gave me a playful nip.

“Did you stuff your pockets or are you just happy to see me?” She asked.

“Oh right.” I said, snaking my hand down and pulling out a small cloth bag. As I turned it over on my chest and the gold and silver coins popped into view. I saw Lin and Rolada look at each other and a fictitious lightning flashed between the two, while both had a wide grin on their faces. In a flash the bag disappeared from hands as Rolada tried to snatch it just shy of Lin.

“Back off sister, I got the short stick when we looted the gnomes.” Lin said, holding the coins up high and out of Rolada’s reach.

“Lin, give it, I’ve been cleaning Josh while he's been out!” Rolada nagged whilst standing on her tiptoes and doing her best to reach the glimmering sack of coins high atop her head.

Upon failure she twisted around instead and delivered a weak kick into Lin’s iron abs. “Why are you a wall of muscle, damn it!” She said while starting to giggle over her own lack of strength.

“You haven't been complaining when I picked you up and carried you around these last few days.” Lin retorted.

“You ripped a pair of my socks yesterday. So you should let me take some so I can replace them.” Roalda said with an accusatory glare. Realizing she would not get far with her current strategy she switched gears and instead brought her hands up, ready to tickle Lin.

“You like it when I give you piggyback rides.” Lin complained while slowly backing away. “Why can’t I enjoy a few more coins for my retirement fund.”

As amusing as their antics were, I had plans for this money. I stood up and gave each of them a light slap on their bottoms. They both jolted up and I grabbed from the money, stealing it back. Both of them glared at me and I saw them shake each others hands. As they dove towards me I managed to throw the coins over them towards the entrance. l sent an order for the nearest minion to come get it, just before they tackled me back into bed.

Rolada’s spied the coins flying over them mid-dive and her quick small frame allowed her to turn quickly. She took the lead but Lin grabbed her foot and dragged her back into bed. The three of us ended up in a playful fight and the room was drowned in laughter.

In between our mock battle I managed to get a look of Drone 2 sneaking around the entrance to my bedroom as he gathered the coins. I ordered him to hide it by my desk for now in an out of the way spot.

When we all were out of breath I rose to my feet and nearly toppled over. Lin was instantly at my side and steadied me, using her strength to hold onto me. I gave her a nod of thanks and I checked the amassed pop ups. There was a worrying degree of action that had happened and I wondered what time it was.

“How long was I out?” I asked.

“Three days.” Lin said.

I nearly passed out again. Lin and Rolada helped me sit back down and I tried to make heads or tails of that. I needed to check what everyone had been up to, take stock of our supplies and most of all. I wanted a bath.

Once I managed to convince them I could walk on my own I was taken on a brief tour of what had gone down during my extended rest. Our journey started with them showing off the mines which were restructured to become our underground farms. When I turned around the stairs I was quite impressed.

The main area had been flattened out and extended quite far. Small channels had been cut letting water flow through the area and the runoff would go into the underground river. Strange however was I had no idea how they had gone about getting this much earth down here to work with.

Sten stood up to his ankles in a sea of mud with two drones slung under both arms. Each of the minions unhinged their jaws and a steady stream of dirt and mud spewed out covering the mine’s floor. Sten walked along twisting each way to direct the flow while two other drones followed him and planted seeds into the ground. Behind them waddled Drone 1 holding a sack which the other minions grabbed the seeds from.

“As I leave and breathe. I didn’t know humans could hibernate!” Sten jeered.

He set down the minions and let them finish off the rest of the field on their own. He waddled through the mud and ended up in front of us covered from head to toe in filth. Sten seemed to be in high spirits with a spring to his step and he almost knocked me over as his muddy hand slapped my side.

“Good to see you too, Sten. Been busy?” I asked.

“Moved the furnace up top for now and we have been making as much metal as we can. Not great stuff but passable. These little guys might be the best thing I’ve ever had the chance to work with. They never tire, they don’t care for breaks and best of all...” Sten said, stroking his beard with a presence of gravitas. “They don’t drink all my beer behind my back.”

I smiled and waved to Drone 1. The minions all took a moment to happily wave to me before going right back to work. Their ceaseless energy meant we wouldn’t be short staffed and I could rely on them around the clock. I did feel a pressing need to do more to get ready for the season and I knew they wouldn’t let me down.

“They are fun little guys. Sorry about being out of it while you all work.” I said, scratching the back of my head.

“Been really quiet after the attack. There wasn’t much to do but nap the first day and keep following whatever Drone 1 was up too.” Lin said. She then scrunched up her nose at Sten and me. “I think the next stop is the baths.”

We matched back through the dungeon and I saw they had done more extensions to the main floor. More rooms for Bent Plate and Burn to have their own space and a stairwell heading down a level. The wonderfully carved stairs had a handrail for me to hold onto as we went down. The new layer of the dungeon had a huge hallway heading in each direction making a cross. Two of the branches had nothing in it but the one we went down made Rolada jump with excitement.

“We have our library and practice magic room here.” Rolada said, throwing her hands towards the doorway and setting off a bright wave of pink sparks.

The library room was sparse, to put it lightly. Shoddy bookshelves were mostly empty and the open portion of the room had enough seating for ten people to read under some lights. It was the size of one of the houses and had plenty of space to expand in the future, but for now it would suit our needs nicely.

Lin leaned against an open door across the hall from the library and behind her was a long room with a sand pit. Wooden dummies were dotted around and a rack had shaped poles on it for practice. It seemed our practice room had been made in my absence as well. There were a few stones too and I pointed at them with a questioning glance.

“We don’t have weights yet so Bent Plate brought them down. Rocks are heavy too so we can train with them.” Lin said with a shrug. She gripped my shoulder and gave me a playful shake. “Now we can spar too.”

The toothy grin she had worried me, and I gave her an awkward smile back. I had the premonition I would learn what it felt like to get body slammed into the sand in the coming days. They took me down the other main branch of the main hallway and I felt a bit of moisture in the air. A curtain was drawn over a cut out and above it were written baths.

They motioned for me to go ahead and I pulled back the curtain and was shocked at the sight behind the sheet. A large sitting area was divided into sections with tiled floors and terrible hand painted art on the walls, probably from one of the minions. I took a moment to take it all in, feeling the moisture tickle my nose. It reminded me of a lot of public pools, just on a small scale. They had divided it into a spot for men, for women, mixed and one made just for me. I felt a bit silly having my own private bath but I was swept away as Rolada showed me around each bath spot.

Most of the bathing area mirrored what the maid tavern bathroom had been like with similar faucets and shower heads. Each one of the rooms had a spot to store their things, shower off and then people could relax in the proper baths. Instead of having tubs the minions had dug out areas in the ground and tiled them up making it more of a square pit you would sit in to warm up.

I found the water room and inside was a spectacular array of boxes, pipes and valves. The finish left a lot to be desired but it seemed solid enough workmanship. I did see all the stone boxes that were connected to the pipes had blank sockets in them and I narrowed my eyes towards it.

Magical roots connected to them and from the looks of it the crystal was getting near capacity managing this all. I would probably need to level it up in the near future to give it a boost if we wanted to keep expanding at this rapid pace.

“All that’s left is for you and me to make the heating and cooling crystals. If you are feeling up to it we can make it right now.” Rolada said.

“Please, I have had enough of ice cold showers.” Lin said, shivering. She grabbed me by the shirt and fell to her knees pleading. “I’ll pay you to get them up and running tonight.”

I pet the cat girl and laughed. I shook my head and said. “I'll do my best, but don’t worry it’s free of charge.”

Lin shot up and squeezed me tightly. My ribs protested at the assault and I had to break the hug before she broke anything. I walked over to Rolada who was sitting on a bench in the main section. She had some blank crystals we got from Rodney and a few tools in front of her. She took out from her bag a cracked crystal from one of the control collars that the stag hares had worn.

“This is the easy part, first we strip away any leftover spells leaving behind a blank crystal. Then we can expose the crystals to either something hot or cold and then try to influence the crystal with it. Use your fire spell and I’ll show you the first one.” Rolada said.

I flexed my hand and with a sense of familiarity a little ball of fire appeared once I paid the one mana point cost. I felt a sense of pride fill me as I saw how accustomed I was becoming with magic. There was still so much to learn but the foothold I had gave me hope for the future.

Sten stretched behind us and Lin jumped back as mud splashed onto the tile floor. She was getting a bit antsy and gave Rolada a pleading look. I was sharing the same sentiment with Lin, a hot shower was all I could think about right now.

Rolada held the small crystal in her hand, the odd shaped lump was completely clear and she pinched it at one end. She dragged her nails around the outside of it and I could feel her gently reach out to it with her magic. The crystal responded and glowed a dim light blue colour as it filled up with mana. Rolada waved it over my small fire orb and the crystal soaked up some of the heat and it changed to an orange hue.

“Just like that we have a heating crystal.” Rolada said proudly. She held up a blank crystal and motioned for me to take it. “Your turn.”

I tried to mimic what she had done and in the corner of my eye I saw her take out a bottle from her bag. Ice coated the sides of it and she began work on another crystal to make what I assume was a cooling crystal.

I pinched the sides of the blank crystal and felt a sudden void in my hand. It was like the magic nerves connecting my fingertips to my core had extended into an empty pit. The pit in question was quite small and the flow of my magic started to resonate with the lump of what seemed like quartz. I dragged my fingers around the outside and the crystal became flush with a drop of my mana. I watched my mana points tick down by one and once the crystal started glowing light blue I waved it over the fire orb, turning it orange.

Heating crystal successfully made.

+5XP gained.

“Good job Josh.” Rolada said, holding up her hands full of completed crystals. “Let’s put them to work.”

In the time it took me to make one she had made four more. We had three of each type and once we reached the room full of pipes it started to make sense. The large boxes made of stone were really just a place where the water pipes wound around. The crystals were placed in their sockets and as the water traversed in the network of pipes inside, it would either get hotter, or colder.

I didn’t know much about modern plumbing so the depth of this was lost on me. It looked reasonably simple and I could only hope it was working properly. In the men’s section I heard a shower turn on and Sten’s voice rose from it.

“By my beard that’s fine.” His gruff voice barely audible through the curtain blocking off the men's section from view. He then shouted for us to hear. “Doing great Rolada, I can finally soap up without my loins retreating into my stomach.”

Rolada winced and shouted back. “That’s…great to hear Sten. Have fun.”

I looked towards my private section and pulled the curtain open. It had a small lopsided chest for my gear, a single large shower and a rather large pool for just me to sit in. I could lay down in the thing and have room for two more of me. I looked at the two women who were hovering by my side.

“Why do I need such a big shower and tub for myself?” I asked.

Lin put a hand on her hip and gave me a look that asked if I was dense. “We asked Drone 1 to do it. We thought you would like to have guests with you.”

“Oh.” I said, feeling my cheeks get hot. Rolada and Lin had an aloof look and seemed more interested in looking around the bath house area rather than looking at me. I cleared my throat and gestured towards the shower. “Want to show me how it works and give it a test drive?”

The two of them hooked their arms with mine and marched me off into the private section. I guess I was going to get a hands on demonstration today.