《Dishonor》Chapter 14: The Lies of Life (Part 1)
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Rod kissed my forehead. The skin tingled where his lips had touched me. “Dearest, I have to work. With the number of people that were killed in this attack there is a lot of work to do. Do you want to stay here and watch the fire for us?”
I nodded, unable to speak. I couldn’t trust my own voice. If I tried to speak I was likely to start crying again.
“Why don’t you sit down? I know you are still feeling dizzy.” I looked up at him and I could see the worry in his face. He was probably right. I should sit. I carefully detached myself and slowly lowered myself to the ground and he stood there holding my hand as I sat down. When he let go I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Call out if it gets out of control OK? I… I’ll come back when I finish what I am doing.”
I nodded staring into the slowly dying flames filled with mostly burned bodies and timbers. Born of fire, taken from me in fire. Fire.
Two people walked up and I saw Sandy and the little girl that had to be pulled away from her mother. The girl had tear stains lining her face.
“This is da lil’ girl that’ll be livin’ with ya. Her name is Jade, n’ she is a rare a gem. I was hopin’ ya would look after her while we work since ya are da least injured of da injured, but ya are in no condition ta work. Jade this is Liv. She’ll be lookin’ after ya for a while.” Sandy was frowning, and I couldn’t figure out why. Did she disapprove of me, or the fact I couldn’t work, or the little girl that was now a problem for the community?
I forced myself to smile for the sake of the little girl, “Come,” my voice croaked and I cleared my throat and tried again, “Come, sit here next to me.” I unclasped my hands to pat the ground next to me.
The little girl plopped down next to me and leaned against me, and I wrapped my arm around her and held her. “Don’t worry Sandy, I’ll look after her. We both need more time with our grief.”
Sandy looked like she wanted to say something more, but she looked at the little girl and nodded before turning and quickly walking away.
The little girl started to cry and I held her against my shoulder unsure of what I should do, but she started to talk, “Mommy always told me I haf to be strong. She always told me she might die. I…”
What type of place was this that parents would tell children such things? I had no clue what to say. How do you comfort a child? How do you comfort anyone? So I just held her.
“She said… she said the child nappers might come one day, n’ she would… she wouldn’ ever let me go. They pulled me away from her! I didn’ wana let her go!” the girl was wailing now.
“Shhh” I gently stroked her shoulder length brown hair. “I’ll protect you from the child nappers. My family and I, we’ll protect ya now that she’s gone. But don’t worry, even though you can’t see her, she’s still protecting you. She’s just… She just can’t be seen anymore, but she’ll always be with you. Do you have anything of hers?”
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The girl was hiccuping, but she wasn’t wailing anymore. “I…I… I got her knife. In my room.”
That would work, “When you get back to your room today I want you to put her knife on a belt and wear it. It will remind you of her and remind you that she is always watching over you now even if you can’t see her.”
“Really?” The little girl’s green eyes were wide and her six year old mind easily accepted the idea that her mother was watching over her.
“Yup. My dad’s there with your mom. He’s watching over me and protecting me.” Oh God. I… I had to eventually go back to the city. But was this a better life? This life where disease could strike and people died in battles for no reason?
“Do ya… ya have something of ye daddy’s?” The little girls eyes were wide. Her crying had stopped but she was still hiccuping.
“No, nothing but my memories of him. He died defending me from child nappers, but unlike you, I was taken by them. But they could never take my memories of him nor could they stop him from watching over me and protecting me after he died.” My mother used to always tell me that in the cell at night when I was crying. She would hold me close and shush me. She would tell me that he was there watching over me now, and nothing could tear him away from us now.
“I’m glad my mommy stopped the child nappers. I want to grow up to be big and strong and… and…stop them.” I smiled down at the little girl my arms were wrapped around. So much bravery and such grand ideas in a small child. I had been like that. I had thought I could solve problems even my father couldn’t solve.
“You do that sweetheart. Grow up big and strong and one day you can stop them.” It was highly unlikely that she would ever actually be able to stop parents from dying, but she might grow up to be a warrior like Sandy. Like all these people.
The pieces lined up with sudden clarity. These wars; these people. No old. Few young. Child nappers. The child's words 'I want to stop the child nappers'. It all made sense. The reason all the women were obsessed with having children. The man wanting to take me away to force me to have children.
Those people had attacked for the children. In a place without good medical care children were hard to have and often died. That was why there was so much honor in women having children, and why all the women learned to fight. I would have to confirm this, but I was fairly sure I was right.
I looked down at the little girl in my arms and realized she had fallen asleep. It had been an exhausting day for her and an emotional one. I held her gently and simply stared into the slowly dying fire. Tears slipped down my cheeks. One for my father. One for Annie. One for Fire. One for Jade’s mother. One for her father. And one for all those who were still dishonored.
I had to get back there one day. I had to go back to the city. The only problem was that I didn’t want to go back through the radiation zone. I didn’t want to go back. Who knew if the king would even believe me? I was a confessed plotter against the king’s life. But my honor. For honor’s sake I had to eventually go back. But this girl also needed me now.
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It wasn’t Rod who came to get me nor was it Kevin, but Dan. “So everyone has important tasks right now or somethin’. Sandy sent me. Said I was supposed ta take ya ta ye new home where ya n’ Jade‘ll be stayin’. Ya’ll be my neighbor now. Me and my papa’s neighbor.”
I smiled up at him gratefully. I was tired of watching the fire burn down to small embers, “Thanks Dan. I think Jade here needs to sleep. It’s been a long day.”
I took my arms off of her and it was enough to stir her into being awake, “You ready to go home sweetheart?”
“Are ya comin’ with me?” I couldn’t help but smile down at the adorable little girl. I hugged her and held her like I wished my own mother had held me after my father had died.
“Yes sweetheart. I’m coming home with you.” I kissed her forehead and took the hand Dan offered me. He pulled me up and steadied me as the dizziness hit.
“Ya sound weird.” The little girl was standing next to me looking up at me with big innocent eyes, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little at her frankness.
“I’m not from your village. When I escaped the child nappers I found my way here and was offered a place to live by everyone here.”
“Oh. I’m glad ye ‘ere.” I smiled at her simple statements that held so much acceptance in them. She was a sweet child.
Dan walked me to my new home with my left hand on his shoulder for balance and my right hand gripped fiercely by the little girl on my right. I never wanted children. I’d never planned to end up loving someone either. But here I was in love with Rod and an adopted child clinging to my hand.
We walked in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. The type of silence that didn’t need to be filled with jabbering, but was filled with unanswered questions that couldn’t be answered in the present company. But for now there was simply nothing to say except for useless talk.
We came up to house that was a small cottage made with simple wooden boards and a grass roof. It was identical to the places next to it, but it would be a place to call my own.
Dan stepped forward and opened the door and gestured for us to enter, “It’s nothin’ fancy. Our village ain’t very old or fancy, but da house has sleepin’ loft, n’ a livin’ area down here with a fireplace for cookin’ n’ a couple cabinets n’ counters for storage n’ stuff. Even has a small room down here that Kevin can sleep in.”
Jade pulled me forward into the house with a childish excitement to be showing off her home. I smiled and let her pull me inside. I was starting to get used to the vertigo from my head injury. I could walk even though everything felt… off.
There was a table and three chairs on one side and on the other side of the large room there was a fireplace with two cabinets and counters near it. There was also a wooden bench in front of the fire place, but I wasn’t given time to admire the first floor.
“This ‘ere is where me momma n’ papa n’ I sit and eat. Afterwards they tell me stories n’ then I go to bed in da loft. Let me show ya my bed!” She was almost bouncing with excitement and I let her drag me to the ladder, and I gripped the side going up so I didn’t get dizzy. At the top of the ladder was a space with a low ceiling and two short beds separated by a piece of cloth.
She pulled me toward the side with the smaller bed “This is me room.” There were a couple carvings of different creatures set on a small table near a bed that was much fancier than the furniture downstairs.
This bed had carvings all over the foot board and head board. There was a kitten playing with yarn, a cow jumping over the moon, and a wolf howling at the moon the cow was jumping over on the footboard. All the rest of the footboard was filled with the impressions of trees and small creatures in the forest. The headboard was watched over by a beautiful unicorn standing in a moonlit ocean with a main and tail that fell into the ocean and became part of the foam. It was a work of art.
“My papa made it before he left. Or…” and her face scrunched up at this as if she didn’t like what she was about to say. “Or before she chased him out. Momma loved papa, but she was always a yellin’ at him and then cryin’ n’ papa… One day he just wasn’ ‘ere and momma said he left.”
The poor child. I wonder what had happened to her father. That was another question to ask Dan when I got back downstairs.
“Jade, are you tired? If you want you can sleep now and I’ll wake you for dinner.”
“Mhhm. I wouldn’ mine sleepin’.” Suddenly she gave a huge yawn and rubbed her eyes. Children changed from excited to tired so quickly.
“Come here. I’ll tuck you in.” she nodded happily and jumped into bed and I pulled the covers up and over her.
“’Night Liv,” She said as she snuggled deeply into her covers.
“Sweet dreams Jade.” I told her softly as left the room and carefully made my way back down the ladder gripping the hand rail for my life so I didn’t slip and fall down. I finally got to the bottom and breathed a sigh of relief.
Dan was there standing at the door scuffing his foot on the floor as if unsure what he should do.
“Dan, could I ask you some questions?”
He shrugged, “Sure. I’m certain ya have a couple question. I wasn’ sure if ya wanted me ta stay aroun’ or…”
“Thanks Dan, and I don’t mind your company.” I especially didn’t mind if he could answer the questions that were building up.
I sat down at the table and motioned for him to do the same. He sat watching me as if I was about to spook and run, “So, whatcha ya wana ask me. ‘Bout the kids parents or sometin’?”
“Partly that. Partly about this entire place and system. You said this village was new and didn’t have many big fancy houses. Why is this village new, and what are these other villages like, and why were we attacked…”
He interrupted me by bursting out laughing. I glared at him and he finally settled. “I hadn’ realized ya didn’ know anythin’ ‘bout the village. I thought Fire covered everythin’.”
“Fire taught me a lot, and she hinted at fighting and battles and there not being many children, but she never straight out told me anything. I think I’ve kind of figured it out, but I want to know everything.”
“Tell me what ya think ya’ve figured out and I’ll confirm or reset it ta da truth.” And for some reason I trusted him. I trusted him to tell me the full truth.
“The fight. That was about stealing children and women for another village wasn’t it. That’s why the women all learn to fight is so that they can protect themselves from being stolen. And so that they can protect their children. And for some reason many women don’t have many kids or can’t or something like that, so kids are a precious commodity. And this village is a small new village where a bunch of people left from an older large and bigger village that was well established and better able to protect itself and its citizens from thieving villages, but it was overcrowded.”
I hadn’t really thought about the last part much. I just realized it myself, but it made sense.
And he was nodding. “For da most part ya are correct. We do value our children. N’ other villages do want ‘em. We value women n’ children ‘cause children often ‘come sickly n’ die quickly. We donna know why this is, but it is. So we value our children greatly. N’ we did come from another village, ‘bout ten years ago now. I was just a kid then, but I remember it well. Everyone was just too ‘fraid ta leave da old place. They was too scared of the children snatching villages that were less peaceful n’ ‘stead of tradin’ they’d steal da children.”
“Wait, you trade children with other villages?” If children were so precious why would they trade them?
He looked away sadly and nodded. “When a child becomes an adult at fifteen, if they are related ta too many people they are sent away. Children from couples too closely related end up… messed up. My best friend, he was traded away when we was fifteen. Got Sandy out of the trade…” He trailed off and became silent. I guess the wound of her leaving him for Kevin was still raw.
It was also surprising that if she was the same age she was his instructor. “Why is Sandy a fighting instructor?”
He looked surprised, “I… well.. she was raised from birth ta fight. Same as me friend. That’s why da trade happened. Two fight instructors both too closely related ta the rest of da village. We just play at fighting, but for Sandy, it’s her life n’ livelihood, just as ya are a weaver n’ ya… ya… man, Rod… he’s a teacher.”
Was it just my imagination or did he seem to not like saying that Rod was my man or whatever they called relationships here. Probably just my imagination.
“So what about Jade’s father. Why did he leave?” I wasn’t sure why I asked this, but suddenly the question was there.
“He… didn’t leave. He died. Her mom was plannin’ on leavin’ him anyway, but a raid happened n’ he died protectin’ them. She hid it from the girl and said he left. Even though she was often angry at him she still loved him, n’ his death hit her hard. She even convinced herself he’d just left and would one day come back to her. She was kinda a recluse.”
That would explain it. It would explain Jade’s explanation, her confusion, and the fact that Sandy had told me she was an orphan.
“What about the old. Why are there so few elderly?” Again that sad far off look.
“Most die in battle. When ya too old ta work, ya fight, or ya’ll die when ya canna protect yaself. My papa, he’s a strong old crazy man though, and he hasn’ died yet. Ya last till ya die. Ya mind if I ask ya some questions ‘bout ya own village or city or whatever ya call the place ya came from?”
He had turned the tables. Apparently he didn’t enjoy being drilled about the village.
I shrugged. I could tell him the truth and he would either believe me or he wouldn’t, “Sure, why not.”
“Ya said ya was taken by da child nappers, whatcha mean when ya said that? If ya place had child nappers why’d ya never learn ta fight?” I could see the curiosity and desire to know more, but he hit a nail with his question.
“I… Girls aren’t allowed to learn to fight in the city. There’s a king who rules over the city, and my father tried to bring him down, and he was executed and I was imprisoned for being his daughter. I was eight. Not the same as your child thieves, but they stole my childhood from me.” And I felt the old desire for revenge kindling in my heart. I only I could go back with my honor… No. I had a child to think about now.
“What is a king?” He looked so confused as if everything I had said was a foreign concept.
“A king is…” how would I answer that? A king is an ultimate controller of a place…?
The door opened and Rod walked saving me from answering that question. The second he saw Dan he was glaring at him, “What are you doing still here? Don’t you have anything better to do with your time? Go on, get out of here!” Rod was yelling by the time he finished, and Dan was running for the door.
My feet were planted in the floor; shocked to see such strong emotion of dislike coming from Rod. Footsteps thunked their way down the stairs and I looked back towards the stairs to see a startled Jade standing at the foot of the stairs.
“What was that about Rod? I thought you wanted to get to know the people of the village better?” I asked him. Why was he behaving so irrationally?
“I don’t like the way he looks at you. I don’t trust him and I hate the fact that Kevin keeps turning to him to help you. That guy really bothers me.” He pulled off his cloak and swung it over and chair and turned toward me staring at me with his intense pale blue eyes.
“I love you Liv, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” And suddenly he was there with his arms wrapped around me and he kissed me, and I couldn’t help but kiss back. This intense side of him scared me and shocked me, but I still loved him.
“Why’s my teacher here with ya?” Jade’s simple question snapped us apart.
“Jade, I’d like you to meet my man, Rod. Rod, this is Jade, the little girl we’ll be looking after.” I didn’t know what to say about what she had just witnessed. Would she be able to make sense out of it, or would it completely bewilder her?
She simply nodded and padded down to sit on the bench. I remembered her own mother and father used to fight. It must have seemed natural to her.
“Kevin will be here with food soon. He’s planning on moving in with Sandy though. They’ve really hit it off.” He was looking at me as if expecting something, but I didn’t know what it was. I’d kind of been expecting Kevin to move in with Sandy.
“You loved him didn’t you? And he never saw it?” The look Rod was turning on me was so intense it was almost scary. It was like he was daring me to deny it.
“Yes, I had a crush on him. I thought I might love him. I was afraid of my own emotions though, and he only saw me as a sister. I… I wanted to think of him as more because of how much he had always been there for me, but Rod, I’ve figured myself out, and I don’t love him the way I love you. You… I love him like a brother, but you mean so much more to me. I enjoy your company, I like being near you. I… love you.” I could feel a tear trailing down my cheek.
Why was he acting like this? It was scaring me. It wasn’t how he used to act. This place was changing him. Leaving the wall had changed him. And now I had to defend my own feelings for him to him. Did he think I didn’t actually love him or something?” I reached out and pulled him toward me and into a kiss. I didn’t care if Jade saw it. I wanted to reassure Rod. I wanted him to go back to being the kind and naïve man he had once been. I wanted him to stop scaring me.
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