Kevin shook me awake, “I think the horses have rested well. We should offer them some more water and then keep moving.”

I nodded in pretend understanding. Too many words for a waking mind. I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position. Kevin held out his hand, and for a moment I thought about not grabbing it, but I was too sore and stiff.

In the moon’s light I could see Roderick was already next to his horse offering it water.

I had to do the same. That was what Kevin said to me. I offered Kingston his water, and gratefully drank some more before I stopped him and tied it back up. Still had to conserve water.

I needed to mount back up. His huge height loomed over me. There was no way I was getting back on that.

“Bend your knee.” Kevin’s voice came from behind me.

“Huh?”

“Bend your knee so I can give you a boost.” His voice spoke again as he leaned down next to me, and I understood.

I bent my knee, and before I could think about protesting I was lifted up and found myself sitting in the saddle. My seat bones protested touching the saddle. I stood using the stirrups to hold my weight up.

“I’ll take the first turn leading, and then you can lead for a while Elizabeth.” Roderick said from next to me, and then his horse began to walk leaving a clear view of Kevin effortlessly swing up onto his horse. I envied Kevin for his honored life that allowed him to know so much about horses and riding.

Kingston walked forward following Roderick’s horse without me having to tell him too. So hard to keep my eyes open. Was I dreaming? No, my butt hurt too much for this to be a dream.

Roderick shook my shoulder, and I was realized I must have zoned out or fallen asleep. “Your turn,” His voice whispered.

I pushed Kingston to the lead and pulled out my compass. In the dim light I could just barely see the think line pointing toward North. We just had to keep going left of the north pointer. Please God, let this be the way out of the radiation.

Time passed. How long was I supposed to go in this strange landscape before switching off? The sky seemed to be getting lighter. Was that a good signal? I slowed Kingston down and leaned over to tap Roderick.

“It looks like its almost morning. Let’s take another break.” He reached over and woke Kevin. We followed the same motions as the the evenings routine, but I didn’t feel like sleeping now. A pink glow lit where the wall was and blended in with the pink dome. Light beams radiated into the sky like water splashed against a wall. The sun lit peeked above the wall, and for a moment it was bearable before forcing it bright rays against my eyes and dimming my sight making me look away. Blue filled the sky dome again.

“Let’s keep riding,” Kevin’s voice came from near his horse.

I wasn’t feeling that tired other than my body aching, “Yes. Let’s continue. The more we ride, the more chance we have at reaching safety.”

Roderick pulled out his device, bit at his lip, and silently pulled up his black hood. Kevin helped him mount first, then me, and then mounted his own horse.

“I’ve got the lead for right now. Feel free to fall asleep again if you can,” Roderick called out to us as he kick his horse forward into a walk.

I still didn’t feel tired. I didn’t feel refreshed either, but a strange sort of clarity to my exhaustion. I pushed Kingston up next to Roderick’s horse.

“Why did you chose to leave the Wall?” I couldn’t stand my own curiosity anymore.

Roderick’s hooded head looked toward me, “I felt trapped and stifled there. I had wanted to work in the repair division like my father, but the elders worried that I was too obsessed with city culture and banned me from entering the City.

I remember Lisa telling me it was his obsession with me. Had she told me wrong or misinterpreted it?

“Lisa told me you kept to yourself in the Wall,” that wasn’t quite what she had said, but close enough.

“Yeah. Everyone is required to be emotionless, and I hated it. In the library there were volumes of unread stories about emotional people living life, and I wanted that. I would rather read my books than hang out and use quiet pleasantries to discuss scientific advances that no one cares about.” His voice sounded rough.

I wished I could do something to comfort him, but it wasn’t my place.

Instead he reached out and touched my arm for a second, “Contrary to what Lisa probably told you; I’m not stupidly following you out of some misplaced um...” His hooded head turned away clearly uncomfortable with what he was saying, “desire for you. I mean, you are beautiful, and interesting, and emotional, but I’m not doing this because - I’m putting my foot in my mouth. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make this into some confession or anything. I simply wanted to make sure you understand I’ve been feeling crazy and confined in the Wall, and leaving with you was my opportunity to escape.”

He looked back at me, and I could see his face was the red of bricks underneath his hood. He said it wasn’t a confession, but it partially sounded like one. Was he just trying to compliment me to not anger me?

Did I want him to like me? I thought of how I viewed him in the wall. Had I seen him the same way Kevin saw me? If he did like me, should I give him the chance Kevin never gave me? Kevin had just pushed me away. Was I ready to actually move on?

Start fresh. That was what I had told myself. If he did like me, I should try being in a relationship. I had never been in one, and he seemed quite nice and open which was quite different from how he’s become while we were staying in the Wall. I thought about what Lisa had said again.

“Lisa mentioned you had liked me since you saw me on a trip to the City.”

“Of course my brat of a sister would say something like that!” He exclaimed making his horse jump. He was almost unseated, but held on, and I grabbed his arm helping pull him back into his saddle.

“Sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize,” He had surprised all of us with his exclamation, but it wan’t anything worth apologizing over.

“Yeah, just Lisa makes me so upset sometimes. She’s been running around forever talking about how I saw this girl in the City and I became obsessed with her. I mean- ” He looked over at me again, “It was you, which is slightly weird, but I wasn’t obsessed with you.”

So it was me in the story? I waited for him to continue wanting to here more of this story.

He paused, looking straight ahead and then back at the rising sun, and then straight ahead again, “I just thought you and your friends were really cool running the streets and being free of constraints. I talked too much about how cool city kids were, and got banned from entering the City. Lisa asked me why I was banned from the City, and I told her about the group of kids mentioning you since you were the only girl. My father had even recognized you and told me your name. Lisa wanted to know if you were still some wild hooligan, so I asked my father. He told me you were Dishonored now, and relayed that on to Lisa, and then Lisa started telling everyone I was obsessed with this Dishonored girl, and well, soon the whole Wall was convinced I was a weird obsessed lunatic which didn’t help my not wanting the hang out with other people my age, and -”

He buried his face in his hands, “I’m sorry. I’ve just blurted out my life story to you. Ugh, see? I’m a failure at being a good Wall person.” He peeked out from behind his hands, and I could see that his face was about the same color as the sun’s rays from the evening before.

He actually looked strangely cute with his face double partially hidden by cloak and hands.

I smiled at him to try and ease his obvious embarrassment, “Don’t worry, and it was an interesting story. Definitely quite different from the spin Lisa gave it.”

“Uggh. Even now she haunts me.” His hands moved to fiddling in his the hair on his horse’s neck.

“I guess there is one other reason I came,” his voice sounded distant as he spoke to the emptiness to his right. “Well, two more reasons.”

“What would that be?” He said one was because of the constricting Wall culture. Were the other reasons related.

“The second reason is that I’ve always wanted to see the world outside the Wall the books talked about.” He paused and didn’t continue.

“And the third?” I prompted.

“Well, see. You made me decide. Your resolution to leave. You were an opportunity to leave, and I took it. So I kind of am following you. And I wouldn’t be against- ” He stopped talking again, and this time I just waited.

The sun was nearing the top of the sky and behind us I could barely make out the Wall as a hazy existence beyond Kevin who was watching us, and probably listening to this whole conversation. Had Roderick heard Kevin and I the previous day?

Roderick’s pale hand reached out like moonlight pushing through the dark night to touch my hand and make me look back at him, “Over the time I’ve known you, I have come to like you. It’s a lot of fun to have someone to talk to about the things in the books, discuss navigating the world with, and look at the stars with.”

Was he confessing to me this time, or was he just calling me his friend? His actions and words felt like they were tying a knot beyond my understanding.

I didn’t quite know how to respond. Should I agree with him? It was nice to have someone as excited about everything outside the Wall.

“Umm, yeah.” I finally responded.

“Are you agreeing? Are you willing to date?” His voice sounded hopeful.

Date. What did that word even mean? I’d heard it used for people that liked each other that they went through a ‘dating’ phase in their relationship. So this was a confession. What a strange way to word it. Why hadn’t he said so from the start?

Was I up for moving on from Kevin, I looked back, and he smiled at me and nodded. Why had I looked to him encouragement, and why had he nodded. Shouldn’t this be my choice? He was probably hoping this dating thing would help me move past my feelings. I looked back Roderick who was watching me. I could see him looking back and forward between Kevin and I.

Ugh. I hated this. I didn’t want to be put in this position. I didn’t want to upset Roderick and leave him in the same position as I was in yesterday. And it wasn’t like I hated him. I did enjoy hanging out with him. And in his strange pale looks he was sort of cute.

“I, umm, I’m not sure I’m quite ready for anything, but umm, I wouldn’t mind, uh, attempting to date.” My face felt really hot. It was probably the noon heat.

He looked at me with a beaming smile. “I’m glad.”

What an awkward exchange. We continued to ride next to each other and nothing else was said as if nothing had changed. Had it? I wasn’t even quite sure what I had agreed to.

I pulled out a meat bar and chewed on it while trying to figure out what had just happened and washed it down with another couple sips of water.

Roderick pulled his horse to a halt and checked his device thing again. “Time for another pill!” He called out as if it was something to be excited about. He handed out pills, and I could see there were only three pills left. We each only had one pill left though. We had to be out of the radiation by then or it would be the end of the journey for us.

The ache of the saddle against my body twisted the scarred scenery into knots of pain and the land screaming from the terror it once faced.

Behind us the Wall had been eaten by either the hazy air or the distance we had traveled. There was no safety net at our backs anymore.

According to the maps and the books that Roderick had me read, the further we rode away from the blast and from our city the more the landscape should change. The land would rise up in hills the way the Kings’ castle sat on a hill, but more. Hill after hill like a wrinkled blanket on a bed, and then eventually mountains which were giant hills that reached up to kiss the sky. But that could all be wrong. It was before the great bombs changed the world and sealed us into the City. Who knew what the bombs had done to the world?

And supposedly on the other side of the city was a super huge body of water that stretched farther than the eye could see. I thought of the round globe in the study room, and the how close the mountains had looked to the City on that globe. I didn’t see any mountains ahead of us though. All I saw was these endless brown landscape filled with the remnants of trees.

There had to be a place beyond this. I saw the same conviction in Roderick and in Kevin as we rode forward.

The sun made its descent, and we took a break to rest the horses again.