“Ready to start training again?” he asked in the same straight tone he had used before last night. Ironically there was the teacher voice and the “I’m unsure of myself” voice.

“Of course. I need to learn as much as I can.” I was always ready to learn but this place and its people were so cold and unemotional.

He started walking and I stood there a second before Lisa shoved me and I followed him. I caught up with him before the lights went out. I reached out till I was touching him and then held his shoulder in the dark. He didn’t flinch or even seem to notice my hand.

We entered back into the map room and there was a pile of books on the table. “I have work to do today. I was told to have you read these books today. Tomorrow you may ask questions of me and get one on one attention again.”

He was standing there not looking at me and his voice monotone. Was something wrong with him? I looked at him standing beside me. “Is something wrong? Are you ok?”

He shrugged and looked away, “My superiors said I couldn’t spend so much time teaching you. I needed to not allow myself to get attached since you will be leaving. I shouldn’t waste resources on you. And I was showing emotion and emotional attachment to you. To create distance I will be leaving you here and getting you at the end of the day.”

He spun and walked out even as my hand reached after him. I felt… empty. I didn’t like being left in this spooky place by myself. I walked over toward the globe and spun it staring at the continents I had learned yesterday. We lived on that one… what was it called? Oh yeah. It was called North America and below is was South America. I ran my hand across the blue. Ocean. Such a strange and beautiful word made to fit with such a strange thing as a body of water that big.

This continent was small and its name started with an e, but for all that it and its countries were small, it was an extremely powerful player in the old world, Europe. That was the name of it. Below it… that wasn’t really a continent. It was part of the giant continent… Asia or part of Africa. I wasn’t really sure which of the two continents it was actually a part of. But it was called the middle something. One of those directional words. I would see if it was in one of the books. And below that was Africa. The last A continent was past another ocean and all the way in the… south. It was... Atlantic? No that was one of the oceans. Darn it. What was it? Oh yes. Artica… no that was just part of it. No, Antarctica. That was its name.

I felt a tear come to my eyes and I wiped it off quickly. Annie would have loved this place. Annie would have loved living in the wall. All the knowledge. To learn there was a whole ‘nother world out there. Another tear leaked out of the corner of my eye. I scrubbed it away. I looked around, but there was no one there to distract me and no one there for me to talk to. I remembered how I felt yesterday when learning. I remembered how these strange pale people didn’t show emotion and I schooled my face. It was time to not waste my time and to immerse myself in the books.

I picked the first one up and began reading. Food was brought in, but I didn’t stop reading. I finished one book on the different climates and survival techniques for those climates. I picked up a book on cultures of the world and started in on it. More food was brought in and I was surprised when Roderick was standing there carefully pulling the book from my hands.

“You’ve had enough for one day. It’s time to leave the books.” I stood up slowly and felt everything go black and splotchy for a second and I almost collapsed, but I got my bearings and the dizziness disappeared.

Roderick set the book down that he had pulled out of my hands. “Let’s get you back to your room.” He put his hand on my shoulder and gently led me by putting pressure on my shoulder. I was dazed and my mind in a different time and fascinated by the different cultures of the world and the different plants and climates of the world. It was such a wonderful and beautiful place, and we humans had destroyed it. We killed it. I had to see that one day. I wanted to see a blue sky more than anything

“I… it was such a beautiful world. Why did we destroy it? Why…” my eyes felt itchy as if they wanted to cry in lament for all that the human race had dared to kill. “I… I want to see a blue sky.” I whispered it as if it were a secret. My mind had gotten so engaged in the books it was hard for me to come out of that world.

“You will see the blue sky. One day you will see a blue sky overhead.” Just as I didn’t know how to receive comfort he didn’t know how to give it. He just held his hand awkwardly on my shoulder and led me on in the dark.

He opened a door and there was my room. “I couldn’t tell you when we met up today… I shouldn’t tell you now, but Elizabeth, you look absolutely stunning in that dress.” He didn’t change his tone at all as he spoke and as soon as he finished he turned around and walked out of the room leaving me staring after him.

What did that mean he couldn’t tell me and shouldn’t tell me? Why would they care if he had feelings or not? And who was they? Who was in charge of this society in the wall?

I took off the dress and quickly got ready for bed. I probably had another long day of studying tomorrow and I should sleep. I didn’t even know if we were running on the same schedule as the rest of the world or if we were running on some schedule created to balance sleep and active hours perfectly. Whatever it was; it was probably best for me to get some sleep.

I thought about sleeping on the floor, but I wanted to to use this crazy luxurious bed. I wasn't Dishonored anymore so I shouldn't act like one and I should act more like an Honored person.

I slipped under the covers and lay there for a while think about the men in my life. My father, Kevin, Bryan, Christopher, and now Roderick. And that man my mother had married. They were like a spider web that created my relations with people. And the important women in my life. My mother, my sister, Rachel, and Annie, even Reese. And now Lisa though she was more like an important girl. So many connections and interactions. I was emotionally damaged. These people in the wall were born or raised with social and or emotional problems it seemed.

I woke up the next morning to knocking wondering when I fell asleep. I was surprised at how soundly I had slept. I guess I had needed the sleep more than I realized.

The knocking came again and I got up and let Lisa into my giant, spacious room. Well, compared to my standards before I was dishonored it was small, but compared to the cell it was huge.

Lisa walked over to the wardrobe. “Do you want a dress or pants and shirt today?”

“Dress. I just don’t really feel comfortable in wearing men’s clothing.” I didn’t like the way they showed off my legs even though men had seen me naked before it just didn’t feel the same.

“You know if you never wear them you’ll never get used to wearing pants and a shirt. We can start off with baggier pants if you want. Ones that are almost like a skirt for each leg.” She was staring at me without letting any emotion show and it was kind of creepy.

“Ok. Fine. I will try your pant skirt things.” As soon as I agreed she reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of black pant skirt things. I put it on under my night gown and realized they weren’t too bad. They showed as much leg as a skirt or dress.

Then she tossed me a black strapped top and a blue top. I stared at them till she came over. “The black top is called a tank top and goes under the blue top. Take off your nightgown and put it on”

She sounded patronizing as if she were talking to someone older or stupider. “Ok. I’ve got it. You don’t have to sound like you are explaining this to a child.”

She shrugged, “I feel like I am. You have learned so little living in the city.”

I had no retort for that and I quickly took off the white night gown and slipped on the tight form fitting tank top as she called it. Then I put on the brilliant bright blue top. The sleeves were three quarters length and most of it clung to me except the front which dipped low and had a bunch of material hanging in folds allowing the black tank top to be seen. Now I understood why this had to be worn with the tank top.

She again did my make-up and hair while staying silently or uttering simple commands like “sit”. Were conversations against their protocols or something?

Before I quite realized it I was being led out the door and into the hall where I had ridden in from the city. There waiting for me stood an immobile Roderick. Again he led me off into the dark and I followed him with a hand on his shoulder. We went back to the room, and this time a board on sticks of wood had been added in.

“Today we will review all you have learned and all you read in a book and then learn the use of a compass.” I was enjoying learning, but at the same time I was starting to wish I could do something more. I was starting to wish I could do something physical and active or just get a break from this constant studying, but I said nothing as Roderick easily went into teacher mode and started questioning me on everything I had learned while in the wall.

Food was brought in and we quickly ate before returning to reviewing the last little bit from the book I read yesterday. Then I learned how to use a compass and how to line it up with a map and with the directions of a map. North, East, South, West. Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

We started in on reading a small local area map when food was brought. We ate quickly and then continued learning about the features represented on a map and how to read it.

And then I went back to my studies. This cycle continued for days and the longer it went the less the two siblings seemed to talk to me about anything except my learning. I saw no one else, and I was going stir crazy. I was enjoying learning, but I was also feeling cooped up. The whole not having someone to talk with for a day was making me feel lonely. I started holding conversations with the air and imagining its’ reply. I started pacing around the room and counting the steps.

I became used to the soft bed. Well as much as one can get used to it. Eventually I finished all the books and I could correctly answer any question they threw at me. I couldn’t count the days or sleep cycles or whatever the system they used here because I lost track of the number. My hair grew long enough to be a proper bob, and then it grew below my chin.

I wished strongly that Kevin would come by at some point, but he never did. I couldn't bring myself to ask Lisa or Roderick about him.

One day Lisa pulled my leather exile outfit from the closet instead of another nice outfit.

“Why is the leather coming out?”

“If you want to stay now it will go back in the closet and be forgotten, but if you still want to leave it has been decided that both you and Kevin have learned the skills you wanted to learn.” She held up the exile’s leather offering me the choice to leave or stay in this dark silent world where I was going crazy.

I kind of didn’t want to leave, but I also wanted to. I wanted to b free of this stifling quietness. I wanted to see Kevin again. “Ok. If they think I am ready than yes, I still want to go. I need to fulfill my promise to the city that has probably already forgotten I made it. But I have to be a woman of honor. I can’t not go just because I am afraid.”

She nodded and brought over the leather clothing. I took off the nightgown and lifted my arms to slide on the corset. I put on the pants and then she tightened my laces.

“Will you and Roderick miss me, or will you rejoice that I am gone and your world has returned to normal?” I asked as she put the collar on me and I pulled the buckles in the front tight.

“I find you interesting and fascinating, but I will not miss you I think. I do not know you that well and you are an addition to my normal day.”

She sounded so factual and cold. But I had asked. I should have known she didn’t really care about me.

Then she continued, “But my brother will be devastated though he will hide it. He has worked hard to hide his feelings, but he loves how you have changed his world. He loves how willing to show emotion you are. I think - I think he might do something stupid today?”

“What might that be?” I pulled on the jacket and boots leaving only the simple leather helmet to be put on.

“I will say no more. I know nothing more of his plans just that he was devastated that you might be leaving us so soon. I think Raza, Kevin’s teacher might also be slightly upset. She enjoyed having a pupil as fascinated with combat and survival in the wild as she is.” She grabbed the helmet and pulled it over my head before leading me toward the door without first going to the vanity. I guess an exile doesn’t have to look nice. And that’s what I was. An exile.

We went back to the place where we started, the great hall. This time our two horses were waiting and Kevin was already there in his leather exile outfit.

I heard the clopping of hooves and a third horse came into the hall lead by someone in black cape with a crazy amount of fabric. This horse was a bright white refined looking creature with a small head and big eyes on an intelligent looking face. It wasn’t as big as the black giants, but she was big enough to carry the caped person leading her.

“This is Rascal. I took him from one of the wall stables. I’m coming with you. You need my knowledge more than the wall community needs it.” Was that - that was Roderick’s voice except I heard some inflection in his voice. Was he disobeying whoever it was that made the orders here?

“Please Roderick. Don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away!” Lisa's voice was laced with anger and hurt. Was Lisa begging? This was quite the day.

“I’m sorry little sister, but I have to go. I can’t stay here any longer.” He came over toward us leading the horse and walked up to his sister. He leaned down and wrapped her up in a giant hug.

I wasn’t sure what I thought about him coming along, but Kevin spoke up much quicker than me, “Of course we want your help. We would welcome someone with so much knowledge into our merry little gathering.”

“But… Can your skin handle the sun? And won’t the radiation kill you without a special suit? Or the sun might burn your skin.” Were those the only excuses I could think up? I had to think up something better. He couldn’t leave his wonderful world of learning. He wouldn’t be as happy in the real world.

“That’s why I am wearing the black cloak, to protect my skin. And as far as radiation goes I will be getting as much as you. And I found some old radiation pills in the storage rooms that will help decrease the effects of the radiation on us, though they will only give us three days. And I have a device that measures radiation. So we will know if we actually need to take the pills. We haven’t actually tested radiation outside the wall in ages. A simple radio will convey our findings back to the wall for as long as we live or are in range. Any other misgivings?” He seemed so excited to be going with us. Hadn't he been begging me to stay in the wall previously?

“Is there anything I can do to convince you that this is not your fight and you don’t have to do this? I really think you should stay in the wall. We’re going out there to look for land safe and free from radiation. You don’t have to go out there.” I didn’t want to be responsible his death. He was a scholar. He didn't seem to be the type that was into fighting or survival, and he was more sheltered than even I was since he had only ever lived in the Wall.

“Nope. The only way you can change my mind is if you stay. Just like Kevin, I will follow you.” His voice was way too chipper and excited. Maybe he thought this would convince me to stay.

“Fine. Mount up. Kevin thinks you are a good asset, so prove it. Let’s get this show out of here!” I clambered and climbed up onto my own horse as he just patiently stood there waiting for me to get up.

Lisa came running over, “I know you didn’t want to learn to fight, but you should carry a sword. The guys both have them as well.” She held up a belt with a short sword in a sheath attached to it.

I had no idea what a sword would do for me, but I wouldn't turn down her gift. “Thanks,” I took the belt and put it around my waist with the sword at my side.

Kevin easily swung onto his own black steed, but Roderick seemed to be struggling with it more than I had. Eventually he managed to ungracefully throw himself onto the back of his poor horse.

Kevin called out to him, “You sure you’re up for this Roderick?”

“Of course I am. What’s life without adventure?” He said as he worked on calming his beast. Once we were up Roderick led the way across the hall. As we went more and more of the hall became lit by the dim glowing orange lights, showing off the splendor of the hall that spanned the width of the giant wall.

Soon we came to a strange clear box that was big enough to hold all three of us and our horses.

“We go inside there, it locks, and then the gate inside that box will open” He shrugged as if this was no big deal, but I was confused.

A door opened into a strange plastic box and I could vaguely make out a person at the edge of it holding it open. We rode past them; only having to duck a little bit from the ceiling when passing through. The door closed behind us, and for a second I felt bile start to rise in my stomach as the darkness, but then light shone through a small crack in front of me. The gates opened to the world outside the wall.