《Living as a Demon》Chapter 26: Effort
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"Now that we've got the array calibrated to your passive magic, we need to calibrate for active magic," said Mr. Geiller. "We may need to do this several times, so I'm going to need you to conjure something quite small. Hm, let me see. Ah, I know! I need a steel bolt about this long. I'll focus on that, so please conjure one for me."
Jonathan hesitated; he still couldn't see the smoke around Mr. Geiller, but when he focused on the man he could vaguely sense the desire. That was pretty weird. He connected with the Infernal Abyss, and after a quick flash of pain a small metal bolt appeared in his hand.
"Not quite," muttered Mr. Geiller to himself. "Didn't even fall in the expected range…I hope the wavelength isn't beyond the array's bounds." He glanced up and noticed Jonathan examining the bolt. "Toss that here, boy."
Jonathan did so, and Mr. Geiller looked at it closely, then leveraged himself to his feet and wandered over to the shower-like array—or the rupture something-or-other, Jonathan supposed—where he inserted the bolt into one of the pipes running along the ground. "Perfect, keep making them like that." Mr. Geiller walked back to his stool and settled himself. "Alright, we're doing it again."
It took three more tries before Mr. Geiller finally got everything calibrated properly, but when Jonathan tried the fourth time, nothing happened.
"Ha, got it!" said Mr. Geiller. "I'm glad that worked. Now, please describe your exact process for conjuring those bolts. I know you enliven your magic so you can sense this 'smoke' stuff, but then what happens?"
"Once I can sense the smoke, I connect to the Infernal Realms, the smoke gets sucked into my chest, and then the actual magic occurs."
Mr. Geiller shook his head. "That is so strange. Although I suppose if there's some sort of collaborative load built in…then again I haven't sensed any draw, and my alarm hasn't triggered…" He lapsed into thought for a moment. "We'll just need to experiment, I suppose. I want you to try two things, and we'll see which works: first, I want you to try to get a sense for how much effort the magic is going to take after you enliven your magic but before you connect to the Infernal Realm. Then I want you to connect to the Infernal Realm and do the same thing, but don't try to actually channel the magic! You're aiming to pause before you actually do anything. If you need something to imagine, it's like you walk up to a door, open it, and look through, but don't go in. Or let anything come out, whatever metaphor works better for you."
Given how involuntary magic was for him, Jonathan was skeptical that would work, but it couldn't hurt to give it a shot. "Alright, I'll try. Are you thinking about wanting another of those bolts?" Mr. Geiller nodded and Jonathan focused on the sensation he was getting from the old man. He realized that he'd felt the transition when Mr. Geiller's desires had shifted from—maybe curiosity? Or perhaps a desire for knowledge?—into his desire for a metal bolt. He hadn't actually needed to ask. He wasn't quite sure how to do what Mr. Geiller was asking, but instead of connecting to the Infernal Realms, he searched his feelings.
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The only thing he knew to be true was that he had no idea how much magic conjuring a little metal bolt required.
"I don't think that I'm getting anything when my magic is enlivened but before I connect to the Infernal Abyss."
Mr. Geiller grunted. "Fair enough. Try connecting but put effort into not actually conjuring the bolt."
Jonathan refocused on Mr. Geiller's desire for a bolt, and then connected to the Infernal Realms. He couldn't see it, but he sensed the moment when the smoke hit him…and he lost the connection as the array prevented the magic from actually doing anything.
"Let me try that again. I can't quite tell if I'm actually able to pause after connecting but before conjuring anything."
Jonathan closed his eyes, took a couple of breaths, and refocused. Just in case, he tried pausing after enlivening his magic but before he connected to the Infernal Abyss. He frowned a bit. It seemed like Mr. Geiller's desires had shifted, although he wasn't quite sure what the man was desiring at the moment. Jonathan hesitated, but he still had no idea how he was supposed to sense what was necessary to fulfill those desires and the array should prevent him from actually going through with anything, so…might as well proceed.
He connected to the Infernal Abyss, this time intentionally trying to hold back the magic similar to the feeling he got when he was adding an extra sandwich to Abigail's order.
He again could tell when the smoke hit him; it was almost as if he had glanced down and suddenly found a yawning abyss extending into infinity immediately below his feet. Or maybe as if a sudden unfathomable weight was suddenly hovering immediately over his head. He wasn't feeling the pain of channeling magic, exactly, but his body tensed up anyway. He could practically sense the pain crouched behind him like a tiger about to pounce. This was not a good feeling, and Jonathan quickly tried to push the thought of "how much effort will it take to fulfill Mr. Geiller's wish" down the connection he was feeling. For a moment, nothing seemed to have happened, but then he had the strangest sense. It was almost as if he had reached down to pick up a cardboard box, but instead of lifting it, he'd just tested the weight with a gentle tug upwards. It felt like…he could do it, but maybe only a few times in a row.
The pain swooped down, his body clenching up in anticipation, but before it had him, it dissipated. The containment array had worked again.
Jonathan opened his eyes, breathing out hard. "I think that worked. I'm not sure what you were desiring there, but it definitely shifted from the bolts and when I pushed back against the Infernal Abyss after the smoke hit me I got a sense that I'd be able to perform the magic, but not very many times in a row."
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"Excellent!" exclaimed Mr. Geiller. "That's exactly the sort of sensation that we are looking for! Now, I want you to repeat that process, and I'll try to desire things of different sizes so we can try to determine your limits."
Twenty minutes later, Jonathan was feeling completely wrung out, even though he hadn't technically cast anything. "I'm sorry, Mr. Geiller, I don't think I can do any more of this."
"You finally hit your limits, eh? That's not too shabby, especially considering that you've only been doing magic for a short time. Alright, wait just one moment…okay, you can get off the containment array."
Jonthan pushed himself to his feet and half-stumbled his way off the irregular plates of metal. "Why did that take so much out of me even though I didn't conjure anything?"
"You remember I said that your mensus dictates how much magical work you can accomplish? Well, judging how much magical work will be required for something is also magical work. It doesn't require much in the way of magical energy expenditure, but it's definitely more difficult for your mensus than simply performing the magical effect straight."
"That makes sense, I suppose. So I should only do that if I'm unsure how much effort something will take?"
"No, for now you should do it every time you perform magic. That will help develop your mensus and improve your sense for how much effort a given working will require. Only skip that step if you know you'll need to perform more magic than usual over a short span of time."
Figured that Mr. Geiller's recommendation would be the most annoying possible option. "Fine. So what next?"
"You rest up for a bit. I'm going to go sit down under the collection array while you do so I'm ready for our final test. The containment array has a fair bit of draw." Mr. Geiller carried his stool over to the tripod that resembled the one over Abigail's bed and sat down under it. Huh. Guess it didn't just resemble that array. Jonathan walked over and sat against the far wall.
He felt as if he'd just finished taking multiple tests back to back in school; physically he was mostly fine, but mentally he was flagging. Leaning his head back, he rested his eyes shut.
He didn't fall asleep, but he did lose track of time before Mr. Geiller finally grunted and stood up from under the array. Jonathan straightened his head and opened his eyes.
"Come on, boy, up and at them." Mr. Geiller walked over to the final array: the one that was a mirror with pipes sticking out from it every which way. "Here's our final test. You wanted to know how to judge whether you could perform a piece of magic, and I've taught you the basics even if you'll need to practice a fair bit to be any good at it. This little lovely here should hopefully hint at the answer to that other pressing question of yours: whether Infernal Realms magic is actively hurting you."
Oh, yes, Jonathan definitely was interested in that. He walked over and stood in front of the mirror. His reflection looked completely normal to him. "Great! So how does it work?"
Mr. Geiller moved around behind him and peered past his shoulder. "You're a little too close, step back a couple steps…more…perfect. Stay there." He moved back to the mirror and began fiddling with its angle and adjusting a couple of the metal pipes. "This array works similar to the chair, but it's a lot more precise. Where the chair visualizes types of magic and roughly correlates size to quantity, this is much more precise, but also much less generically useful. It's also going to take a little bit of calibration, although our work on the containment array should speed things up for me. And no, before you ask, this isn't something Abigail should ever be touching. It's not dangerous the way the containment array can be, but the draw is too high for her to safely handle."
Mr. Geiller had been adjusting the pipes as he spoke, and he moved back to peer past Jonathan, then grunted at what he saw. "Alright, that's about right. We're going to need to do this a few times, so let's go back to conjuring bolts. I always need more of those things. Don't bother trying to judge how much effort it will take; just summon it quick when I tell you." He moved back around behind the mirror so that his hands were hidden from view but he could peer around its edge at Jonathan. "Ready? Okay, I'm focusing on my desire for a bolt, conjure one now."
Jonathan did as he was asked. Pain and a bit of exhaustion assaulted him, but the bolt appeared in his hand. Nothing in the mirror appeared to change, and Mr. Geiller frowned. "Oh, I forgot the wraparound," he muttered to himself, and adjusted something on the back of the mirror. "Again."
Jonathan conjured a second bolt into the same hand. In the mirror, his body was overlaid with a horribly angry-looking red.
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