"I sure did pick a bad time to give you an existential crisis, huh?" I asked.

It was late, and all four of us were gathered in Akane's room for varying degrees and varieties of emotional support. I was being used as a chair, with my arms around Akane's waist, and Akane herself was also being used as a chair by an uncharacteristically cuddly Lisa- "Just this once," she'd said before transforming into a fox. Veronica, oddly enough, was "lying"(floating) on her back, legs running up the wall, and head tilted "back" to look at us. She also had her arms folded over her collarbones to stop her boobs from falling forward into her face, which gave me the mission to make her agitated enough to gesture with both arms to see how well-founded that fear was.

"You said something about... uh... John Paul Salter or something?" Akane said.

"Jean-Paul Sartre," I corrected her. "And yes, he's one of the major founders of the school of thought known as existentialism. Everyone who doesn't want a philosophy lecture... too goddamn bad."

"What even is existentialism?" Veronica asked.

"An excellent question! But first, we need to talk about knives. A knife could have a blade of ceramic, of steel, of iron, perhaps even glass. But for an object to truly be a knife, it has to have a blade, and a true blade has to be able to cut. And thus, the blade is an essential quality of a knife; that having a blade is what knifehood means, that to cut is a knife's purpose. The ability to cut is the essence of a knife."

"Would that not make this essentialism?" Veronica asked.

"If, and only if, I went on to assert that humans all had indelible essential qualities, purposes, and meanings," I said. "Existentialism is the inverse of that: existence precedes essence. A person's life has no meaning or purpose beyond what that person chooses. We are, all of us, condemned to freedom, forced to choose what our life is for. You may think you didn't have to choose, that your parents chose for you, but you did have to choose, because there was always the option to go against their wishes, even if that thought never occurred to them."

"So... existentialism is the idea that I have to choose what I want to be when I grow up?" Akane asked.

"More or less, yeah," I said, nodding. "The history of essentialism and existentialism and their deeply political implications for human society are a fascinating topic, but I'm not getting into that right now. I could also get into nihilism, the idea that nothing has inherent purpose or meaning, that the idea of essence is a load of hogwash, and things only mean what we choose for them to mean, and how this can actually be a deeply comforting and uplifting perspective... but I just did and there's not much more to say about it, so. Anyway. Right now, I am explaining exactly enough of the philosophy so that you understand what an existential crisis is, and therefore the general shape of the solution. And, also, why I can't just tell you the solution. Only you can know what you want out of life."

"But I don't know what I want out of life," Akane said.

"You don't know that you know," I said. "Fortunately, you've got us to ask leading questions to tease it out of you. For instance, how would you like to drop out of grad school, abandon human contact, and go live in the woods?"

"I'd prefer not to," Akane said.

Lisa, meanwhile, made angry fox noises at me.

"Well, we know what you don't want to do," I said. "So... think about what you do want to do. Daydream about your ideal life. What do you want? I'm guessing you want to keep doing mad science, but what do you want to do with mad science? Do you want to keep doing grad school for its own sake, is there anything you want to do that a Master's in Aerospace would be useful or even necessary for?" I paused. "Bear in mind, for the most part, you can change your mind about what it is you want. People do that all the time. Don't feel bound by anything you say now, just... start spitballing."

"...I want hugs," Akane said.

"Alright, keep going," I said. "How can you get hugs, and which of those ways appeal the most to you?"

"I want... to live in this house, with my friends," Akane said. "With you three. And to have moments like this happen when I'm not having a bad day."

"What, with a fox in your lap and you in my lap?" I asked.

"Or Nicky's lap," Akane said with a shrug. "I know Nicky doesn't really do affection, but I can hope and pine."

"You will never let this go, will you?" Veronica said.

"Only one way to find out!" Akane said.

Veronica sighed, letting her arms drop, and making incoherent noises of protest as she accidentally punched herself in the face with her own boobs.

I pointed and laughed as she righted herself, scowling at me all the way.

"Man, I've heard of college kids getting shitfaced," I said, "but not titfaced!"

"For that?" Veronica said. "You do not get a hug. Akane, you will have to extricate yourself from your chair and your unprocessed fur blanket first."

Lisa yowled again.

"Lisa's right," I said. "Why doesn't she get a hug? She didn't point and laugh at you."

"She was thinking it very loudly," Veronica said, folding her arms.

Akane gave Lisa's ears one last scratch, before scooping her up, clambering out of my lap, and setting Lisa down on my lap, whereupon Lisa continued to receive skritches behind the ears, and down to the ruff of her neck.

Akane, meanwhile, pulled Veronica into a hug that was, perhaps, deeper than Veronica was expecting; she'd started out nearly horizontal, clearly intending to just go for an arms-and-shoulders hug, and to her credit, she stayed horizontal, but now she was pressed fully against Akane, who went for the leg-lock, which she always does when she doesn't want the hug to end. Which is endearing, but sometimes I have to get up and do things, Akane.

"So you want affection," I said. "In large quantities and frequent doses."

"Yep!" Akane said, patting Veronica's back gently. "Is it okay that I want some of the same things as my mother?"

"Sure, why not," I said. "You're not the same person as her, but you are still her daughter; it's not like you have to reject everything about her if you don't want to."

"Then I... want to be part of a polycule," Akane said.

"Flattering," I said, nodding. "But also a long-term goal; for all that you're very lovable, the rest of us just live here for now."

"Royalty has its pressures," Veronica added, floating up and off the bed and peeling Akane off of her. "I remain in Austin because my mother deems this matter worthy of my personal attention. When it has resolved, though... who can say?"

"I am reasonably confident that when the situation is resolved, I will be moving back to my home universe," I said. "And then there's Lisa, who has chosen to not participate in this conversation in lieu of receiving ear skritches. A decision I respect, because her ears are very soft and I am very grateful she allows me to touch them. But for the time being, we know you want to live a life full of affection and love. So what about research, the thing that set us down this path to begin with?"

"I think... I think I still want to study superheroes, and how superpowers work," Akane said. "But now... Not because it's important to Mom. But because it's important to me."

"Hrm..." I tapped my chin with one hand, the other still rubbing Lisa's ears. "Try mixing in some more pride. That it's important to you is good enough, obviously, but I wanna see what you look like with some real pride."

"...I want to study superheroes because it's important to the world," Akane said, after some thought, crawling back into my lap and jockeying for position with Lisa.

"A little more," I said.

"I want to figure out how superheroes work," Akane said, "because I might be the only person on this planet who can."

"Now that's what I'm talking about," I said, reaching down to pat her head. "There we go. Hell yeah, girl!"

"Far be it from me to interrupt Aspirational Mad Science Slogan Hour," Veronica drawled, "but Akane, are you not currently pursuing a doctorate in aerospace engineering? What about this vision is so persuasive that you are willing to abandon all hope of getting a real job?"

"Nicky, I have superpowers," Akane said. "If the jobs that opens up for me aren't real jobs, then neither is yours."

"She's got you there," I said. "Also, real talk, a PhD is not a guarantee of a job. There isn't a fucking Jobs Fairy waiting to reward you for your suffering and hard work. Hell, I have a doctorate and a research fellowship, but they didn't actually pay me very much. If I didn't have savings from bounty hunting, I wouldn't have been able to keep the lights on."

"There is a difference between a PhD in folklore and one in aerospace engineering," Veronica said.

"I have an MD in Applied Transhumanism," I said, instead of 'so help me child if you call me an idiot one more time I'm going to mail pieces of you to your mother.' "On a different subject, however... Akane, for the next month or so, starting this upcoming Monday, I will be busy with bounty hunting obligations, and so any spare time you might pick up from dropping out will have to be spent without my tutelage."

"Ooooh, bounty hunting," Akane said. "Can I come?"

"No," Veronica and I said in unison. "Bounty hunting is a high-skill, high-risk profession," I continued. "One of the most basic facts is that, in the absence of powerful anger, normal humans do not find it easy to attack other humans, and being able to use force against people with a level head is a prerequisite to pretty much any job involving the use of force. This alone would take more than a month. How much more than a month is generally pretty variable, but it doesn't matter; I'll be done with my obligations in the space of a month, and will return to my usual low-level gumshoeing."

"Awww..." Akane said, pouting. "I never get to have any fun..."

"I'll buy you an Xbox or something," I said. "I don't know what video games you people have and I don't actually care. I don't play very many of them."

"It's pronounced Sexbox, actually," Akane said.

"No it is not," Veronica said. "As much as I may approve of pulling Roxy's leg in the abstract, I must object to abusing her status as a fish out of water."

"I'm having enough trouble with geography and history as it is," I added.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, see, in my universe," I began, "the state and the capitol were named after George Washingtub."

Akane choked and started coughing, and Veronica scowled. I stayed stoic and straight-faced, even as I high-fived Akane.

"I see my efforts to be considerate of your feelings are in vain," Veronica said.

"Aw, love you too, Ronnie." I was pretty sure she was playing up how annoyed she was, because she knew I was trying to fuck with her and did want to give me the satisfaction of knowing it's working.

"That is the worst shortening of Veronica I have ever been subjected to."

"I got it from Archie Comics."

"That does not improve my opinion."

"Anyhow. It's getting late, and Akane, you seem to be... stable, for now," I said. "You need anything else, or can I go to bed?"

"I need you to cuddle me to sleep, actually," Akane said.

I scooped the fox out of my lap and dropped it in hers.

"You're going to have to learn to settle," I said, getting up and out of bed. "Night, ladies."